KATHERINE HARRIS: OFF THE DEEP END? OR EVERYTHING IS GRAND AND FABULOUS, DARLING!

It seems like everyday I read another insane story about Katherine Harris' dead-in-the-water senatorial campaign. Is she being indicted for accepting bribes from the same guys who bought the now imprisoned Randy "Duke" Cunningham? Is she having a nervous breakdown and about to be carted away to an insane asylum? Has her own personal Rasputin driven more professional campaign staffers out of the race? Are there any staffers left in the race? Has she transformed her failed bid for statewide office into a cynical campaign for Christ? And every day I say to myself, "Self, should I write another piece about this crazy refugee from a mad plastic surgeon and a bad hair and make-up tech? Or should I just add the latest lunacy as an update to the last post?

Well, I'm thinking the news today is funny serious enough to merit a new chapter in the whacky world of the stupidest person currently serving in the U.S. House of Representatives. Crazed and desperate, Harris, in the midst of trying to find someone anyone to work for her, has lashed out bitterly against the Florida Republican Party. They really are despicable, so who could blame her-- except she's one of the keystones of what makes them despicable!

"Now, as she sets about reassembling her campaign staff for the second time, Harris is also changing the locks on her office doors and, according to one published report, blasting the people who left. 'I didn't know I was going to get the knives in my back from my own party and I'll be honest, it's infiltrated my campaign staff,' Harris told a group of about 50 supporters on Saturday, according to Florida Today, a newspaper in Brevard County. 'For too long we have been undermined by people in our own party and staffers in our own campaign.'"

The best known and most respected departing staffer, Ed Rollins, who served as a consultant took umbrage at her paranoid and delusional rantings about the staff. "They were all good professionals. There was no backstabbing. It's insulting that she would even say that. If she wants to know what went wrong with the campaign, maybe she needs to take a good look in the mirror."

At this point there is virtually no one who wants her to stay in the race except religionist fanatics and partisan supporters of Bill Nelson, the Democratic incumbent, who are enjoying the prohibitive odds that she can mount a viable campaign against him. "If she were really dedicated to the Republican cause, she would drop out of the race right now... now" explained one of her former campaign managers, Jim Dornan.

Rumors is Tampa are that she wants to run an ad on Craig's List looking for another new campaign manager, a communications director, a national fund-raiser, a field operations director and a media consultant. Unable to face the reality that the only staff she has left is her manicurist and the wild-eyed Rasputin-like pastor, and sparking more rumors that she is unhinged, she told members of the press-- who struggled to keep straight faces-- that "We have lined up a core team of seasoned campaigners who believe in my candidacy, are committed to this campaign, and support the values of mainstream Florida citizens. These changes have been part of a thoughtful process at the highest strategic levels of my campaign. We are stronger as a campaign today than we were yesterday."

Meanwhile, a hairstylist and dog-walker named Jenna Lihvarcik, who has added "communications assistant" to her array of titles and functions, told The Palm Beach Post that "Things are changing right now, so it's up in the air." And someone claiming to be a "Brian Brooks," (who may or may not be "B. Brooks, a driver/bodyguard/swimming pool attendant") also asserting he's a "communications assistant," said late last night that Harris would issue a news release today (Tuesday) naming a fabulous new staff. Several of the old staffers, all of whom asked not to be identified, have told the press that "Harris' emotional stability has suffered since the death of her father, George Harris, in January." Updates as they break-- and if I can rouse Adam out of his lethargy or alcoholic stupor, new art too. (I wish I could get him as interested in Katherine Harris as he is in Jean Schmidt!)


WEDNESDAY MORNING FUZZY MATH UPDATE

How can we expect more from our children if we accept blatant dishonesty-- or was it just bad mathematics-- from our elected officials? After trying to say she never said what the whole nation heard her say on national television-- that she'd contribute $10 million towards her stalled and badly floundering campaign-- Krazy Katherine grudgingly forked over... $3 million. Three, ten... what's the difference? The difference is 7, which is only half the number of points it will take for Ms. Harris to catch up to Senator Bill Nelson in the latest polls. (And by contributing the $3 million Harris triggered the FEC Millionaires Clause, which will allow Nelson's donors to up their ante considerably, negating the advantage of Harris using a third of her inheritance on this pointless campaign.)


TUESDAY UPDATE: NATIONAL REVIEW SUGGESTS HARRIS IS TERMINALLY DELUSIONAL AND CALLS FOR HER TO GET OUT OF THE RACE

Today the right-wing national magazine National Review called for Katherine Harris to remove herself from the Florida Senate race "for the good of her party and for the good of her own reputation... Harris believes she has a legitimate chance against Nelson. Her belief is almost surely mistaken." Harris responded, in typical paranoid-delusional spirit, that she is being undermined and sabotaged by "D.C. insiders." She even ranted about K Street lobbyists, trying to deflect attention from the fact that she is one of the most corrupt members of the House and is likely to be indicted for taking bribes.


APRIL 24th UPDATE: IS HARRIS CERTIFIABLY INSANE? OR JUST A GARDEN VARIETY LYING SACK OF SHIT*?

Ron Gunzburger has a funny story about Katherine Harris' disintegrating campaign-- and mental stability. "Former defense contractor Mitchell Wade -- who already pled guilty to bribing Congressman Duke Cunningham (R-CA) -- picked up the $2,800 tab for a dinner he had with Congresswoman Katherine Harris (R) at an exclusive DC restaurant last year. The value of the unreported dinner far exceeded the $50 congressional gift limits, and was intended to get Harris to help Wade land a $10 million contract. So, who spilled the beans about this to the Orlando Sentinel? The answer: veteran GOP political strategist Ed Rollins, who had worked on Harris' campaign until he and the rest of the staff quit two weeks ago. 'Rollins said he and Harris discussed the meal and its cost early this year after Wade' pled guilty to corruption charges, reported the newspaper. The price of the dinner was 'news to me,' Harris told the newspaper. She also said 'her campaign had, at some point, "reimbursed" the restaurant. When asked how she could have reimbursed a business that was owed no money -- Wade paid the bill that evening -- she abruptly ended the interview and walked off.' A Harris staffer later called the Sentinel and begged them to not quote anything Harris said in the phone interview. The next day, Harris changed her story: 'I have donated to a local Florida charity $100 which will more than adequately compensate for the cost of my beverage and appetizer.' Harris said she thought the bill was so high because Wade may have ordered expensive wines and also brought some bottles home uncorked. As was previously reported, Harris received over $32,000 in illegal campaigns contributions from Wade -- more than any other member of Congress."


*note- these two things are by no means mutually exclusive