Crackpot Utopia: The Year in Republican Crazy, Part 11

• GOP and FOX whip up the hate over a POW exchange
• Crazyspeak of the Year nominee No. 14: Iowa asylum escapee Rep. Steve King




It's the Old Crackpot Switcheroo! Nebraska Crackpot Rep. Lee Terry was merely one of a flock of Crackpot Cuckoobirds who were all gung-ho for the release of Army Sgt. Bowe Bergdahl. . . until it happened and The Word came down from Crackpot Central -- and all hell broke loose.

Crackpot Utopia: A dream world as envisioned by republicans; a manifestation or expression of the deranged, warped alternate universe inhabited by republicans, at least in their minds. See also: Bachmannism, Boehneresque.

by Noah

1. Once more into the idiocy: GOP and FOX whip up the hate over a POW exchange

The exchange of five Taliban prisoners of war for one U.S. prisoner of war, Army Sgt. Bowe Bergdahl, provides a fine example of the irrationality and instability of the republican mind in 2014. Just as the republicans loved what is now called Obamacare when it was just a gleam in the eyes of the Heritage Society or when it was called Romneycare only to psychopathically turn on it in a screaming rage when President Obama embraced it, the exchange for Sergeant Bergdahl gave us yet another look at Crackpot Utopia.

You see, before President Obama orchestrated the return of our soldier, the Crackpot Party was screaming that the preseident had done nothing to free him, that this was just more evidence of everything from "Obama's incompetence" to him supporting "his fellow Muslims." Here's former Republican presidential candidate John McCain back on February 18 discussing the then-potential deal that had been in the works for over two years with CNN's Anderson Cooper:

Well, at that time the proposal was that they would release Taliban, some of them really hard-core, particularly five really hard-core. . . . Now this is idea is for an exchange of prisoners for our American fighting man.

When asked, by Cooper if he was saying that he would support the deal, McCain replied:

I would support. Obviously I'd have to know the details, but I would support ways of bringing him home and if exchange was one of them, I think that would be something I think we should seriously consider.

Ah, but when the deal went down! McCain did a 180, and did it also on Anderson Cooper's show:

The problem that I have, and many others have, is what we paid for that release, and that is, releasing five of the most hardened, anti-American killers, brutal killers. . . .

Yeah, "brutal killers" as opposed to, you know, the other kind of killers, the kind that, even in times of war, prefer to kill in a kinder, gentler way.

Then there was Oklahoma Sen. Jim Inhofe.



First Inhofe said on his website:

The mission to bring our missing soldiers home is one that will never end. It is important that we make every effort to bring this captured soldier home to his family.

Only once the trade was made, Inhofe criticized the Obama administration for agreeing to free "people who have killed Americans," never mind that when wars end, that's often what both sides do. There's a thing called the Geneva Conventions that our country signed on to decades ago, after all.

Lesser lights of the Crackpot Party (if one can say that lesser-than-Inhoff is possible) made a similar switcheroo, such as New Hampshire Sen. Kelly Ayotte. First: "Bring him home, bring him home, why aren't you doing whatever is needed to bring him home? Sure, swap some prisoners, just bring him home." Then after the release: "Why did you do that?" Of course, President Obama had been working on the deal for quite some time, but why should we expect a mind like Ayotte's to understand?

Other members of the Crackpot Party initially praised and cheered Sergeant Bergdahl's release on their Twitter accounts, only to delete their tweets from their accounts and websites once they had received the memo from the higher-ups in their deranged party. We saw the deleted tweet from Nebraska Rep. Lee Terry at the top of this post. Here are a couple of other effusions that were jettisoned from history:

Nevada Rep. Mark Amodel

Then GOP primary candidate, now Iowa Sen. Joni Ernst


Republicans didn't stop with just condemning the release deal and smearing President Obama over it. No, that wasn't enough for the crazies. They had to smear our soldier too, raising the question of whether he was, in fact, a deserter. They did it in such a way that it was no longer a question but a fact, and therefore he should not have been brought back to us.

Perhaps they should go to the Pentagon and take it up with the military service chiefs, starting with Gen. Martin Dempsey, chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, who was involved in the deal:

"I balanced the risk of transferring the detainees with the importance of returning a U.S. soldier from captivity. I concluded the risk posed by the detainees' future activity would be less grave than breaking faith with our forces in combat.

The other services chiefs weren't involved in the deal, but afterward Army Chief of Staff Gen. Ray Odierno said that release of one of our POWs "regardless of the circumstances is both a moral imperative and vital to keeping faith within our Army," and the Joint Chiefs' vice chairman, the Navy's Adm. James Winnefeld, said, "While the five detainees are indeed hard-core Taliban, they never posed a threat to the United States homeland or our interests in Afghanistan." The media, both Crackpot and so-called-liberal, tended to ignore the opinions coming from the Pentagon. I guess those opinions didn't make for good television, even if they would have made for better journalism.

Of course outlets like the insipid Daily Caller and FOX "News" dug down the lowest.

"Reasoning" like the nine-year-old child he is, Bill O'Reilly fell back on good old bigotry: "Robert Bergdahl, the father, he has learned to speak Pashto, the language of the Taliban, and looks like a Muslim." Right, Bill-O! Just like all those who speak Italian are mobsters and all those who speak German are Nazis.

Next there was fellow FOX buffoon Brian Kilmeade, whose syntax took a beating as he waxed eloquent about the real issue, the beard that Bergdahl's dad had grown while his son was in captivity:

He says he was growing his beard because his son was in captivity. Well, your son's out now. So, if you really don't want to no longer look like a member of the Taliban, you don't have to look like a member of the Taliban. Are you out of razors?

Hmmm, interesting that the FOX brigade doesn't say the same thing about frequent contributor Phil Robertson, of Duck Dynasty. Damn, he sure looks like a Muslim to me! As did a lot of the 2013 World Champion Boston Red Sox. Back in the 1950s, where republicans would prefer to be, having a beard meant to them that you must be a commie. Now it means you must be a Muslim. Crackpots, it seems, are still in the grip of beardophobia.

The bottom line in the POW exchange is that, whether our military personnel have deserted or been captured, we go get them. If they've done something wrong, they get punished, by us, in a court system that our people have fought and died for, not in someone else's system. If they did something great, they may get a medal, from us. The key thing is, we decide. Our military investigators and our military courts decide. To think otherwise and let an enemy decide what happens to our POWs is to put all our military personnel at risk, not to mention manifesting a lack of belief in the American way of handling a situation.

The debate, if you want to call it that, about the retrieval of Sergeant Bergdahl was not just about taking a good thing and using it for the lowest smear politics imaginable; it was also about the lack of belief in a policy that our country has had since day one, a policy that was set forth by Gen. George Washington -- I'm sorry, republicans, if that isn't good enough. You sure like to yap about the Founding Fathers, but as usual it's just crackpot yapping.

One last thought on this: President Obama got one of our soldiers back for a mere five prisoners from Gitmo. So-called President Bush released 500 detainees from the same prison. What did he get in return, and why was the clueless chorus of crackpots so silent then?


2. Crazyspeak of the Year nominee No. 14: Iowa asylum escapee Rep. Steve King


Most every time Steve King opens his mouth it seems like he's fishing for a Crazyspeak Award nomination.

Iowa's own Rep. Steve King is no relation to the famous author of horror novels. He's more like the heinous, destructive characters that populate Stephen King's books. Just look at the guy and tell me you wouldn't cross the street to avoid coming into close contact unless you could taser him and put him back in his straitjacket.

Here is Steve King's 2014 Crazyspeak qualifying quote:

"I don't expect to meet gay people in heaven."

Right you are, Steve baby! You see, they don't expect to see you in heaven either, except to see you turned away at the gate, followed by a swift kick down to the pits of burning, flaming hell. Thanks, though, for providing even more proof that you'll never belong in heaven. Hell should suit you just fine, though. Say, why not leave today?

King also decrees that divorced folks and even cohabiters will be excluded from heaven. Don't you just love it how republicans always go around speaking for God? I mean, poor recently deceased Mickey Rooney, who musta been divorced about seven times, maybe eight.

And what about me? What about my posthumous fate? My wife and I cohabited for something like nine years before we eventually got married. Does this mean, in Crackpot Utopia, that we must spend nine years in hell before gaining entrance into the republican concept of the ultimate gated community? Is there some sort of reverse-time-served deal, or does that nine years condemn us to hell for eternity? Oh well, at least I'll be with my wife. That'll make up for having the fetid likes of you as a neighbor, oh pious and holier-than-thou Mr. King. But please, draw your curtains when you have some drag-queen Michele Bachmann come over to flog your bare ass while her hubby watches with some local priest.

TOMORROW IN PART 12: Arizona Republican protests busload of YMCA campers; Crazyspeak of the Year nominee(s) No. 15: the Impeachment Variations (group nominee); Crazyspeak of the Year nominee No. 16: NM Rep. Steve Pearce

NOAH'S 2014 IN REVIEW --
Crackpot Utopia: The Year in Republican Crazy

Part 1: Princess Liz Cheney tries for the Smoothie of the Year Award; "Miss Beck regrets" -- Crazyspeak of the Year nominee No. 1: Glenn Beck; and the Crackpot Party reacts to President Obama’s State of the Union speech [12/19/2014]
Part 2: Republicans wonder why normal people call them racists; Sean Hannity wants to self-deport; and the First Annual Mr. Burns Award, to ABC "shark" Kevin O'Leary [12/20/2014]
Part 3: Using fear, loathing, and paranoia to sell stuff; Arizona legalizes crack!; and Crazyspeak of the Year nominee No. 3: Bill O’Reilly [12/21/2014]
Part 4: A celebration of Michele Bachmann: Pray away the crazy?; What "War on Women"?; and the "Obama angle" on Malaysian Flight 370 [12/22/2014]
Part 5: The GOP and the kiss heard 'round the world; Crazyspeak of the Year nominee No. 5: Joe the Plumber [12/23/2014]
Part 6: A word about South Carolina; Pat Robertson and his magic asteroid; and I'll have a pack of Twizzlers and an IUD to go, please [12/24/2014]
Part 7: And so it begins: The running of the buffoons; Crazyspeak of the Year nominee No. 7, George Will has no idea what rape is; and Crazyspeak of the Year nominee No. 8, Rick Wiles calls for a coup [12/29/2014]
Part 8: Things to come: Forward into the past! (11 Presidential Dream Tickets); Crazyspeak of the Year nominee No. 9: Former republican VP nominee Paul "Crazy Eyes" Ryan; Crazyspeak of the Year nominee No. 10: Bryan Fischer of the American Family Association [12/30/2014]
Part 9: Pompous Blowhard of the Year Award: Bill O’Reilly; FOX "News" announces new spinoff: the "FOX Benghazi™" Shopping Channel!; Crazyspeak of the Year nominee No. 11: DiGiorno Pizza [12/31/2014]
Part 10: Newsmax -- Beyond Drudgery; and Crazyspeak of the Year nominees Nos. 12 and 13: Michele Bachmann, Kimberly Guilfoyle [1/1/2015]
Part 11: GOP and FOX whip up the hate over a POW exchange; and Crazyspeak of the Year nominee No. 14: Iowa asylum escapee Rep. Steve King [1/3/2015]
Part 12: Arizona Republican protests busload of YMCA campers; Crazyspeak of the Year nominee(s) No. 15: the Impeachment Variations (group nomination); Crazyspeak of the Year nominee No. 16: NM Rep. Steve Pearce [1/4/2015]
Part 13 (and last): TV for Dummies: Sarah Palin launches her own channel; Crazyspeak of the Year nominee No. 17: Arizona schools superintendent John Huppenthal (rhymes with Neanderthal); and the final Crazyspeak of the Year nominee -- and also the winner! [1/5/2015]

NOAH'S 2013 IN REVIEW --
A Prayer to the Janitor of Lunacy

For listings and links, see Part 1 of this year's series.

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