The wait is over! At last Al Kamen reveals the target(s) of the suspicious Cheney office fire

I know we've all been on pins and needles, waiting to find out what the firebug who started the fire in Vice President Cheney's office complex was trying to destroy.

Well, the wait is over. Today Al Kamen has the answers in his Washington Post "In the Loop" column:

Winning Answers to a Burning Question

By Al Kamen
Wednesday, January 16, 2008

And now, the winners of the In the Loop contest to guess the real target of that suspicious fire last month in Vice President Cheney's office in the Eisenhower Executive Office Building.

One thing is clear: There's a lot of anger out there. Dozens of entries referred to the devil, torture and waterboarding tapes, sparks from an office door left open to the gates of hell and such.

Also, because a court ruled during the week the contest began that White House visitor logs must be released, many entrants said those were the focus of the blaze.

In any event, and in no particular order, here are the winners:

* "Plans for Cheney's yet-to-be-announced return to Afghanistan this spring to fly-fish in the Kabul River. The snow in the Hindu Kush is rapidly building, and the spring thaw promises to bring fresh fishing opportunities." -- Retired Marine Lt. Col. John J. Gruehl, now senior mentor to the chief of acquisition and procurement in the Interior Ministry of the Islamic Republic of Afghanistan

* "Federalist 47, regarding the tyranny of the executive." -- Thurgood Marshall Jr., a Washington lawyer and Clinton White House Cabinet secretary

* "Cheney's succession plan should there be another 'pretzel' incident." -- Mark Corallo, Washington communications consultant and former Bush administration Justice Department spokesman

* "Al-Qaeda . . . 'The mission is to rout terrorists, to find them and bring them to justice,' President Bush told former Japanese prime minister Junichiro Koizumi. 'Or, as I explained to the prime minister in Western terms, to smoke them out of their caves, to get them running so we can get them.' " -- Eric Porterfield, who handles international PR for the American Red Cross

* "Cheney's two-page-long list of other words to call Sen. Patrick Leahy." -- Dave Grimaldi, Washington lawyer and former House aide

* "Nothing. The fire was just a diversion set by the VP's staff so he could, just this once, leave the EOB without the 35-car motorcade, and go see the Annie Leibovitz exhibit across the street." -- Thomas J. Glynn, director of international cancer control at the American Cancer Society

* "Nothing. It was simply the best way to prevent providing information for any past, present or future inquiries. Cheney's RNC computer logs? Sorry, but the hard drive was fried in 'the fire.' " -- Retired schoolteacher Jeanne Maushammer of McLean

* "A list of everything that Alberto Gonzales couldn't remember." -- Retired Air Force Col. James A. Ball of Toano, Va.

* "List of future hunting partners." -- Jay B. Tabor of Martinsburg, W.Va.

* "Detailed plans for the oft-postponed Bush-Cheney victory parade through Baghdad (with an option to continue to Tehran)." -- Charles K. Manka, program manager for research support instruments at the Naval Research Laboratory

* "Notes on the Nixon pardon (What are THOSE still doing in there?)" -- Don Brownlee of Montclair, Va., reminding us that Cheney was in the White House back then, working on the Gerald Ford transition before becoming Ford's chief of staff

Another common theme was that the fire was an accident caused by sparks from an overheated shredder. On that theme, with a "Star Trek" twist, we received:

* "Overheard as Cheney toured the charred ruins. Deputy Information Security Officer Montgomery "Scottie" Scott told Cheney: 'I tried telling you, sir! You could not run the executive shredder at warp speed from November '06 on without maintenance down time. But you would not listen! You just would not listen to me, sir. As to when she'll be up and running again, I could not tell you.' " -- Douglas Roscoe of Los Angeles

Congratulations to all the winners, who will receive coveted "In the Loop" T-Shirts, and thanks to all for participating.

#