National Scott Walker Day?
"To those who thought Donald Trump was the only sociopath in the race, let me say this: not anymore."
-- Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker, quoted
by The Borowitz Report (see below)
by The Borowitz Report (see below)
Another long-awaited candidate for the 2016 GOP presidental nomination is finally here. The Kochs and ALEC are pushing out their schlemiel of a candidate, a study in vapidity, today.
“The Koch brothers have long dreamt of turning the United States into their own personal fiefdom,” said AP Action President Erica Payne. “They now plan to buy the 2016 election and install their puppet king Scott Walker, who will implement their extremist right wing agenda on a national scale.”Although Walker is judged one of the least accomplished governors, whose policies have laid his own state low, he is definately a front-runner in the Republican Clown Car. A recent Fox poll showed Walker losing decisively to Hillary Clinton but well able to appeal to the Fox and Hate Talk Radio legions that dominate the early GOP primaries and caucuses.
The ad is just the first in a series planned against Walker leading up to the 2016 presidential election. The campaign will focus on his questionable relationship with the Kochs and will emphasize the concept of Walker as nothing more than a purchased puppet doing their bidding. AP Action Fund has partnered with American Family Voices for the ad. There will be an anti-Walker rally in Wisconsin held adjacent to location where Walker will be making his presidential campaign announcement, attendees will be given Puppet for President stickers to amplify the ad campaign’s message.
“Walker’s record shows that he is the ultimate puppet for the priorities of the Koch brothers: eviscerating protections for the environment, and eviscerating the power of working people to negotiate for better wages and working conditions,” said AFV President Mike Lux. “This was a natural fit for AFV because we stand on the side of working people and against big-money special interests.”
THE INSIDE DOPE ON THE DOPE'S CAMPAIGN:
"SCOTT WALKER WANTS TO BE THAT DICK"
MADISON, WISCONSIN (The Borowitz Report) -- Serving notice that he intends to go toe-to-toe with the controversial real-estate mogul, Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker used the official announcement of his Presidential candidacy to assure Republican voters that he is as horrible as Donald Trump.
“Donald Trump has grabbed a lot of headlines over the past few weeks by spewing bigotry and venom,” Walker told an enthusiastic crowd of supporters. “I want to make it clear that when it comes to those things, I take a back seat to no one.”
Concluding his speech with a line that triggered a standing ovation, Walker said, “To those who thought Donald Trump was the only sociopath in the race, let me say this: not anymore.”
Prior to his announcement, aides to the Wisconsin governor had privately fretted that by establishing his identity as an arrogant and ill-informed merchant of hatred, Trump had appropriated Walker’s brand.
In the hopes of proving that Trump has no monopoly on odiousness, aides have released a point-by-point comparison showing that on such key issues as worker’s rights and health care, Walker is just as terrifying as the former reality-show host.
Acknowledging that Trump has dominated media attention for now, Walker’s aides believe that the governor will eventually reclaim his rightful mantle as the worst person in the race.
“Sooner or later, the Trump candidacy is going to fall apart and voters are going to be looking for another dick to vote for,” one aide said. “Scott Walker wants to be that dick.”