(1) Planet Denny needs to throw a Republicrook out of Congress. (2) Duncan Hunter needs to be thrown out of Congress. (3) You do the math.

I was just reading Howie's and Mac Duncan's report below, "Time to Throw Duncan Hunter Out," and it occurred to me that our Duncan would be an excellent candidate for a project I have in mind for the Best Darn Speaker of the U.S. House of Representatives We Have, "Planet Denny" Hastert.

We know that Planet Denny and his henchmen have been trying like heck to throw that bum Bob "Don't Hate Me Because I'm a Crook" Ney the heck out of the House, just because he's accepted a slap-on-the-wrist sentence for owning up to some of his crimes. Apparently, it just can't be done while the House is in recess, no matter how much huffing and puffing they do. (And that Planet Denny looks to me like one heckuva huffer-and-puffer.)

Here's the idea:

We know that Planet Denny and the gang want that goddamn Republicrook Ney out of their effin' chamber, right? And we know that now, contrary to the prognostications of most of the professional prognosticators, the idea of the "Republican culture of corruption" is actually beginning to seep into the American political consciousness. The parade of frog-marching Republicrooks is only likely to increase this trend.

One tactic that Planet Denny and the boys have tried in the Mark Foley mess is to make believe that they're on top of it. (Hmm, that could be a poor choice of words. And with Planet Denny, you can't tell if it's an accidental gay joke or an accidental fat joke.) After all, didn't our Denny leap into action--figuratively speaking--the very second he found out about it? (Answer: No, even if the speaker weren't lying about when he found out about it. We all know that he had nothing to do with getting Foley to resign. But still, let's play along! It'll be worth it--you'll see.)

The suggestion was that the GOP leadership wanted to show that--

"We Clean Up Our Own Mess"

It doesn't actually sound like that potent a political strategy when you put it in the form of a campaign slogan, does it? Still, it's probably better than the alternative:

"Vote for Us 'Cause We'll Probably Keep Makin' More Messes"

Okay, so the GOP is now the Party That Cleans Up Its Own Messes. And here's Planet Denny just itchin' to throw a Republicrook bum out of the House.

Isn't it obvious? It's--

REPUBLICROOK THROW-OUT OF THE WEEK

Instead of waiting for all the i's to be dotted and t's to be crossed on every last House Republicrook plea bargain, Planet Denny starts throwing the bums out before they're indicted!

Now the details still have to be worked out. The frequency, for example. Of course they could do a Republicrook a day and still just be gathering steam by the time Election Day rolls around. But that might be seen as "show-offy"--a little too squeaky-clean, even if the Republicans are supposed to be the party of "values." And of course it might suggest a too-generous supply of Republicrooks to be tossed over the cliff.

No, weekly seems to me good. But then there will be the inevitable jockeying for position on the list. Obviously, for example, Pennsylvania's Curt Weldon is going to command a lot of attention off his recent publicity, but there are a lot of felons-to-be who have been toiling long and hard in the fields of House Republicrookery who will resent Weldon as a damned publicity hound and line-jumper. Shouldn't he have to pay his dues and wait his turn to be the Face of Republicrookery? Isn't it bad enough that a two-bit chump like Duke Cunningham got to be their First Felon?

Surely, though, however the GOP draws up its Honor Roll, Duncan Hunter has to be jostling for the top spot. Why, if he were chosen to be the very first Republicrook Throw-Out of the Week, could anyone argue the merits?

That's all I'm saying.