The Trumpf Inauguration Committee Finds The Perfect Inauguration Entertainment At Last!

2016 In Review: America Off The Rails, Part 3



by Noah

There have been a lot of stories lately about the difficulties Herr Trumpf's troops have had finding people who want to perform at his inauguration. His entertainment committee can't even find a local or regional high school marching band that's willing to participate. Such bands always participate; not this time. The stench is strong with this one.

Naturally, the media points out that many music artists, being lefties, aren't about to avail themselves of the dubious opportunity and the soiling exposure it would provide for their careers; especially since being associated with a horrific stew of 1-percenters, mindless hypnotized fanatics, Russian mobsters, Atlantic City mobsters, Hate Radio and FOX "News" types, and a cross-section of every white-supremacy group known to man isn't a normally well-adjusted persons' idea of a great night out.

Even worse, imagine if you were performing onstage and looked out in the crowd and saw the likes of "Drooling Rudy" Giuliani, "Dr. Strangelove" Cheney, or Kellyanne "Cruella De Vil" Conway looking back at you. That would be enough to make anyone change careers. You'd never have another night of nightmare-free sleep again.



There's another obvious reason a sane person won't take the job, and that is Herr Trumpf's reputation, well-justified or not, for not paying those he hires. Hell, the word in New York is that he's known for making a lot of money by getting people to work for a small percentage of the contracted or agreed amount under threat of lawsuit. The joke around New York is that he pays for his bankruptcy attorneys on the backs of those he stiffs. It's hard to fight back when he can throw more lawyers at you. Even the young troupe of singing-and-dancing girls USA Freedom Kids, who were hired to perform at a Trumpf campaign rally, had to sue his campaign to get their stipend for travel expenses.

Given Herr Trumpf's penchant for pathological lying, we should soon be seeing tweets that George Michael was all set to come across the pond and do a show. Can't you just see the tweet:

Yes. Sad. And righteous! Trumpie feels he is entitled to the attention of and glorification by what he calls A-list celebrities. His idea of an inauguration is a bunch of jesters and clowns groveling before him, but it's just not happening. He even got the producers of the Radio City Rockettes to speak for their troupe and commit them to perform, almost. Reportedly, even their union had been leaned on and was about to force participation. It seems that once word of the possibility got out, a large number of the Rockettes spoke up for themselves and said "Hell, NO!"

Quite an Internet reaction, too! One Rockette, Phoebe Pearl, went public, posting a protest "Not My President" Instagram, taking to the Internet eloquently saying:

I usually don't use social media to make a political stand but I feel overwhelmed with emotion. Finding out that it has been decided for us that Rockettes will be performing at the Presidential inauguration makes me feel embarrassed and disappointed. The women I work with are intelligent and are full of love, and the decision of performing for a man that stands for everything we're against is appalling. I am speaking for just myself but please know that after we found out this news, we have been performing with tears in our eyes and heavy hearts.
#notmypresident

Phoebe Pearl may not realize it yet, but she has beautifully said what millions of Americans and hundreds of millions if not billions of citizens from around the world are thinking. She has articulated it magnificently. Former Rockettes have also spoken up, and it now looks like an awful, soul-crushing evening for them has been avoided. There will be no newly sworn-in president barging in on the Rockettes as they shower and change in their dressing room; no worrying about having their privates grabbed by Lord Tiny Hands either.



As of this writing, the Morman Tabernacle Choir and has-been white rapper Kid Rock, an ardent trumpie, are slated to perform. The republican crowd may not like rap music, but I'm sure all will be OK once they see that he's white and not, well, you know…  Really, if they're gonna have Kid Rock, they might as well have Pat Boone singing a medley of Little Richard and Fats Domino hits.

Jackie Evancho will also be there. Ms. Evancho is a mega-selling16-year-old former runner-up of the America's Got Talent TV show. (To be fair, she should have been declared the winner). But if you really want to see something other than a celebration of evil, cluelessness, hate, and vulgarity, Robert Reich has proposed a star-filled Anti-Trumpf Freedom United Concert that will be a better ticket, if the promoters can pull it off.

The proposed concert would run on TV the same time as the Trumpf festivities, an obvious threat to ratings for Trumpie, something that will no doubt inspire a tweet tornado from President Man Child replete with lies about superior ratings and the "librul" performers being "over-rated" and "sad," etc. The concert would be a real double whammy for republicans. Not only would it be an inaugural boycott concert featuring real A-listers; but the proceeds will benefit charities. As Herr Trumpf would say, sad.

Let's not forget that Trumpf can also pull from the vast performance-talent cesspool of his own republican party. Who can forget former George W. Bush Attorney General John Ashcroft's stirring rendition of "When Eagles Soar" and Karl Rove's rap stylings? Watch this if you're still not convinced that we need to build a lot more insane asylums.



Perhaps Herr Trumpf can call on his master, Vladimir Putin, to force some Russian dancers and singers to perform. You can bet that if Trumpf has heard of the Russian all-girl rock band Pussy Riot he's already asked, not realizing that the band is seriously persona non grata in their homeland, at least as far as Putin's government is concerned. Last I knew, the band is in jail anyway.

Failing that, maybe the southern states can provide some carnival sideshow entertainers --you know, geeks biting the heads off of chickens, snakewomen, Louie Gohmert, bearded ladies, two-headed jugglers, and magic-elixir-extolling patent-medicine salesmen offering a republican alternative to Obamacare. It's all going to be a circus anyway, why not go all the way?





HUFFPOST COMEDY WRITER/EDITOR ANDY McDONALD SAYS:
"Guy Creates Trump Inaugural Flyer
We Should All Start Passing Out"

Josh Greenberg

2016 IN REVIEW: AMERICA OFF THE RAILS

Here it is, Noah's completed Year in Review for 2016:

Part 1, "Profiles in Cowardice: The Electoral College" (12/23/2016)
Part 2, "Republican Of The Year Nominee #1: Newt Gingrich" (12/27/2016)
Part 3, "The Trumpf Inauguration Committee Finds The Perfect Inauguration Entertainment At Last!" (12/29/2016)
Part 4, "Republican Of The Year Nominee #2: R-R-Reince Priebus" (1/2/2017)
Part 5, "Comrade Trump: The World’s Worst Cabinet Maker, Believe Me -- Meet The New Russian Oligarchs! (1)" (1/4/2017)
Part 6, "Comrade Trump: The World’s Worst Cabinet Maker, Believe Me -- Meet The New Russian Oligarchs! (2)" (1/5/2017)
Part 7, "Republican Of The Year Nominee #3: Governors' Edition" (1/9/2017)
Part 8, "Trump -- The Art And Acts Of The Emboldened: The Rise In Hate Crimes Under The Influence Of Comrade T" (1/10/2017)
Part 9, "Republican Of The Year Nominee #4: It's A Sad Thing When Cousins Marry Edition" (1/11/2017)
Part 10, "Republican Person Of The Year Nominee #5 -- And Winner!" (1/12/2017)
Part 11, "Comrade Trump: Inauguration Entertainment Update!" (1/15/2017)
Part 12, "A DWT Exclusive: We Have The First Draft Of Comrade Trump's Inauguration Speech!" (1/16/2017)

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