Thurber Tonight: The Ladies' and Gentlemen's Guide to Modern English Usage: I. Who and Whom

It was an inspired choice for the Library of America to have Garrison Keillor edit its Thurber volume, and this compendium makes for a wonderful book. Now I understand that it wasn't possible to squeeze in everything that might have been included. This said, what the hell was that oaf Keillor thinking of when he left out "The Ladies' and Gentlemen's Guide to Modern English Usage"? The jerkwad is dead to me now. Thanks to his boneheadedness, The Owl in the Attic, which of course includes "The Pet Department," remains the only source for Thurber's indispensable guide for social-situation-sensitive writers and, especially, speakers, and as best I can tell, it's out of print! Copies shouldn't be too hard to find, though. -- Ken

The Ladies' and Gentlemen's Guide
to Modern English Usage

I. Who and Whom

The number of people who use "whom" and "who" wrongly is appalling. The problem is a difficult one and it is complicated by the importance of tone, or taste. Take the common expression, "Whom are you, anyways?" That is of course, strictly speaking, correct -- and yet how formal, how stilted! The usage to be preferred in ordinary speech and writing is "Who are you, anyways?" "Whom" should be used in the nominative case only when a note of dignity or austerity is desired. For example, if a writer is dealing with a meeting of, say, the British Cabinet, it would be better to have the Premier greet a new arrival, such as an under-secretary, with a "Whom are you, anyways?" rather than a "Who are you, anyways?" -- always granted that the Premier is sincerely unaware of the man's identity. To address a person one knows by a "Whom are you?" is a mark either of incredible lapse of memory or inexcusable arrogance. "How are you?" is a much kindlier salutation.

To address a person one knows by a "Whom
are you?" is a mark of inexcusable arrogance

The Buried Whom, as it is called, forms a special problem. This is where the word occurs deep in a sentence. For a ready example, take the common expression: "He did not know whether he knew her or not because he had not heard whom the other had said she was until too late to see her." The simplest way out of this is to abandon the "whom" altogether and substitute "where" (a reading of the sentence that way will show how much better it is). Unfortunately, it is only in rare cases that "where" can be used in place of "whom." Nothing could be more flagrantly bad, for instance, than to say "Where are you" in demanding a person's identity. The only conceivable answer is, "Here I am," which would give no hint at all as to whom the person was. Thus the conversation, or piece of writing, would, being built upon a false foundation, fall of its own weight.

A form of introduction among gentlemen

A common rule for determining whether "who" or "whom" is right is to substitute "she" for "who," and "her" for "whom," and see which sounds the better. Take the sentence, "He met a woman who they said was an actress." Now if "who" is correct, then "she" can be used in its place. Let us try it. "He met a woman she they said was an actress." That instantly rings false. It can't be right. Hence the proper usage is "whom."

In certain cases grammatical correctness must often be subordinated to a consideration of taste. For instance, suppose that the same person had met a man whom they said was a street-cleaner. The word "whom" is too austere to use in connection with a lowly worker, like a street-cleaner, and its use in this form is known as False Admiration or Pathetic Fallacy.

A proper greeting among gentlemen of breeding

You might say: "There is, then, no hard and fast rule?" ("was then" would be better, since "then" refers to what is past). You might better say, then (or have said): "There was then (or is now) no hard and fast rule?" Only this, that it is better to use "whom" when in doubt, and even better to re-word the statement, and leave out all the relative pronouns, except ad, ante, con, in, inter, ob, post, prae, pro, sub, and super.

TOMORROW NIGHT: Is "The Unicorn in the Garden" the wonderfulest of the Fables for Our Time?


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