Who ARE These People?, Part 4: Rep. Andy Harris, Hypocritical Oaf

by Noah

How quickly they change. Some if not all of these Teabag-Republican congressdopes sure are special. Meet newly elected congresscreep Dr. Andy Harris, a Repug from Maryland, a typical newbie who said “me too” to the Teabag crowd and campaigned big against government-run health care and vowed to fight for the repeal of the recently passed health care reform measures. Then, on the first day of Congressional orientation, he throws a tantrum when he finds out he can’t get his government health care immediately upon joining Congress.

He couldn’t stand that he had to wait a month. Not only that, but he says members of Congress should be able to buy coverage from a selection of health care options out there while they’re waiting for their government-run health care to kick in upon taking office. Sound familiar? I wonder what we could call such a program. Let’s see. How’s public option sound? Oh my freaking God! This guy must be one o’ them damn socialistas! We bin duped!

Harris even gives the old Bush canard about how people should just go to their local emergency room where they can’t be turned away. Of course many of the costs will be passed on to all of us. A rich doctor clown who is about to collect bags of cash from insurance and pharma company lobbyists can afford that, but for most Americans that guy with the briefcase full of cash never shows up at their door. Well, Dr. Harris, no need for you to throw a tantrum. If you need care before your government-run health care starts, you can . . . just go to the nearest emergency room. Better yet, just walk out in front of a speeding bus on Constitution Avenue. Do it. Do it today. Make America a better place.

These guys campaigned on repealing health care. About-to-be Speaker John Boehner took the lead on this. Should we now expect these clowns to vote on the repeal of the government-run health care they themselves get as members of Congress? Democratic Congressman Joe Crowley (NY) has challenged them to do just that. Let them set an example for all of us by dumping their own government-run health care benefits. Seems logical to me! Take it away from everyone that works in the government and step back and see how many folks apply for the jobs! These clowns would have to answer their own phones and type their own memos. They wouldn’t even know how to take out the trash. (The wastebasket kind, I mean, not each other.) Take it away from the Capitol Police, our FBI, and Secret Service agents too, and see who applies to be an agent then. Sigh, more lawlessness from Republicans. We don’t need no stinking badges, indeed!

But maybe the older Republican folks in our government should cut their own Medicare and Medicaid first, and opt out of Social Security immediately, families included. Lead the way! Set that example for the austerity they want to force us into! Then they should do something about the retirement pensions and other benefits they enjoy. For instance, former members of Congress get health care for life, paid for on the backs of the taxpayers -- even if a congresscritter was so bad that he/she only lasted one term before getting the boot from his/her constituents. You can get elected, do a lousy job, maybe not even show up after swear-in day, and get still health care for life. Even Nixon got his pension. Now that's an "only in America" thing! I do have to say, though, that the way it is now, it’s kinda nice that when Michele Bachmann finally cracks up totally and gets carried off the Sean Hannity show in a straitjacket some night, and gets thrown into a padded ambulance, she’ll be well cared for by my tax dollars. Just call me a Compassionate Progressive.

But why stop there, with the health care and pensions? Since teachers often have to buy classroom supplies, including paper and pencils, out of their own pockets due to disappearing federal and state education funding, perhaps congressional staffers should do the same. And, you want air-conditioning in your offices for those hot, sticky Washington July afternoons? You pay for it! Do your bit to lower the deficit! If they can’t pay for it out of their bribes, maybe they should just get second or third jobs like most of their constituents have to so their kids can have a future. If they get too hot on those beastly summer days, let them wear thongs only. They’ll be cooler. No need to scan them going into the building either. Imagine: a Congress with nothing to hide! Let’s see ‘em sweat. Remote camera only, please -- no one needs to get close enough to smell a congressman, not even a mangy street dog or intern.

Morons like Andy Harris, who act like spoiled brats when they can’t get enough handouts and taxpayer-paid welfare (things Republicans call “entitlements”), may be about as pathetic as it gets. Harris brings new meaning to the all too often used phrase “congressional fraud.” Ah, that good old sense of entitlement -- you know, the thing that Repugs always bitch about, but only when others want something.

Yeah, Harris was pretty much a one-issue candidate, but he does take stands on some other issues. He wants to limit, even further than it already has been, the EPA’s ability to regulate. His ratings from environmental and conservation groups are routinely in the single-digit area. He gets 100-percent ratings from “pro-life” groups, and he gets a spectacular 0-percent rating from Maryland Equality, a civil-rights group in his state. Nice! And of course he wants to cut back on education. After all, just think: If someone got a good education, he or she might be able to apply to medical school like he did. That word hypocrisy just keeps coming to mind.

But perhaps Harris's real genius is best summed up by his position on cap and trade, as stated in a campaign debate in Queen Anne’s County in his home state: “Cap and trade will cost our country millions of jobs to be sent to India and China. . . . "

Wow! Imagine if that started happening! One has to wonder how a person with such keen vision and mental powers not only graduated from med school but got in in the first place.

By the way, are you wondering what kind of a doctor Dr. Harris is? Well, I’m happy to inform you that he is an anesthesiologist. That could explain things. Maybe he has just exposed himself to way too much of the stuff he carries in his bag. That might explain a lot, in fact. But if that’s the case, he would have plenty of liquid valium around, and he should have taken a double dose of it before that orientation get together where he blew his stack.

Rep. Andy Harris, I shun thee! And not just for Christmas, but for all eternity!


THE "WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?" SERIES TO DATE

Part 1: Freakshow Pollitics (Dec. 9)
Part 2: Elections do have consequences -- meet John Shimkus (Dec. 10)
Part 3: Meet the man who isn't as crazy as John Shimkus and Joe Barton -- Fred Upton (Dec. 13)
Part 4: Rep. Andy Harris, Hypocritical Oaf (Dec. 15)

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