WE GOT TO HELP TOM AND JACK AND BILL AND SCOOTER AND KARL AND EVERYBODY, KIDS !

FROM THE DESK OF PHILBERT SUGGS


TO: BLOGGER TEAM MEMBERS at (I'm) DOWN WITH TYRANNY
MICHAEL MACK, Chairman, Young Republican National Federation
Eric Hoplin, Chairman, College Republican National Committee
Paul Gourley, Chairman (Incoming), College Republican National Committee
Nathan Taylor, Young Republican National Convention

FROM: CAMPAIGN: ACT NOW-- NO TIME FOR DELAY
(rasing funds to help delay he pain and dangers of prison sex for the GOP)

Dear Sirs,

My name is Philbert Suggs and along with my fellow patriotic Christian outdoorsmen enthusiasts, Mike Hawk and Jesse (GOP) Jones we reach out to you young warriors today to help our brothers in peril.

The three of us are all warriors for Christ, Bush, Rove, Cheney and The NRA. We are all right-wing anti tax paying soldiers for the GOP and our beliefs ultimately keep us from caring or siding with the troubled and the downtrodden folks in our society. Yet, we are reaching out to all the young conservatives this week to plan a campaign for our fallen heros. We are teaming up with the a fantastic young pro Tyranny group called "Down With Tyranny." They are a wonderful group of pro Patriot act and pro Torture/Ashcroft/Gonzalez men.

As you all know the slang word or term "Down" means you actually are "pro" or "With" something. Sometimes a youngster will say they are "down" with what we do at the landfill I work at and I always thought they were against me because I was moving garbage around and I smelled like trash but I have now been informed we are recycling and that is "good" with the kids. They are also down with OPP as well. The Oppressive Patriot Police, which as you know is that group of vigilantes who patrol the borders of Kansas to keep the brown people who are fleeing from Operation Katrina.

Speaking of kids, it is an extremely painful time for all of us in the beaten down GOP this week yet we all know that for all of you young conservative kids it must seem like a real living quagmire of Hell. Heck, I mean you young Republicans being under so much pressure everyday to enlist in the military and go and fight in this war you've all voted for and supported so bravely but can't go fight because of all the fine work you do here with funding Anne Coulter speeches or organizing conventions for your respective groups in Las Vegas. GREAT JOB, NATHAN!

I saw the video clips from both of the Young and College Republican conventions (military age people) this past summer and I've never seen so much whooping, cheering and support for an issue like
all of you seem to have had for this war in Iraq. It really must be a brutal situation for all of you when you are confronted by skinny liberals about enlisting.

The "Sign Up or Shut Up" campaign being waged against you young conservatives right now is obviously taking its toll on you. That must be why there were so many beer cans on the floor at both conventions you held this year. After me and my buddies kill dozens of critters on hunting trips we drink a lot to dull the shame we all feel for being such cowards.

I gather that drinking helps all of your dedicated members mask the pain they feel from being called hypocrites all the time by the families and friends of those not so privileged as you young Republicans. These traitors like the Islamic woman Cindy Shehan or that awful Patrick Tillman's mother and father who watch their sons, daughters, brothers, sisters, etc., go to fight and die in our Leader's glorious war make life difficult for not just you but all of us caught in the web of this war. Now I know why they say "War is Hell."

Mike, Jesse and I are all apart of the Iraq War Glorifiers Committee and we do our share by helping organize hunting trips and weekend getaways to do our patriotic duty to kill some...thing and wear our camouflage fatigue gear in support of the troops.

Our Republican Party is facing a criminal crisis that's putting a real harsh (as the kids like to say) on this administration. The physical victory of Katrina has turned into a propaganda loss for our Leader Bush. Even though he has hired the Godly Rove to rebuild Katrina it may still be too late to regain our momentum back and win one more for Jesus.

It seems now more than ever before since Nixon and Bob Barr maybe, that our main leaders, our great fundraisers and now even your own fundraisers, and all the communicators are being sent to or are just about on their way to being sent to be imprisoned.

Just in the last month or so ago, it was our spokesperson at the New York Times, Judith Miller who was imprisoned. And now in these fearful days ahead, it will be Karl Rove, Tom Delay, Bill Frist, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Ney, Jack Abramoff, Conrad Burns, Ted Stevens, Bob Taft, Duke Cunningham, Jim West, Doc Hastings, Larry Franklin, Richard Pombo, Scooter Libby, Dr Hagar, Ralph Reed and a host of other top conservatives who will most likely will be spending time in the big house. Maybe even Under-Leader Dick Cheney, God Forbid!

So the three of us along with the great patriotic bloggers at DOWN-WITH-TYRANNY want to do something that can help ease the pain for all of our fine leaders when they discover themselves behind bars in the upcoming months.

All of you young Republican types have done such a fine job in sending lip balm for instance to the poor, miserable, chapped and dried lipped troops in Iraq. However, I'm really writing to all of you to ask you to help us raise the much needed money.
We want you to help us organize a fundraising campaign for cartons of cigarettes and condoms,.... yes...condoms.
I know many of our fine conservative men for Bush mentioned above have fought long and hard (no pun intended) against the use of condoms in society and have preached abstinence day in and day out almost obsessively. However, and let me warn you now: our leaders will not be able to preach or enforce the A-word to the inmates in cell block D at Leavenworth Federal Prison, I can tell you that much.
So a few cartons of Marlboro lights could for instance help majority leader Tom Delay bribe the prison's biggest and meanest inmates so that he can be protected from the prison's biggest and meanest inmates. Yes, I know that Tom is usually on the receiving end (no pun intended again) of such bribes but he at least has that type of business experience and it may help if in the end...(no pun again).
Armed with a few cases of Camel's Rush Limbaugh will be able to spend his time lounging near the prison pharmacy free of worry rather than cowardly hiding from prison gang members who want to extort money in exchange for his many many many prescriptions.
And I really don't want to have explain to all of you good men the importance of a massive supply of condoms while being imprisoned in a Federal Institution. Of course Karl will be able to explain in colorful detail to the other imprisoned leaders of our party the concept of being a top or a bottom. He can even maybe do that infamous slide show presentation about his special visits with Talon news director Jeff Gannon.
If we can provide Bill Frist with whatever he needs to set up cameras in certain places, like hospices and animal shelters he can still do his godly diagnosing of victims while in solitary confinement.
Its a sad time for our party, our people, our war, and our Leader and we all must help raise these funds for those basic supplies. Who knows; maybe we can raise enough money to buy extra supplies for the next batch of GOP leaders heading to the big house.
Please visit our campaign immediately via DownwithTyranny.blogspot.com/ and we can brainstorm and start organizing for this most serious fundraising cause now.

Look forward To Working with you...

Yours In Tyranny,

Philbert Suggs
Mike Hawk
Jesse Jones