Saturday, February 03, 2018

Remember The Mooch? From Oyster Bay? Like Steve Israel?


Everyone who was looking forward to The Mooch being one of the Trumpanzee ringmasters for years was disappointed when Chief of Staff John Kelly made Trump fire him after just 10 days. What a tragedy for late night comedy! The Mooch should write a book. Thursday evening, Vanity Fair's William Cohan gave him some pretty bitter notes about those 10 hilarious days that he'll be able to use in writing it if his memory weakens. The title should get some clicks: "Fucking Sith Lord," "Horrific Leakers," and "Berserkazoid Craziness": The Mooch Recalls His Brief Shining Fortnights at the Center of American Politics. The Mooch still has his head planted firmly up the Trumpanzee butt, and is vehemently attacking Trump's enemies. "Could Anthony Scaramucci," asks Cohan incredulously, "actually talk his way back into the West Wing? In Trumpworld, stranger things have happened."

He was a Goldman Sachs hedge-fund scumbag but he says DC is worse. "I want you to imagine the worst person that you’ve met on Wall Street, the most ruthless and the most diabolical," he told Cohan, who he's known for a decade. "That’s the best person in Washington. That’s the Eagle Scout of Washington."

Reince Priebus was the Señor T chief of staff at the time and the Eagle Scout of Washington immediately started undermining him, dubbing him the "Rancid Penis" behind his back. In the mind of the Mooch, "Priebus had the society broken up into 'Always Trumpers' and 'Never Trumpers,' and he was trying to flood the White House staff, as the chief of staff, with 'Never Trumpers,' and trying to figure out ways to blockade, slow down, and keep out, particularly of the White House, the 'Trumper-Trumpers.'"
“So, when the president turned to me and said he wanted to give me the O.P.L. job, I got a call from Reince: ‘Don’t take the O.P.L. job. You can be the finance director for the R.N.C. Stay at your company.’ Blah, blah, blah. I said, ‘No, no, no. I’m gonna take the O.P.L. job. I want to work with the president.’ How many times in my life am I gonna be able to work in the White House and work for the president of the United States? And Reince’s answer was, ‘Actually, I’m gonna do everything I can [to help you].’ He did say this because he’s a Washingtonian. That’s what they do to you, they say, ‘golly gee’ to your face and they act like Richie Cunningham to your face. They’re Richie Cunningham and they’re Opie from The Andy Griffith Show, but they’re the fucking Sith Lord behind your back. They’re hitting you with a lightsaber behind your back.” In fact, according to Scaramucci, Priebus disinvited Scaramucci’s parents from the January 22 swearing-in ceremony for the new White House staff.
Other members of the White House inner circle are saying The Mooch is delusional and making this crap up. He and Bannon were at each other's throats and still harbor grudges. Bannon, who called some of his accusations "laughable," was lambasted in the article. Mr. Mooch: "I helped Bannon through the three months that he was on the campaign, and we had a good relationship. But Bannon turns on me, because Bannon is ultimately railing against the swamp, but he’s actually a cock of the swamp. He’s the creature from the Black Lagoon, Bannon. He acts more swamp-like than any person that’s ever become a Washingtonian. So for all of his railing on the swamp, he is literally the pig in George Orwell’s Animal Farm that stands on his two legs the minute he gets power. He is the creature from the Black Lagoon." He accused Bannon and Priebus of leaking non-stop: "What was going on was absolute berserkazoid craziness: internecine warfare, leaks every 13 seconds, Bannon leaking on everybody, Priebus leaking on everybody, total chaos in the White House, total disorganization."
Bannon tried to convince Scaramucci that he wasn’t up to the job. “He says to me, ‘You’re not equipped. This Russia thing, you won’t know how to handle it properly, you won’t know how to communicate it. Reince and I want to offer you a number of different jobs. Come and see us at 9:30 in the morning in the chief of staff’s office.’

“I tell Bannon, ‘O.K. I’m happy to go see you at 9:30.’ I go to the White House-- I have my badge. I go upstairs and say hello to Ivanka. [She says,] ‘Are you ready?’ I say, ‘I’m totally ready, no problem.’ I go downstairs. I have a 30-minute meeting with Reince and Bannon. And Priebus is now, he’s pulling the Howdy Doody, Richie Cunningham delivery and ‘Oh golly gee shucks, we’re friends.’ I’m like, ‘Reince, we can spare the ceremony. I know that you dislike me. I now dislike you. You can spare the ceremony.’ I said, ‘I’m looking at the two of you jamokes. If my network took a shit it would be the combination of the two of you. I’m very, very frustrated with the two of you, I’m going to tell you right now.’”

At 10 A.M. on July 21, they headed into the Oval Office to see Trump. “He’s hot. Jared is in the office, Ivanka, me, Sarah [Huckabee Sanders], Hope [Hicks], and the two jamokes. The president is hot. He says, ‘Scaramucci is going to come in, he’s going to be the comms director.’ He’s dictating a press release to Sarah who is writing it all down, and then he turns to Priebus and he says, ‘I don’t want him reporting to you. He’s going to report directly to me. I don’t want him tainted with your stench. I know the two of you guys have been leaking on me and leaking on other people in the administration, and I want it to stop, and this guy’s in charge now. He’s going to fix the Comms Department; he’s going to fire the leakers.’ They are now super pissed. They walk out. I go the other way with Sarah, and then Sarah’s as white as a ghost. I’m getting the stern looks of anger and hatred from Sean Spicer. I’m like, ‘I don’t know why you’re looking at me like that for. If you want to work with me that’s great, and if you don’t that’s fine too.’ He goes into the president’s office and he resigns. He comes back and he announces that he’s resigned, and I said, ‘O.K., that’s great.’ Trump’s irritated. He says, ‘These guys are unbelievable. I gave them the job of a lifetime, they’re letting everybody down. They’re letting me down.’” (Spicer could not be reached for comment.)

...Even though, according to Scaramucci, Kelly did not officially fire him until 9:37 A.M. Monday morning, he said he knew by 7:14 A.M. that he had been fired. “How do I know at 7:14 on Monday that I’m getting fired?” he said. “Nick Ayers, who is now the new chief of staff for Vice President Pence, is trying to reach me on the White House bat phone. I had been issued an encrypted phone. When you’re talking to the president or the vice president or people inside the West Wing, you do not use your personal cell phone. You’re issued a White House-encrypted cell phone. O.K., no problem. I’ve got the White House-encrypted cell phone. Nick Ayers is texting me on my regular phone, saying, in effect, ‘Hey, Mooch, why aren’t you answering the White House-encrypted bat phone?’ ‘O.K., let me turn it on.’ I turn it on. It’s inoperable. There’s no e-mail and there’s no cell service. They’ve disconnected my phone. Now I know I’m getting fired, but I’m just waiting for it. You know what I mean?” (Ayers did not respond to a request for comment.)

He was sitting in his small White House office when he got invited to Kelly’s swearing-in as the new chief of staff. “They swear in the chief of staff,” he said. “They’re sitting in those two chairs, the president and Kelly. They’re doing photos. Then the Cabinet meeting starts. I’m getting ready for the Cabinet meeting. I go back to my desk. Kelly’s assistant comes in, ‘Chief of Staff Kelly would like to see you.’ I walk in. I was thinking that I’m not gonna go to the Cabinet meeting, because if I’m fired and it’s still Priebus’s White House—and this was the irony of the day, the thing does not leak. But if it’s Priebus’s White House, every journalist now knows that I’ve been fired. But it’s not Priebus’s White House anymore. It is actually John Kelly’s White House. And guess what? The thing doesn’t leak. Kelly’s first act is he calls me into his office and says, ‘I need to let you go.’

“Wow,” the Mooch told him. “That’s super disappointing.”

“You know you made a huge mistake last week and these words that you used, which they recorded and got you on tape, you’ll never recover from that,” Kelly replied. “I know this town. I’ve lived in this town a long time, and you’ll never recover from it.”

Scaramucci wasn’t so sure. “I think this town is a lot different today,” he said. “The president recovered from remarks. I know I’m not the president, but if you give me a chance, I’ve put a whole comms plan together,” showing Kelly the document he had in his hand.

“I’m really sorry,” Kelly told him. “I have the full authority of the president. I’m sure you’re gonna want to go in and see him, but you need to know that you don’t need to do that. Him and I spoke about this, and this is our mutual decision.”

“No, I wouldn’t do that to you, sir,” the Mooch replied. “You’re the chief of staff. If you don’t want me here, no sense in me being here. I’m not gonna go around you to the president.”

A White House personnel guy then showed up. “He’s like, ‘Thank you so much for helping us here. Priebus was a disaster.’ I said, ‘No problem.’ He says, ‘If you’re O.K. with it, I have to escort you out.’ I said, ‘Absolutely. No problem. If you don’t mind, because I’m so high-profile at this point, I’d like to go out the East Wing exit, over by Treasury. Are you cool with that?’

“Yeah, no problem,” he said. “That’s fine, Mooch, no problem."

The Mooch told me that while it was “very painful” going through it, after six months “on the other side of it,” he thinks it was “an unbelievably phenomenal experience.” He continued, “You want to talk about the education of Anthony Scaramucci? I learned that the swamp is probably a gold-plated cesspool with no drain. You understand what I’m saying? You can’t drain the fucking thing. It’s a gold-plated cesspool, and you got cesspool operators in there that know how to slow down disruptors like Donald Trump.”

...The Mooch’s tumultuous days did not alter his perception of Donald Trump. “My point is this guy’s a winner,” he said, warming to his subject. “He’s been winning his whole life, and he’s not a choke artist. He’ll hit the shot.” Then he was fully taken with his reverie. “The shot’s going in,” he continued. “Michael Jordan, that last shot in the championship, he wanted the ball. That’s Trump.” Somewhere, an orange-hued president is nodding enthusiastically.
What a fucking dummy! Ever watch Bravos' Princesses Long Island? Worst show ever made. Worse than Shahs Of Sunset. It's long gone; one horrible season... like The Mooch, the male embodiment of the mentality behind that show. I wonder who will play The Mooch in the Trumpanzee sit com.

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