Quote of the day: Daily Show "resident expert" John Hodgman explains why Americans don't respond to soccer like the rest of the world

We could go with the out-of-D.C.-vamoosing Tom DeLay (probable parting quote: "S-s-so long, s-s-suckers!"). We could go with the even-more-stupefyingly-imbecilic-than-imagined response to the death of Zarqawi by cretinous right-wingers who know nothing at all about Iraq and even less about Zarqawi, and therefore bloviate with truly psychotic savagery and rage about the one thing they know still less about, liberals.

Nah, let's go with something truly cosmically unimportant: the quadrennial infestation of the World Cup. Somewhere here I've got the National Geographic issue that promises to explain why the rest of the world is gaga over soccer. I definitely plan to get to that; it's on my "to do" list, alongside learning Japanese and reading past page 10 in A la recherche du temps perdu. (I really, really want to do these things. Someday.)

So let's turn the podium over to The Daily Show's "resident expert," John Hodgman. You know John Hodgman. I'll bet you've seen those clever Macintosh commercials with the wonky-looking and -sounding guy who represents PCs and the insanely adorable young fellow who represents Macs. John Hodgman is the wonky guy. In his wacky deadpan way, he has become one of The Daily Show's treasures, and last night Jon Stewart called on him to plug our soccer knowledge gap.

When John H pointed out that elsewhere in the world soccer stirs passions as "a metaphor for global conflict" ("It's nations going against nations, revisiting ancient rivalries"), Jon S wondered why Americans don't respond. "We're a passionate people. We're a nationalistic people. We can get into those kinds of rivalries."

"Yeah," John H explained, "but Americans don't need a metaphor for war. We have war. If anything, we use war as a metaphor for sports."

(I actually transcribed a good chunk of the segment, which I'll post later when I have a chance to type it up.)

SHEEPISH LATE-MORNING (ET) UPDATE

Okay, so I said I was going to type up my scribbled transcript of most of the John Hodgman soccer segment "later when I have a chance." The whole time I was preparing to leave home for work, I kept reminding myself that in order to do that, I would have to remember to bring the sheet with the famous scribblings with me.

Do I have to spell out what comes next?

Let's call it my better inner self rebelling at the thought of stealing time from my employer. Or you could say I've just got a lot on my mind. Even that sounds better than calling it, oh, galloping senility.

The thing is, I won't be home till late, because . . . oh, you don't care about my Dickensian sob story. Nevertheless, I vow to go into typing-up mode ASAP. Meanwhile, the Comedy Central website does have videos of some John Hodgman segments you can look at. Try "Bush's Tax Cuts" and "Nuclear Schematics," for instance.