Crackpot Utopia: The Year in Republican Crazy, Part 5

• The GOP and the kiss heard 'round the world
• Crazyspeak of the Year nominee No. 5: Joe the Plumber

Michael and Vito

Crackpot Utopia: A dream world as envisioned by republicans; a manifestation or expression of the deranged, warped alternate universe inhabited by republicans, at least in their minds. See also: Bachmannism, Boehneresque.

by Noah

1. The GOP and the kiss heard 'round the world


Michael (96) sacks Cleveland Browns QB Johnny Manziel in preseason.

Well, you had to expect it. In April, Michael Sam, a football player who happens to be a gay man, gets drafted by the NFL's St. Louis Rams and in a moment of pure joy and relief kisses the love of his life. Let the explosion of wingnuttia begin!

The Christian element went full-Muslim-intolerance jihad on this one. American Family Association spokeswacko Bryan Fischer urged therapy for Michael. Wingnuts started in on their quoting of the usual Bible passages, putting aside any contradictory passages. Gol-lee! He done did it right thar on the teevee! The Lord sure gonna be mightily displeased! How do I know? The Bible tells me so!

Herman Cain's website called The Kiss "cringe-inducing," while the site's Dan Calabrese, calling acceptance of gay people a "rebellion against God," wrote: "The natural inclination of the human being to look at two men kissing and say, 'Ewwww!' . . . comes from God."

GOP K Street lobbyist Jack Burkman hissed like some Flash Gordon nemesis about "unleashing a relentless boycott," warning the NFL that "there will be a terrible financial price to pay."

Michigan's U.P.

I half expected South Carolina and Michigan's Upper Peninsula to finally secede for good and for real over this one; and good riddance to stinking rubbish. The outrage from the flaming outraged crowd was so beyond ridiculous that I expected to see republicans exploding from apoplexy right in the streets. If only! Hey, if I had to walk around in a full-length poncho and goggles in order to avoid the mess for a day or two, I'd happily put up with it. The worst part would be the smell, but if two gay men kissing is all it takes, then get to it, gay guys! Alert the networks! Call the paparazzi!

"Michael Sam is a football player."

All-American Michael Sam is openly gay. That's right, All-American. Will his talents as a football player ever translate to the NFL game? That remains to be seen, but, as we've all heard, he is the first openly gay man to be selected by an NFL franchise. Perhaps Rams coach Jeff Fisher (right), a no-nonsense man if there ever was one, said it best: "Michael Sam is a football player." Period. So, what is there to care about? The righties can accept drug addicts, wife-beaters, and even murderers in the uniforms of their favorite football teams, but not homosexuals? No, that's a bridge way too far when your IQ rests in single-digit territory.

The righty reaction was fast and furious. Some complained that young children shouldn't "have to see such a thing" on TV. Sure, it's OK for them to see cars plunge over cliffs and burst into flames with the driver inside and people get machine-gunned, tossed off of buildings and all that, but see two men kiss? Whoa! I don't even have to ask what the reaction of the same idiots would be if it was two women kissing. Hey, that's hot! Bill-O would have to get out his loofah and head for the men's room for for a bit of fun with Little Billy. And why is it OK to be a gay lady tennis player, WNBA basketball player or even girls' college softball pitcher but not a defensive end in the NFL?

Oh, I forgot. Reason does not come to play when you're a republican. One commenter to the AP's May 12 online article called Michael Sam a "little twink." Would he call Michael Sam that to his face? Another likened seeing Sam kiss his boyfriend on ESPN to seeing an old man kiss an underage girl. Well, Michael Sam and Vito Cammisano are both of age, so what is it that bothers these cretins? Progressive Radio host Stephanie Miller explained it best to "the disturbed." To paraphrase her, it's like when your daddy likes your mommy, they kiss. Got it, republicans? No, of course not. You want your country back -- from sanity, or something.

FOX and their miserable ilk were eminently predictable. Delving into their massive False Equivalency Vault, it only took minutes for them to start playing the "War on Christianity" victim card and whining about an imagined double standard that somehow involved the obnoxious Tim "Jesus as a Marketing Plan" Tebow (right) who spent his very brief NFL career making a big show of his Christianity on the field. Last I heard, Michael Sam has never made a show of being gay when he tackled an opposing quarterback. Sigh, I guess that's a difference that's just way too complex for the limited republican mind. Tebow always acted like he was entitled to something and his patented "Tebowing" would get it for him. Michael Sam wants to be judged only as a football player.

Meanwhile, in North Carolina, speaking of Christian love for all, Pastor Charles Worley called for "lesbians and queers" to be rounded up and placed in camps with electrified fences and left to die. There go the righties, playing the Nazi card on themselves again! Worley's "theory" is that since gays don't "reproduce," homosexuality will die out. "Problem" solved! Says Worley:

We offer no apologies in believing the King James Version of the Bible is the inerrant Word of God. If you are in this area or are ever passing through, I invite you to come visit with us at Providence Road Baptist Church.

Man, his church sounds like one hell of a fun place to visit! It is, after all, a little slice of Crackpot Utopia!

All is not lost, though. Two days after the NFL draft, Michael Sam's St. Louis Rams Jersey was the second-fastest-selling jersey out of all the 256 players picked. So, just who is in the minority? Sure, gay guys like to shop, but that doesn't sound like just gay guys buying.




2. Crazyspeak of the Year nominee No. 5:
The famous Joe the Plumber

In the wake of the mass killings in Santa Barbara by a lunatic named Elliot Rogers, and a father's moving message to politicians and the NRA, republican genius and John McCain consultant Joe the Plumber had this to say to the grieving father: "Your dead kids don't trump my Constitutional rights."

Yeesh! And republicans wonder why normal people regard them as, at the least, insensitive a-holes. To be fair (and I'm always fair), I've pulled this quote out of context. The full quote is: "It may sound harsh but your dead kids don't trump my Constitutional rights."

That's right, this crackpot, knuckle-dragging australopithecine actually had some glimmer of awareness that what he was saying was "harsh," and he said it anyway, thus allying himself with the shooter. Yo, in yo face, you parents of shooting victims, in yo face!

Sigh, they just can't control themselves.


TOMORROW IN PART 6: A word about South Carolina; Pat Robertson and his magic asteroid; and I'll have a pack of Twizzlers and an IUD to go, please

NOAH'S 2014 IN REVIEW --
Crackpot Utopia: The Year in Republican Crazy

Part 1: Princess Liz Cheney tries for the Smoothie of the Year Award; "Miss Beck regrets" -- Crazyspeak of the Year nominee No. 1: Glenn Beck; and the Crackpot Party reacts to President Obama’s State of the Union speech [12/19/2014]
Part 2: Republicans wonder why normal people call them racists; Sean Hannity wants to self-deport; and the First Annual Mr. Burns Award, to ABC "shark" Kevin O'Leary [12/20/2014]
Part 3: Using fear, loathing, and paranoia to sell stuff; Arizona legalizes crack!; and Crazyspeak of the Year nominee No. 3: Bill O’Reilly [12/21/2014]
Part 4: A celebration of Michele Bachmann: Pray away the crazy?; What "War on Women"?; and the "Obama angle" on Malaysian Flight 370 [12/22/2014]
Part 5: The GOP and the kiss heard 'round the world; Crazyspeak of the Year nominee No. 5: Joe the Plumber [12/23/2014]
Part 6: A word about South Carolina; Pat Robertson and his magic asteroid; and I'll have a pack of Twizzlers and an IUD to go, please [12/24/2014]
Part 7: And so it begins: The running of the buffoons; Crazyspeak of the Year nominee No. 7, George Will has no idea what rape is; and Crazyspeak of the Year nominee No. 8, Rick Wiles calls for a coup [12/29/2014]
Part 8: Things to come: Forward into the past! (11 Presidential Dream Tickets); Crazyspeak of the Year nominee No. 9: Former republican VP nominee Paul "Crazy Eyes" Ryan; Crazyspeak of the Year nominee No. 10: Bryan Fischer of the American Family Association [12/30/2014]
Part 9: Pompous Blowhard of the Year Award: Bill O’Reilly; FOX "News" announces new spinoff: the "FOX Benghazi™" Shopping Channel!; Crazyspeak of the Year nominee No. 11: DiGiorno Pizza [12/31/2014]
Part 10: Newsmax -- Beyond Drudgery; and Crazyspeak of the Year nominees Nos. 12 and 13: Michele Bachmann, Kimberly Guilfoyle [1/1/2015]
Part 11: GOP and FOX whip up the hate over a POW exchange; and Crazyspeak of the Year nominee No. 14: Iowa asylum escapee Rep. Steve King [1/3/2015]
Part 12: Arizona Republican protests busload of YMCA campers; Crazyspeak of the Year nominee(s) No. 15: the Impeachment Variations (group nomination); Crazyspeak of the Year nominee No. 16: NM Rep. Steve Pearce [1/4/2015]
Part 13 (and last): TV for Dummies: Sarah Palin launches her own channel; Crazyspeak of the Year nominee No. 17: Arizona schools superintendent John Huppenthal (rhymes with Neanderthal); and the final Crazyspeak of the Year nominee -- and also the winner! [1/5/2015]

NOAH'S 2013 IN REVIEW --
A Prayer to the Janitor of Lunacy*

For listings and links, see Part 1 of this year's series.

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Who ARE These People?, Part 5: Hans Zeiger, of the GOP Farm Team. PLUS, a Hall of Shame E-Stocking Stuffer

One thing this boy sure ain't short of is mindless platitudes.

by Noah

Warning. I didn’t make this guy up. He really exists.

Meet Hans Zeiger. He’s not on the Washington, DC, scene yet, but he has just been elected to the state of Washington’s state legislature, and what a fine, typical up-and-coming young Republican he is! I’m writing about him because: (1) He certainly represents the state of Republican mental illness today, and (2) it’s important to keep an eye on the farm team, as it were.

At 25, Zeiger has a lot of backing from high places in the world of wingnuttia. He is a “senior fellow” at the American Civil Rights Union, a right-wing “think tank” whose board membership includes such human cesspools as Ed Meese and Ken Starr. Zeiger is considered a Great Right Hope, and something of a prodigy, having written his first book of hate at the precocious age of 16. The book even comes with a forward by Ollie North! He is also prolific with his blogging and writes for WorldNetDaily, but has had to spend an inordinate amount of time backtracking and removing his incendiary statements. Fortunately, there are some who catalog his positions and statements.

What’s so special about Zeiger? Is he, as his name might indicate, the progeny of some Brazilian Germans? Honestly, I do not know. But what we do know is . . . well, let me let Hans define himself in his own words. Here he is on the Girl Scouts of America:

One might wonder why the Girl Scouts have been spared the painful attacks that have been launched upon the Boy Scouts by the left in recent years. The reasons are simple: The Girl Scouts allow homosexuals and atheists to join their ranks, and they have become pro-abortion, feminist training corps. . . . If the Girl Scouts of America can’t get back to teaching real character, perhaps it will be time to look for our cookies elsewhere.

Wow, lesbian, god-denying abortion cookies! All of that in one tasty snack! All hail the power of the cookie!

Glenn Beck would love this guy! The great Girl Scout Conspiracy. Throw in a connection to Mussolini and Stalin and you’ve got it! What Washington has is a state legislator (District 25) who thinks the 100-year-old Girl Scout organization has been brainwashing children by feeding them lesbian abortion cookies, turning our daughters into godless, man-hating, pro-abortion lesbians. “Feminist training corps”? This clown sure has some fears! Was Daddy bitter?

To Republicans, even the Girl Scouts are “other” and to be feared! Don’t leave your daughter alone with them! What’s the next great Republican target, girls' softball leagues? This puts a whole new spin on that old “We have come for your daughters” thing.

I knew those mints tasted ungodly! Of course, when Zeiger’s campaign found out what his feelings about the Girl Scouts were, unexpectedly controversial, they immediately scrubbed his statements from his website. Being Republican, they had obviously never thought the statement was problematical. Zeiger explained that he removed the statement because it doesn’t represent his values anymore, adding that the statement would be a distraction from the campaign. Yeah? No kiddin’? But personally, I always regard such statements not as distraction but as information. So often, Zeiger deals with any controversy by playing the “youthful indiscretion” card, but when you’re 25, nasty statements that you made in your "youth" tend to be something from a year or so ago.

But wait, there’s more! Here’s Herr Zeiger on public education!

I spent most of my K-12 education at my local government indoctrination center. I was also home schooled during the seventh and eighth grades. The corridors and classrooms of the modern public school are so polluted with the filth of moral relativism that the typical public high school graduate moves into the world devoid of character, conscience or courage.

How about Zeiger on religion? Or at least his version of it. Here he is in one of his numerous screeds in WorldNutDaily, writing about the National Day of Prayer. The Republican god is the only god. Zeiger isn’t one of those inclusive, diversity kind of guys, but what Republican is? He can’t stand the fact that there was a more diverse competitor.

Frustrated with the fact that the bulk of people involved in the Nationa Day of Prayer actually believe in God . . . left-wing atheist-secularist-ecumenists are holding their own counter-events this year. . . . Unitarians, mainstream Baptists, Muslims, Jews, Buddhists, members of the “Military Pagan Network” and other watered-down ecumenists will hold an “Interfaith Day of Prayer and Reflection” on the steps of the Oklahoma State Capitol today to pray to the generic god.

But . . . the significant difference between the kumbaya sessions and interfaith vigils and atheist protests of the Religious Left and the Bible Studies and prayer circles of the Religious Right is that our God is real.

Yeah. I’m not sure what the “Military Pagan Network” is either, but I guess to the utterly delusional,it’s all too real, and it’s a big, bad threat, right up there with the Jews and Buddhists and Muslims, those creepy “mainstream Baptists” and Unitarians. Be aware! Be afraid! They worship false idols!

Where does this Republican wunderkind stand on education? Three guesses, and the first two don’t count.

This week the National Education Association at its annual convention is bestowing an award for Creative Leadership in Human Rights to Kevin Jennings, co-founder and director of the Gay Lesbian Straight Education Network (GLSEN). This is notable not because the NEA is championing the the radical homosexual agenda (it has long done so), and not because GLSEN is in our schools (it has long been there), but because both are terrorist organizations and we ought to be reminded of that.

We speak much of terror networks in our time, and here is one of the vilest, for it has made greater progress in the tearing down of American institutions and ideals than Iraq of Al Qaeda have. NEA and GLSEN are not the only groups in the network; the ACLU, and NAARAL and Planned Parenthood and Americans United for Separation of Church and State and others come to mind.

Then, there’s this: "Growing up on talk radio, that informed some of my early views.”

That doesn’t surprise me at all. You? Just this month Rush Limbaugh said the same thing about Nancy Pelosi being a terrorist and a bigger threat than Al Qaeda that Zeiger said about the organizations in the above quote.

Zeiger would have us believe that he’s a changed guy. Hey, he’s a politician. He’s adaptable! Any sane person would be right to expect, given the very short time frame, that his original views are still very much in the forefront of whatever mind he has left. One of the most interesting things about all of this is that Zeiger became famous for these statements and hundreds like them before leading Republican luminaries like Meese and Starr rallied behind him. They saw what they liked, and they endorsed him.

How’d he get elected? Well, for one thing his statements were not only scrubbed from his website for the campaign season but were also ignored by the local media, such as the Seattle Times and the Bellingham Herald. He had the protection of the media, and he beat his four-term incumbent Democratic opponent, Dawn Morrell, in a recount by 30 votes. Republicans like this guy, and they turned out. Democratic voters stayed home. But Hans didn’t sneak by the system. The system kept silent, and he may be on his way to being yet another Republican stain on history.

Bottom line: What we have here is another Republican focusing way too much on things like the religion and the sexuality of other people, quite possibly because he has deeply hidden “concerns” about his own. Ten to one, if he doesn’t end up as a congressloon in DC, he’ll end up as a smarmy televangelista bilking old ladies and blaming disasters on “our permissive society," “atheists,” or “radical homos,” or in the Boy Scouts as a scoutmaster, teaching boys how to cook a wiener while the campfire glows.


AN E-STOCKING STUFFER IN THE "WHO
ARE THESE PEOPLE ANYWAY?" SPIRIT

Our friends at People for the American Way report that they're "involved in a small e-experiment to see whether a first-of-its-kind collection of the shameless political comments of the year can be sold as a 'stocking stuffer' to benefit People for the American Way. This experiment will rely on the willingness of our friends to share this story far and wide."

Paul Slansky's THE YEAR OF LIVING SHAMELESSLY is a first-of-its-kind collection of the hypocrisy, bigotry, cowardice, idiocy and just plain lunacy that have defined this political year. It's a living museum of bad behavior curating the worst moments of 2010 by taking full advantage of the e-book format, allowing readers to click through, pop open a new window, and actually witness the preposterous moments of shamelessness as they happened.

Then, simply close the window and you're right back in the book.

They're all here: the Senate candidate who's not a witch, the one who called a press conference and ran away from reporters when they dared to ask her questions, the would-be congressman with the penchant for dressing up in Nazi regalia, the lieutenant governor who compared giving food stamps to the needy to "feeding stray animals," and the former president who misses "being pampered," along with Sarah Palin, Glenn Beck, Michele Bachmann, Joe Lieberman, Pat Robertson, Rand Paul, John McCain, Rudy Giuliani, John Edwards, Jim DeMint, John Boehner, Alvin Greene -- WHO? -- and all the other brazen Republicans, quivering Democrats and rabid Tea Partiers who made 2010 such an embarrassingly shameless year.

Plus, coming in early January, a new social publishing feature will give you the ability to comment on or add to the contents of the book, communicating with the author and other readers within the book itself. And, at $3.99 including tax, it could hardly be more perfectly priced for your holiday gift-giving needs.

Go to the website below to buy the book for yourself and your friends this holiday season.

http://www.lotusbookworks.com/shamelessly

At $3.99 the price is certainly right.


THE "WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?" SERIES TO DATE

Part 1: Freakshow Pollitics (Dec. 9)
Part 2: Elections do have consequences -- meet John Shimkus (Dec. 10)
Part 3: Meet the man who isn't as crazy as John Shimkus and Joe Barton -- Fred Upton (Dec. 13)
Part 4: Rep. Andy Harris, Hypocritical Oaf (Dec. 15)

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It's not as dramatic as my proposed wingnut treason trials, but Sara Robinson thinks we should be prosecuting sedition

I'm thinking firing squads for the treason convicts,

but hanging works too. Or maybe stoning?

"It's time to confront the sobering fact that the entire right wing -- including the GOP establishment, which encourages, endorses, and echoes these sentiments almost every time its officials appear in public -- is now issuing nearly constant invitations to criminal sedition. They're creating a climate and using language that lowers their base's inhibitions around violence -- and irresponsibly eggs on the handful of sociopaths in their midst who are already primed to kill. They've given their newly-expanded corps of flying monkeys permission to brandish their guns in public, empowered their militias, promised them glory, and are now telling them explicitly which targets to hit."

-- Sara Robinson, in "None Dare Call It Sedition"

Sedition: Crime of creating a revolt, disturbance, or violence against lawful civil authority with the intent to cause its overthrow or destruction

-- Brittanica Concise Dictionary,

as cited by Sara R

by Ken

My own impulse, in the face of the pervasive right-wing campaign to bring down the government, would be for the DoJ to begin preparing dozens of treason indictments, so that the trials can get going and in a week or so we can get on to the first of the executions. Or if we labeled them "enemy combatants," could we just turn them over to military tribunals and save even more time?

I was figuring on getting through maybe five treason trials a day. But tribunals, without breaking a sweat, ought to be able to process, say, 25 guilty verdicts a day, no? Plus, it would give the Obama people a chance to call attention to the roll-out of their latest new (wink-wink) "just the same as the Bush regime" policy.

My plan calls for starting with the 15-20 most loathsome crackpots in the Senate and 40-50 in the House. Not all Republicans, of course. The interest of bipartisanship, the noblest political virtue to which Americans, or leastwise liberals, can apparently aspire, dictates that a generous sprinkling of the most odious Dems be included. I'm thinking firing squads would be picturesque, but I could see the case for hangings. Ooh, wait, how about stoning? Followed by purification of the carcasses in bonfires, with free hot dogs and marshmallows for all.

(I bet we could get a quick signoff from the Roberts Court that none of these methods constitutes either cruel or unusual punishment with just a little trick: Slip them a case where it appears it's liberals who are going to be offed. Can't you just see Smirking John's piggy little eyes simply light up at the prospect?)

For better or worse, Sara Robinson -- one of my favorite writers -- is not only smarter than me but more, er, judicious. However, she's deadly serious about the appropriateness and urgency of getting some legal proceedings going. The crime she wants to see prosecuted is one we haven't heard much about recently: sedition.

In an important new piece posted both on the Campaign for America's Future blog and AlterNet, Sara writes:

[I]t's time to openly confront the fact that conservatives have spent the past 40 years systematically delegitimizing the very idea of constitutional democracy in America. When they're in power, they mismanage it and defund it. When they're out of power, they refuse to participate in running the country at all -- indeed, they throw all their energy into thwarting the democratic process any way they can. When they need to win an election, they use violent, polarizing, eliminationist language against their opponents to motivate their base. This is sedition in slow motion, a gradual corrosive undermining of the government's authority and capacity to run the country. And it's been at the core of their politics going all the way back to Goldwater.

Sara wants to be clear that we understand what sedition is. Advocating violent activity: legally protected though extremely dangerous. Planning and of course participating in such activity: sedition.

People who promote subversive ideas, no matter how dangerous those ideas might seem, are completely protected under the First Amendment. Even calling for the overthrow of the government is protected (though not benign, as we'll see later, because it creates justification, permission, and incitement to seditious acts). That's why the conservatives have been safe -- so far. It's only when those people start actively planning and implementing a government rebellion that it turns into criminal sedition.

Fortunately, there are hardy loony-watchers -- like the folks at the Southern Poverty Law Center -- who have become skilled at divining where the line is crossed, whether it's in terrorist or far-right-insurrectionist movements.

These escalating armed demonstrations, accompanied by belligerent sloganeering, are a clear signal that these folks are done talking -- and, worse, have already decided that democracy is futile, and taking up arms is the only appropriate response to the threats we now face. They're carrying weapons to scare us weak-kneed girly libs into submission, and to show us they mean business. Growing up in gun country, I was taught at my daddy's knee that when someone says they're going to shoot you, it's always smart to take them at their word and handle yourself accordingly. Right now, I think that's good advice for anybody in America who considers themselves a member of the reality-based community.

Sara points out that the revolutionaries have even been provided with a convenient target list by that pathetic scrambled-brained loser Bernard Goldberg, with his book listing the "100 people who are destroying America." "He was writing a target list with seditious intent," she says.

From a legal standpoint, though, sedition is a tough charge to prove in court. A successful prosecution in the Hutaree case would be the first such case made to stick against American right-wing groups.

[B]ut the first step in stopping sedition is making sure everybody knows exactly what it is when they see it. And that means calling out the S-word every time we see the conservatives defiantly flinging their hands and feet out over that line to score a few cheap political points.

And the immediate challenge is to force the people who are manipulating and trying to take advantage of the crazies, whether for personal or political gain, to face up to what they're doing.

If this is just political grandstanding to energize the base, they're playing with fire, and they need to bring this incendiary campaign to a screeching halt. Right now. This Mickey Mouse pussyfooting around, play-acting at sedition is criminally dangerous chickenshit politics that puts the short-term needs of the Republican party ahead of the long-term viability of the American democracy they've sworn to uphold. In case the party leaders haven't noticed, their base has taken them as seriously as a heart attack -- and they're genuinely making ready for armed revolt.

On the other hand, if they're actually serious about seditious rebellion against the US government, then let them stand up, follow through, and face the charges. They're either Americans, committed to working in good faith within the democratic process to create our common future; or else they're seditionists in intention or fact -- and thus enemies of the state, plain and simple.

For the good of the country, we cannot continue to let them have it both ways. They need to choose whose side they're on: America's, or their own.

I was intrigued by the story Howie passed on earlier of that archloon Oklahoma Sen. Tom Coburn confronting just this distinction at an ugly town hall meeting back home, where he wound up lecturing the crowd on civility and defending Nancy Pelosi. As Howie put it, "Coburn stared the teabaggers in the face and was mortified to see the gross ignorance and overblown bigotry."

Score one small victory. The only thing is that, crazy as Senator Dr. Tom is, his craziness has never taken the form of fomenting violence. On the scale of craziness, it turns out, he's a moderate.


"STOP THE PRESSES" HEADLINE OF THE DAY:
BIG AL "MUMBLES" GREENSPAN REJECTS CRITICISM!

Courtesy of the New York Times today:

Greenspan Rejects Criticism of Policies at Hearing

Because Big Al (aka "Mumbles") is widely known for his invariably thoughtful consideration of reasoned criticism of his judgments.

With regard to Big Al's testimony before the financial-meltdown commission, CAF "Our Work" blogger R.J. Eskow writes in his assessment, "In the Dark: A Good Prosecutor Would've Pinned Greenspan Down":

It was almost anticlimactic when the power failed during the final fifteen minutes of Greenspan's appearance. The light had left the room long before then.

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The view from Texas: Thomas Jefferson? That commie's as phony as a two-dollar bill

It's the only clip NBC is offering from last night's 30 Rock, but at least it's not a bad one. With Tracy (Tracy Jordan) in turmoil because of a tell-all book's shocking revelation that he's never been unfaithful to his wife, Jenna (Jane Krakowski) offers predictably dreadful advice, which he immediately tries to act on, to the dismay of Liz Lemon (Tina Fey).

"All these books, sir! I feel like I'm back in school, learnin' about the dangers of book learnin'!"

-- Kenneth the page (Jack McBrayer), excited to find

books on Jack Donaghy's desk, on Thursday's 30 Rock

by Ken

Howie and I have been kicking this around for days, what to say about the latest disgrace to storm out of Texas, where the right-wing doodyheads are determined to establish their state as the Land That Brains Forgot. A dentist who is by the most generous standard out of his friggin' mind has led a cadre of savage ignorance-worshipers similarly implanted in the Texas State Academy of Stooges (and I don't mean funny stooges -- we're talking, say, Curly Joes) that is the state Board of Education to dictate to textbook publishers how they must henceforth rewrite history if they wish to sell their books for teaching in the Lame Brain State.

Yesterday's editon of The Progress Report from ThinkProgress had an outstanding report on what happened, how it happened, why it happened, and what it means. If I didn't have a couple of thoughts of my own, I would just send you there.

I would certainly recommend that our friend Elizabeth, who commented last night on Howie's post paying tribute to Speaker Pelosi's outburst of persuasiveness on the health care bill, if she's with us again, to repair immediately to The Progress Report. Elizabeth is a "moderate" and likes to hear opinions on both sides, and is upset with us for being rude to the crooks and liars (to coin a phrase) and numbskulls and fugitive mental patients on the Right.

Now, since Elizabeth singled out Howie's calling one of those assholes a "dope," I'm guessing she would be a lot more upset by this. We're supposed to be polite, just like we try to teach our children to be. "If you don't agree with someone or something - fine! Disagree!" she says. "But do it without joining in on low-class mud-slinging; that's how animals resolve things."

No, Elizabeth, I think you mean physical violence is the way animals resolve things. You rarely hear, say, lions and wildebeests insulting each other. Physical violence, by the way, is the way the dumb animals and their crook manipulators already began moving during the last presidential campaign, inspired by the flying animal-slaughtering voodoo priestess of ignorance Sarah Palin. And the Teabaggers seem only too happy to show off their willingness, if not actual eagerness, to smash some heads. The saintly Teabaggers have in their midst no shortage of folks who show the same disposition to shoot them some sumbitches that ticks them off.

The fact is, we no longer have a situation where there are tidily diverging sets of opinion charmingly arrayed on either side of some imaginary middle. We have a cancerous Extreme Far Right that has long since jumped the bounds of sanity and reason and planted its political standard way out in the galaxy far, far beyond Pluto. The "middle" between there and reality is still somewhere way out beyond Saturn, and much as I might wish to be able to reach reasonable moderates like you, Elizabeth, I don't see how polite discourse is possible.

And, as I noted, it was interesting that she should bring up what we teach our children, because right now we've got this situation in Texas -- and we have to assume that the potential for similar ugliness is festering in other states with heavy concentrations of primitives in the populace -- where the state board of education has been hijacked by thugs who want not just their children, but all of Texas's children, and by extension most of America's children (because publishers simply can't afford to publish textbooks tailored to the bigotries and crazinesses of loons in individual states) to be morons.

But we're getting ahead of ourselves. For the basic facts of the case, here is The Progress Report's lead paragraph from yesterday. Note that onsite the text is riddled with links, which you can check out there.

If America's lucky, what happens in Texas will stay in Texas -- at least when it comes to education standards. It would even better if the right wing's destructive manipulation of the state's schools wasn't happening at all. Last week, the Republican-dominated Texas Board of Education approved a social studies curriculum that extols the importance of the National Rifle Association, Phyllis Schlafly, Confederate leader Jefferson Davis, and Joseph McCarthy. Right-wing board members removed Thomas Jefferson from "a list of figures whose writings inspired revolutions in the late 18th century and 19th century"; many of them bear ill will toward the third U.S. president because he coined the term "separation between church and state." They also decided to require U.S. history classes to teach the difference between legal and illegal immigration. Last week's vote was the culmination of a decades-long plot by social conservatives to gain control over the influential Board of Education and, ultimately, the power to impose a far-right ideology on the nearly 5 million schoolchildren in Texas. Unfortunately, what's happening in the Lone Star State may spread nationally: Texas is one of the largest textbook buyers in the nation, and publishers, eager to get the business, often tailor their books to the state's standards.

As TPR says, "The Texas Board of Education is trying to create an alternate universe where McCarthy's dangerously slanderous allegations were true, Ronald Reagan was the greatest president in U.S. history, the separation of church and state doesn't exist, global warming is a myth, and people of color barely exist."

Now some of the individual points aren't entirely beyond the pale. For example, the dentist wants Texas young uns to read Jefferson Davis's inaugural address alongside Abraham Lincoln's, and there's no reason why kids shouldn't learn more about the government of the Confederacy. I don't remember learning much about it.

But that doesn't mean that it's in any way, shape, or form okay to treat Jefferson Davis and Abraham Lincoln as equivalent, any more than the Confederate States of America and the United States of America can be treated to as any way equivalent. They aren't, and they aren't, and the reasons have nothing whatsoever to do with "liberal bias"; they have to do with some of the fundamental realities of our country and our history. The people who are peddling their biases are the Texas loons.

Joe McCarthy was right? Ronald Reagan was our greatest president? These are opinions, and pretty demented ones (the historical evidence weighs overwhelmingly against both). Parents are entitled to hold even these crap-brained delusions as opinions, and I'm afraid they're even entitled to inculcate them in their unfortunate offspring. The only corrective for this is the possibility that the offspring will one day encounter reality and come to hate their parents for being crack-brained, hate-mongering idiots.

One thing parents are emphatically not entitled to do is to try to impose their delusions and bigotries on other people, including (perhaps I should say especially) other people's children. In just the way that Americans are free to practice just about any kind of delusional set of beliefs and worship practices as a religion, but are not free to attempt in any fashion to impose those beliefs on anyone else.

By strange coincidence, it is by and large the same people doing both, trying to impose both their political and historical delusions and their religious ones on others. (Does the name Bart "The Stupe" Stupak ring a bell?) The assault on history is frequently linked to a Crap Christianity that seems to take special pleasure in trashing the teachings of Jesus and dumping doody over everything he stood for, even if they have to rewrite the Bible to do so (again, check out Noah's "Why Do You Hate the Bible? Award" from his holiday Scorn Awards), to give voice to those same demonic outpourings of hatred and worthlessness and self-loathing that explode at them every time they glance in a mirror.

Of course life is hard when you look in the mirror and see doody (note to Elizabeth: I could have used a different, less polite word), at least until you make the mental adjustment that being a worthless pile of hateful doody is really a good thing. Which is where Ronald Reagan truly earned his place in history: by assuring people filled with churning demons that it's all OK -- OK to hate, OK to cheat, OK to demean anyone you don't care for. Stop beating yourself up! Celebrate your doodyfulness! It's morning in doody-filled America!

Who wouldn't like to hear that? (Besides anyone with a shred of dignity, morality, or principle, I mean.) And America embraced its doody-filled self, with a vengeance. Eventually they put that pile of worthless ignorance and puke in the White House (or allowed the Supreme Court to put him there), to pursue on the grandest scale the demolition of reason and decency, and sure enough, he and his puppet master Big Dick did everything they could to turn the country into a pile of doody.

Yes, these people are entitled, thanks to our fundamental Bill of Rights-protected freedoms (which they have spent so much energy and venom trashing) to their political and religious views. But that they are entitled to substitute them for reality for those of us trying to live in the real world is, well, just another of their poisonous delusions.

I'm sorry, Elizabeth, I try to be polite, I really do. But what do you do in the face of people who imagine they can surgically excise Thomas Jefferson from the founding of our republic, in the apparent belief that they can thereby refashion the history of the founding of our republic to suit their delusional view of it?


YOU'RE NOT GETTING THE PROGRESS REPORT?

Since we lost Rachel Maddow's old Air America radio show, The Progress Report provides the best daily digest I know of what a progressive-minded person needs to know to face the world in the morning. In addition to an admirably thorough report on the day's chosen lead subject, the team of top-notch writers provides an "Under the Radar" item (yesterday it was fallout from "Sunny John" Boehner's disgraceful pep rallly with the banksters at their annual convention Wednesday, with pushback from Larry Summers and Barney Frank) and "Think Fast," a roster of in-brief items. You'll always find the latest edition at pr.thinkprogress.org (for the weekend that will presumably remain yesterday's), with a link to sign up -- yes, it's free!


THURSDAY'S 30 ROCK: BEST EPISODE EVER?

"Best episode ever?" is just a cheap attention-getting headline-writing trick. The show has long since hit its stride, and seems to me to be cruising at an altitude not worth measuring. Nevertheless, this last one, "Don Geiss, America and Hope," written by Jack Burditt and Tracey Wigfield, was a humdinger. The pre-credit sequence, in which Jack tries to boost GE morale in the face of the looming sale to Kabletown-with-a-K, via a worldwide-teleconferenced pep talk, certainly could have been the best ever.

We had Jack, speaking at the funeral of revered departed GE chairman Don Geiss (the great Rip Torn, whose infrequent appearnces will be missed), where Geiss's "mentally challenged" daughter Kathy (Marceline Hugot) plays "Ave Maria" on the trumpet, having a sudden inspiration that could change the Kabletown we-do-nothing culture. His idea, porn for women (it turns out that 91 percent of Kabletown's profits come from porn its channels 551-600, which feature porn for men) by his onetime protege Dave Hess (Scott Bryce), now a Kabletown exec: "Women hate porn, almost as much as men hate going to outlet malls." But that was before he heard Jack's idea of porn for women.

As seen in the video clip, we had Tracy in crisis over the ruthless tell-all book that revealed shocking truths like his marital fidelity. And we had Liz continuing to run into her post-root-canal-anesthesia "future husband" Wes (Michael Sheen; they're seen in happier times at right), who turns out to be named Wesley Snipes (but please don't get him started on that!), and finding ever more evidence of how incompatible they really are, notwithstanding which Wes decided that they should declare each other their "settle soul mates," until finally she stalked him at a wine store ("I figured you wouldn't miss a tasting of 'The White Wines of Scotland'") to "tell you to your face that I know that I can do better than you, and I'm never going to be Mrs. Snipes."

By the way, the link to "Thursday's 30 Rock" at the top of this post will take you to a page where you can watch Thursday's episode complete online.


UPDATE: From Howie And Jefferson

Well, it's just Howie quoting a letter Thomas Jefferson wrote to Edward Rutledge in 1796 that I remember a History teacher of mine and Ken's from James Madison High School reciting for us (Mr. Feldman or Mr. Feldstein; I remember the quote but not really the teacher.) Ken has mentioned above that the current crop of wingnuts bear ill will toward the third U.S. president because he coined the term "separation between church and state." True, true, but all conservatives from all times hate Jefferson for pointing out to Rutledge that "There is a debt of service due from every man to his country, proportioned to the bounties which nature and fortune have measured to him." This is exactly what conservatives do not want anyone thinking about. It leads to everything they hate most in the world: egalitarianism, democracy and... progressive taxation.


AND KEN ADDS . . .

Feldstein, I think it was. Wasn't it? I vaguely remember that, but I'm sorry to say that I did not remember that Jefferson quote. On the other hand, not remembering it allows me the pleasure of (re)discovering it. I think it bears repeating:

"There is a debt of service due from every man to his country, proportioned to the bounties which nature and fortune have measured to him."

That Jefferson was in so many ways -- most of them good! -- and so obviously the intellectual father of this country, and the ambassador and inspirational spokesman to the world for our best ideals, that the Texas follies stand in even starker relief. You'd think that being the idealistic heir of T.J. is one of the things Americans are most proud of.

Patriotic, freedom-loving Americans, I mean.

FURTHER THOUGHT FROM KEN:

Hmm, now I'm thinking Feldman, not Feldstein.

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Confidential to Wingnuttians: We realize you haven't heard the news, but REAL Americans believe that "all men are created equal"

[Click to enlarge]

by Ken

I'm still pretty steamed about a lot that happened in the course of the presidential campaign, but I suppose today isn't the day to dwell on it. Let's enjoy it a little.

Okay, so maybe we'll dwell just a little. And blame Tom Toles for bringing it up.

I didn't think I could be much more offended than I was by the McCranky campaign's invention of a distinction between "real Americans" and presumably some other, "unreal" kind, including the stupefying lie that only its presumed "real Americans" work for a living. How stupid and dishonest can you be? (Well, apparently, if you're the Princess Sarah, there's no cap on either category. You were born to have contempt for actual knowledge and to lie your fool head off.) But then there was that McCrankyite wingnut who proclaimed that equality isn't an American value, that it's more a French thing, whereas we go in for life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.

These people pretend to be the "real" Americans, and they don't even know our single most stirring and as well as most defining declaration, the Declaration of Independence? Life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness are of course "among" the rights (not the rights but among the "unalienable rights" with which we are endowed by our Creator in consequence of the "self-evident" truth "that all men are created equal."

There is no more inherently American value, and any wingnut doodyhead who doesn't know it might want to consider shutting the fuck up about what it means to be an American.

I'm just saying. (Okay, I've got that off my chest.)

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You heard about "that poll," the one that shows Hillary trailing the GOP pygmies? But did you hear about the SERIOUS poll that shows the opposite?

"The Zogby poll was considered big news because many in the political press are heavily invested in the Hillary-is-unelectable narrative for all kinds of reasons that have little to do with a desire to, you know, practice journalism."
--Greg Sargent, in a post today on his media-centric blog, The Horse's Mouth

These days it doesn't matter what the subject is, from global warming to political polling, there seems to be a "conventional wisdom" that is (a) promoted by the demons of Wingnuttia and (b) utterly randomly linked to reality. And of course the press--with its famous "liberal bias"--now functions 24/7 as a service provider for Wingnut International.

I'm sure you've heard about the Zogby poll that purports to show Hillary Clinton losing to all of the major Republican candidates, in wish fulfillment of the Clinton-hating psychosis of Wingnuttia. Greg Sargent disposes of this nonsense neatly, with emphasis on the slavish adherence of the lickspittle media to the Tales of Wingnuttia:

Media Lavishes Attention On Bogus Internet Poll Showing Hillary Losing To Repubs -- And Ignores Reputable Poll Finding Opposite

Ladies and gentlemen, a tale of two polls.

Yesterday two polling firms -- Zogby and Gallup -- released surveys of the presidential race that offered strikingly different conclusions. The Zogby poll found that Hillary is trailing five leading GOP candidates in general election matchups. The Gallup Poll, by contrast, found that Hillary, and to a lesser degree Obama, has a slight to sizable lead over the top GOP contenders.

A couple of other things that distinguish these two polls: The Zogby one is an online poll, a notoriously unreliable method, while the Gallup one is a telephone poll. And, as Charles Franklin of Pollster.com observed yesterday, the Zogby poll is completely out of sync with multiple other national polls finding Hillary with a lead over the GOP candidates. The Zogby poll actually found that Mike Huckabee is leading Hillary in a national matchup. The Gallup findings were in line with most other surveys.

I don't need to tell you which poll got all the media attention. Do I?

The Zogby survey was covered repeatedly on CNN, earned coverage from MSNBC, Fox News, and Reuters and was covered by multiple other smaller outlets.

By contrast, I can't find a single example of any reporter or commentator on the major networks or news outlets referring to the Gallup poll at all, with the lone exception of UPI. While the Zogby poll was mentioned by multiple reporters and pundits, the only mentions the Gallup poll got on TV were from Hillary advisers who had to bring it up themselves on the air in order to inject it into the conversation.

You could argue that the Zogby poll got all the coverage it did precisely because it is out of sync with multiple other polls, and thus is news. But the truth is that the reporters and editors at the major nets know full well that the Zogby poll is bunk -- yet they breathlessly covered it anyway.

Worse, the Zogby poll was covered with few mentions either of its dubious methodology or of the degree to which its findings don't jibe with other surveys. Bottom line: The Zogby poll was considered big news because many in the political press are heavily invested in the Hillary-is-unelectable narrative for all kinds of reasons that have little to do with a desire to, you know, practice journalism.

There's really nothing to add, except to wonder: Why? How much longer, o Lord?

[Provisional answers: (1) Because so many people, for one reason or another, truly don't get that "reality" is not the same thing as "what I wish was true," and in fact the two often bear no resemblance to one another. (2) Until either (1) changes or some way is found to undo the chokehold of the anti-realityites.]

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