Sunday, January 03, 2010

12 Days of Christmas Scorn: Day 10 -- Dumb and Dumber, with a Huge Glop of Arrogance Edition


Public Enemy's "911 Is a Joke": The fact that the song dates back to 1990 might have been a clue for the clueless editorial team at the Washington Post.

by Noah


To the late once-great (or anyway a lot better) Washington Post. Once they had reporters like Woodward-and-Bernstein. Now they publish op-eds by Sarah Palin which are filled with her usual super-double-wingnut fictions.

The WaPo has become either so clueless or so conservative or both that they also publish articles like the one a few weeks ago where they chastised rap group Public Enemy for their song “911 Is a Joke.” Assuming the original writer and editor(s) ever got the word, it must have come as a great surprise that the song in question is not about the terror attacks of September 11, 2001, and that Public Enemy was not saying that that sad day was a joke, as they assumed. If it was, the song might have been called “9/11 Is a Joke,” as they seemed to think. But then, I seriously doubt that Chuck D. and his group would say that. No, the song is about how 911 emergency crews won’t go to the aid of people who live in certain neighborhoods. "911," not "9/11." Get it?

Did the WaPo bother to check out the lyrics? Did the fact that the song was released 11 years before 9/11 turn on any lightbulbs over the heads of the morons at the paper? Do they still have editors there? Have the reporters there ever been to journalism school? Doubtful. The paper did issue a correction -- a week later:
A Nov. 26 article in the District edition of Local Living incorrectly said a Public Enemy song declared 9/11 a joke. The song refers to 911, the emergency phone number.
Nice. Very professional. We used to expect this just from the Moonie Washington Times. Now the nation’s capital has two papers that are only fit to line restaurant dumpsters and hamster cages. Expect to see the WaPo at your supermarket cash register by the end of 2010. It’s been a long, slow slide for the Post. Where will it end?


Haven't you always wanted to do this when your favorite performer didn't win an award? Oh, you haven't? You mean, it's just Kanye West?

To Kanye West, who else? I have no idea what Taylor Swift’s music sounds like, and I don’t particularly care, but, having worked in the music business, I assume that she and a whole lot of people worked very hard to get her some recognition. Then her big night at the Video Music Awards comes, and this mega-jerko jumps the stage and spews to the world that she didn’t deserve her moment. As if you would know, Kanye. Born loser. Sigh, it’s so hard to fix stupid.


To Rep. Virginia Foxx (R-NC). It’s hard to narrow down the list of $enators and Representatives that should get a Scornie, but Foxx is more than qualified. Plus, I have family members who suffer the shame of being represented in Washington by such a dim bulb. In 2005 she was one of only 11 members of Congress to vote against the aid package for the victims of Hurricane Katrina. The following year she was one of only 33 Repugs to vote against the extension of the Voting Rights Act. Anyone see a pattern starting to emerge? Do KKK sheets come in women's sizes?

But wait, there’s more. In April of 2009, Foxx voted against the Matthew Shepard Act. Disingenuously, she stated that the murder of Matthew Shepard was not a hate crime. Contradicting both the obvious and the police reports, Foxx insists that Shepard was murdered, not because he was gay, but rather as part of a robbery -- even after packs of homophobes descended on his funeral, shouting, screaming, and depriving the funeral of any amount of dignity that had been left to the victim. Even if it had not been a hate crime, by the end of the disrupted service it was.

Using the Repug Party’s favorite new buzzword, “hoax" (see THE MIGHTY PROTECTOR OF CORPORATE INTERESTS AWARD, Day 3), Foxx says, “It’s really a hoax that that continues to be used as an excuse for passing hate crimes bills.” Ooooh, those nasty hate crimes bills! Damn libruls wanna make hate crimes illegal! The socialists are taking away our freedoms! What’s a Repug to do?

No, Virginia, the hoax would be any claim that you are not just another in an endless line of bigots of the Southern kind. You are a shameful embarrassment to humanity. You gave Rep. Joe Wilson and his patron $en. Jim Dementia a run for the money when I was considering who should get my LESTER MADDOX AWARD on Day 1, but here you are, the star of a category all your own.

(For the record, Foxx issued a non-apology apology even kookier, more demeaning, and more dishonest than the original "hoax" lie: "I am especially sorry if his grieving family was offended by my statement. I was referring to a 2004 ABC News 20/20 report on Mr. Shepard's death. ABC's 20/20 report questioned the motivation of those responsible for his death. Referencing this media account may have been a mistake, but it was a mistake based on what I believed were reliable accounts." First off, what is this if the grieving family was offended? IF??? More important, the apology is a lie in any case. She didn't "refer to" a media account. She didn't say, "according to a 2004 ABC News 20/20 report," which by the way didn't say what she claimed it did -- nor, of course, did any other reputable media source. She had simply cherry-picked what she thought was the one media account that backed up her lie. In her statement, as you can hear, she didn't "refer" to anything; she simply stated as a matter of fact, "We know that that young man was killed in the commitment of a robbery; it wasn't because he was gay." Even after pathetically laying off the blame for her hoax on ABC, did she trouble to actually withdraw it and apologize for making a speech to Congress that was basically a lie?)


To former Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich. On January 8 of 2009, the Illinois House of Representatives voted 114 to 1 to impeach Blago for corruption and misconduct "while in office". Beside the obvious implication that such things are okay before or after one is in office, Blago’s biggest crime in the eyes of fellow politicians is not what he did; that’s just biz as usual. No, it’s that he was so careless about what he said on the phone, for the tape recorders, that he got caught and brought shame to his allegedly honorable profession.

Whoo! It's Hot Rod the karaoke guy!

The U.S. Justice Dept. has charged Blago with conspiracy to commit “pay to play” schemes and attempting to “obtain personal gain . . . through the corrupt use” of his position. And he is different from virtually any other politician how? Since being caught in the act doing what most of his kind do, Blago has been a constant media presence. Is his game-show host or hairstyling-infomercial gig on the horizon? Yo, Rod, please go away.


To $enate Majority Leader Harry Reid, for obvious reasons. Reid must think the majority leader’s job should really be called chief turd polisher. President Obama campaigned with a “Yes We Can” slogan. Reid and his $enatorial wrecking crew are the “No We Won’t” mob. You take all of the Repugs and mix in stealth Repugs like Lieberwhore, Ben Nelson, Blanche Lincoln, Baucus, Kent Conartist, etc., and the result was all too predictable. Money talks, and K Street apparently has more money than Obama.


"This doesn't happen in America. Maybe Ohio, but not in America."
-- Homer Simpson (see below)

To the man himself, the man who crashed all of those planes and still got another one because his daddy was the admiral, the man who called Obama "that one," the man who sabotaged the chances of his own election so badly by choosing a dingbat with a third-grade education as his running mate that even Diebold couldn’t save him. Watch Homer Simpson (sorry, the clip has "embedding disabled") try to vote for Obama on Election Day 2008 and discover that he's cast six votes for "President McCain," when he only meant to cast one of those votes for McCain.)

On most days, McCain is getting more and more like that crazy old smelly man in the supermarket you switch aisles to avoid. Yet he still gets plenty of cranky time on the tube, where he contradicts himself and seems to make a point of forgetting history on a nightly basis. They’ll still be putting him on the news when he’s pissing on himself. Maybe this self-embarrassment is just some kind of karmic payback for the shabby way he treated his first wife, or maybe it’s for publicly calling his current wife a C-word. Who knows? Just pat him on the head and lead him away. He’s done. Toast. Burned, charred toast.


To Bank of America’s Ken Lewis and Morgan Stanley’s Robert Kindler. The damage done to innocent people by Wall Street firms is staggering, but just think of the staggering amount of ego and arrogance these two sidewalk slugs must have just to show themselves in public. It’s amazing. If they had a sense of honor, even one cell's worth, they would have walked out of their offices over to the Brooklyn Bridge and done society a favor and jumped.

Where’s the outrage? Where are the trials? Call the judge. Build the gallows right on Wall Street. Hire the lawyers, and line up the swine around the winding, curving blocks of lower Manhattan. To the gallows! Trials 'R' Us! In the old days, people sold beer and food at hangings in the town square. It set an example to would-be miscreants. Let’s get America feeling good about itself again. One way to do that is to show citizens that we have a justice system and that it works! Build the gallows! If we build it, they will come! I get first dibs on the T-shirt and mug concession!

My favorite thing about this porker Ken Lewis is that the day he announced his “strongly suggested” retirement, Bank of America Corp.’s share value went up 1 percent. That percentage point was worth about $1.5 billion to the shareholders, even after Lewis got $64 million to clean out his desk and have his office sanitized and visited by an exorcist. Just imagine if he would retire from the whole country! Economic crisis solved! How about leaving the planet, or this whole plane of existence? Truly we could then say, “Ken Lewis left the world a better place!” Don’t let the door hit ya on the way out, you reeking sack of festering puss.

As for Morgan Stanley’s aptly named vice chairman, Robert Kindler, his company reportedly got $10 billion in taxpayer TARP cash, and he smirked at us all when he got his New York State vanity license plate for his new luxury land yacht and penis-extension mobile. The plate says 2BIG2FAIL. Whattaguy! That’s pretty in-your-face. I wonder how many eggs he’s had to pay to have wiped off his car so far. Apparently quite a few, since he’s had to change his plates to MNA GUY (That’s Mergers ‘n’ Acquisitions). If you’ll excuse me, I have to go buy some eggs. I may not be Peyton or Eli Manning, but I pride myself on my throwing accuracy.


This one goes to $en. Blanche Lincoln, a disgrace to the surname if there ever was one. Somehow, "Honest Blanche" doesn’t have the same ring to it as "Honest Abe." Blanche was for a public option before she was against it, but that was 2008. In 2009, after the insurance and pharma companies started handing her bags of cash, she decided that a public option is somehow now bad for the people of Arkansas. Money doesn’t talk, it swears!

Notice, I did not say constituents. It’s about as obvious as can be that her constituents are not the people of Arkansas, but rather the slugs of K Street. Suddenly in 2009 she calls the public option an entitlement and says, “We can’t afford that right now as a nation.” Well, since the Congressional Budget Office says we can afford it and the health care plan would actually be deficit-neutral or would even lower the deficit, I have to assume that when Blanche Lincoln says “we” she is talking only about her and the friends who stuff her purse with wads of Franklins. Everybody has their price, eh, Blanche?

And by the way, the public option is not an "entitlement," and she knows it. Both the House and the $enate healthcare bills have the plan paid for by premiums paid by those who choose it. How is that an entitlement? Maybe it doesn't matter, because every day it is looking more and more like she will soon be looking for a new job -- on K Street? Doesn’t the system work great? Get elected, go to Washington, screw the people who elected you, then get a higher-paying job! Fewer hours, and fewer bothersome and cumbersome ethics regulations too!

TOMORROW: Day 11 -- Bad Vibrations Edition

1. The Backwards/Backwoods State of the Year Award
2. The Vichy This! Award
3. The Drill, Baby, Oh Baby, Drill! Award
4. The Onward, Christian Soldiers Award
5. The Ted Baxter Big Blowhard Award
6. The Beyond Mediocrity Award
7. The Petulant Child Award


Day 1: Con Men, Grifters, and Outlaws Edition
Day 2: The More Things Change, the More They Stay the Same Edition
Day 3: Media Manipulators and Seditionistas Edition
Day 4: Teabaggers Edition
Day 5: A Circus of Horrors
Day 6: Toys in the Attic Edition
Day 7: A Circus of Horrors, Carny Row Edition
Day 8: Utter Freak Show Edition, Part 1
Day 8: Utter Freak Show Edition, Part 2
Day 9: The They Have a Right to Remain Silent, and I Wish They Would, Forever Award



At 9:55 AM, Anonymous me said...

Re: The Washington Post. After Watergate, the republicans vowed to take over the media, with the Post at the top of the list so that their criminality would never again be made public.

They have been quite successful in that regard. Too bad they couldn't have put such effort into making the country better. Instead, they have failed at literally EVERYTHING they try.

The only things they're good at are transferring money from working people to rich bastards like themselves, and replacing democracies with right-wing dictatorships.

At 3:20 PM, Anonymous NOAH said...

me, As Daddy Bush says, "We have to get more money into the hands of fewer people". It's all about the redistribution of wealth upward for the sake of power, and the creation of a world of nothing but lords and serfs. Hence the tax cuts for the wealthy and the doing away with estate taxes for those who have $7 million or more. The later is something even the Walton and Gates families see as wrong, but not the Bush Crime Family. For the Bushes, a South American dictatorshio or a pre-Magna Carta set up is the goal to aspire to. They got rid of Habeas Corpus and they backed Hitler with cash.


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