Thurber Tonight: The Pet Department (2)

Our second installment of "The Pet Department" (which began here) leads off with the "letter" that furnished the name for the book in which the series was published, The Owl in the Attic and Other Perplexities. -- Ken

The Pet Department

Q. My wife found this owl in the attic among a lot of ormolu clocks and old crystal chandeliers. We can't tell whether it's stuffed or only dead. It is sitting on a strange and almost indescribable sort of iron dingbat.

MR. MOLLEFF

A. What your wife found is a museum piece -- a stuffed cockatoo. It looks to me like a rather botchy example of taxidermy. This is the first stuffed bird I have ever seen with its eyes shut, but whoever had it stuffed probably wanted it stuffed that way. I couldn't say what the thing it is sitting on is suposed to represent. It looks broken.

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Q. Our gull cannot get his head down any farther than this, and bumps into things.

H. L. F.

A. You have no ordinary gull to begin with. He looks to me a great deal like a rabbit backing up. If he is a gull, it is impossible to keep him in the house. Give him his freedom.

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Q. My police dog has taken to acting very strange, on account of my father coming home from work every night for the past two years and saying to him, "If you're a police dog, where's your badge?," after which he laughs (my father).

ELLA R.

A. The constant reiteration of any piece of badinage sometimes has the same effect on present-day neurotic dogs that it has on people. It is dangerous and thoughtless to twit a poice dog on its powers, authority, and the like. From the way your dog seems to hide behind tables, large vases, and whatever that thing is that looks like a suitcase, I should imagine that your father has carried this thing far enough -- perhaps even too far.

TOMORROW NIGHT: Our first installment of "The Ladies' and Gentlemen's Guide to Modern English Usage"


THURBER TONIGHT: Check out the series to date

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