Random Musings on 2010 (2)

Goodness, is it already 150 years since South Carolina seceded from the Union? Shouldn't we be celebrating? Not to worry -- see No. 4.

by Noah

1. What would you do if you were in line at an airport porno-scanner and you saw it was hooked up to a fax machine?

2. How long will we have to wait before TMZ offers a Celebrity Porno Scans Calendar? Can they get it out by next Christmas? You bet. Paris Hilton? Seen it, who cares? But Sarah Palin? That will be the first one to go viral. Sean Hannity? There can’t possibly be anybody in the world who would be interested -- outside of the monkey house at the Bronx Zoo, that is. Sadly, Coultergeist has been so apoplectic about being scanned that she’ll never be in the calendar. Many people think she just wants to be felt up as often as possible, but I’m not sure about that. Even a feel-up might reveal a secret she’s been keeping from us all.

3. If Big Oil owned the sun, you’d see solar panels everywhere. As it is, since using the hydrogen in water as fuel shows some promise, Big Oil is buying up water supplies around the world. I can’t help but think of those scenes in westerns where the sadistic bad guy holds the canteen just out of reach from a dying man in a desert.

4. Go ahead, Make our day! I’m not sure what it says on South Carolina’s license plates, but I think “The Nutbag State” would be truth in advertising. Like Alaska and Texas, they keep talking about secession, but SC always throws the Civil War into its unique mix of nutbaggery. This year, it’s not just flying the confederate flag above the capitol building, and it’s not just about their Senator Jim DiMentia croaking things about Obama’s Waterloo. Nope, as a celebration of the spirit of the season, some of SC’s finest goofballs, bigots, and sociopaths are holding a Secession Gala, "Commemorating the 150th Anniversary of South Carolina's Secession from the Union." Just in time for Christmas! If you’d like to go, check out the link. (But hurry, it's tomorrow night.)

Note the Charleston motto: “Charleston, Where History Lives.” They must be proud. You can’t blame me if I happen to think that the “Period formal” dress code might include a post-Civil War night-rider hood-and-gown outfit. I mean, really. The secession of South Carolina led to the breakup of the country and the loss of 700,000 of its citizens. This is something to celebrate? Someone tell the South the war is over and they lost, no matter how many times they reenact it on weekends.

Southerners are getting more and more like Muslim jihadists every year. The Islamic culture is known for carrying grudges at psychotic levels for hundreds of years. It looks like the South is aspiring to do the same. The slaves are gone, folks! You lost the war! Hello! They ain’t comin’ back to pick your cotton! There’s no need. Besides, your senators helped close the textile factories and move them to China anyway.

5. Special Privileges: In February, Billo called for the kidnapping and waterboarding of House Speaker Nancy Pelosi. This is the kind of thing that terrorists would do. If you or I called for the kidnaping and waterboarding of Nancy Pelosi, we would be picked up and detained by the Secret Service. Let’s not forget that the same clown has blood on his hands for the assassination of Dr. George Tiller. Please see my Random Musings #1 regarding one of Billo’s colleagues and a similar incitement. Think of the Fox nutbags as agents provocateurs.

6. The wife of “Supreme” Court Judge and porno addict Clarence Thomas proudly announced that she would protest taxes on April 15. Good for you, bozo! Does this mean the Thomas family refused to accept Clarence’s government paychecks? Are they now selling Clarence’s porno collection to make ends meet?

A day after Clarence’s wifey made her announcement, Michele Bachmann jumped on the bandwagon and encouraged her cult followers not to pay their taxes, going so far as to tell them that they don’t have to. Will she be giving them legal aid when the shit hits the fan? Will she pay their fines and fees? Should I assume that she also will not be accepting her government check?

Meanwhile, I encourage these Republikooks not to make use of anything that is supported by the taxes paid by taxpaying citizens. Please don’t call the police, fire or emergency folks, don’t drink my water, and get off my damn roads!!!

7. Watching Fox “News” is like being a voyeur peeping in on a group home of crazy people.

8. In our country we have freedom of religion, but it has become politically correct to tolerate religious crazies at the same time. The Middle East made the same mistake.

9. And who killed the miners? If not for Tony Hayward, Massey Energy’s chief corporate thug, Dan “Let Them Eat Methane” Blankenship would be the Corporatist Pig of the Year. Blankenship has spent a lot of time and money circumventing the laws of the land. After 29 of his employees died so unnecessarily in his Upper Big Branch Mine in West Virginia, he will be lucky if some of his victims' families don’t do some law-circumventing of their own.

Like Hayward, Blankenship acts like some pompous 19th-century English lord. His employees are just wogs. His mines have been cited for over 1300 safety violations just since 2005, and this was under the Bush administration's era of “voluntary compliance.” Have the fines associated with the violations been paid? Well, 16 percent of them have. Sixteen percent! That’s it. President Obama hasn’t caught up, but as we learned with the BP disaster, the government departments and agencies responsible for following up on these things are still infested with Bush appointees. In more civilized countries like Canada and Australia, the pile of violations that Massey Energy has been cited for would result in criminal-negligence trials. We are becoming more and more like some corrupt Third World country all the time.

10. “Supreme Court” Justice John Paul Stevens retired this year. He was nominated by a conservative Republican president, Gerald Ford, and was supposed to be a safe, conservative judge. Then, like many previous judges, he discovered that the Constitution has a “liberal bias.” Too bad political sleazebags like Scalia and Alito and the sad little joke of a man named Clarence Thomas don’t have the same integrity. For one thing, America would never have had to suffer the deep and possibly mortal wounds of a Dubya presidency. There also would have been no Bush tax cuts for the wealthy that exploded the deficit, no Iraq war that resulted in hundreds of thousands of casualties and deaths . . . .


NOAH'S YEAR 2010 IN REVIEW

10 Random Musings (1)
2010, Looking Back: To Republicans, It Was So Much More Than Just a Speech to Kids

And don't forget 2009's 12 Days of Christmas Scorn!

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