Random Musings on 2010 (4)

Paraguayan superpatriot Larissa Riquelme: Playboy Brazil hearts the lovely Larissa, who really, really loves her countrymen -- see No. 3. Note: There are racier clips of the pride of Paraguay online, but we're taking the, er, higher road here. (Okay, higher-ish.)

by Noah

1. Regarding Leslie Stahl’s recent Boehner interview on 60 Minutes: I'm no Obama fan, but Stahl wasted no time in revealing her pro-Republican bias. Two questions in, she made the conflict a matter of President Obama’s “tone,” as if he were to blame, not Boehner. No mention of his “hell no you can’t” tone. Nope. It was all on the President. As Howie said in his post the day after, Stahl’s interview seemed completely scripted. She let Boehner whine about how President Obama should note that the campaign is over, and then she let him proceed to spew one Repug campaign slogan after another.

Stahl’s phony-assed interview was as bad as, if not worse than, any of the contrived crap we see on Fox. She disgraced 60 Minutes. It was what I call “press-release journalism” at its worst. What’s next? Hannity joins 60 Minutes?

2. Speaking of Boehner-boy, you know what his constant weeping says to me? It says that the new speaker of the House, the guy who is third in line for the White House, is mentally and/or emotionally unstable. Something unhealthy is going on, threatening to boil to the surface. Can you imagine if President Obama was all weepy all the time? There’d be even more screaming for his removal from office than there has been. Darrell Issa would be investigating his psychological profile and Fox and CNN would be calling him unfit for office. As it is, it will be interesting to see how Boehner deals with the pressure of the job he has.

3. If I was giving out awards this year, Paraguayan lingerie model Larissa Riquelme would get the “Some People Only Get 10 Minutes Of Fame” Award. It just happens that Larrisa is a very enthusiastic cheerleader for her country’s World Cup (soccer) team. She even pledged to run naked through the streets of Asunción if her team won the World Cup. Alas, her team didn’t quite get to the finals. What’s a double-D-cup exhibionista to do? Ms. Riquelme decided to run wild and run free through Asunción anyway, wearing only her aura of patriotism. Funny, I get the feeling she would have pulled off her stunt even if Paraguay had no team at all. Her ego got even more of the best of her when she said her run “will be a present to all of the players, and for the people in Paraguay to enjoy.”

Just call it the “Running of the Boobs.” If she was Italian, Larissa -- who stores her Blackberry in her own soft, warm, heaving personal silicon valley (where else?) -- would be president of her country already! Run, Larissa! Run until you’re playing soccer with your own tits!

Not to be outdone in the "class" area, Dutch porn star Bobbi Eden pledged to give a BJ to all of her Twitter followers, all 23,000 of them. Busy girl!

4. Explanation of the year: When Pastor George Alan Rekers of the Family Research Council was caught at Miami International with a male escort, he quickly spun the tale that he had hired the escort strictly to carry his luggage. Never mind that photos showed Rekers handling his own baggage. Rekers made his reputation -- his bones, if you will -- by ceaselessly preaching that gays can be converted, not to Christianity, but to heterosexuality. The fact that the company that Rekers hired his escort from is called Rentboy and has a very explicit website shouldn’t raise any flags. Nope, no way! Rekers’ escort, identified as Lucien, has stated that Rekers paid for daily nude total-body massages (family research?) and created a name for his preferred massage techinique, “The Long Stroke.” In the Lord’s Kingdom, there are many closets.

5. On June 4, McDonald's recalled some special promotional glasses because they contained toxins. I note that they have yet to recall their burgers.

6. Also in early June, Glenn Beck went on one of his tantrums and put the blame for 9/11 on Saudi Prince Alwaleed bin Talal Alsud, aka the world’s 19th-richest man and the second-largest shareholder in News Corporation, the corporate parent of Fox News. The prince’s share of NewsCorp is second only to that of Rupert Murdoch himself. Apparently unaware that he was going after one of his own bosses, Beck went on and on about how the prince not only was linked to 9/11 but has contributed large sums to Harvard and Georgetown, where there are studies programs named after him, and how the prince had come to NYC and offended Rudy Guiliani by offering a $10 million check after 9/11 -- some sort of guilt money, perhaps. The prince even blamed U.S. policy for the 9/11 attacks.

But Beck forgot at least one thing: The Fox check that he puts in the bank every week is backed by money that comes from the prince’s large investment in the company he works for. Beck, by his own definition, is as guilty of accepting tainted money as Georgetown and Harvard. So, while Rudy and most New Yorkers were offended when the prince offered his tainted money, Glenn Beck? Not so much.

Said Glenn:

Giuliani said, "Take your check. We don't want your money. There is no way, America, that if it was us, that we would allow that to happen."

But what does Glenn do? Answer: He’s glad to take the check, every week. The immense irony of a Saudi who decries U.S. policy helping to fund Fox News has escaped him and the rest of the Fox psychopaths entirely. Some brains are just too primitive to be able to process the info.

7. Six weeks after the Gulf oil fiasco began, Mississippi Gov. Haley Barbour was still saying that the gusher wasn’t a problem, that it was just a “harmless sheen” on the water and “it’s not poisonous.” Well, what should we expect? He was a national chairman of the Republican Party. He even said that the media was causing the economic problems caused by the rig blowup. Oh, and when President Obama came to his state, he managed to be out of town each time. I guess he didn’t want to be photographed with a, you know, er, a, that one. What a load! Go for a swim, Haley.

8. At the same time Barbour was spouting his nonsense, BP head Tony Hayward was saying he wanted his life back, and saying he’ll consider delaying or reducing a $10 billion payout to shareholders if Americans don't say nicer things about him and BP. In most circles, such things are considered blackmail, and petulant and childish too. The truly amazing thing, though, is not the wealth of oil his company has but his wealth of corporate arrogance. This ass-wipe is going around making his prissybrit demands when, in the world the rest of us inhabit, he's a prime candidate for a truck-dragging down the turnpike, or at least a 30-year stay in Gitmo.

My court system would make him swim to Cuba with Haley Barbour. This is the guy who killed the Gulf. If it kills him in return, it’s only fitting. Hayward and Barbour wouldn’t get 600 yards before they started trying to use each other as a support float. Hayward is a villain cut from the same cloth as those in James Bond movies. His greed kept him from adopting safety measures like a $500K acoustic switch that could have prevented the disaster, just like Dubya could have prevented 9/11 by reading a memo about people who wanted to hijack some planes. Once the disaster happened, Hayward wouldn’t let those doing the cleanup wear respirators or other safety gear, because it made his company look bad. This was after we knew what happened to the health of those cleaning up “the pile” at the WTC. This walking piece of shit has poisoned an ocean and now deliberately inflicts illness against those who shovel his shit against his cancerous tide.

Does humankind get any more evil? Where is he on the list? Dr. No? Stavro Blofeld? Or the all-too-real-life evildoers Idi Amin or Pol Pot? It makes me wonder just who my senators are laughing, drinking and having dinner with tonight. Hayward is just one of his kind.

9. New Kentucky Teabagger Sen. Dr. Rand Paul is about to avail himself of a very nice government health plan. He also pulled in half of his fees as a doctor from Medicare. That’s all very good for him, but for you? He wants to undo the Obama healthcare reform, and Medicare. You get nothing. To hypocrites like Dr. Paul, you are nothing. He’s probably already best buds with Maryland’s new Congressdope Dr. Andy Harris.

10. Someone could set up a nice little business doing interventions to rescue Fox viewers. If the holidays show families one thing, it’s that just about every family has a Fox cultist in their midst. Perhaps the A&E Intervention TV show could do a spinoff.

Thirty years ago families would worry about a family member's well-being when that family member fell under the spell of some brainwashing crackpot guru and joined a cult. Now the crackpot gurus have prime-time TV shows and a whole network dedicated to creating a bizarro world of misinformation and hate financed by two Australian and Saudi Arabian billionaires. So there are now many, many more brainwashed victims walking around like batalions of Manson Girls. In fact, Charlie is probably quite proud, and very jealous, eagerly anticipating so much more chaos than just his oft-dreamed-of race war

I foresee a thriving future for the professional interventionist field! Medical schools will soon start offering tens of thousands of doctoral degrees in intervention and rehab. The need is growing so large that it may even put a huge dent in the unemployment figures. Need a job? Become an interventionist! The future is wide open -- if there is a future!


NOAH'S YEAR 2010 IN REVIEW

10 Random Musings (1)
2010, Looking Back: To Republicans, It Was So Much More Than Just a Speech to Kids
Random Musings on 2010 (2)
Random Musings on 2010 (3)

And don't forget 2009's 12 Days of Christmas Scorn.

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