Midnight Meme Of The Day!

by Noah

Oh, Oh! Looks like some people didn't get what they wanted for Christmas!

Midnight Meme Of The Day!

by Noah

On the second day of Christmas, my true love gave to me... A Witch Hunter's Christmas Tree!!! See how it rises as I chant and cheer Witch Hunt, Witch Hunt! Trump must have been right all along! Witch Hunt! Witch Hunt! Witch Hunt!!!!!

Foreign Correspondent-- A Xmas Tale: Death of a Suitcase

-by Reese Erlich

Ralph died on an escalator in a foreign airport on Christmas Eve. I called my black, carry-on suitcase "Ralph" because he was almost like family. Ralph was 30 years old in suitcase years. His zipper had broken, and I managed to fall onto his pull-up handle and break it.

Rather than leave him in an unmarked, third world landfill, I brought his remains back to Oakland. The other luggage in my closet and I held a quiet memorial around what remained of our Christmas tree. Almost all the soft sides were there. Even a few hard siders I hadn't seen in decades showed up.

We recalled the good times and bad. Years ago I tied a pink ribbon around Ralph's handle and he accused me of trying to make him look like a girl. I called him a sexist.

When the memorial was finished, I hoisted Ralph by his one good strap handle and put him in the recycle bin near some old Christmas tree lights. He would have wanted it that way.

How it all began

The story goes back decades before modern suitcases were even invented. I was taking a train from East Berlin to Budapest in 1990. I had one of the those large, hard sided suitcases with the wheels attached on the narrow side. I pulled it with a long plastic handle, but it kept tipping over, amusing the East Germans, who had never seen wheels on any kind of suitcase.

I swore I would get a more balanced suitcase, one that fit in an airplane's overhead compartment. As a freelance journalist I have traveled to 98 countries. I learned to keep all my baggage with me in case of last-minute plane changes, interaction with corrupt airport baggage handlers, or being tossed unceremoniously out of a country when officials ignored my visa.

So one day I wandered into a luggage store in Berkeley. That's where I met Ralph. I was examining the merchandise when a voice said, "Psssst, over here. I'm tough, reliable and cost only 75 bucks." To this day I'm not sure what was more weird-- a talking suitcase or a Samsonite rollboard for only $75.

Ralph was right. He had a nice compartment for dress clothes and expanded easily with a flip of the zipper. And he measured 25" externally, a size that is officially too big for overhead bins but in reality fits just fine.

Over the years I took Ralph everywhere-- from Afghanistan to Zimbabwe. He got rained on in El Salvador and muddied in Syrian refugee camps. When a piece of him tore, I repaired it with duct tape. When the wheels went squeaky, squeaky, I sprayed on some WD-40. He came through it all.

He only got lost once when someone pulled him off the San Francisco airport carousel by mistake. Ralph protested but apparently the errant traveler didn't speak luggage. That night an airline worker delivered Ralph to my house, embarrassed but OK.

I never told Ralph, but I did plan ahead for the day when he would roll no more. Ten years ago, while shopping in outlet stores in Secaucus, New Jersey, I bought another 25-inch carry on. But Ralph lasted much longer than anyone expected.

I kept the New Jersey suitcase, now named Secaucus Sally, in the closet sheltered from the harsh indignities of United Airlines overhead bins and luggage carousels. After Ralph's memorial I brushed off the dust and got her ready for the next voyage.

Modest as ever, she had only one request. "If the overhead bins dare full, don't let United Airlines drag me out like they did that poor doctor sitting in an overbooked seat." I promised. No suitcase ever deserves that.

Alas, Sally only lasted a year. Just a few days ago her wheels cracked, perhaps the result of carrying lots of my books to be sold at speaking events. Or perhaps this has become a Christmas time suitcase curse.

So now every Christmas as the fog descends on San Francisco and snow storms block airports around the country, my thoughts turn to Ralph and Sally. They are the last of a breed: 25 inches long and a suitcase you can talk to. They just don't make 'em like that anymore.

Midnight Meme Of The Day!

by Noah

The not so Immaculate Deception: I look at this and I can smell the manure.

Midnight Meme Of The Day!

by Noah

Still don't have a Christmas tree? It's not too late! I got one of these and put it in my front yard. In seconds, a huge, bigly, tremendous flock of pigeons came by, cooed their carols, stayed all day and finished decorating it. If I take my glasses off, it looks just like it snowed!

Merry Christmas from Our Overlords (I Mean Protectors)

by Thomas Neuburger

I can think of no better tribute to this Holiday Season in America — on the eve of the election that will determine for more than a generation which path the nation will follow, populist democracy or faux-populist destruction by our overlords (I mean, protectors) — than this constant favorite.

My favorite Season's greeting, "Chiron Beta Prime" by Jonathan Coulton from his 2006 album Thing A Week Two:

As a bonus, here's a live performance, audio only unfortunately:

And here's a version with the original second verse:

"They tried to decorate and make it look more Christmas-y 
But what they did was more like Christmas in hell 
They nailed a Santa to a cross in front of everyone 
It wasn't pleasant but I'm sure they meant well."

I guess the image of a celebratory Santa nailed to a Christmas cross was too on-the-nose for this bright holiday ditty.

May all of your seasons be merry and bright, and may all of us get the gift we want so desperately want, and so very desperately need, in 2020.

Thomas
  

Last Minute Gift Ideas To Give That Republican Who Lessens Your Quality Of Life

by Noah

A couple of weeks ago, I already posted 2 lists of possible gifts you can use to send a message to any Republicans you have the misfortune to know this year but, in the interest of wait there’s more… well, there’s more, and, certainly the times require a message to be sent!

So, here we go, list number 3!

1. What could be better than a Voltage Tester? It’s only $19.95. It doesn’t come with instructions but the how to use part is pretty damn obvious even for some idiot that goes around in a MAGA hat. Just tell your Republican relative or acquaintance to be sure to stand barefooted in a stainless steel pan full of water when they try it on and plug it in!

2. Along the same lines comes this nifty key cleaner. I wish they’d advertise these on FOX “News.” We know how Republicans like things to be extra clean and shiny! It does a great job cleaning knives and forks, too! Here ya go, sparky!

3. Does your Republican “friend” like the beach? Give them a pair of the above flip-flops in honor of their idol Lindsey Graham! Just don’t tell them about the “Deep State” message they’ll be leaving behind. Available through esty and probably amazon like everything else. Ditto the next 4.

4. Does your Republican like to travel to foreign lands? Probably not, unless it’s Russia but how ‘bout a T-shirt that says “Sorry about our president” in multiple languages?

5. My wife and I have had 4 cats over the last many years and, believe me, we’ve seen what a cat can do with a catnip toy! If you know a republican who has a cat, why not go over to their house this holiday season, act all friendly like and toss one of these to their cat. Watch the fun begin as the cat has fun and your Republican does a slow boil! Here ya go kitty. Tear him to shreds!!! For extra fun, take a bag of loose catnip along and rub it on the freak’s MAGA hats and Trump T-shirts.

6. A Putin 2020 button! Perfect for the coming year! How thoughtful of you!

7. And lastly, the Punch-a-Trump! How about one for yourself? You’ve earned it! I have one in every room of the house! You can even use the packaging on your dartboard.

Midnight Meme Of The Day!

by Noah

A few days ago, the Midnight Meme Of The Day featured Queen Melanoma with her beloved Justin Trudeau Christmas ball. Well, I guess her brain-rotted hubby got wind of it and blew a gasket. From the look of it, I'm also guessing he told his very fine pals at FOX "News" and they generously sent him some ornaments right off of their office Christmas tree. What swell people they must be, all full of Christmas spirit! I bet they even sent along a recording of Tucker Carlson singing "I'm Dreaming Of A White Christmas" and it's playing in a loop throughout the White House! Donnie smiles! Happiness abounds! It's a Christmas miracle!

Midnight Meme Of The Day!

by Noah

Ah, the longing! The longing! We can see what Queen Melanoma longs for for Christmas, a man, a real man, a real president!

But here's what I long for. Here's what I want for Christmas: I want a patriotic Two Million Whistleblower March On Washington! That's right. I want a world where 2,000,000, hell, make it 5,000,000, patriotic Americans purchase a whistle and get their butts to Washington and parade around the White House blowing their whistles day and night as loudly as they can for as long as they can. They can use a referee's kind of whistle or a slide whistle, it doesn't matter. If 1776 of them want to blow a trombone for variety, that's fine, too. Just do it!

If President Mental Case heads off to Mar-a-Lago to escape this demonstration of true patriotism and street justice, Floridians can head to Mar-a-Lago. If you live in or near Washington, why not consider doing this on any day at any hour? Can't sleep some night because of what the Republicans are doing to this country, go to Moscow Mitch's house. Go to whatever bed of straw Moo-er Nunes beds down in. If your congresscritter is any kind of Repug Party goon and you can't get to Washington, take this tactic locally. Take this bit of guerrilla theater to its office with as many patriots you can gather up in a posse and blow away! Are you near a FOX "News" building or Sean Insanity's house? Do it there, too! You can even call in to right wing radio talk radio programs under the pretense of agreeing with whatever lunacy the host is espousing at the moment. Once on the air, blow away with every ounce of power in you lungs!

The mass march idea is the best, though. That is, if the corporate media covers it, and if they don't, well, you now know what to do!

This Christmas, why not... Disturb The Peace!

Bernie And The Pope

A few hours ago-- and in the face of rapidly rising nationalism in Europe and America-- Pope Francis described differences of faith, race and ideas as a richness, not a danger, and called for political solutions to end wars in Syria, Yemen and elsewhere. He said that without fraternity, "even our best plans and projects risk being soulless and empty."

Last night, in his Christmas Eve homily at St Peter's, he had called on people in developed countries to live a simpler and less materialistic life and condemned the huge divide between the world's rich and poor, saying Jesus's birth in poverty in a stable should make everyone reflect on the meaning of life. Remember what Jesus said about how it would be easier for a camel to get through the eye of a needle that for a rich man to get into Heaven? Pope Francis attacked the "insatiable greed" of today’s consumerism, urging people to make "sharing and giving" more a part of their lives. "Mankind became greedy and voracious... In our day, for many people, life’s meaning is found in possessing, in having an excess of material objects. An insatiable greed marks all human history, even today, when, paradoxically, a few dine luxuriantly while all too many go without the daily bread needed to survive." He reminded Catholics that the birth of Christ pointed to a new way to live "not by devouring and hoarding, but by sharing and giving." He told Jesus' followers we "must not lose our footing or slide into worldliness and consumerism" and that we should ask ourselves "Do I really need all these material objects and complicated recipes for living? Can I manage without all these unnecessary extras and live a life of greater simplicity?"

The Guardian isn't a religious newspaper but I want to bring up a piece by Michael Savage from last spring, Richest 1% on target to own two-thirds of all wealth by 2030. It wasn't just the Pope calling for a halt to extreme materialism. In April world leaders were being "warned that the continued accumulation of wealth at the top will fuel growing distrust and anger over the coming decade unless action is taken to restore the balance." Please say a prayer for Bernie's success here and for Corbyn's success the U.K.

An alarming projection produced by the House of Commons library suggests that if trends seen since the 2008 financial crash were to continue, then the top 1% will hold 64% of the world’s wealth by 2030. Even taking the financial crash into account, and measuring their assets over a longer period, they would still hold more than half of all wealth.

Since 2008, the wealth of the richest 1% has been growing at an average of 6% a year-- much faster than the 3% growth in wealth of the remaining 99% of the world’s population. Should that continue, the top 1% would hold wealth equating to $305tn (£216.5tn)-- up from $140tn today.

Analysts suggest wealth has become concentrated at the top because of recent income inequality, higher rates of saving among the wealthy, and the accumulation of assets. The wealthy also invested a large amount of equity in businesses, stocks and other financial assets, which have handed them disproportionate benefits.

New polling by Opinium suggests that voters perceive a major problem with the influence exerted by the very wealthy. Asked to select a group that would have the most power in 2030, most (34%) said the super-rich, while 28% opted for national governments. In a sign of falling levels of trust, those surveyed said they feared the consequences of wealth inequality would be rising levels of corruption (41%) or the “super-rich enjoying unfair influence on government policy” (43%).

...In a sign of the concern about the accumulation of wealth in the hands of so few, the move has gained support from across the political divide [at least in the U.K.].

George Freeman, the Tory MP and former head of the prime minister’s policy board, said: “While mankind has never seen such income inequality, it is also true that mankind has never experienced such rapid increases in living standards. Around the world billions of people are being lifted out of poverty at a pace never seen before. But the extraordinary concentration of global wealth today-- fuelled by the pace of technological innovation and globalisation-- poses serious challenges.

“If the system of capitalist liberal democracy which has triumphed in the west is to pass the big test of globalisation-- and the assault from radical Islam as well as its own internal pressures from post-crash austerity-- we need some new thinking on ways to widen opportunity, share ownership and philanthropy. Fast.”

Midnight Meme Of The Day!

by Noah

Merry Christmas from DownWithTyranny! What better visual for this year than Melania's blood-dipped Christmas trees? What a statement! Is it hear her cry or is it hear her cackle? I don't really care, do you?

Midnight Meme Of The Day

by Noah

See! As Christmas approaches, I'm getting filled with the Christmas spirit. And the Repugs will tell you that we lefties hate Christmas and that we don't want nativity scenes! Well, screw them! That's complete bullcrap and tonight's meme proves it! So there!

The nativity scene tonight's really does depict the ideal republican nativity scene; just their freaky jackass with the freakazoid hair and a bunch of mindless sheep in stupid red hats.

You know how Republicans always yap about Jesus returning? If Jesus was born now, he'd be taken from Mary and Joseph and locked in a cage. Wanna get a Republikook all weirded out? Easy. Get 'em all crying in their booze drunk and tell 'em it's already happened; that Jesus is in a cage somewhere and no one knows where. Tell them you saw it on the internet and they'll believe it's true. Tell them you read that a Honduran infant was ripped from his mama Maria's arms (Don't say breasts) and she and her man Jose were sent packing while baby Jesus is in a cage somewhere and no one in their beloved Trumpanzee government has any idea where. Then, sit back and watch the story go viral and grow because the idiots will believe it, especially when those morons on FOX and Fiends start reporting it as truth like you know they will. Then Hannity and Alex Jones will weave it all into some sort of Hillary conspiracy involving, emails, Seth Rich, and a pizza place just outside Washington, and top republican authority on all things God, Pat Robertson, will chime in that the whole catastrophe is the fault of "the gays" and Obama. Mike Pence will end up so multi-level conflicted that he will completely crack and last be seen trying to walk across the Potomac.

Holiday Gift Ideas For Republicans: DWT’s Annual List Of Gift Suggestions For Malformed Minds!

by Noah

Yep. It’s that wonderful holiday time of year again! Oh joy! There’s a new drunk on the “Supreme” Court. The biggest tax scam ever is now in place thanks to greedy repugs and those who vote for them. Carcinogenic pollutants are now free to fill our air and water like never before. Kushner’s pal is carving up journalists whenever he takes time off from beheading women. Who says that republican in your life doesn’t deserve a special gift? Just be sure to say Merry Christmas!

And now, my suggestions, but first, please don’t consider giving some Republican dad or crazy uncle a tiki torch. That would be the most boring choice you could make. Republicans have garages full of tiki torches. Giving a tiki torch is like giving dad a tie.

1. Bone Saws! How about a bone saw? What could be more appropriate? I know when I think of Republicans, I think of bone saws! In fact, I advocate open carry of bone saws! Your Republican friends will love you! Although, you’ll have to personally demonstrate how they are used; and, kept sharpened for multiple use. If you wanna go the whole hog, accessory options include ropes and buckets. Remember, nothing says F U like a bone saw. Why not take one to Washington and toss it over the fence at 1600 Pennsylvania Ave.? Send one to some lucky horse’s ass in Congress, too! Let them know your love with this symbolic gesture! MAGA! MAGA!

2. A Customizable Alibi Calendar! Got a Republican friend who’s been accused of rape? Attempted rape? Murder? I know, who doesn’t? But think how handy a nice E-Z-Wipe Calendar, made out of that same smooth material found in any white board in any conference room in America, would come in for any republican friend who as been accused of assaulting a woman, or, whatever, even screwing a porn star! Help your friend save that $130,000! Your friend can just wipe off any incriminating evidence from the past and write in that they were attending a prayer meeting miles away with Squee, Moose, PJ, Sheriff Joe, or, best of all, hanging out in a rural South Carolina motel with Lindsey Graham. Available in different sizes at the few remaining stationary stores, and, of course, on line.

3. Mushroom Hat- Inspired by Stormy Daniels! Get that Trumpie in your life ready for 2020 (if Trump makes it that far). Sure Ivanka has her own crappy shoe lines or whatever and Melania has her “I Really Don’t Care” jackets, but leave it to a porn star to come up with an idea for new Trump headgear. Who needs one of those “Hi, I’m a dumbass” MAGA hats when you can give them this? Nothing says Trump than a ‘shroom hat. MAGA straitjacket not available at this time.

4. A Book! – After you’ve found a Trump supporter that not only can read but also sensibly comprehend, why not gift them with a book? May I suggest “The Apprentice” by Greg Miller? Your giftee might even think it’s a love story. Sure, they will be fearful at first. So many words! So much longer than one of Dear Leader’s tweets! But give your abilities at the fine art of persuasion a real workout and try to cajole them into reading. Point out the cover. You know that as soon as they see their idol walking in the shadow of The Kremlin on the cover, a relaxed happy smile will result. They might even think it’s a love story. Tell them it’s sort of like a “Dr. Zhivago” set in the present day. And, since republicans hate trees, you can even point out that the killing of trees was involved in making the book!

Alternate Suggestion 1: “Assholes: A Theory Of Donald Trump” by Aaron James. Philosopher Aaron James wrote the best seller “Assholes: A Theory” several years ago. Back in 2016, he turned his thoughts to just one man, Donald Trump, hero of Republicans everywhere. James is a leading figure in the burgeoning field of Asshole Studies. You say you don’t believe this book actually exists? Look it up. Available on amazon, even in Kindle form.

Alternate suggestion 2: A copy of “Fear” by Bob Woodward. This book is best presented in audio book form, with the volume up to 11, by locking your Republican acquaintance or crazy Archie Bunker uncle in a room tied to a chair. Just close the door and leave, forever. Be sure to say Merry Christmas though. It’s the spirit of giving that counts.

5. A Confederate Flag- Until someone starts selling Confederate flag wee-wee pads, a plain old Confederate flag will have to do. Sure, it’s not a gift that requires a lot of imagination on your part, but BELIEVE ME, no gift would ever be appreciated more by any modern day Republican you have the misfortune to know! What better way for them to cherish the proud right wing heritage of hanging black people from trees!

Now, what would I give to a non-Republican? Well, I’d love to have Paul Ryan’s and Mitch McConnell’s Social Security numbers to give to everybody. Russia, if your listening… Don’t worry about their SS numbers being in the public domain. Both men, not to mention their wormy followers, don’t believe in Social Security and have publicly made it clear that they want to do away with it. Imagine what a wonderful world it would be if you could collect not just your Social Security check but theirs too!

Midnight Meme Of The Day!

by Noah

Every Christmas, far right loons like the barely coherent smug fratboy Tucker Carlson and screaming banshee Jeanine Pirro go on endless bitch-a-thons about towns across America that have stopped displaying Nativity scene creches on public property. The righties wring their hands, play their worn to a frazzle victim cards and cry that their "religious beliefs" are under attack. It's all part of their big whine about a so-called "War on Christmas" and "War on Christianity"; never mind that this pathetic greek chorus of whining is perpetrated by some of the most unchristian people one could ever meet.

At the real center of the issue lie the issues of free speech and the concept of the separation of church and state. Is it right for the government, local or otherwise, to appear to endorse one religion over another, etc. The solution is often to remove the creche from government property to private land. No one is tearing down the churches of the whiners and bitchers. Put your creche on the lawn of your church or your own lawn, your own property. One would think that would satisfy them except that, like all religious fanatics, they would prefer to have the right to force their beliefs on all. It's the Republican way; American Taliban and all that.

he town of Boca Raton, Florida once reached a compromise on the creche matter. The Christmas creche was allowed to stay as long as another group was allowed to put a Satanic display next to it. Seems fair, and, it is Florida, after all.

Other things happen, too. People set up their own creches on their own lawns with Festivus poles. I remember seeing a nice picture of a creche where someone had added a giraffe to go with the little lambs to the creche on their lawn. Now that's what I call diversity and inclusion! People have even been known to put a nice six-foot Santa in their creche. Talk about your mixed metaphors! Whatever. It's all free speech for real. Speaking of which, it goes without saying that, in the republican mind, Jesus, Mary, and Joseph, along with the Three Wise Men usually have to be white, white, white; you know, like from Norway. If I was a Christian, I might put up a creche and put a jacket on Joseph that said "I really Don't Care. Do You?"

I was also thinking that this Christmas might see an addition of a Stormy Daniels blow-up doll in more than one creche for all who drove by to see. Maybe some enterprising folks could erect such a creche in Lafayette Park, in full view of the White House, except that the problem is that Lafayette Park is government property, so, there goes that idea.

Something more impactful has come along, however. If the actions of an Indiana priest are any indication, we may see creches in cages this year. The Episcopal Christ Church Cathedral in Indianapolis has already put the Holy Family in a detention cage in protest of Herr Trump's "zero tolerance" policy towards immigrants, even if they are fleeing persecution and death in their own countries like the Holy Family was all those years ago. Christ Church's minister, Steve Carlson, thought the action would provoke a discussion of just what we're doing in this country. He was right. The image has gone viral, worldwide. Some people are offended. They seem to have forgotten the story that Jesus offended people and they worship him for it. They even whine that the church's statement is a political statement, as if their own churches never told them how to vote or get involved in the confirmation of judges. Sigh, there's that ol' separation thing again. Separation of church and state, that is; not the separation of babies from parents or families from freedom and life itself.

So, it looks like the whining righties might see lots of creches come December, just not the kind they were wishing for. You know what they say about wishing!

But, why wait? I'm already making plans to put up a creche for Halloween. In addition to the Holy Family, I will be including Kellyanne Conway, Sarah Huckabee Sanders, and Ted Cruz in mine. Jesus, Joseph, and Mary will even feature a more believable skin tone. Maybe, I'll include one of those naked Trump statues, too, with a naked Putin, of course.

Midnight Meme, Special Edition: The 12 Days Of Christimemes #7

-by Noah

I said to that man next to you that life is like this box of chocolates and his eyes got big as saucers and he grabbed them and ate them in the blink of an eye. I should tell you that the Viet Cong was more polite. I don't think my Jenny would like him. And that's all I have to say about that.

Midnight Meme: Special Edition: The 12 Days Of Christimemes #8

-by Noah

When Hurricane Maria bore down on Puerto Rico last summer, there was much discussion as to whether Maria was a category 4 or a category 5 as it came ashore. Then this photo showed up and the argument was settled. Maria had to have been a category 6.

Midnight Meme, Special Edition: The 12 Days Of Christimemes.

-by Noah

For the next 11 days (plus yesterday), I have chosen to celebrate the 12 Days Of Christmas with a special edition of The Midnight Meme Of The Day. What gave me this idea was the Chris Christie meme phenomenon that ensued last summer when New Jersey Governor Chris Christie closed the renowned beaches of his state to the public, ostensibly due to a state government shutdown that he petulantly ordered when he failed to put a state budget agreement together with the state's legislature, only because his hideous personality got in the way. To add to the absurdity, he closed New Jersey's state beaches just in time for the July 4th weekend. Classy. Christie even denied reports that he was at the beach... until the photos showed up.

Christie closed the state beaches alright. The beaches were closed to everyone but him and his family. There he was on the holiday weekend, on the beach, sunning himself in his folding lawn chair, caught by a news photographer in a helicopter. His family had come along for the ride, playing the obnoxious family that every neighborhood dreads. The next thing we knew, Christie, usually in his chair, was appearing in memes all over the internet.

Our first installment finds Christie on another beach, memed for eternity.

2017, A Hell Bound Train Of A Year, Part 3: Donald Trump Plunks his Magic Tweeter

-by Noah

Twitler, that’s what they call him. He’s a tweet machine. Sure, those who voted for him would like to take his combined twitter spew, put it in a leather bound, gold-embossed Bible Of Trump, and sell it. Maybe, there would even be a special gold-plated edition, the proceeds of which could go to poor, starving billionaires. For them it would be a kind of "Quotations Of Chairman Mao." But Mao was a tyrant of another era. We have enough with this one: this Donald J. Trump.

Twitler doesn’t give press conferences like actual presidents. He’s chicken-shit. He’s the 13-year-old bully who’s afraid to face the adults. So, he sits in his gold bathroom early every morning and… tweets. His psyche was made for tweeting, just as his undersized fingers and undersized vocabulary were.

I sometimes imagine the following: I imagine that Trump is a constant aggravation even to the people around him in the White House who support his mission to dismantle America. I imagine a spoiled child in a constant tantrum state who refuses to get dressed every morning. I imagine a spoiled child who won’t eat the nice breakfast prepared for him. I imagine that, instead, of his eggs and toast, he stomps his feet and screams for his diet cokes and his cheetos. I imagine the staff gets so frustrated that they just cave in to him, and hoist him into his playpen in a room just outside the oval office. The staff throws his twitter machine in after him, and, from there, he runs the country, sort of, while Mike Pence or some fake double of Trump sits at "the big desk" and pretends to be president; a fake president whose job it is to translate the whims of an insane, playpen-bound Manchurian man-child into bizarro world policy for his party and, therefore, the country.

This then is how the United States Of America is run in the year 2017 and into next year, at least. Think of Pence and General Kelly and any one of a number of White Supremacist Trump Administration staff as priests consulting the big fat orange wailing baby in the playpen with his twitter machine like an oracle of Delphi-- Ladies and Gentlemen, The Oracle of The Playpen, The President of the United States Of America, der Leader of the Free World. Isn’t that comforting?

This morning (Christmas morning as I write this), the fat, stinky, diaper-wearing brat grabbed… his phone and tweeted out, for all the world to see, that he had ended the mythological "War On Christmas," a war that exists only in the minds of fellow demented Republicans. How utterly insane do you have to be to claim that you have won a war that never existed? What else will Trump soon claim? That he has personally found a cure for cancer? That he won the World Series for the Houston Astros as a personal gift to make Texas feel better after the floods of Hurricane Harvey and that he decided to do that instead of the promised personal contribution of $1,000,000 that he never gave?

I have a feeling that, right this very second, there’s a huge conference call of key Republicans, FOX "News" crazies, Alex Jones’ Info Wars crazies, and White House staff jihadists, wherein they are all trading war stories about their days fighting in the War On Christmas. You know it’s going something like this-

I served 3 tours of duty in the legendary Reindeer Air Squadron. Many Sleighs were shot down and reindeer lost to the liberals who took all the presents and handed them out to disgusting little orphans! Our ground troops, particularly the Tucker Carlson Brigade under General Bill O’Reilly, took a lot of ornament shrapnel when the leftists blew up all the Christmas trees! I remember when Obama tried to forbid the sale of Christmas wrapping paper and tried to close all the churches!

We’re now left to wonder when Trump will be handing out medals for meritorious deeds in the fight against the War On Christmas. When will complete nutjobs in Congress, nutjobs like Louis Gomert and Orrin Hatch call for a special new War On Christmas Remembrance Day? I can see the parades now; complete with animatronic Jesuses and good Republican christonuts riding 6000 year old dinosaurs decked out in Christmas lights and bough of holly. And every town will have an animatronic Mike Pence loudly reading bible verses in the town square!

Midnight Meme, Special Edition: The 12 Days Of Christimemes #2

-by Noah

Looks like Santa didn't bring Chris Christie everything he wanted so he's waiting for the delivery trucks at Krispy Kreme. Too bad the other customers won't get any, but, hey, he's a Republican. They're very grabby and very piggy.

Midnight Meme Of The Day!

-by Noah

It's Christmas night. I hope you've had a nice day. I realize that it may have been darkened somewhat if you had to suffer the presence of some Republican relatives. Personally, I don't indulge in such tortuous activities. But, if I did have any Republican company over for Christmas, I would arrange to have a black Santa Claus come over and hand out some presents. I'd also have Santa stay for dinner. Watching all that republican discomfort would be my present to myself. The added bonus would be that the Republican relatives would never darken my door again.

If all of this is too elaborate for you, just send a Republican this meme and tell them "Black Santas Matter."