Thursday, January 05, 2012

The Noah Diaries 2011 (18): Trouble in MurdochWorld -- Bye-bye, "News of the World"!


Reptilian Louie Gohmert on gov't salaries, Obama hit for being for education, slavery wasn't so-o-o bad, naked gunwoman, and more

Said Labour Party MP Tom Watson: "This is a victory for decent people up and down the land. I say good riddance to the News of the World." (For video, see 7/7.)

7/5/11 -- Scandal at the News of the World: Does anyone believe Rupert Murdoch is only interested in the phones of 13-year-olds?

The British tabloid News of the World has been accused of hacking into the cell phone of a 13-year-old kidnap victim and deleting several of her messages, thus potentially interfering with the police investigation of the case. The girl was taken in 2002, and her remains were found six months later. News of the paper's horrendous idiocy has only now surfaced. It should come as no surprise that the paper's owner is Rupert Murdoch. Does anyone think for a second that ol' Rupert is only interested in the phones of 13-year-olds? [For further developments, see 7/7 below.]

7/6/11 -- One of the most insipid, slithering cretins infesting Washington these days is Rep. Louie "The Bestiality Guy" Gohmert (R-TX)

Yes, that Louie Gohmert -- the "Adam and Steve" guy. Would you take advice about what's sexually normal from this guy?

When this pea-brained reptile isn't obsessing about gay marriage turning into goat marriage, chances are he's focused on what he likes to call terror babies or anything else that might rile up a few votes from the gullible constituents in his district. Now Mr. Bestiality is attacking the Obama White House staffers for their (in his warped view) exorbitant pay, saying that the Obama administration "doesn't have anybody making less than $40,000." Says Louie sarcastically, "I guess that if you're associated with this White House, you deserve to be paid more. I don't know."

Right. You don't know, reptile boy.

"Don't forget the 34 czars that are out there dictating policy."

Gohmert is attacking people who make a mere $40,000 a year while working in what is arguably the most expensive area of our country. All the while he dedicates what limited brainpower he has to giving the über-wealthy even more tax breaks than they already have, so they will continue to contribute to his campaign and his luxury lifestyle. Gohmert happens to make much more than $40,000 in his job as a congresscretin representing a district in our biggest nut state. He makes $174,000 in official, on-the-books salary (no figures are available for the rest of his annual haul), so why doesn't he complain about what he gets paid? Clearly, he thinks it's too much, no?

Incredibly, people actually voted for this guy. Gohmert is just more evidence that we shouldn't wait for Texas to secede [see 6/6], we should just kick them out of the country so they can deal with Mexico and hurricanes by themselves. Then they can reject our foreign aid for natural disasters, roads, police equipment, you name it. We would save money, and Texas would be free to be the total hellhole it wants to be. An additional benefit to us: Dumping Texas would result in a higher national IQ average for our country.

I suppose we could keep Austin. It could become an island city like Berlin was for decades.

7/6/11 -- FOX's David Aspen slams President Obama for being in favor of education
Successful people almost always think their route to success is the right route for everyone. Maybe that's why President Obama is so insistent that the government should guarantee everybody a college education. Now there's no doubt that President Obama himself used education to become successful. He gamed the education system for years, using various connections to rise up in his field to rise in his field.

Gaming the system? Well, if you're a Republican, how else would an African-American graduate or get into a college in the first place?

A college education these days will cost an annual average of $12,283 (public school) or $31,233 (private school). Of course FOX cretins never mention how Dubya got into Yale with a phone call from Poppy, who allegedly even managed later to get Chimpy's transcript fixed by arranging for funding of a campus building. I have to admit, though, that it looks like David Aspen managed to get his job without having gotten an education, at least not past kindergarten.

Since FOX has made such a big deal about wanting to investigate how President Obama got into Columbia and Harvard, and since they want to see his grades, how about they show us their grades too? God, it would absolutely kill them if we found out Obama's IQ and then found out theirs. I'd love to see how many of these Repug halfwits even graduated from high school. In fact, I'm wondering if anyone from, say, Fox & Fiends progressed as far as high school. If they did, that would be evidence that the standards of our education system have really fallen into the abyss.

7/7/11 -- Murdoch shuts down News of the World: Thoughts about a paper's demise

Why shut down the paper? Is there a sudden shortage of English girls willing to display their breasts for the legendary Page Three? Nah. Besides, a guy like Murdoch can just have his minions Photoshop Sunday's head onto the body of Monday's girl and so on down the week, making for an endless supply of new nudie photos to keep the customers satisfied. He's probably already done it anyway.

My first reaction to the news that Murdoch was shutting down England's most popular paper was that it's not just the BSkyB thing but that there's probably also something really ugly to be uncovered if the scandal continues to grow and grow. Therefore I hope it does continue to grow and grow. Sacrificing the paper makes sense. Murdoch owns other papers and media outlets. He just wants to remove the phrase "News of the World" from visibility and public consciousness.

Are we supposed to believe that similar hacking hasn't gone on here in the U.S.? Does Murdoch's Wall Street Journal do it? FOX News? I know I usually suspect the worst in people, but I don't see how my philosophy can go wrong when you're talking about a person of Murdoch's fine character mixing with politicians and upper-class twits.

Closing the paper doesn't hurt Murdoch a bit. He can start up another one at any time. London is the best environment in the world for a newspaper. With the kind of money Murdoch has, he could easily launch a "new" paper successfully. If it was even more tabloidish, the Brits just might lap it up. Just add an extra page of naked girls, although "Now with Naked Boys" or "Now with Naked Royals" might be the most surefire approach in Britain. Whatever. He could call it a "Pull-Out Section." The country's public-bathroom stalls would be plastered with the pictures. Oh, that's right, they already are.

People have a short attention span, and at least half of them wouldn't even know or care that Murdoch was the owner of the new paper. Hell, look at it this way: Most Americans can't even tell you who the speaker of the House is, and he's on TV every day. You could walk around the streets of any city in this country with a picture of Vice President Biden and ask people to identify the man in the picture, and if 10 percent could, I'd be very surprised.

Ignorance rules, and it's a very useful tool. Why do you think Repugs are so anti-education? Over in Limeyland they've fostered the class and privilege thing far more than us and for far longer. It's in their DNA. I'm sure that even by Monday the big concern of the man on the street in London won't be the whys and wherefores of what happened to the paper. It'll be "Where's my Page Three bit o' fluff?"

7/11/11 -- Slavery wasn't so-o-o bad

Rick "Man on Dog" Santorum and Michele "Unglued" Bachmann have signed a pledge in Iowa -- a nice Christian pledge that in opposing same-sex marriage manages to say that slaves had a better life than African-Americans do now:
Slavery had a disastrous impact on African-American families, yet sadly a child born into slavery in 1860 was more likely to be raised by his mother and father in a two-parent household than was an African-American baby born after the election of the USA's first African-American President.

Nothing like making an argument for slavery! Impressive! They really do want to go back to the good old days. (In the wake of the public outcry, the embarrassing phrase was removed from the pledge.) Well, if you're a Repug, oil in the water and chemicals in the air are good things too, so why not slavery? Besides, their economic policies are geared toward slavery anyway.

What's next from Republicans? Cannibalism is fine and dandy as long as it's practiced only on the first Wednesday following a full moon?

7/11/11 -- We'll leave the light on for you -- well, it wasn't a Motel 6, it was a Super 8 in Vacaville, CA (that's Cowville in English)

The New York Daily News pulled this file photo for the story.

Seems that at 2:30am on the 10th, a 31-year-old bare-naked lady strutted into the lobby with only her fully loaded .38 semi-automatic for an accessory. I'm not sure if this is a new fashion thing being pushed by QVC, but at least this woman thought she was dressed for success on a Saturday night. Happily, after 20 minutes of sweating, the night desk clerk was able to get her to put the gun down. Marijuana and Ecstasy were blamed. An obvious state of poor mental health was not.

Fortunately, the desk guy had immediately called 911 as she was coming in the door. Cops arrived pronto, talking ensued, and no one had to pry the .38 from her cold dead hand. Perhaps she thought she was auditioning for Pulp Fiction II. If she doesn't get the part, perhaps the Republicans will consider her almost crazy enough to run for president, when (if?) she gets to age 35. They can bill her as the candidate with nothing to hide. Teabaggers are probably already raising money for her and saying we're elitist for making fun of her.

History in the making:
Selections from THE NOAH DIARIES 2011

Yesterday: (17) Just let Texas go! Plus: Today's GOP foreseen 170 years ago, Delta supports the troops, Palin invades the U.K., Evan Bayh's true colors, and more (6/4-26/11)
Tomorrow: (19) "I don't remember any terrorist attacks on American soil from 2000 to 2008" (FOX's Eric Bolling). Plus: Newtie & the Supreme Court, suspicious death? nah!, fashion arrest, Rush says it's not the heat -- it's..., and more


And don't forget 2010's Year in Review series and 2009's "12 Days of Christmas Scorn"!

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