Gearing Up For The 2018 GOP War Against Christ (And Christmas)

I see Trump like this (above). And I can't believe not everyone else does. But Republicans-- especially of the evangelical brand-- have a very distorted idea of him... like this:

Or for the non-snake handler variety, maybe like this:

John Pavlovitz has a good weekend message up on Stuff That Needs To Be Said, his blog: Yes, There is a War on Christmas.

The Evangelicals were right.
The pulpit-pounding preachers were right.
Franklin Graham was right.
The Republicans were right.
Donald Trump was right.
 Fox News was right.

The Religious Right was right.
Every single one of them was speaking gospel truth.

...They told me Christianity was under attack here. It is.
They told me Jesus was being rejected. He is.
They told me a brazen mockery was being made of his birth. It is.
They told me the Gospels were being perverted. They are.
They told me decent people were being deceived. They are.

They only thing they neglected to tell me in their bombastic, sanctimonious, sky-is-falling sermonizing—was the source of the offensive.

The brutal yuletide assaults haven’t come from Atheists or Agnostics, not from Humanists or Muslims, not from coffee franchises or the Liberal Media or Progressive Christians.

The very white Conservatives who’ve been loudly sounding the alarm, are the incessantly advancing hordes.

They’re the only ones warring with Christmas, because they’ve forgotten their own story.

Christmas, is a child of Palestinian parents desperately fleeing politically ordered genocide.

Christmas is a dark-skinned refugee, born amid the smell of damp straw and animal dung, because no human-worthy welcome could be found.

Christmas is a poor, itinerant, street preaching Jewish rabbi, living off the generosity of those around him.

Christmas is a compassionate caregiver, feeding and clothing and healing whoever crossed his path.

Christmas is a liberal activist fighting for the poor, condemning violence, shunning material wealth, and calling the world to live sacrificially for the common good.

The white Evangelical Church in America in 2018 has no use for this Christmas. In fact, worse than that-- it has open contempt for it.

Because this Christmas is antithetical to its arrogant supremacy.

This Christmas is incompatible with its rabid nationalism.

This Christmas is counter to its ravenous capitalism.

This Christmas is resistant to its closed borders and erected walls.

This Christmas will not consent to its heartlessness, its callousness, its myopic America First hubris.

And this Christmas, is now hiding here in plain sight among the “least of these:”

It is the weary father of four taking refuge from ICE in a suburban church building.

It is the exhausted family sprinting through barren borderlands under the cover of darkness.
It is the transgender teenager trying to feel at home within their own body, while being terrorized by lawmakers and preachers from without.

It is the homeless veteran starving to death on the corners of its opulent megachurches.

It is the grievously ill toddler whose parents have exhausted their resources trying to keep him breathing.
It is the young black man terrified during a traffic stop, because he has seen this viral body cam video a hundred times before.

This is the Christmas these Christians are assailing-- and no one else.

And so this season, while they hide behind ceremonial religion, armed with recklessly wielded Bible verses, dressed in ornamental piety, and drenched in flowery prayers and sweet songs-- these religious people wage their war on Christmas; with every social media diatribe, with every piece of legislation, with every cell phone complaint to police, with every ICE raid, with every homophobic rant, with every manufactured crisis, with every incendiary Sunday sermon.

White Evangelical Christianity as it is currently constructed in America cannot peaceably coexist with the Jesus of the scriptures; with the truth of the baby in the center of the Nativity, with the gritty off-white reality of Christmas-- which is why it is choosing to remove him.

We cannot let this happen.

We who seek to emulate Jesus and guard humanity need to speak this truth. We need to oppose their perennial act of aggression and their annual victim rhetoric.

We need to fight for the sick child, the migrant family, the transgender teenager, the homeless veteran, the young black man; because when we do, we are perpetuating the heart of the Middle Eastern child, born under duress in the place where livestock dined-- the one who turned the world upside down in the name of a compassion that knew no borders and a love that had no walls.

Yes there is a war on Christmas.

And we’ve chosen our side.

Reporting in the new issue of the Washington Monthly , Daniel Block drove into Trump Country: The area, represented by retiring rightist Bob Goodlatte, hard up against West Virginia from Shendoah River Lakes way up north way down through Harrisonburg to Lynchburg and Roanoke, VA-06-- PVI R+13, where Trump beat Hillary 60-35%. The new congressman will be Ben Cline, who beat Democrat Jennifer Lewis 60-40%. "In March,wrote Block, "a FiveThirtyEight-commissioned survey found that even 58 percent of 'reluctant' Trump voters, a fifth of his 2016 coalition, have no regrets, and that this group’s impression of the president had gradually improved over the past ten months. An August 2018 study by Pew indicates that Trump voters feel almost exactly the same way about the president as they did in November 2016-- that is, generally positive. This is especially true in areas such as Virginia’s Sixth. Unlike the many Rust Belt converts who opted for Trump out of a sense of economic malaise, Shenandoah Valley’s evangelicals appear to have voted for the president in hopes of advancing a socially conservative agenda-- particularly with regards to abortion. By appointing conservative judges, Trump has delivered."

But what Block was looking for-- and found-- were newly energized Democratic activists. "I had trouble thinking that Sixth District Democrats couldn’t perform better," he wrote. "Barack Obama won 41.2 percent of the district’s vote in 2008 and 39.5 percent in 2012, compared to Hillary Clinton’s 34.9. Meanwhile, the nation’s economic boom has not really touched this part of Virginia, and Democrats told me that they often had the most success connecting with residents when it came to discussing social welfare. “You start talking about wanting to expand Medicare, and they relate to that,” Campbell said. But it wasn’t enough. “At the end of the conversation, they still won’t agree to vote for the candidate who wants to expand that,” she said. “There’s still an extra hump.”

The "hump" is partially the product of conservative Christianity and Fox News. But in Virginia’s Sixth Congressional District, there’s another element that I hadn’t considered until I visited: intense social pressure. In places where Trumpism is so widespread, identifying as a liberal carries risks-- social, financial, and perhaps even physical. For Democrats, this means that half the battle is simply normalizing their party.

...Donna Bible, an eleventh-generation Rockingham County resident, said that conservative pressure was particularly intense for women. “I know that a lot of women, if they didn’t feel oppressed by their husbands, if they didn’t feel like they needed to tow the family line, they would speak out,” she said. The product of a Republican family, she speaks from experience. “I think I became a Democrat because of that issue more than any other. It is infuriating to be a woman in a patriarchal society.”

Initially, the idea that people might be browbeaten into suppressing their progressive beliefs struck me as overwrought. But the more people I spoke with, the clearer it became that intimidation-- while usually muted-- was real. “The back of my truck has two Obama stickers, an ‘I vote Democrat’ sticker, a Hillary Clinton sticker, and now a Jennifer Lewis sticker,” Goebel told me. “I had a note left that said, ‘You’re a traitor.’ ” Other anecdotes seemed more serious. Morrison said that during a small anti-Trump rally she helped organize, her group encountered a number of counterprotestors, one of whom was brandishing a large rifle.

The climate of hostility in Shenandoah was also evident in a photo Morrison showed me from the Shenandoah County Fair. The Republican Party’s booth, located directly across from the Democratic Party’s booth, featured a sign telling voters to “#WalkAway from Hate, Socialism and Violence, especially from Killing Babies and Raping Children.” (The county sheriff and a member of the county board of supervisors, who showed up to add their own posters to the GOP station, had the sign taken down after the Democrats complained.)

...[R]estoring the Democratic brand in rural America isn’t only, or even primarily, about defeating Donald Trump. The president attained an Electoral College victory despite losing the popular vote because of razor-thin margins in traditionally Democratic parts of the Midwest. But Democrats’ struggles in rural America predate the president and will persist after he is gone. Given the Senate’s disproportionate representation of increasingly conservative rural states, making inroads in these regions is critical for the Democratic Party’s long-term success.

Midnight Meme Of The Day!

by Noah

Every Christmas, far right loons like the barely coherent smug fratboy Tucker Carlson and screaming banshee Jeanine Pirro go on endless bitch-a-thons about towns across America that have stopped displaying Nativity scene creches on public property. The righties wring their hands, play their worn to a frazzle victim cards and cry that their "religious beliefs" are under attack. It's all part of their big whine about a so-called "War on Christmas" and "War on Christianity"; never mind that this pathetic greek chorus of whining is perpetrated by some of the most unchristian people one could ever meet.

At the real center of the issue lie the issues of free speech and the concept of the separation of church and state. Is it right for the government, local or otherwise, to appear to endorse one religion over another, etc. The solution is often to remove the creche from government property to private land. No one is tearing down the churches of the whiners and bitchers. Put your creche on the lawn of your church or your own lawn, your own property. One would think that would satisfy them except that, like all religious fanatics, they would prefer to have the right to force their beliefs on all. It's the Republican way; American Taliban and all that.

he town of Boca Raton, Florida once reached a compromise on the creche matter. The Christmas creche was allowed to stay as long as another group was allowed to put a Satanic display next to it. Seems fair, and, it is Florida, after all.

Other things happen, too. People set up their own creches on their own lawns with Festivus poles. I remember seeing a nice picture of a creche where someone had added a giraffe to go with the little lambs to the creche on their lawn. Now that's what I call diversity and inclusion! People have even been known to put a nice six-foot Santa in their creche. Talk about your mixed metaphors! Whatever. It's all free speech for real. Speaking of which, it goes without saying that, in the republican mind, Jesus, Mary, and Joseph, along with the Three Wise Men usually have to be white, white, white; you know, like from Norway. If I was a Christian, I might put up a creche and put a jacket on Joseph that said "I really Don't Care. Do You?"

I was also thinking that this Christmas might see an addition of a Stormy Daniels blow-up doll in more than one creche for all who drove by to see. Maybe some enterprising folks could erect such a creche in Lafayette Park, in full view of the White House, except that the problem is that Lafayette Park is government property, so, there goes that idea.

Something more impactful has come along, however. If the actions of an Indiana priest are any indication, we may see creches in cages this year. The Episcopal Christ Church Cathedral in Indianapolis has already put the Holy Family in a detention cage in protest of Herr Trump's "zero tolerance" policy towards immigrants, even if they are fleeing persecution and death in their own countries like the Holy Family was all those years ago. Christ Church's minister, Steve Carlson, thought the action would provoke a discussion of just what we're doing in this country. He was right. The image has gone viral, worldwide. Some people are offended. They seem to have forgotten the story that Jesus offended people and they worship him for it. They even whine that the church's statement is a political statement, as if their own churches never told them how to vote or get involved in the confirmation of judges. Sigh, there's that ol' separation thing again. Separation of church and state, that is; not the separation of babies from parents or families from freedom and life itself.

So, it looks like the whining righties might see lots of creches come December, just not the kind they were wishing for. You know what they say about wishing!

But, why wait? I'm already making plans to put up a creche for Halloween. In addition to the Holy Family, I will be including Kellyanne Conway, Sarah Huckabee Sanders, and Ted Cruz in mine. Jesus, Joseph, and Mary will even feature a more believable skin tone. Maybe, I'll include one of those naked Trump statues, too, with a naked Putin, of course.

Midnight Meme Of The Day!

-by Noah

Republicans like to think they own Christmas, just as they feel entitled to own everything else. To them, it's their world and how dare anyone else want in, especially if that anyone wants to move into their neighborhood. Republicans also love to play the victim card. They love to feel all abused. Their made up "War On Christmas" is a classic example of that. It's all part of their paranoia about their world being taken away from them by "others." Right now, they have a president who takes the song "White Christmas" way, way too literally, and they, very fine people that they are, are singing along in full voice, but, they worry, oh, they worry. They worry that the American Ideal, as set forward by the founding fathers, might actually become tangible and achievable in this world despite their best efforts of oppression and sabotage.

Republicans also like to say that we progressive types, Democrats, liberals, or, as they like to say "libruls" never say "Merry Christmas." With that in mind, I'd like to suggest that you find a typical fake Christian republican in your life, even if you have to look under a rock, and, make a point of wishing them a "Merry Christmas." It confuses them mightily. They've spent years being brainwashed by FOX "News" propagandists who've told them that we never say those two magic words. Even without that uber-pompous Bill whats-his-name, inanely blabbing about it every year, the myth of "The War On Christmas" still persists, if only because it makes Republicans feel all nice and warmly abused inside. Lest you think this is a pointless exercise, let me tell you that I know, from personal experience, that it isn't. You see, one day several years ago, I said "Merry Christmas" to a Republican co-worker. The shock on his face kinda made my day.

Noah's Christmas card to FOX "News"

by Noah

I woke up this morning and, filled with Christmas spirit, thought it would be very generous of me to send a Christmas card to someone or some entity that I despise and hold in 100% contempt. How better to combat evil in the world than to make a kind gesture? Democrats do this with republicans all the time, and it works so well, doesn’t it?

So, here it is: my Christmas card to FOX "News," because it will both enrage them and confuse their tiny little short-circuited minds. You see, on the one hand, sending the paragon of Goebbels-style “news” a Christmas card is a way to stand up to the idea of a "War on Christmas" that has existed in the FOX “News” alternate universe since its inception, but on the other hand, a picture of a black Santa will be more than they could ever process or bear. I’m especially talking about you, Megyn Kelly!

SO, MERRY CHRISTMAS TO FOX "NEWS"!

And by the way, Megyn, despite what you like to "think," unless his parents were visitors from Europe or the Russian steppe, Jesus probably wasn't white either.


The Young Turks' Cenk Uygur on Megyn Kelly and Santa -- and Jesus (plus other Young Turks matters)

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CHRISTMAS IN REPUBLICAN WORLD: It’s Republican World, 2015 In Review-- Chapter Seven

- By Noah

In Republican World, not only does Santa have to be white, but there’s a whole War On Christmas itself! How do we know? FOX, Limbaugh, Laura Ingraham, Sarah Palin, Mike Huckabee, “Ted” Cruz, and any number of other Republican charlatans and crazies tell us so.

In the real world, the imagined “War On Christmas” is just yet another example of how Republicans play their victim cards and caress them to their chests like pictures of Ronald Reagan.

I congratulate The Onion for the following Pulitzer-worthy reporting from Republican World. Their depiction of the horrible abuse facing Christians who live in Republican World is heart-rending. Knowing FOX’s penchant for treating articles from The Onion as real, I expect that FOX & Friends will be telling this story in the glow of yule logs for years to come.

The gathered Christians listen to Trans-Siberian Orchestra’s Carol Of The Bells at low volume for fear that someone on the surface might hear

Nation’s Oppressed Christians Huddle Underground To Light Single Shriveled Christmas Shrub

UNDISCLOSED LOCATION— Persecuted and driven into hiding because of their beliefs, the nation’s oppressed Christians reportedly huddled in a secret underground bunker late Wednesday night to decorate and light a single withered Christmas shrub.

At great personal risk, the Christians were said to have smuggled in a few strings of colored mini lights, tinsel, popcorn garlands, Hallmark Keepsake ornaments, and other contraband in order to trim the shrub inside the subterranean chamber, the last place in America where they were safe to celebrate Christmas.

"We have come together today to observe a Christian holiday that has been all but stamped out on the surface," said a man who wished to be identified only as "Greg," after hanging a figurine of Mickey Mouse dressed as Santa Claus from one of the shrub’s boughs. "I can’t say this humble bush is much of a Christmas tree, but it was the largest we could manage to get here, given the circumstances. Let us remember, though, that to merely celebrate Christmas-- to exchange gifts and eat our candy canes in peace-- without the government or the powerful secular elite coming in and destroying it is a blessing in itself."

"They want to bring an end to our holiest day," he added, as several others erected a 3-foot-tall light-up Grinch and plastic signpost bearing the words "Santa Stop Here" behind him. "It is up to us to keep Christmas alive."

After double-checking on the chamber’s entrance hatch to ensure it was tightly closed and locked, Greg then reportedly led the gathered Christians in hushed renditions of "God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen" and "A Holly Jolly Christmas" as the shrub was lit.

Those in attendance, many of whom had trekked hundreds or even thousands of miles, spoke of the great sacrifices they had made solely so that they could look upon an actual Christmas tree with their own eyes. A number of the Christians recounted how they had secretly carried a brightly painted plastic nativity scene and an inflatable 7-foot-tall snowman to the secret site, the latter item having been trafficked across three states in a truck with a false bottom. Others mentioned how they had sewed a few star- and wreath-shaped sugar cookies into the linings of their coats to avoid detection by the masses who sought to erase their holiday-- and ultimately, their entire faith-- from American life.

Reports confirmed that many who had arrived in the hidden underground sanctuary immediately broke down in tears upon being greeted with the forbidden words "Merry Christmas," a phrase none had heard spoken openly in years for fear of harsh reprisals.

"It was difficult and dangerous to get here, but it’s all worth it to actually be able to celebrate the birth of Jesus," said a 42-year-old teacher from Virginia who refused to give her name as she helped flock the shrub with a spray can of fake snow and arranged gifts of Yankee Candles and Amazon gift cards underneath its meager branches. "Unfortunately, this is the only way we can practice our beliefs now that corporations, the media, and our elected leaders have all conspired to remove every trace of Christmas from the country."

"I just want to make sure my kids know what Christmas is really about," she continued, adjusting the plush reindeer antlers atop her head and switching on her glowing Rudolph nose.

After the Christmas shrub was lit, the Christians were reportedly grateful to partake in other sacred traditions without fear of interference or abuse, such as the reading of the 2005 storybook classic The Elf On The Shelf and the viewing of grainy VHS copies of A Charlie Brown Christmas, The Santa Clause, and other beloved films that had been passed down through the generations.

Sources confirmed that as the evening drew to a close, all of their wrapping paper, Christmas cards, and fabric Santa hats were burned in trash cans to erase any evidence of the shunned celebration. The wary Christians then reportedly removed all incriminating green-and-red items from their persons and dispersed in small groups so as not to attract attention from federal authorities.

"Make sure your little ones destroy their stockings before you leave and empty their pockets of any trinkets or bells-- they mustn’t have anything on them that jingles," one man was overheard saying tearfully to a friend before embracing him and slipping off into the night. "I’ll see you again next December, God willing. Stay safe out there."

Need a last-minute Christmas gift suggestion?

by Noah

OK, Chanukah came a little early this year, but for those of you who feel that special joy of giving a gift for Christmas, here be this year’s prime suggestions. Special note: I am assuming that you have already graced all of your friends with last year's Jesus Grilled Cheese-maker or Jesus Toaster. If not, the Father, Son, and Holy Toast can easily be theirs, but here are some other great gift ideas!

1. The Bathe & Brew

What do you like to do first thing when you get up each glorious day? I mean after that. For me, it’s take some pills, do some exercises and sit in front of the computer for several hours. (How do you think I find these things anyway?) However, for most of you boring people, it’s either grab a cup of coffee or hit the shower. Now, you can do both at the same time! Take your shower while your coffee brews right in front of you! If you’re worried about soap getting in your coffee, please don’t. I’m sure someone somewhere makes a nice coffee bean soap. You can go through the whole day smelling like a cup o’ joe and everyone except Starbucks will love you.

Disclaimer: In reality, you just get the box (or do you?). It’s a wonderful empty gift box, perfectly designed to elicit forced smiles and phony Christmas cheer. You can keep it empty, or fill it with coal or diamonds -- your choice. Whatever, it's the thought that counts; same with gift suggestion #2. But hey, if you just give them empty, the contents are more real than anything you're liable to hear from any of your crackpot Fox-viewing relatives at your Christmas dinner table. So give it to them. They’ve already proven that a little imagination goes a very long way.


2. The NapSack Sleep Hood


The same guy, BaronBob, who will sell you the Bathe & Brew will also sell you this stroke of genius! As one who has had to suffer through decades of agonizing corporate bullcrap meetings run by delusional self-aggrandizing morons, I wish I had had one of these. I would carry it everywhere. If you look at the box and see the bored little boy pictured wearing a NapSack in church on the cover, that kid is me about 50 years ago.

For you Republicans, I’m sure you can get it in white and just cut a couple of eyeholes in it for your knight-riding voter-suppression evening wear.


3. Personalized Love Letter in a Bottle

This one's completely real, and nothing sez “I love you” like a preprinted note in a bottle sent to that special someone in your life. Even better, if you actually do toss it in the ocean, chances are about one in an oct-trillion cubed that the object of your desires will ever see it. To be fair, I note that the seller does offer the option of writing your own note. Swell. And damn if going to the beach doesn’t already mean you spend the day watching the tide roll in with a "fresh" supply of Poland Spring bottles and styro cups. Why not add to the clutter, with love?


4. The Breaking Bad Blue Snow Globe

Is this what Elvis meant when he sang “Blue Christmas"? Probably not. But it’s a fine tribute to the greatest TV show ever and makes a perfect gift for your fave Breaking Bad fan. Hell, everyone else wants some sort of Kindle or iPad thingie, but a nice snow globe is so much easier to operate and lets you use your own imagination. You can stare at it for hours, imagining yourself in that Winnebago, or maybe standing outside it collecting those beautiful blue crystals. You might even find yourself wondering if those little blue crystals might get you high. If so, chances are you were once the ten-year-old who liked to eat Play-Doh.


5. Jesus Adhesive Bandages

War on Christmas, my ass. Despite what curmudgeonly, babbling old crazy people like Bill O’Reilly say, lots of progressives believe in putting the Christ back in Christmas, or on your knee or wrists, or wherever you've managed to cut yourself, and here's the best way to do it. May I also suggest using a nice wine as an antiseptic before applying le bandage? It appears to me that Bill does, need for a bandage or not.

Please note that there are other variations on a theme with this gift. Bandages that look like bacon strips are probably my personal fave, but hey, it's Christmas. Go with Jesus!


Well, there you have it!

To this list I would only add the suggestion that if you have a friend in the suburbs who has a problem with deer (aka rodents with hooves) eating all the plants and dining at the bird feeder, you might want to think of a couple of cute and cuddly (for now) wolf puppies. Rudolph, beware!


Oh, there's one last thing --

This is what I want from Santa, even though my wife says we have no room! It’s my very own life-size seven-foot-tall multifunctional Robby the Robot. It’s a re-creation of the real Robby from the great movie Forbidden Planet, and it's made with all of the original molds and everything. Hopefully, it will do my bidding. It's available from Hammacher Schlemmer for a mere $32,000. It doesn't come with the car, though.

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With the mercy of the Lord, we survive yet another SantaCon

NYT caption: "Here Comes SantaCon (Despite the Snow and Rain): The annual costumed bar crawl, which has faced complaints from New York residents, went on despite the snow and cold temperatures."

"For us, it's a tradition. And nothing is going to stop us."

-- Amber Tyson, 32, who drove from Philadelphia to New
Jersey, then took three trains to get to SantaCon NYC

by Ken

For those of us unendowed with Holiday Spirit, it's the darkest of many fairly dim days strung from about Halloween (or is it Labor Day now?) through New Year's and beyond.

I suppose it's just another proof of what a sheltered world I live in, but I had never so much as heard of SantaCon until last year I somehow found myself trapped in the living, drunken heart of it: legions of young people dressed in Santa suits staggering around the sidewalks of New York in the local version, doing their darnedest to rise to the level of public nuisance. On my scorecard they would have qualified with half the effort.

So I was pleased, even kind of relieved, to find this year as the ominous day approached that there has been quite a substantial backlash against this bizarre spectacle. I mean, what human being with a measurable IQ actually derives pleasure from dressing up like Santa and staggering from bar to bar in what I gather is an annually designated target zone which is kept strictly secret until just before SC-day? I know a lot of participants claim that SantaCon isn't really about the drinking, which then leaves the question, what is it about? At least the drinking offers some kind of rationale, albeit a pretty pathetic one.

At least one person must be happy: Bill O'Reilly. Bill O must be thrilled that all these young people, far from enlisting in the War on Christmas, are so intent on celebrating its true spirit.

SantaCon Presses On Through Weather and Criticism

By JULIE TURKEWITZ
Published: December 14, 2013

Freezing temperatures. Sheets of sopping snowflakes. Outcry from New Yorkers tired of a city turned into a playground for debauching Santas. None of it could prevent SantaCon, the costumed holiday season bar crawl that seems to have grown larger and naughtier as the years have passed.

On Saturday morning, the event kicked off at Tompkins Square Park in the East Village, where a few hundred early risers gathered for a pre-bar game of kickball. Longtime veterans said it was the first time they could remember snow during the event. Santas of varying sizes hefted their fake pudge. Jesus waved a staff in the air. His buddies, a turkey and a bunny, beckoned him toward a bar. A few police officers stood by.

"This is real street theater and I'm a fan of that," said Sidney Oolongo, 37, who had dressed as an ice king for his 10th SantaCon. He declared the day a victory for guerrilla artists and dismissed those who had written the day off as a day to merely drink oneself numb. "It's that. But it's also creative costumes. It's also people hanging out with friends and having a good time."

Wind bit at naked cheeks. And near the park's entrance, three college seniors wearing tight red mini-dresses explained why they had gone jacketless. "It would ruin our outfits," explained one of the seniors, Danielle Klemonsky, 21. "I have on a shirt, actually," said another, Angelique Blake, 21, an aspiring lawyer. "But I'm short so it looks like a dress." Both had traveled to Manhattan from Iona College in New Rochelle.

SantaCon, billed on its website as a "nonsensical Santa Claus convention that happens once a year for absolutely no reason," began in 1994 in San Francisco. The party has since grown into a global phenomenon. But in New York, many have grown tired of Santas who they say treat their streets like the basement of a giant fraternity house.

On Saturday, at 11 a.m., a group of costumed men from Bayside, Queens, had already pushed their bellies against the bar at Ryan's Irish Pub in the East Village. Viking Santa -- for professional reasons, he asked that only his party name be used -- spoke out against those who think the day is "just buffoonery."

"We're supporting local businesses," he explained.

Another celebrator who went by the name of Blitzer stepped in: "It brings people together."

In a back corner of the crowded bar, Amber Tyson, 32, dressed as a Christmas tree -- masses of tulle and sequins, electrical wires and blinking lights -- said that she had driven from Philadelphia to New Jersey on Friday night, and then taken three trains to make it to SantaCon on Saturday morning.

"For us, it's a tradition," she said. "And nothing is going to stop us."

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Great Last-Minute Gift Ideas for Brainwashed Delusional Tools

Is it a Christmas miracle, Holy Father? No, actually
it's just a plate of Grilled Cheesus (see No. 2 below).

by Noah

You know whom I’m talking about. Republicans like to make a big deal about gifts. They’re against them -- for others, that is. Repugs dwell on the idea that someone they look down upon might be getting "something for nothing," or even just something, even if it's a constitutional right like voting or a chance to earn a scholarship. But we all know that for Republicans, it's all about Me, Me, Me and Greed, Greed, Greed!

So if for some strange reason you have a Republican on your gift list, you might want to consider giving one of the great gifts gathered below. You could even tear a page from the Repug Manifesto and steal it back -- you know, just like the neo-fascist Michigan legislature would!

That deluded, FOX-brainwashed person on your list may not be high enough on the income scale to be collecting "free stuff" like corporate welfare, tax loopholes, or taxpayer-funded subsidy handouts, but I can tell you one thing you already know anyway: They definitely feel entitled to More, More, More, and we are expected to Give, Give, Give.


1. The Propel Remote Control Skywriter UFO! 

This useful item is a small combo of a whirlygig and UFO. Picture a little battery-run toy UFO with helicopter blades.

It’s suitable for flying around your living room -- or, better yet, the dining room -- when those relatives you're forced to tolerate for a few hours once a year come to darken your abode. Plus, it comes with a sky message feature, which you can change in seconds from a hand-held device! Imagine being able to answer the mindless crap your Republican relatives spout off about without actually speaking to them! This toy was made for me! It's made for them too, since, all but a few Republicans seem to believe that they are abducted and anally probed by aliens on a regular basis. Of course, they'll probably try to fire off a few rounds in your house and shoot it down. But rest assured, home drone technology is on the way, and dinner dogfights will be in the news before you know it!


2. Make Your Own Grilled Cheese Jesus!

Rob and Meg, "a young couple from Brooklyn, NY that LOVES grilled chesse and are pretty sure Jesus was an awesome guy," concocted
this electric sandwich iron to make Grilled Cheesus.

Yes, with this easy-to-use press you can make your very own Grilled Cheesus!

"War on Christmas," my ass! What better gift can you get that insufferable wackjob relative or coworker for whom the twisted reality of FOX "News" is second only to twisting the meaning of the Bible? Imagine that you had to be Secret Santa for some insufferable bore like Bill O'Reilly or Mike Hackabee or at least some deluded fool that hangs on their every nihilistic shuck and jive utterance. You can’t buy them ammo -- the gun shops were already sold out of that before President Obama got reelected. A camouflage dildo? They probably already have one. In fact, I think O'Reilly has an endorsement deal.


3. The Whine-o-Tax Automatic Tax-Computer!

Sure, no one likes to pay taxes, but, no one can bitch about taxes like that bozo Republican uncle who'd rather be spending the money on ammo before President Obama outlaws it! Whining about taxes is one of those things that Republicans do best. They take the prize! Us normal folks, however, appreciate things like a smooth interstate highway and safe water, even if such things might smack of the dreaded socialism.

Unlike the previous two items, I'm not 100 percent sure that this handy potential stocking-stuffer really exists, but it damn well should. I can at least report that I have received pictures of it in my e-mail. And if it comes via the interwebs, it must be real! Besides, if it doesn't exist yet, it will soon. Can anyone rationally deny that there's a serious need for this product? American enterprise will heed the call.


4. An All-Expense-Paid Hunting Trip with Ted Nugent!
(Also available: deluxe option with Dick Cheney)

The Nuge with, um, some other gun-lovin' nutjob

Still stuck for a gift idea? At ease, my friends! For Republicans, a Second Amendment Solution is the cure for any problem! Better yet, things might be so bad, you'll want to forget the Nuge and go with the Dick Cheney option. His aim was bad before, but now he's gotten older and even crazier.

Repugs love to go a-huntin', especially if the quarry is tied down so you don't really have to hunt for it -- or, in the case of birds, penned up in a cage until the glorious moment when they're set free so you can ready, aim, fire. If you're feeling especially nasty, you might also provide a deer Snuggie complete with antlers. Even better, just get the target of your largess a lifetime of mental health care with the local Psychiatric Mobile Unit, paid for by Obamacare, of course.

5. The Fetus Cookie Cutter!

We all like cookies. Even Republicans like cookies. Repugs especially can't resist any opportunity for gluttony! Why not give that Repug on your gift list a nice plate of cookies?

Just offer it up and watch them squirm as the recognition of what they're about to bite into dawns on them. Watch them get all conflicted as the delicious smell of fresh-baked fetus wafts through their pig-like nostrils. Want to let them off the hook? Just tell them that the fetuses are going to be poor lower-class kids and watch them just wolf them down in an instant! Telling them that the cookies are meant not for them but for lower-class kids will work just as well.

6. The Gift of Nothing!

Lastly, what could better say how you feel about that Republikook that soils your life than the Gift of Nothing!

As the package says: "Nothing is sacred." "Nothing is precious." "Nothing is simple." The beauty of this gift is that, since it's a tangible item, it really sends a message. Without this, the object of your contempt might think that you just forgot them or your gift got lost by a post office that is continually downsized as a result of the 2006 Republican Congress.

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A Final Thought About Xmas

Xmas is, after all, the celebration of the birth of Jesus Christ. The head of the Roman Catholic Church-- one of the wealthiest institutions in the world, and with a history of exploitation of the masses that is unrivaled-- decried "materialism," but his operation is built on it. He may feel very uncomfortable about how obviously it betrays the essence of God's will ("It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God" -- Matthew 19:24), but the realpolitik that has long ruled the Roman Church chose sides long ago, and it wasn't Jesus's.


In fact, for Jesus's teachings to be accepted by the rich and powerful, the Church had to find ways to tone down all the stuff that Jesus says to make them feel bad about exploiting the poor. It was never hard to find false prophets to explain away his words and make up nonsense about what he really meant to say. Much of America's peculiar brand of Christianity is based almost entirely on these false prophets, clearly servants of Satan-- if you believe that kind of stuff-- or, less abstractly, servants of self. American fundamentalism is based on fleecing the flock. They're working for the other side. That's why they're so cozy with the 1%, Satan's people, and why they're part of the backbone of Satan's political party, the GOP.

Christmas found Pat Robertson delivering a message of hatred, bigotry and Republican Party politics. Remember, he once even ran for the Republican presidential nomination, the Michele Bachmann of his day.

On The 700 Club, the Christian Broadcasting Network's flagship news program, Robertson also made a point of re-iterating his view of LGBT people not being "born this way," noting: "Normally speaking, a person who has acquired this can un-acquire it. We've had many people who have indeed left the homosexual lifestyle and gone into a heterosexual relationship and have been very, very happy. But all I can say is love the son, love the son, and show him what you consider a better way."

Earlier this month, Robertson sounded off on the Obama administration's pledge to use U.S. foreign aid to promote LGBT rights abroad, noting, "This country cannot continue to violate God's principles and to make a mockery of His laws and think we're gonna get away with it."

More serious theologians had other concerns around Jesus's birthday. Saturday I was tweeting about the inspiring message of Christ being delivered by the Archbishop of York:

We all have a duty to support and care for others, through good times and bad. We also have a duty to strive for a better society that is fairer and more equal.

Let us work hard to be part of the transformation in our society, fighting injustice wherever it arises. Our personal misfortunes ought to spur us on to help change the unfairness around us.

Despite the bleakness and uncertainty, we should not give up trying to be a force for good.

The British are renowned as a nation of battlers, people who stand up for what they believe in and will never give up in the face of adversity. We should remember our history and unite in troubled times, and not crumble under the strain that economic and social pressures put us under.

When we look at an overcast sky, we should not forget that the sun is still there shining with full strength. It is simply temporarily hidden by the clouds. As people of goodwill, we may not be able to stop rain clouds from forming, but we can help by providing cover for people who are most exposed: the young, and older people.

...Can it be right that public sector workers, and those who work in British industry, face losing their jobs when those high earners in the banking sector who helped cause the economic crisis not only keep their jobs but rake in massive bonuses?
Also, how can we have a situation where someone will suffer the devastation of unemployment while others in our society remain so overworked?

It’s not just a problem restricted to the job market. Look at the housing situation. Homelessness grows while estimates suggest that around a million homes are empty because they remain unlet or unsold – and this is without taking into account people who have second homes they rarely live in.

Young people and those on low incomes are effectively priced out of the housing market, and in many cases have no option but to pay high rents in the private sector because of a shortage of affordable housing.

We have created a situation where many people live in relative poverty, while others have far more than they can ever hope to spend. In fact, the divide between the wages of the rich and the poor is growing in nearly all of the world’s leading economies.

It doesn’t have to be this way. Surveys show that people do not feel that consumerism is necessarily a good thing, but they do it, knowing that it reduces time for more valuable things like time for friends, family and community. Let us not be a society that knows the price of everything and the value of nothing. Let us value the contribution that every individual can make, not only in the workplace, but also at home and in the public square.

While we hope and pray for change, it seems that in the meantime we must have hope and courage that a number of years with little or no economic growth can be turned into a time when we think creatively about how we could move towards a different kind of society.

I recently sponsored a Fairness Commission in York that looked at the importance of prioritising essential services to protect the most vulnerable at a time of cuts locally and nationally.

While there is no doubt that we need more sharing within our society, it is also clear that we need a more sustainable steady economy in which the emphasis is placed on greater equality, where all participate for the wellbeing of all.

Difficult choices have to be made, but people and justice must be at the centre of all decision-making in our country. When we forget the importance and worth of every single member of society, we have forgotten what it means to be human.

And in his Christmas Day sermon the more senior Archbishop of Canterbury, Dr. Rowan Williams, had a similar message-- as far from what you'll hear from phony-baloney American "Christian"-conservative (Satanic) preachers of the rich as you can possibly get. He spoke of "broken bonds and abused trust" and "mutual obligation."

Speaking of this year's Austerity riots in the U.K., the archbishop said, "Whether it is an urban rioter mindlessly burning down a small shop that serves his community, or a speculator turning his back on the question of who bears the ultimate cost for his acquisitive adventures in the virtual reality of today's financial world, the picture is of atoms spinning apart in the dark."

He backs a "Robin Hood tax" on banking transactions. See how many "Christian" conservatives in this country you can find who would ever in a million years go along with that. As many, no doubt, as the camels passing through eyes of needles on their way to God's Kingdom.

The War on Christmas invades hearth and home, and it's time to fight back

"This time of year is all about family and
tradition. It’s not really about convenience."

by Ken

I know this letter will seem long, and whiny, and repetitive, but you should really read it all, just as a reminder of, er, "what fools these mortals be."

It's a letter to the Washington Post "Style" section's Carolyn Hax, who apparently dispenses advice there to, well, people like this. As I read, I really wondered how Carolyn would respond. I was rather surprised by how she did.

Of course it's not the way I would have responded. After the letter we'll have Carolyn's response and mine.

Bowing out of the family Christmas

Hi, Carolyn:

This time of year is all about family and tradition. It’s not really about convenience.

I am 48 and the youngest of four children. We each have 2 to 4 children, some have grandchildren, plus our father. Before our mother passed, 13 years ago, Christmas dinner was held at our parents’. Now three out of four children rotate having Christmas for 25-28 people (one sibling lacks the space to host).

Last Christmas there were some difficulties with communication and settling on a date. My eldest sister ended up hosting, per my suggestion, out of turn, to settle the matter. This appeared to be the best solution at the time; however, at the end of the gathering she stated it was just too much and she is done.

It didn’t sit well with me because she did the bare minimum — I really mean bare minimum — and she had a good three weeks to throw it together. I assumed this was stress talking.

Three weeks ago, I e-mailed the whole family inquiring about date, time, etc. A few days later, my brother-in-law sends a very curt, one-line e-mail only to me, reminding me they are not participating this year. My sister indicated last year she wasn’t having it, not that she wasn’t coming!

In all of my 48 years, and her 58, our family has been together for Christmas. Now she has her husband e-mail me with a statement like that.

Since then, she has elaborated slightly that she would rather spend her time with her children, stepchildren and grandchildren. I really can appreciate that, but we all are in the same boat and we’re not cutting out our siblings and father. She lives nearby so distance is no issue. It’s really just that my sister is so intolerant of everyone.

My other siblings and I, as well as all our children, feel hurt that she so blatantly chose to carve us out. I just learned she is not even having her immediate family over, she is going to her daughter’s. This means she is not hosting Christmas for anyone.

I, on the other hand, have three grown children still living at home with a revolving door (this is the house that always has activity and guests overnighting in the spare bedroom). I bake tons of cookies, do lots of shopping and decorating. Yes, it gets stressful for me, too, but in a good way because I know it’s temporary. I don’t expect my sister to keep up with me but her complete lack of effort and commitment to her siblings, father and nieces/nephews is really disturbing and I don’t know how to move on without being bitter. My dad says, “To each their own,” but we’re really feeling dumped!

NOW HERE'S WHAT CAROLYN HAD TO SAY:

Maybe your sister has simply had enough of being told where she must be, how much hosting she must do, and what the “best solution” is to suit someone else’s definition of what “this time of year is all about.” You are you, she is not, and why is that so hard to take?

Please, for the love of all things Christmas, let your sister live her own life by her own terms. In her 58 years, and your 48, that also might be a first.

OH BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, CAROLYN.
HERE'S HOW I WOULD RESPOND:

Yo, doll --

Put it here! It's true there's a War on Christmas being waged, but that's no excuse for your bitch sister, who so blatantly fails to grasp -- talk about selfish! -- that this holiday is all about what you want. The nerve!

I say to hell with sentiment, have the bitch whacked. In this economy it shouldn't be hard to find a reasonable rate for a competent hit. Shop around before hiring. Also see if your friends have any referrals to make. You could actually be doing her a favor sparing her having to endure another Christmas.

At the same time you might want to deal with the problem you've glossed over, namely the scumbag sibling who's apparently gotten out of his/her family obligations on the pretext that he/she "lacks the space to host." So what? As you point out, "This time of year is all about family and tradition. It's not really about convenience."

How many years has this deadbeat sibling had to arrange suitable space to live up to he responsibilities under the rules of the season? For crying out loud, it's only once every four years -- well, every three years now, I guess. Every day you allow this person to continue breathing is another day of spiritual pollution. Have the slimeball whacked. (Maybe you can get a "twofer" rate. Check out Groupon and Living Social and all the others.) Tell me that won't teach him/her a lesson.

No need to thank me. Just get it done.

From one soldier in the Christmas war to another --
Ken

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Random Musings on 2010 (5)

And some people said they couldn't ever replace Larry King! Say hello to Piers Morgan (see no. 2).

by Noah

1. Back in September, Fox’s Monica Crowley, former Nixon PR flak, subbing for Bill O’Lie-ley, interviewed Scooter Libby and called the investigation of his role in exposing Valerie Plame an outrageous “ordeal” and went on to say that Libby deserved a pardon and -- get this -- called him a class act! Hell, all he did was out a CIA agent and her network, many of whom are probably missing by now, at the least. Had Libby done what he did during World War II, he would have ended up swinging from a gallows in a penitentiary yard. Funny how it’s conservatives who yap about the degradation of our country’s “moral fiber” and things like that. I guess at Fox treason in the service of greed and politics is no vice.

2. CNN has announced, without a trace of shame, that British tabloid veteran and America’s Got Talent panelist Piers Morgan is the replacement for Bush Crime Family groupie Larry King, thus answering the question “Can it get any worse?” If they wanted to go the lowbrow, vulgar TMZ-paparazzi route, why didn’t they just get Jerry Springer? Personally, I’d rather see Simon Cowell interview today’s politicians and celebs. Or me. I’d make sure to always have a hatchet at the ready.

CNN might do better if it just ran Larry King’s reruns. In reality, watching CNN is like watching a spycam and waiting for something to happen. I gave up in 2004.

3. Would you like eggs with that? Prince Charles, “The Man Who Would Be Tampon” ("I want to be reincarnated as your tampon," he's been quoted as saying to his better half), and his Mrs. Prince went out for a night on the town in the Queen’s Jubilee Rolls. Here, take the keys! The Roller got splattered with paint and eggs. Some of the windows were broken, and Mrs. Prince got poked with a stick, while at least one rioter repeatedly yelled, “Off with their heads.” Didn’t Mummy warn them not to go downtown?

Naturally, the old folks and the upper crust got all in a tizzy about the incident. As a measure of how genteel and polite British youth are, there was a time in England when the Prince would have met a far worse fate.

I bet his dad didn’t even make him wash the car when he got home. Spoiled, I tell you! Spoiled brat!

4. The French government, under rightist Nicolas Sarkozy, wants to raise the retirement age in France two years. In France, you've been able to retire as early as age 60, with a real pension and real health care, if you earn enough work credits over, say, 40 years. Now it would be 62. This would also increase the number of people in the workforce. More people would be competing for what is only a finite number of jobs, which would, it almost goes without saying, lower individual wages. All part of the plan, lower wages and fewer pensions monies disbursed.

Next, due to wages being driven down, tax revenues coming into the French treasury go down. The result? Social services and benefits go out the window. You work all those years, and you’re left holding a bag that has a great big hole in it. You can almost hear the laughter. These government clowns and pranksters! “You’re old. Die now!” Not even a "please."

See if this all sounds familiar when President Obama, his Alan Simpson-led Catfood Commission, and the entire Republican Party talk about raising the retirement age in our country by not two but five years! Nice folks we have in Washington, eh? As I said, you can almost hear the laughter.

In France, they have general strikes. In England, students riot and throw eggs. Here in the U.S., everyone is too busy watching crap “reality shows” and things like American Idol while eating junk food and getting too damn obese to get up off the couch and out into the streets to throw some eggs, for starters.

5. Tiger Woods: The media always offers up as an excuse for the lack of investigative journalism that they don’t have the staff and money to look into what far more serious chicanery politicians and corporate types and bankers are up to, but when it comes to sports figures and celebrities, and their sex lives, the checkbook is wide open and we get assaulted with things like months of Tiger’s idiocy. If the media spent a third as much on uncovering and informing the public on what real ne’er-do-wells like those in Congress, Wall Street, and our corporate boardrooms are up to, we’d all be better off -- and many of them would be in prison for life.

6. Imagine Glenn Beck as a nutbag scoutmaster leading his troupers deeper and deeper into the dark woods, so deep that they’ll never be able to find their way out.

7. Republicans like to consider government services socialism. Their followers belch on about how they don’t want their taxpayer dollars benefiting anyone else. It’s all about the greed and selfishness. But they have no problem saying, “Hands off my Medicare," and they have no problem collecting Social Security. They also have no problem driving on interstate highways or calling the police or local fire department, all of which are funded by taxes somewhere along the line. So what happens when tax revenues go down so much that your local town asks you to pay a fee if you want fire department service? You have to pay the money one way or the other if you want the local FD to put out a fire in your house.


Recently in Tennessee a family and their local fire department watched their home burn to the ground because the additional charge had not been paid. This family lost their four pets and everything else in their house.

What happens when a whole block or town burns to the ground due to Republican greed and wealth redistribution? Where does the money go? Not for local education, that’s for sure. New York tried it this way back in the 1700s, a time the Repugs would like to take us back to. What happened then? The whole city burned and burned and burned. Such a policy may go into effect in your town, but it won’t be changed until that local mansion on the hill complete with its stolen art collection and all the Republican master’s closet full of high heels are reduced to ashes.

8. One of my favorite quotes of the year came from Stephanie Miller:

“Rich people pay Fox people to get middle class people to blame poor people.”

9. You can’t make this stuff up, but Fox does. The L.A. jetpacks for cops story was a case in point. Sourcing the Weekly World News supermarket tabloid, Fox ran all the way with a story about the city of Los Angeles buying $1 billion worth of jetpacks for its police, fire department, and emergency services people. Nothing seemed odd about this story to the brainectomy patients at Fox & Friends. Only when a couple of callers called in to tell them the story was a joke did they correct themselves. One has to wonder who hired these morons. Could they have even filled out applications?

It all reminds me of Delaware’s Christine O’Donnell’s (a Fox favorite) claim that the government was making mice with “fully functioning human brains.” Apparently, though, someone is doing the opposite and making humans with fully functioning mouse brains, then giving them jobs at Fox.

Then there was the “Obama Is Cracking Up” story. This was a great example of the inmates in the asylum accusing the sane people of insanity. In this case, Fox didn’t make it up; they just borrowed someone else's made-up news because they thought it nicely fit their wackoid agenda. Fox Nation was running with a story from The Onion, the satirical paper-website, about President Obama cracking up and sending out a rambling 75,000-word e-mail to the entire nation. The article even included a bit about the e-mail being so large, at 27 megabytes, that it couldn’t fit in the mailboxes of millions of Americans. No matter to Fox. If you want to believe something, just believe it. And we wonder where Teabaggers learned their approach to life in these times.

Let’s not forget Fox’s annual “War on Christmas” insanity. This year even the NBA was an evildoing anti-Christmas enemy to those who live in Foxworld. Why? It seems the NBA had six games scheduled on Christmas Day. Never mind that they've had games on Christmas Day since the 1950s.

Are firefighters in Foxworld supposed to stay home too, or just say, “Call back tomorrow”? I didn’t see Fox go off the air on Christmas, so does that make them anti-Christmas too? Does all of this indicate that right-wing loons will soon start consuming themselves? Sooner or later your hate has to run out of targets, when you’ve gone after everybody and everything under the sun, doesn’t it? What’s left when you only have yourselves to hate?

I’m thinking of starting a “Guns for Fox” day. My organization will collect guns and deliver them to Fox so that they can be ready when they start accusing each other of being part of the “War on Christmas.” Hey, I’m just being compassionate.

10. What’s in a campaign promise? During the 2010 campaign, Repugs pledged to ban earmarks. In a prime case of Washington follow-through, the new compromise tax bill contains $8 billion in them. Check the link to see some of the fabulous earmarks. Hey, what’s $8 billion? Also, five of the ten points in the latest Republican “Pledge to America” are violated by provisions in the tax compromise bill.

11. Finally, there’s this thought on President Obama. He might as well join the Republican Party at this point. He clearly wants to do in Net Neutrality and Social Security, and it might be nice to see the Republicans so conflicted about having to do a 180 on their 24-hour hate speech, run a black dude for prez, etc. That’s why it would never happen, of course, but the idea of seeing assclowns like Limbaugh and Hannity et al. simply explode would warm my heart.

NOAH'S YEAR 2010 IN REVIEW

10 Random Musings (1)
2010, Looking Back: To Republicans, It Was So Much More Than Just a Speech to Kids
Random Musings on 2010 (2)
Random Musings on 2010 (3)
Random Musings on 2010 (4)

Republicans in Their Own Words --

Quotations of a Party on Crack, 2010 Version
Part 1, The Unemployed
Part 2, When Cousins Marry

And don't forget 2009's 12 Days of Christmas Scorn.

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