Sunday, July 12, 2015

Republicans Find a Big Ol’ Pot of Perversion and Terrorism at the End of Every Rainbow!

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Featuring Tom DeLay and his fabulous future world of
"12 New Perversions"! Plus: Mike Huckabee in chaps!


Uh-oh, looks like the republican God has some punishing to do.

by Noah

It's summertime, the time of beastly hot weather, which is often relieved only by big storms. At the end of those storms, one can often see a rainbow. To normal people, a rainbow is something beautiful. To republicans, rainbows are ugly things that equate to perversion and even terrorism, especially if those rainbows take the form of flags.

This past week, while so many of us, even a few South Carolina republican politicians who risked being cast out of their jobs for not toeing the partyline of hate, bigotry, and belief in a flag of treason, supported the removal of the Confederate battle flag from the grounds of the state's capitol building, several leading republican voices saw something ominous, threatening, and flat-out evil in another flag. No, the object of their fear was not the flag of ISIS, but the flag of “The Gay.”

Republicans always seem to be masters of nihilism and seeing the half-full glass as bone dry. For them, happiness and love are things to be stomped on as if they were plague-infested rats. Perhaps it's one of those projection things.

Lest you think I exaggerate, here are just five of the seemingly limitless examples of just how far into the mirror of lunacy the Republican Party has gone, courtesy of Right Wing Watch.


1. Franklin Graham: "[President Obama] might want to have
some extra lightning rods installed on the White House"


God will punish the president's "arrogantly sinful behavior."

Billy Graham's son not only calls himself a man of God and claims to speak for God. He has also offered up an idea of something that republicans should pray for. Graham's sick idea is that, as punishment for the Supreme Court's ruling on same sex marriage, God might smite President Obama with lightning.

Echoing Bill O'Reilly, who I wrote about here last week, Reverend Goofball said that President Obama --
had the gall to disgrace the White House by lighting it up with the gay pride colors to celebrate. This is arrogantly sinful behavior in the face of Almighty God. My advice? He might want to have some extra lightning rods installed on the roof of the White House.
I guess after that particular storm, republicans might see a rainbow they could like, even if it wasn't really there. If it was, it would be solid black or some sickly shade of green.

Maybe these loons would just prefer that scene from Independence Day when their fellow aliens just send a beam down to vaporize the White House. Failing that, they might be happy, Tories that they are, if the British came and burned it down like they did in the War of 1812. They could even carry the Confederate flag they love, thus combining two wars against the spirit of America into their current one.


2. Sandy Rios: "If you use [God's] symbol for a sign
of sexual behavior that is ungodly, unallowed . . ."


That's right, tinfoil-hat wearer, Sandy's talkin' to you!

FOX News contributor Rios, like Franklin Graham, is delusional enough to think she has firsthand knowledge of God's thoughts. She says that the Supreme Court's decision is "an unbelievable affront to God," and we can expect punishments to be forthcoming from on high. Ever notice how the righties are always so big on punishment? They love it so.

Like straitjacket model and TV host Pat Robertson, Ms. Rios warns that God will lift His hand of protection from America, thus increasing the likelihood of terror attacks. Yep, there it is, just with like old Pat and the thankfully dead Jerry Falwell. It's all "the gays'" fault.

Talking to her tinfoil-hat-wearing disciples about a rainbow that, the story goes, appeared after the biblical flood of the first Noah's time, Ms. Rios said the rainbow "was God's sign to mankind that he would never destroy the Earth again." She prattles on to say in pure republicanese that "if you take his symbol and you use it for a sign of sexual behavior that is ungodly, unallowed"… well, let's just say that bad, bad things will be visited upon us -- like a plague of locusts or republican talk radio morons. Come to think of it, wasn't that already happening before the Supreme Court did the Devil's bidding and joined the Great Gay Conspiracy?

Ms. Rios, you better warn your followers not to wear those tinfoil hats. Tinfoil attracts lightning bolts. Better yet, maybe we should make a line of fashion right, that's Fashion-Right™ tinfoil hats. We could get all the republicans to wear them easily enough, and then pick the days when thunderstorms are most likely and hold a series of nice Big Day of Republican Picnics for them -- on restricted golf courses.


3. Tom DeLay: "LGBT is only the beginning. [The administration
is] going to start expanding it to the [12] other perversions"



They're going after the churches too, and the pastors, and businesses.

The Republicans' former House majority leader and current Tea Party icon also claims to hear the voice of God in his loco cabeza. Maybe peyote is getting into the water supply down in his East Texas homeland. In the past, DeLay has uttered such pearls as:
It's time for a revolution. I am not advocating for revolution in the streets. But if that's what it takes…
Right. You're not calling for it, but hey, if that's what it takes . . . .

You can bet that if that day comes, Tom DeLay will not be fighting in the streets along with those he's incited to riot. No, he'll be holed up in some gated community playing strip poker with Karl Rove, Sean Hannity and Mitch McConnell, while Mike Huckabee, clad only in an apron and bare-ass chaps, makes pigs-in-a-blanket with full-size kielbasas in the kitchen.

Now, in 2015, DeLay's republican insanity has progressed to the point where he has gone on republican wacko Newsmax TV and told host Steve Malzberg that the Supreme Court's same-sex marriage ruling has triggered his predicted Pandora's box of about-to-be-legalized perversions. You read that right.He says he's seen a super-top-secret Department of Justice memo that outlines some sort of dastardly Obama plan to legalize "12 new perversions," including the old Texas favorite, bestiality, along with pedophilia.
We've already found a secret memo coming out of the Justice Department. They're now going to go after 12 new perversions, things like bestiality, polygamy, having sex with little boys and making that legal.
The maniac continues raving:
Not only that, but they have a whole list of strategies to go after the churches, the pastors, and any business that tries to assert their religious  liberty. This is coming and it's coming like a tidal wave.
When Malzberg asked DeLay to clarify his statement, he added that --
LGBT is only the beginning. They are going to start expanding it to the other perversions.
So there you have it, LGBT itself is a perversion! Man, if you go on TV and spew stuff like this, shouldn't you expect to be put on some sort of watch list? This is way beyond your run-of-the-mill "you can't make this stuff up" material. Satire has gone full circle and become something else: madness.


4. Rick Wiles: "The floodgates to sexual perversion, lewdness,
sorcery, witchcraft and rebellion opened wide last Friday"


Has a personal relationship with God the new-media consultant.

There they go again! Rick Wiles also claims to have a personal relationship with God. The brief description of Mr. Wiles at his "Trunews" site tells us that he is a "citizen reporter" who, upon deciding to take on "Big News Media," started Trunews with a $7500 donation. It also tells us that "throughout his early years, God's hand silently guided him to be employed in the latest new media."

Think of the ego one must have to think one is chosen by God! Apparently, Wiles's version of God also told him to react to the Supreme Court's decision by lamenting that "the America I knew and loved is dead, rest in peace. It will not be resurrected."

Is Wiles a secessionist? After calling the Court's decision "the final abomination," he asked:
How can I pledge allegiance to the flag of a nation that celebrates sexual perversion, pornography and baby killing?
Is this a case of Rick wanting to take his ball and leave? If so, he's to be encouraged. But he was just getting warmed up. He later added that he is --
embarrassed to be a legal citizen in a nation that that is openly promoting sexual perversion and compelling other nations to rebel against God too.
And, after saying that, like his comrade Tony Perkins, he would no longer be saying "God bless America," he played his grand finale for the day:
[T]here is no end to the sexual perversion this country has now opened itself to. The floodgates to sexual perversion, lewdness, sorcery, witchcraft and rebellion opened wide last Friday.
Sorcery! Witchcraft! Were these people swept up by some sort of snowy vortex in Salem Massachusetts back in February of 1692 and deposited in our 21st century? This is much more than republicans wanting to return to the pre-civil rights, all gays in the closet 1950s. If this is what such republican spokespersons feel comfortable saying out loud in public, one wonders what darker thoughts towards those they consider perverts republicans are concealing from us.


5. Todd Starnes: "When the Supreme Court says they know
better than God: Send the hornets, Lord! Clear the field!"



Todd wants God to use His powers as master of pest control.

Some republicans might say that the people on this list don't really represent republican views. Such people are the much the same as those who say that Donald Trump's views on Mexican immigrants also don't represent republican views. Yet there sits Donald Trump atop the polling of preferred republican candidates for president.

It's possible that one could say that Rick Wiles is a bit fringe, even on the republican scale of reality because he, among other things, is an "end times" guy. But so are many prominent republicans, such as former Rep. Michele Bachmann, who not only was elected to multiple House terms but four years ago was spoken of as a potential candidate for president. Number 3 on this list, Tom DeLay, was the House majority whip, and number 1 on the list, Franklin Graham, is frequently consulted and quoted by republican leaders, much like his father was.

Then there's Todd Starnes. Like number 2, Sandy Rios, he is a FOX News pundit, a frequent contributor to the utter lunacy that is FOX News. He's also, like so many of his party, a chronic player of victim cards. Let's take a look at why he makes this list.

Speaking during last month's Faith and Freedom Conference before the Supreme Court's decision, Starnes not only decried Democrats as "godless," he argued that  our Founding Fathers would see some shameful Republicans as campaigning as culture-war conservatives but governing the same as those damn "godless Democrats."

There they go again, putting words in the mouths of our Founding Fathers! The same Founding Fathers who didn't believe in having a state religion and who gave us the concept of the separation of church and state, which just happens to be a big reason why many colonists came here in the first place and then fought a war with England for liberties including that of religion. This is what happens when republicans edit textbooks and history isn't taught to our children.

Now, however, using a twisted definition of religious liberty, Starnes spoke before the conference, whining that a decision in favor of same-sex marriage would be part of the so-called War on Christianity:
This is not just about marriage; this is about whether or not a government can begin to put limitations on the conscience and the convictions of people of faith.
It's as if, to these poor unfortunates, Christianity is somehow being singled out when Christians are asked to obey the laws of the land. Is it possible that in their minds Jews, Hindus, Muslims, and people of all the other faiths represented in America are not also being asked to be fair and follow the same laws? Or do these republicans just think that the laws should not apply to them, but only to everyone else? Now that's what I call freedom! I guess that's the libertarian strain that has infected these people. Or maybe they're just promoting their own version of sharia law.

Rest assured, though, FOX's Todd Starnes is a man with a plan. He has a solution! Referencing the Old Testament's Book of Exodus 23:28, which told of God sending a "swarm of hornets to clear the battlefield," Starnes beseeched the Lord:
Send those hornets! Clear that field!  When the Supreme Court says they know better than God: Send the hornets, Lord! Clear the field!
And when the president says that America is no longer just a Christian nation:
Don't send the hornets, Lord. Send the mosquitoes and the gnats, and the bumblebees and the lightning bugs and the cicadas! Send every critter you got, Lord! Clear the field!
 No guys in white coats with big butterfly nets were seen. No colorful butterflies either -- too much like rainbows.


EVERY TIME YOU THINK THEYVE DESCENDED AS FAR
INTO ABSOLUTE CRAZYWORLD AS THEY POSSIBLY CAN . . .


These republicans surprise you. As it is, the insane shouting of these Reince Priebus horror troops can only devolve further into the speaking of unknown and unintelligible tongues. These people ain't never comin' back.
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5 Comments:

At 3:46 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Regarding Ms Rios: Apparently God has long ago lifted Her hand of protection from America.
I base this only on easily obtainable data: we must "supplement" whatever protection afforded by God to the tune of, realistically, a $Trillion per year.

As corollary, God must also care much more for all the other nations of the world since, combined, they hardly spend as much for their protection.

On a general note: I recently ran across my own claim of about three years ago that "bottom of wingnuttery has not and cannot be achieved. There is NO known such limit." I'll stick to that.

John Puma

 
At 5:11 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

PS

Re: The alleged "Department of Justice memo that outlines some sort of dastardly Obama plan to legalize '12 new perversions'."

OK, OK, I take back 5% of the considerable criticism I have heaped onto former Atty. Gen. Holder.

John Puma

 
At 3:47 PM, Anonymous Michael Simmons said...

I remember the night Reagan was elected back in November 1980 -- I was one of the naive chumps who was gobsmacked -- I didn't think someone so shallow could possibly be elected President Of The United States. It's only gotten worse and now we endure the current absurdities noted above.

I've thought it possible that I overdosed that night (I treated my shock with various chemicals and liquids) and died and went to hell. How is it possible that such rank stupidity is treated with any seriousness?

Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water... Thank you Noah -- you make hell a little less lonely.

 
At 3:48 PM, Anonymous Michael Simmons said...

I remember the night Reagan was elected back in November 1980 -- I was one of the naive chumps who was gobsmacked -- I didn't think someone so shallow could possibly be elected President Of The United States. It's only gotten worse and now we endure the current absurdities noted above.

I've thought it possible that I overdosed that night (I treated my shock with various chemicals and liquids) and died and went to hell. How is it possible that such rank stupidity is treated with any seriousness?

Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water... Thank you Noah -- you make hell a little less lonely.

 
At 8:11 AM, Blogger Erik Lindgren said...

How can one not love and admire Religion as defined by these right-wing dingbats. It's the ultimate marketing scam. Once again, I am constantly amazed at how these charlatans would like to dictate my life with their prejudiced postulates.

 

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