BIG PIG ROAST IN HADES TONIGHT

One should never speak ill of the dead. I must have missed that lesson; maybe snuck off to a Dodgers game at Ebbett's Field instead of going to Hebrew School when they taught that one. Years later I embarrassed poor Roland who was so excited when we drove down to Yorba Linda to visit the Nixon Library. We waited quietly on line as people filed past. I can't remember the epithet that came out of my mouth, but I do recall a mother covering her childrens' ears. And as I clammed on his grave, I recall Roland hightailing it back into the presidential library.

If Charon can ferry his bloated carcass across the Styx, I'm sure there'll be a huge party in Hell tonight to welcome one of Satan's most effective servants on earth. Jerry Falwell was found dead in his office after a gigantic breakfast featuring all sorts of preparation of pig flesh. I doubt though that the Third Circle of Hell-- Cererus' sweet little eternity where gluttons like Falwell are condemned to live in mud, cold rain and hail falling on them while they eat their own excrement-- will be where he'll wind up. Nor will the Fourth circle-- the materialism circle-- be his final resting place. Nah, the welcome mat is out for ole Jerry at the Eighth Circle (for those guilty of deliberate Evil), either in Bolgia 4 (false prophets, tailormade for him) or Bolgia 5 (corrupt politicians). The false prophets wind up with their heads twisted around facing backwards and the rotten pols spend eternity in a lake of boiling tar. Of course Bolgia 9 would be no stretch either-- an unpleasant little eternity for the sowers of discord. Dante has assigned Muhammad there.


Well, wherever he winds up, one thing is sure, he'll have lots and lots of friends colleagues with him. The Carpetbagger has a great Falwell "Best Of" up online for anyone who doesn't recall why he was widely considered one of the most foul and evil creatures to have been stalking God's earth-- even above and beyond his calumny against Tinky Winky.


UPDATE: AND SPEAKING OF TINKY WINKY...

Jesus' General managed to track him down for a eulogy.