Crackpot Utopia: The Year in Republican Crazy, Part 12

• Arizona Republican protests busload of YMCA Campers
• Crazyspeak of the Year nominees No. 15: the Impeachment Variations (group nomination)
• Crazyspeak of the Year nominee No. 16: NM Rep. Steve Pearce


In Part 12 we pay tribute to Arizona GOP congressional hopeful Adam Kwasman, the genius who decided it would help his primary bid to vent media outrage over a busful of supposedly terrified illegral-immigrant kiddie laborers -- who turned out to be, literally, YMCA happy campers.

Crackpot Utopia: A dream world as envisioned by republicans; a manifestation or expression of the deranged, warped alternate universe inhabited by republicans, at least in their minds. See also: Bachmannism, Boehneresque.

by Noah

1. Arizona Republican protests busload of YMCA campers

You might want to read that heading again, to really take it in. We all know that the Republican Party isn't exactly what any normal person would call "child-friendly." Their views on things like education, the environment, climate, and health care are good examples.

It seems that one Adam Kwasman, a repug Arizona state legislator who was attempting to move on up to the U.S. House of Representatives, went and got hisself all whipped up in a wingnut frenzy -- inspired, no doubt, by the Murrieta, California, incident where groups of gun-toting FOX "News"-hound republicans screamed and bellowed like a medieval mob at a bus of immigrant children, intimidating the children to tears for all the world to see. (Alas, Adam lost the 1st CD GOP nomination to state House Speaker Andy Tobin, who failed to unseat incumbent Dem Ann Kirkpatrick.)

Kwasman knew a camera op when he saw one. Hearing through the local teabag grapevine that a whole big bus o' secret Muslim, disease-carrying furriner Central American kids was on its way, Kwasman rushed to join the cameras -- er, a protest. He tweeted:

Bus coming in. This is not compassion. This is the abrogation of the rule of law.

 And once he was on camera for the local news, it was:

I was able to actually see some of the children on the buses, and the fear on their faces. This is not compassion.

  Wow! "Ab-ro-ga-tion." This assclown better watch it -- the demographic that would ordinarily vote for him just ain't gonna vote for some guy that uses four-syllable words! Where are this man's handlers? They need to tell him that merely acting dumb and doing dumb stuff isn't enough. No, you must talk dumb, too! Keep it simple, bub.

As it turned out, the bus wasn't full of little frightened immigrant kids. The kids were YMCA campers going to a local youth academy. They were, in fact, happy, not sad. They were smiling and even taking pictures of the freaks outside who had gathered with their "Impeach Obama" signs.

Dare I say it again? They were YMCA campers on their way to a local youth academy! Now, I'm fully aware that if you say a phrase like "local youth academy" to a republican, he or she hears "FEMA camp," but these kids really were on the way to a "local youth academy."

When told that the bus was just a busload of YMCA kids, all that The Great Kwasman could muster was: "They were sad too!"

So, you see, to republicans the important thing is to make children, any children, sad. Pictures of smiling, happy YMCA campers be damned! I know what I saw! I brought the sadness, and if you elect me, I can bring the sadness to Arizona kids everyday!

Being that it was nut-state Arizona, I suppose we should just be happy that no one shot up the bus while screaming things like "Revolution!" or "Second Amendment solutions!" Sadly, it's only a matter of time.


2. Crazyspeak of the Year nominee(s) No. 15: the Impeachment Variations (group nomination)



This one is a group effort, from a group of republicans that belong in a group home. Alas, funding for group homes has steadily dried up since the Reagan years, so all that a lot of our most insane citizens can do is babble incoherently or run for Congress. Here's a nice little list of drooling Crackpots sputtering on about the I-word:

Rep. Steve Stockman (R-TX): "President Obama is begging to be impeached."

Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-MN): "[T]he president has committed impeachable offenses."

Rep. Kerry Bentivolio (R-MI): Impeachment of President Obama is "a dream come true."

Rep. Bill Flores (R-TX): "[I]f the House had an impeachment vote, it would probably impeach the president."

Rep. Michael Burgess (R-TX): Impeaching the president "needs to happen."

Family Research Council President Tony Perkins: "If Republicans capture the Senate, there's no more excuses about impeachment."

 It's not surprising that there's a lot of this dementia going around in republican circles. Some of the dementia victims even provide "reasons":

• Rep. Blake Farenthold (R-TX) said that the president should be impeached over "the whole birth-certificate issue."

• Glenn Beck, the republican party's favorite oracle of conspiracy, repeatedly called for impeachment -- for "the IRS Scandal," for a plot to give weapons to Al Qaeda in Syria, and, most famously, for an imaginary cover-up of a Saudi national's role in the Boston Marathon attack.

• FOX's Mike Huckabee said the president was "worthy of impeachment" for being "Caesar acting like God."

Representative Stockman has circulated to fellow congresscritters copies of the book Impeachable Offenses: The Case for Removing Barack Obama from Office by World Net Daily conspiracist Aaron Klein and co-author Brenda J. Elliott, who are known for writing books for what I call the Library of the Alternate Reality. Stockman hopes to launch a special impeachment investigation in the new Congress.

Master conspiracist Aaron Klein, co-author with Brenda J. Elliott of The Case for Removing Barack Obama from Office. has produced -- with and without his co-author -- a shelful of crackpot page-turners that are musts for any republikook's library, including Fool Me Twice: Obama's Shocking Plans for the Next Four Years Exposed, The Mancurian President: Barack Obama's Ties to Communists, Socialists and Other Anti-American Extremists, and The Real Benghazi Story: What the White House and Hillary Don't Want You to Know. (You remember we talked about the crackpot Benghazi obsession in Part 9.)

But these people don’t just get these "ideas" from each other and from conspiracy professionals like Aaron and Brenda. Here is Rep. Jim Bridenstine (R-OK) proudly quoting an unnamed constituent as saying:

He's not president as far as I'm concerned. . . . Should be executed. He's an enemy combatant.

Clearly republicans are feeding on the insanity of other republicans. They reinforce each other. This is how Crackpot Utopia spreads. This is how they create and live in their own reality. It's viral. Stay tuned. There's no telling what Boehner's minions will get up to. Crackpot does as crackpot is.


3. Crazyspeak of the Year nominee No. 16: Rep. Steve Pearce (R-NM)

In his fab new book Just Fly the Plane, Stupid, Pearce sez:

The wife is to voluntarily submit, just as the husband is to lovingly lead and sacrifice. The husband's part is to show up during the times of deep stress, take the leadership role and be accountable for the outcome, blaming no one else.

 As usually happens with these things, the perp's spokesliars made laughable claims -- their bossman was misunderstood, his words were misrepresented, blah, blah, blah, etc., etc. Their explanation even included the idea that the word "submission" is "misunderstood in society." Yeah, well, some people mistake green for red, but there's a medical reason for that. What excuse Pearce and his staff have is anyone's guess. It must be nice to live in an alternate universe where words only mean what you want them to any given time.

It gets better. Pearce's folks now say that their guy wasn't referring to others, just to himself and his submissive wifey. He was just discussing how he and the wife are trying to "grapple with the words" in the Book of Ephesians. Interesting that the Pearces spend so much time on this sliver of the Bible and not so much on so much of the rest.


TOMORROW IN PART 13, the lucky final installment of "Crackpot Utopia": TV for Dummies: Sarah Palin launches her own channel; Crazyspeak of the Year nominee No. 17: Arizona schools superintendent John Huppenthal (rhymes with Neanderthal); and the final Crazyspeak of the Year nominee -- and also the winner!

NOAH'S 2014 IN REVIEW --
Crackpot Utopia: The Year in Republican Crazy

Part 1: Princess Liz Cheney tries for the Smoothie of the Year Award; "Miss Beck regrets" -- Crazyspeak of the Year nominee No. 1: Glenn Beck; and the Crackpot Party reacts to President Obama’s State of the Union speech [12/19/2014]
Part 2: Republicans wonder why normal people call them racists; Sean Hannity wants to self-deport; and the First Annual Mr. Burns Award, to ABC "shark" Kevin O'Leary [12/20/2014]
Part 3: Using fear, loathing, and paranoia to sell stuff; Arizona legalizes crack!; and Crazyspeak of the Year nominee No. 3: Bill O’Reilly [12/21/2014]
Part 4: A celebration of Michele Bachmann: Pray away the crazy?; What "War on Women"?; and the "Obama angle" on Malaysian Flight 370 [12/22/2014]
Part 5: The GOP and the kiss heard 'round the world; Crazyspeak of the Year nominee No. 5: Joe the Plumber [12/23/2014]
Part 6: A word about South Carolina; Pat Robertson and his magic asteroid; and I'll have a pack of Twizzlers and an IUD to go, please [12/24/2014]
Part 7: And so it begins: The running of the buffoons; Crazyspeak of the Year nominee No. 7, George Will has no idea what rape is; and Crazyspeak of the Year nominee No. 8, Rick Wiles calls for a coup [12/29/2014]
Part 8: Things to come: Forward into the past! (11 Presidential Dream Tickets); Crazyspeak of the Year nominee No. 9: Former republican VP nominee Paul "Crazy Eyes" Ryan; Crazyspeak of the Year nominee No. 10: Bryan Fischer of the American Family Association [12/30/2014]
Part 9: Pompous Blowhard of the Year Award: Bill O’Reilly; FOX "News" announces new spinoff: the "FOX Benghazi™" Shopping Channel!; Crazyspeak of the Year nominee No. 11: DiGiorno Pizza [12/31/2014]
Part 10: Newsmax -- Beyond Drudgery; and Crazyspeak of the Year nominees Nos. 12 and 13: Michele Bachmann, Kimberly Guilfoyle [1/1/2015]
Part 11: GOP and FOX whip up the hate over a POW exchange; and Crazyspeak of the Year nominee No. 14: Iowa asylum escapee Rep. Steve King [1/3/2015]
Part 12: Arizona Republican protests busload of YMCA campers; Crazyspeak of the Year nominee(s) No. 15: the Impeachment Variations (group nomination); Crazyspeak of the Year nominee No. 16: NM Rep. Steve Pearce [1/4/2015]
Part 13 (and last): TV for Dummies: Sarah Palin launches her own channel; Crazyspeak of the Year nominee No. 17: Arizona schools superintendent John Huppenthal (rhymes with Neanderthal); and the final Crazyspeak of the Year nominee -- and also the winner! [1/5/2015]

NOAH'S 2013 IN REVIEW --
A Prayer to the Janitor of Lunacy

For listings and links, see Part 1 of this year's series.

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