The Noah Diaries 2011 (16): "The Pill kills" -- the nutjobbers target contraception

Trump-Palin pizza party (write your own caption!), letter to the prez, Medicare "reform," you can't hear that speech!, and more

Your caption here? (See below.)

by Noah

6/1/11 -- Palin and Trump dine out in NYC

The picture above begs for a caption contest. What a freakshow! I hope these two never breed. It would set evolution back 200,000 years! Gotta love that they eat their pizza with a knife and fork. That's so-o-o Republican -- just can't get our dainty hands dirty! Palin looks like she's never seen a slice before. It's amazing when people can go through their whole lives as utter frauds.


6/1/11 -- Republicans: We're coming for your contraceptives



Republican nutjobbers (yeah, I know that sounds redundant) have been doing a lot of strange fascist things since expanding their power this year. We hear a lot about taking away collective-bargaining rights and attempted union-busting, and closing schools, and forced bussing that will make kids bus to and from other schools for three or more hours a day. We hear about privatizing Republicans selling off schools to corporate entities, and about states like Michigan passing legislation to allow voiding local elections when they don't like the winners, enabling them to install party-approved hacks to run the towns.

One thing we haven't heard much about is the Republican war on contraceptives. It's a battle being fought quietly under the guise of anti-abortion legislation. (The New York Times reports that in April alone more than 30 new anti-abortion bills were passed in the United States.) This is more than their usual just being against the distribution of condoms in schools, whether for health reasons or to help lower the teen pregnancy rate. Many Republicans just aren't in favor of contraception. They view it as interfering with the creation of life.

Next on the list is banning the Pill. Saturday, June 6th marks the fourth annual Pill protest. Believe it. The first was in 2008 and featured the slogan "The Pill kills babies"; so much for understanding the science behind the Pill, but as we know there's a Republican war on science too. Seems they have a war for everything. They usually call it "common-sense solutions." Next was: "The Pill kills women." Then: "The Pill kills the environment." This year it's the year of: "The Pill kills marriage." Don't bother looking for logic in any of this, and no, I'm not making it up. A Republican religious-right group called the American Life League is, and obviously has a lot of influence with the rest of the wackos who call the Republican Party home.

Let's look at one state: Alabama. Yeah, I know, Alabama is almost too easy. We expect the crazy as soon as we hear the name. But Alabama, as I write this, is one small step away from passing a law that defines a person to mean "humans from the moment of fertilization and implantation into the womb." Sounds like yet another attempt to ban abortion, doesn't it? But it's so much more, because the way they've written their law it can be interpreted as giving human eggs themselves personhood. So if one were to deny that little egg-person the right to fertilization . . . well, you get the picture. That's what contraceptives do, therefore contraceptives = bad.

Don't forget, a lot of Republicans also believe that masturbation is murder. That makes me and billions of other guys mass murderers on a quantum scale by the time we were 14. I will now breathe a sigh of relief since I know the statute of limitations has run out in my case. In my personal case, I'm doubly guilty since I dared to have my prostate nuked as a treatment for prostate cancer. I ignored the "Let him die" directive! So far, Republicans have not tried to outlaw that one, but give them time.

Whatever happened to Republicans being so in favor of individual freedoms? Or is this some convoluted plot to make us go forth and use our precious bodily fluids as much as humanly possible? Is there a plan to make us screw as many of the opposite sex as often as possible? (Joylessly, of course.) Will there be sex quotas? Weekly? Monthly? Daily? Who will check? Was Ahnold the Sperminator leading the way, setting an example for all? Is polygamy coming back? Is that why the Repug establishment prefers Romney? I can't believe it. Is this why they hate gay marriage so much? Will batteries be outlawed for some uses?

Similar legislation is in the hopper in Mississippi, North Dakota, Montana, Virginia ("Virginia is for lovers"), and Oklahoma. Soon, if Republicans have their way, every sperm will indeed be sacred, and Republicans will tell us what we can do with them.


6/1/11 -- Florida Gov. Rick Scott just signed a law that requires Florida residents to be drug-tested

It just so happens that he stands to personally profit from this. As the Palm Beach Post reported back in March:

One of the more popular services at Solantic, the urgent care chain co-founded by Florida Gov. Rick Scott, is drug testing, according to Solantic CEO Karen Bowling.

Given Solantic's role in that marketplace, critics are again asking whether Scott's policy initiatives -- this time, requiring drug testing of state employees and welfare recipients -- are designed to benefit Scott's bottom line.

Remember that South American nutter dictator in Woody Allen's Bananas decreeing that his citizens wear their underwear on the outside "so we can check"?


6/2/11 -- This morning I got an e-mail from the White House asking if I'm "in" for the 2012 campaign to reelect President Obama

At this point I can't say that I am. I'm tired of playing the game and having to hold my nose while I vote. John Kerry was the end for me. Give me a candidate who stands up for the middle and working classes and I'll change my mind. I won't hold my breath. Instead, I wrote a letter back and addressed it to the president. I know he won't be reading it, but maybe, just maybe, someone in the White House will. (I won't hold my breath on that one either.)

Dear Mr. President,

Sorry, but after hearing that Representative Hoyer has Medicare "on the table" and seeing the clip of Bill Clinton being all buddy-buddy with Paul Ryan, I have drawn a line in the sand when it comes to contributing to anybody other than ActBlue candidates and Green Party candidates. I am sick of the Democratic sellouts such as NAFTA, CAFTA, the Telecommunications Act of 1996, the continuation of completely unjustifiable tax breaks for the wealthy . . . .

I've been a Democrat all my life. I'm 62. Growing up, our family was virtually the only Democratic family in our New Jersey town. Long before I came along, my mother's dad made a point of having an FDR sign in the front yard. That was brave, considering that the KKK had burned crosses in the park only a few years before. But having Medicare "on the table" and that disgusting, despicable Alan Simpson co-chairing the Catfood Commission is, to use a cliché, beyond the pale. We didn't need some nasty, senile old coot from Wyoming heading up anything other than a bingo game. What we needed was Sen. Bernie Sanders!

I believe that Washington is hopelessly out of touch and clueless as to how Americans who don't live inside the Beltway Cocoon of Delusion feel about anything. Perhaps if those in government stopped letting right-wing media such as Politico and FOX frame the issues for them, and perhaps if they stopped being willfully lead around by the nose by K Street bribery squads, we could save this country for real Americans and not the corporate hand puppets of DC.

Respectfully,

6/2/11 -- Rand Paul wants to arrest you for attending "radical" speeches

Senator Paul (R-KY) has called for arresting and deporting those who attend certain meetings and speeches. First Amendment be damned! (Isn't this more Big Government interference?)



What's next? Listening to certain radio stations? Watching Ed Schultz? Some of these goons in government already want to see what books you purchase or check out from the library. Will Rand Paul be driving the 451 truck?

Shall we do a deal with Russia for the use of Siberia? I hear Guantanamo just isn't big enough.


6/3/11 -- But wait, the Republican summer reading list is here!

Some books will be spared the torch! Yay! A mole in the Republican hierarchy has sent me the Required Summer Reading List for Republicans. When Republicans aren't writing books with titles like these, they are reading them to each other, including to their children at bedtime.

Obama: Is He from Earth?
How to Win an Atomic War
Sarah Palin: Genius of the North
Never Fear, the Fourth Reich Is Here!, by Gov. Scott Walker
Let Them Eat Dirt (but Rub Their Noses in It First!), by Gov. John Kasich
Reasoning Is for Sane People, by Michele Bachmann
Bursting the Baby Boom Bubble: Common-Sense Solutions to Overpopulation, by Paul "Reaper" Ryan

It's only seven books, but "reading is so-o-o hard."


6/3/11 -- Still more attempted suppression of information

The national Republican Party has sent letters on behalf of New Hampshire teabagger Rep. Charlie Bass to demand of Comcast that they cease running an ad in New Hampshire that tells viewers that Bass cast a vote to kill Medicare. Never mind that that's what he did when he voted for the budget proposal put forward by fellow neo-fascist Paul "Let 'em Die" Ryan of Wisconsin.



Republicans prefer the terminology "reforming Medicare." If Republicans and corporatist Democrats are successful in "reforming" Medicare -- and Social Security, for that matter -- they will be dodging pitchforks that will be used in efforts to "reform" them.

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History in the making:
Selections from THE NOAH DIARIES 2011

Yesterday: (15) The world came to an end -- twice! Hoax detector Ben Stein, hoax makers Glenn Beck and Harold Camping, Ahnold can't be prez and T-Paw won't be, and more (5/20-25/11)
Tomorrow: (17) Just let Texas go! Plus: Today's GOP foreseen 170 years ago, Delta supports the troops, Palin invades the U.K., Evan Bayh's true colors, and more (6/4-26/11)

FOR A COMPLETE LISTING OF THE SERIES, CLICK HERE

And don't forget 2010's Year in Review series and 2009's "12 Days of Christmas Scorn"!

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