Is that John Oliver cheering as the noose apparently begins to tighten around world soccer supremo Sepp Blatter's neck?

JOHN OLIVER PRESENTS WORLD SOCCER
GANGSTER-SUPREMO SEPP BLATTER

The June 2014 FIFA report


The June 2015 "FIFA II" update

In the "FIFA II" update, John demonstrated just how far he was prepared to go in support of his urgent plea to FIFA's commercial sponsors: "Please! Make Sepp Blatter go away! I will do anything!"

by Ken

If you're not up on Sepp Blatter, the Sheik of Soccer, as I've called him, or perhaps better described as the boss of all bosses of the international soccer crime syndicate, you might want to take a look at John O's 2014 report above, which I first included in a June 29 post, "Let the games begin! John Oliver introduces us to FIFA, the World Cup™ governing body, and Michael Palin introduces us to Brazil."

What we learned was that Sepp has run FIFA, the governing body for international soccer, including most conspicuously its premier event, the World Cup (oops, I should have said the FIFA World Cup), like any international crime boss, in the process extracting from the sport -- meaning ultimately, of course, the fans -- zillions of dollars for the coffers of FIFA and its worldwide team of cronies. (One of my favorite moments in "FIFA Shows 'Em Who's in Charge" history is the clip of the repulsive Jérôme Valcke in the 2014 Last Week Tonight segment making unarguably clear that Brazilian government officials who think they can outlaw beer sales in the country's stadiums have another think coming -- Budweiser being, of course, one of the core FIFA sponsors.)

When last we heard from FIFA, in a pair of 2015 posts, one on May 28, "Is the $6,000 cat apartment enough to ring down the curtain on soccer once and for all?," and one on June 2, "Did John Oliver bring down FIFA's Sepp Blatter? Or was it the heat on smarmy FIFA Sec'y Gen'l Jérôme Valcke? Or maybe heat from other sources?," it was in the wake of developments reported in a
May 26 New York Daily News story, "Top FIFA officials arrested after federal probe days before boss Sepp Blatter is expected to be re-elected," which began:

Turmoil has engulfed FIFA, world soccer’s notoriously corrupt governing body, after a wave of international arrests of its top executives and the unsealing of a 47-count U.S. federal indictment based in the Eastern District of New York.

The arrests commenced early Wednesday morning led by Swiss authorities working in conjunction with U.S. law enforcement officials. At least 14 individuals were charged by prosecutors, with more charges possible after Swiss police seized records at FIFA’s headquarters in Zurich.

From which it looked as if the sheik was finally throwing in the towel, even with his inevitable reelection following mere days later.

A victory, right? except that here we are these months later, and there's Sepp still in the FIFA saddle! But maybe not for too much longer. And, perhaps more important to people who for some reason care about soccer, it looks as if Sepp's likeliest heir apparent may be dragged off the playing field as well.

CNN's James Masters began a report yesterday (updated today), "FIFA President Sepp Blatter is focus of Swiss probe, officials say" (links onsite):

Sepp Blatter's tenure as FIFA president suffered a new blow after the Swiss attorney general opened an investigation targeting him on "suspicion of criminal mismanagement."

A statement released by the office of the attorney general of Switzerland confirmed it was examining a contract signed by Blatter with the Caribbean Football Union and an alleged "disloyal payment" of 2 million Swiss francs (about $2 million US) to Michel Platini, the head of European football body UEFA.

Former senior FIFA official Jack Warner was indicted in a wide-ranging bribery scandal, while Platini entered the race to succeed Blatter as FIFA president in July.

The statement was released after Blatter, who has been in charge of soccer's world governing body since 1998, was interrogated by the Swiss attorney general's representatives Friday following a meeting of the FIFA executive committee in Zurich.

And BBC Sport reported earlier today (links onsite):

Fifa: Sepp Blatter and Michel Platini investigated by ethics committee

Fifa president Sepp Blatter and European football chief Michel Platini are facing an investigation by Fifa's ethics committee.



The move comes after the Swiss attorney general opened criminal proceedings against Blatter, 79.

He is accused of signing a contract "unfavourable" to football's governing body and making a "disloyal payment" to Uefa president Platini, 60.

Blatter denies wrongdoing and his lawyer says he is co-operating fully.

The ethics committee is looking into the circumstances of a payment of two million Swiss francs (£1.35m) that Platini received in 2011 for work said to have been carried out more than nine years previously, reported the Press Association.

Swiss prosecutors opened criminal proceedings against Blatter on Friday.

Platini - who worked as Blatter's technical advisor between 1999 and 2002 - was interviewed as a witness by officers from the attorney general's office.

The Frenchman is yet to explain the nine-year delay in payment but he too denies any wrongdoing.

WHY IS PLATINI'S INVOLVEMENT SO IMPORTANT?

As John Oliver notes in explaining Sepp's hold on power at FIFA, "Under FIFA's system, leadership never changes." Partly this is a matter of the disproportionate clout enjoyed by small countries in the divvying up of the FIFA loot, but more basically it has to do with an organization so systematically corrupt that you can expect pretty much anyone with a voice in the organization to be up to his eyeballs in the corruption.

So anything that makes it less likely that Sepp's successor doesn't come from "the ranks" increases the possibility that real change just might happen at FIFA.

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Did John Oliver bring down FIFA's Sepp Blatter? Or was it the heat on smarmy FIFA Sec'y Gen'l Jérôme Valcke? Or maybe heat from other sources?

The June 2014 FIFA report


Sunday night's "FIFA II" update

In Sunday night's "FIFA II" update, John made a heartfelt plea to FIFA's commercial sponsors: "Please! Make Sepp Blatter go away! I will do anything!" (And he demonstrated the point.)

by Ken

On Sunday night's Last Week Tonight, John Oliver returned to the subject of FIFA, of which he did such a devastating takedown last June on the eve of the World Cup in Brazil. Obviously recent developments called for a further look, and John didn't overlook the now-famous (I hope) $6,000-a-month Cat Apartment in Trump Tower, rented by former U.S. FIFA exec-turned-cooperating-witness Chuck Blazer, which we looked at at some length last week.

John on the $6,000-a-month Cat Apartment

"Wow!" John declared in Sunday night's "FIFA II" update. "None of us know what aloof really means until we meet a cat that has its own apartment in Trump Tower."

(Chuck, you'll recall, had his own $18,000-a-month apartment in Trump Tower, and I thought it was pretty white of him to be paying for digs for the apparently "unruly" cats at a 1:3 ratio to his own domicile. Of course he wasn't paying for any of it, so maybe that's not as nobly pet-friendly an instinct as it might first appear.)


EXTRA! EXTRA! SEPP CALLS IT QUITS!

In the "FIFA II" report John hit some of the highlights of the four four-year terms to date of FIFA President Sepp Blatter and ventured, "You would think all this might cost Sepp Blatter his job. Come on! He provided over the worst fiasco in [FIFA's] history." But as he noted, on Friday Sepp had been reelected to a fifth term.

Well, today, to the surprise if not astonishment of most observers, Sepp packed it in. You would think this development had something to do with the most dramatic previous development since Sunday night: "Fifa secretary general Jerome Valcke accused of transfering money central to bribe case" (to quote the headline on The Telegraph's report).

What a team! Sepp and his right-hand goon, Jérôme

You may recall Jérôme as the single most odious presence in last June's Last Week Tonight FIFA report -- from his visit to Brazil to deliver the message to the Brazilian government that the law barring beer sales at football stadiums, designed to stem the country's rising death toll from beer sales at football stadiums, would not under any circumstances be allowed to interfere with the business of FIFA, which happens to have as one of its core sponsors Budweiser. (If you don't recall the charming Jérôme, and John Oliver's hilarious impression of him, do take a look -- at 5:00 of the June 2014 report.)

This afternoon washingtonpost.com reported:

Sepp Blatter to resign FIFA presidency

By Matt Bonesteel
June 2 at 3:05pm

In a stunning announcement made at a hastily called news conference Tuesday in Zurich, FIFA President Sepp Blatter said he will resign after FIFA elects a new leader at an “extraordinary congress” that will be called by the organization’s executive committee.

The election will be at least four months away, a FIFA official announced. FIFA’s next congress, at which such decisions usually are made, is not until next May in Mexico, but FIFA announced its desire to speed up the process in order to put the scandal in the past.

[Who will succeed Blatter at FIFA?]

“It is my deep care for FIFA and its interests, which I hold very dear, that has led me to take this decision,” Blatter said.

Blatter was elected to a fifth term as FIFA president on Friday, two days after U.S. prosecutors indicted a number of FIFA officials on corruption charges and promised more indictments were likely, though Blatter’s name was not specifically mentioned. However, after Blatter’s announcement, news broke that he is being targeted by the FBI.



“While I have a mandate from the membership of FIFA, I do not feel that I have a mandate from the entire world of football – the fans, the players, the clubs, the people who live, breathe and love football as much as we all do at FIFA,” Blatter said.

“Therefore, I have decided to lay down my mandate at an extraordinary elective Congress. I will continue to exercise my functions as FIFA president until that election.”

On Monday, reports linked FIFA Secretary General Jerome Valcke, Blatter’s right-hand man, to a $10 million payment sent to former FIFA vice president Jack Warner in exchange for what prosecutors say was a positive vote on South Africa’s bid for the 2010 World Cup. . . .

SO DID JOHN OLIVER BRING SEPP DOWN?

Or if not John himself, perhaps some of the darker forces at work, as he explained in Sunday night's report?

By way of background John his some of the "high points" of the Blatter reign at FIFA, and suggested that the reason he was immovable from the presidencyis that under the organization's rules, the World Cup profits that FIFA distributes to its member organizations are paid out equally, regardless of population, which means you've got lots and lots of countries (and not-even-countries) hautling in sums that guarantee their undying loyalty.

"AND SO," JOHN NOTED, "UNDER FIFA'S
SYSTEM, LEADERSHIP NEVER CHANGES"

"Their elections are such a joke that four years ago Blatter ran unopposed. This was the actual ballot paper from that year."


"And they should have at least added a second box, so that your options were 'Vote Blatter' or 'Go fuck yourself!' 

"And the problem is, all the arrests in the world are going to change nothing as long as Blatter is still there. Because to truly kill a snake, you must cut off its head, or in this case [pointing to graphic of Blatter on monitor] its asshole. But if America keeps driving this investigation -- this is important -- and actually finds something to indict him, I don't think you understand how much that would mean to everyone on earth. The whole world's opinion of America would change overnight."


"Let me put this in terms you might understand. If the Dutch somehow found a reason to extradite and lock up Donald Trump, you would think, 'Holy shit! The Dutch are awesome! What a country!' That is what is on the table for you, America [pointing to camera with both hands].

"And if you won't do it, the last hope to get rid of him is in the hands of the only group more powerful than world government. . . ."

"BARRING INDICTMENT, THE ONLY PEOPLE WITH THE POWER
TO GET RID OF SEPP BLATTER ARE FIFA'S SPONSORS"

"These companies. And I would like to make a plea to them tonight: Please! Make Sepp Blatter go away! I will do anything!"


"Adidas, I'll wear one of your ugly shoes [audience howls], one of these shoes that make me look like the Greek god of aspiring DJs."


"McDonald's, I will take a bite out of every item on your Dollar Menu, which tastes like normal food that was cursed by a vindictive wizard."


"And I will even make the ultimate sacrifice. Budweiser, if you pull your support, and help get rid of Blatter, I will put my mouth where my mouth is, and I will personally drink one of your disgusting items. I'm serious! It can be a Bud Light. I will even drink a Bud Light Lime! Despite the fact that all the lime in the world cannot disguise the fact that this tastes like a puddle beneath a Long John Silver Dumpster.

"But I will do it! I will drink one, maintaining eye contact with the camera, and I will say it was delicious. Because if you get rid of the Swiss demon who has ruined the sport I love, this stuff will taste like fucking champagne."

OF COURSE THE THING NOW IS --

Who's to say that the person who follows Sepp won't be worse? Especially once he (and I think we can guess that it will be a "he") has a chance to consolidate his power. The conditions for giant-scale corruption -- those billions of dollars circling the globe, and an organizational structure designed to divert as much of the loot as possible into compliant pockets -- are all still in place, aren't they?

I suppose it counts for something that some people, at least, will be watching. But haven't some people been watching for a long time?

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Is the $6,000 cat apartment enough to ring down the curtain on soccer once and for all?

FRIDAY UPDATE: Sepp Blatter reelected sheik of FIFA!


This is No. 3 of Alexandra Petri's "Thoughts on the ex-FIFA exec's $6,000 cat apartment, in no particular order," but I really think we need to get a ruling on it. Isn't the subject supposed to be unruly cats? (See below.)

by Ken

I admit I haven't been paying as close attention as I should have to the scandal of these FIFA bigwigs who've been indicted -- not for being FIFA bigwigs but for being, you know, crooks. I thought it was by now sufficiently well established that FIFA, the international soccer governing board, is itself primarily, if not entirely, a criminal enterprise. I mean, didn't the New York Daily News story announcing the arrests refer to FIFA as "world soccer's notoriously corrupt governing body"?

Answer: Yes, it did.

Turmoil has engulfed FIFA, world soccer’s notoriously corrupt governing body, after a wave of international arrests of its top executives and the unsealing of a 47-count U.S. federal indictment based in the Eastern District of New York.

The arrests commenced early Wednesday morning led by Swiss authorities working in conjunction with U.S. law enforcement officials. At least 14 individuals were charged by prosecutors, with more charges possible after Swiss police seized records at FIFA’s headquarters in Zurich.

Didn't John Oliver and his HBO Last Week Tonight team do a staggeringly devastating exposé on "the staggering allegations of corruption against FIFA" ages ago -- on the eve of the World Cup last June?

Answer: Again, yes, they did.



Which leaves only two subjects to be discussed, as far as I can see.

(1) Is there possibly a straight line between the indictment of the FIFA 14 and the end of soccer? (One can only hope.)

(2) What the dickens is the deal with this Chuck Blazer guy?

While I was busy not paying attention to the whole mess, I missed out on this Blazer guy. The Daily News, in its report "Soccer Rat! The inside story of how Chuck Blazer, ex-U.S. soccer executive and FIFA bigwig, became a confidential informant for the FBI," provides this background on the 450-pound cooperating witness [click to enlarge]:




WHICH BRINGS US TO THE DETAIL
OF THE $6,000 CAT APARTMENT

Which washingtonpost.com's Alexandra Petri has rightly pounced on, having gleaned this alarming detail from the aforementioned Daily News "Soccer Rat" vivisection of Chucky B. Or as she puts it:

Ahem:

From the New York Daily News: “[Former FIFA exec Chuck] Blazer often worked from two apartments where he lived on the 49th floor [of the Trump Tower] in $18,000 per month digs for himself and an adjoining $6,000 retreat largely for his unruly cats, according to a source.”

Which brings us to Alexandra's "thoughts," which contrary to her post title aren't quite "in no particular order."

Thoughts:

1) What?

2) Seriously, what?

3) [This is the image I've placed atop this post, whose relevance to a piece about unruly cats seems hard to sustain. Is this or is this not the absolutely ruliest pussycat you've ever seen? Alexandra has some thoughts about feline ruliness at No. 7, but I don't think they shed any light on No. 3. I think she still has some 'splaining to do. -- Ed.]

4) Great Caesar’s Ghost, what chemical alteration takes place in the mind once they give you access to seemingly unlimited amounts of money? What switch suddenly flips? How do you start coming up with these ideas? You could talk to me for months and months about what I would do with Truly Obscene Amounts of Money and I would probably say something like “buy an island” or “dress up as a bat and fight crime” or “hire an Aaron Burr impersonator and an Alexander Hamilton impersonator and make them fight,” but nowhere on my list of things would be, “FILL A LUXURY TRUMP APARTMENT WITH UNRULY CATS.” [I notice that Alexandra makes no point of the discrepancy between the $18,000 monthly price tag on Chucky's personal apartment and the mere $6,000 tab for the tabbies'. Well, perhaps the 3:1 ratio is reasonable. -- Ed.]

5) I’m almost impressed. (Is impressed the word?) I also love the fact that he did not live in the luxury apartment with the cats himself. He lived next door, thus giving himself plausible deniability on OK Cupid dates. “Oh, you’re one of those men who lives alone with cats?” a date might ask, nervously fiddling with her salad fork. “No, no,” he would be able to say. “I don’t live with my cats.” A pause. “They live in a separate apartment that I have furnished for them next door.”

6) All in all, this choice almost gives me a kind of strange confidence in FIFA execs. At least they weren’t wasting their money on frivolous things like flashy cars or bottle service or, er, those ladies the Secret Service always liked to have around. No, Blazer went straight into Eccentric Oil Magnate/Overindulged Roman Emperor (this is probably redundant; is there any other kind?)/British royalty territory and went for the Entire Apartment Full of Unruly Cats.

7) No wonder these cats were unruly. Even ordinary cats are not exactly ruly. And these cats doubtless thought they were property owners. My family cat always thought she owned the place and she didn’t have a $6,000 TRUMP PLAZA APARTMENT FOR HERSELF AND A FEW INTIMATE CAT FRIENDS.

8) This would come in very handy if he were trying to confuse Sir Roderick Glossop into thinking he was not right in the head.

9) The fact that the only person in literature to have an apartment full of cats is a character in a P.G. Wodehouse story tells you how COMPLETELY REMOVED FROM REALITY this idea is usually located.

10) Seriously, what amount of money do you have to have in order that you sit down and say to yourself, “No, no, I won’t invest this. I want an apartment for my cats.”

11) I always think that the 1 percent and even the 0.01 percent are just like us, deep down, just with more silver spoons, more lacquer tables and the occasional butler. But this — this is some Gatsby-level nonsense. “I am going to get a $6,000 apartment for my cats” is the sentence right after “I’m going to throw constant parties with fireworks and own a pink suit” and right before “and I shall build an organ and get a man named Klipspringer to sleep inside it.”

11) What.

(Personally, I would have done this last one "12) What?," but as they might say at the FIFA clubhouse in Switzerland, "Chacun à son goût.")

Now can we look forward to the end of soccer -- by, say, July? Let the boys and girls finish up any games they really feel it necessary to play, and then get on with it. Just as if the whole bloody thing had never happened.


FRIDAY UPDATE: Sepp Blatter elected to fifth term as FIFA supremo

If you really want to see it, you can watch here.

The Washington Post's Brian Murphy reports: "The embattled chief of world soccer hung onto his post Friday after a rival bowed out in an election that displayed the deep rifts inside the sport amid American-led allegations of widespread corruption among some of its top overseers."

[E]nough opposition was mounted to keep Blatter from getting the two-thirds majority needed among the 209 votes cast by delegates in Zurich — a result seen as a significant embarrassment for the 79-year-old president who has led the sport since 1998.

Blatter, who was expected to coast to an easy reelection before the scandal broke earlier this week, fell just short with 133 votes. His lone rival — a senior FIFA executive, Prince Ali bin al-Hussein of Jordan — received 73. The status of the remaining votes was not immediately clear.

Moments later, Hussein stepped aside to let Blatter win after sending the clear message of dissent.

If you haven't watched the John Oliver report above, you really should, to fully appreciate what a treasure FIFA has managed to hold onto in Sepp Blatter (whose jovial acquaintance we make at 7:55 of the clip) for another four years.

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World Cup fallout: Does the prospect of pancakes (or even waffles) justify the scourge of soccer? And what about the scourge of Twitter?

Can the World Cup really be unreservedly evil if it leads to the possibility of pancakes (or even, hypothetically, waffles)?

by Ken

Let's dispose of the obvious questions about Matthew Barzun first.

(1) He's currently the U.S. ambassador to the United Kingdom -- or in fancier lingo, ambassador to the Court of St. James. So you can tell he must have raised a lot of money for President Obama's presidential campaign(s). Ding-ding-ding-ding! In the first Obama presidential campaign, according to Wikipedia:

Barzun’s small-dollar fundraisers were supporter-driven via online event pages, and replicated throughout the country.

In The Audacity to Win, author and political strategist David Plouffe describes Matthew Barzun’s grassroots campaign idea as “citizen fundraisers” that drove Obama’s connection with supporters.

That was good enough for a gig as ambassador to Sweden. In the Obama reelection campaign he served as national finance chair, after which he had to pack his bags for London.

(2) Yes, he is related to Jacques Barzun. A grandson.

Now, about those pancakes. As Washington Post "In the Loop" reporter Colby Itkowitz reports ("After World Cup loss, U.S. ambassador in London doesn’t waffle on bet with Belgians"):

As we reported a week ago, when a U.S. World Cup championship was still a long-shot possibility, Barzun sent Guy Trouveroy, Belgian ambassador in London, a handwritten note offering a breakfast wager. He’d pay up in pancakes if America lost, while Trouveroy would have to, of course, cook some Belgian waffles for the American staff if the U.S prevailed.

THE ORIGINAL WAGER (IT SEEMS THERE'S NOTHING
MUCH GOING ON IN THE U.S. EMBASSY IN LONDON)

[Click to enlarge]

Which, by the way, prompted a tweeted "joke" from Sen. Rafael "Ted from Alberta" Cruz:



Ha ha ha! Say, senator, have you ever thought about abandoning politics for the comedy-club circuit?


ANYWAY, AS COLBY REPORTS, "ON TUESDAY,
THE BELGIANS GOT THEIR FLAPJACKS"

Hopeful chants of “I believe that we will win” transition into a solemn instrumental as the score of the U.S.A. vs. Belgium World Cup game appears against a black screen. Then U.S. Ambassador to the United Kingdom Matthew Barzun appears at the embassy of his Belgian counterpart carrying the goods to cook “American pancakes.” Barzun measures and mixes and pours and flips in slow motion as the classical music soars.

You should probably just watch it yourself.

(Watch out! This is a playlist of "Uploads from USEmbassyLondon." Stand by that pause button. Unless you enjoy this sort of thing.)

Whoa, that's scary! Sorry, I didn't expect anything that alarming. Man, I'll probably be having nightmares for months. (I just hope there are therapists are on call for any kids who happen to view the clip.)

Still, they seem to have meant well, those U.S. and Belgian ambassadors stranded in London with, apparently, nothing better to do. And it shows that possibly some good can come of the World Cup, and of soccer generally, despite its general reputation as a worldwide scourge whose adherents are widely considered to be not merely insane but dangerous. (See my report last week, "There's good news about World Cup fever -- if it's caught early enough, a full recovery is possible.")

As for those Belgian waffles, well, thanks to those gutless wimps on the U.S. team, I guess we'll never know, will we? And as for Twitter -- the lurking villain in this sordid mess -- well, it appears there's nothing to be done.

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There's good news about World Cup fever -- if it's caught early enough, a full recovery is possible

U.S. goalkeeper Tim Howard was understandably dejected after the deciding goal scored by Belgium's Romelu Lukaku in the 2-1 U.S. loss. Poor Tim had himself quite a game, with 18 saves on 27 shots on goal (three times as many shots on goal as the U.S. team managed).

by Ken

What a game!

No, no, I'm just kidding. Not only didn't I see the game -- meaning the U.S.'s 2-1 World Cup elimination loss to Belgium today -- I didn't give a good gosh darn about it. I'm just thinking that now, given the result, and while I understand that we're not fully out of the World Cup woods yet, maybe we Americans can cut the crap and go back to our time-honored (and utterly appropriate) grinding apathy toward the entire excruciatingly uninteresting sport.

I know we're always reminded how nuts the rest of the world is for soccer, but could we focus for a moment on that strategic word "nuts"? Is it really so hard to believe that all those people are, at least in this regard, nuts?

There's more than one way to excruciate a crowd. The Brits -- and their imperial and Commonwealth legatess -- love to do it with cricket, which as far as I can tell isn't even a sport, just a bunch of guys standing around with one guy holding a bat and another guy hurling a ball and everything else made up on the spot. I know that Cricket World claims that there actually are rules to the whole imbroglio, but come on, let's cut the kidding.

Soccer does have rules, I appreciate, but who cares? The biting guy seems to have some original thoughts about the "game," but it doesn't look as if that's going to take this misbegotten excuse for sport anywhere. Mostly it seems to serve as an occasion for fan riots, which are perhaps to be admired as an extremely primitive form of population control, but again doesn't really make for a riveting spectator experience.

The good news: At least within the borders of these here United States, however, the World Cup has come and gone -- done, over, kaput, finito, terminé. The bad news: In four years (it is four years, isn't it?), it starts all over again. Unless if, when it knocks next time, we're all really, really quite and pretend nobody's home, and maybe eventually it'll just give up and go away and bother some other people.

If by chance anyone feels impelled to invade the comments section to provide incisive, withering commentary on my anti-soccer worthlessness, just stop and consider: Do you really think I -- or any sensible person -- care?

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Let the games begin! John Oliver introduces us to FIFA, the World Cup™ governing body, and Michael Palin introduces us to Brazil

Following a collage of clips from various countries where it's claimed that soccer is a "religion," John jumps in: "And they're not exaggerating. When David Beckham got a tattoo of Jesus, the response of most soccer fans was, 'Well, that's, that's huge for Jesus. That's, that's a big deal for him.' "

"I know that in America soccer is something you pick your ten-year-old daughter up from. But for me, and everyone else on earth, it's a little more important."

-- John Oliver, in last night's report on "FIFA and the World Cup"

by Ken

Last week I encouraged you to watch the whole of John Oliver's amazing Last Week Tonight rant on the gathering assault on net neutrality, which enough people seem to have watched and taken to heart that it's now theorized to have been caused the FCC's website crash. Last night it was the turn of FIFA (Fédération Internationale de Football Association), the Zurich-based governing body for, most importantly, the World Cup™ -- or the FIFA World Cup™, as FIFA likes to call it.



With 2014 World Cup™ Brasil about to begin, John introduces us at the outset to his personal World Cup™ dilemma: that while the World Cup™ is for him one of the most important things in the world, it comes to us via FIFA, "a comically grotesque organization" that he proceeds to show us is so thuggish and corrupt that thuggery and corruption seem to be its actual businesses.

As observers point out, the World Cup™ isn't an economic boon for host countries, but only for FIFA. For host countries it's usually an econonomic nightmare. Brazil has spent something like $1 billion on the games, including "investments" like the $270 soccer stadium built in the Amazonian metropolis of Manaus, which will be used for four World Cup™ games and after that for pretty much nothing that can fill it, en route to becoming, as John puts it, "the world's most expensive bird toilet."

And don't think that FIFA contributes anything in taxes. It pays none whatsoever to the host country, in the case of the 2014 games a windfall for FIFA -- and a deprivation to Brazil of some $250M. FIFA is a supposed nonprofit that happens to be sitting on a bank balance of a billion dollars, which we hear described in the report by FIFA's president since 1998, Sepp Blatter, as "a reserve."

For thuggish clownery, though, it may be hard to top FIFA Secretary-General Jérôme Valcke, who journeyed to Brazil as an enforcer to put an end to any foolishness about the FIFA World Cup™ possibly being subject to Brazilian law, specifically a 2003 law banning alcohol from soccer stadiums, a law put in place in the hope of putting a dent in then-out-of-control stadium fan fatalities.

"The only problem is," says John, "Budweiser is one of FIFA's key sponsors, and they sell a product they reflexively insist on calling 'beer,' and FIFA seemed anxious to protect Budweiser from a law designed to protect people, which is why FIFA's secretary general went to Brazil with a simple message":

I'm sorry to say, and maybe I look a bit arrogant, but that's something we'll not negotiate. I mean, there will be, and there must be as part of the law the fact that we have the right to sell beer.

You'll have to see for yourself John's take on possibly-a-bit-arrogant Jérôme, but rest assured that FIFA got what it insisted on -- what's known as the "Budweiser bill," ensuring stadium beer sales. "At this point," says John, "you can either be horrified by that or relieved that FIFA wasn't also sponsored by cocaine and chainsaws."


ON A HAPPIER NOTE, JUST IN TIME FOR THE WORLD
CUP™ WE HAVE BRAZIL WITH MICHAEL PALIN

And a new Michael Palin travel film should in itself be an occasion for joy. In my neck of the woods, at least, PBS is showing the first two parts of Brazil with Michael Palin tonight and the last two parts tomorrow night.

Here's a preview from the episode "Into Amazonia":


From my PBS station: "Join Michael Palin in Brazil, where he travels from the lost world of Amazonia to the buzzing metropolis of Rio de Janeiro, meeting the people and visiting the places that shape this South American nation. Monday, June 9 at 9 p.m. and Tuesday, June 10 at 9 p.m."

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Germany vs Greece... In Perspective

Yesterday the German and Greek national soccer teams met for the Euro 2012 quarter final match. "Kick the Germans Out of the Euro" blasted one Greek newspaper. Greece national pride was at stake... what's left of it. Like the Russians-- who the Greeks beat-- Germany was favored to win. Unlike the Russians, though-- and unlike the outcome in the Monty Python skit above-- the Germans won. Outside of Germany, and perhaps Mitt Romney's campaign headquarters, the world was cheering for Greece. Greece will need that goodwill next week, when the new corporate-backed pro-Austerity government begs Germany to lighten up a little on the overly harsh Austerity-mania that has caused massive unemployment and social dislocation from one end of Greece to the other.

People are tempted to recall the brutal Nazi occupation of Greece (1941-44, in which Germany wrecked the Greek economy, something at the root of Greece's current problems) but Merkel has more in common with Othon, Greece's first king (1832). Othon was actually Prince Otto Friedrich Ludwig, a young Bavarian who the Great Powers presented to the Greeks after independence from the Ottoman Empire. Plagued by financial woes in the new-born kingdom, he ruled as an absolute monarch, something that proved unpopular with the Greeks, who forced him to grant a constitution 10 years after he and his gang of Bavarians (the "Bavarocracy") took over. Britain, which was then what Germany aspires to today, and the Rothschild bank (a kind of a Wall Street/Bankenstadt in it's time), who were underwriting the Greek loans were-- believe it or not-- demanding... Austerity. The Greeks quickly found themselves paying higher taxes than they did under the Ottomans, much of the money going to pay-- you guessed it-- exorbitant interest from the foreign banksters. Eventually the Greeks rose up and kicked Otto out of the country.

Today the German banksters are pissed off that the Greeks aren't... German enough. Germany has set all sorts of fiscal and economic targets for them and the Greeks, they think, aren't trying hard enough to meet them fast enough. Most Germans want to kick Greece out of the Eurozone. Although the Greeks work longer hours than Germans do, the German people consider Greeks lazy and shiftless. Greeks are getting sick of the German's and more and more of them are ready for an Otto-like break. A recent Pew poll shows that 78% of Greeks have an unfavorable opinion of Germany and 84% think Angela Merkel is doing an especially unfortunate job dealing with the current economic debacle.

And Alexis Tsipras' Syriza isn't the only political party rallying Greeks who are fed up with Austerity and the Germans. Less than 4 months ago the Independent Greeks formed as a party in the village of Distomo, where Nazi troops massacred 218 locals in 1944 and one of the party’s main policies is to demand reparations from Germany for the Nazi crimes during World War II. They certainly got more votes than the local Nazi Party (Golden Dawn) and have 20 deputies in the new Parliament. The spirit of the soccer match in Poland yesterday wasn't too lovey-dovey between Germans and Greeks.

For Greeks, Germany now represents austerity and foreign diktats. For Germans, the Greeks represent tax-dodging wastrels looking for handouts. “Goodbye Greeks,” declared the front page of the daily newspaper Bild on Friday; the paper has previously published calls for Greek islands and even the Acropolis to be sold. “Today we can’t rescue you.”

...Every time Ms. Merkel appeared on the giant monitors in the stadium here, cheering Germany on, the blue-clad Greeks booed and whistled with gusto.“This is a football game, but it also has a political message,” said Giorgos Helakis, 48, the editor of Sport Day newspaper in Greece, who came to Gdansk for the match. Sport Day on Friday ran the headline “Bankrupt them!”

In Germany, there is frustration over what is perceived as insults in exchange for assistance. Nazi taunts at protests and in newspapers against the Germans, who invaded Greece during World War II, have not gone unnoticed in Berlin.

The new Greek pro-Austerity coalition, hopes to walk a tightrope between the Greek people and the Germans/banksters. Earlier today the coalition, in preparation for talks next week with creditors, announced it would basically beg to be allowed to suspend some layoffs in the public sector (150,000 jobs), end union-busting measures that the IMF is trying to impose, reverse cuts in the minimum wage and to unemployment benefits (the European Central Bank-- in other words, the Germans-- are demanding that unemployment benefits last only one year, not two), and suspend the harsher austerity measures the Germans are demanding. According to The Guardian, Angela Merkel "has made it clear that she has no intention of renegotiating the Greek package, which was agreed in February after weeks of talks-- though Europe's leaders may fear the reaction of Greece's voters if they fail to offer them anything."

Simon Derrick, currency strategist at BNY Mellon, pointed out that Athens's position was weak because it urgently needs the next tranche of bailout money, which the "troika" of the European Central Bank, IMF and European commission will only release if it is satisfied that the country is complying with its austerity programme.

"They don't have the luxury of entering into protracted negotiations: they don't have any bargaining power," he said. "I think they lose-- I think the troika wins. The key question is, how do the Greek public react to that?"

Is There A Significant Correlation Between Right Wing Politics And Living One's Life As A Closet Case?

As I've mentioned several times before, Boehner can get away with embracing a kook like Ohio Republican Party Nazi Rich Iott because, as Iott explained to an incredulous Anderson Cooper on CNN, the SS thugs he likes dressing up as were just "freedom fighters" and "champions of liberty." And by right wing definitions of those concepts-- wrapped up as they are in the right of the rich and powerful to prey, unfettered, on the vulnerable-- it all makes perfect sense. Especially inside a party with a special place in its black heart for fascists in general and Nazis in particular.

No one knows for sure where or when Iott was born or anything about his actual heritage. He was adopted by a well off family of grocers who assigned him a 1951 birth date and claim he was born in Columbus, Ohio. There are no actual birth records available. I have no way of knowing if Iott or his biological parents are Croatians or not, although the name Iott may be. During World War II Croatia was an independent fascist state-- one of the worst-- allied with Germany. The local fascists were dreaded genocidal maniacs, the Ustashi. They hunted Jews, Serbs and gypsies, shipped them to the Jasenovac concentration camp 62 miles southeast of Zagreb and had them exterminated. That's part of right-wing "freedom" to a racially pure society. Am I saying Rich Iott, John Boehner and the American Republican Party are the same? Absolutely; they just haven't had the chance to let their freak flags fly yet.

Why bring up Croatia today? Well, across Europe no one would have to ask where I'm going with this. It's about another right-wing asshat, Vladimir "Vlatko" Markovic, born into a fine Ustashi family in 1937. Now he's the head of the Croatian football federation, best known for saying gay soccer players would be banned from playing for Croatia. In the right-wing mind, that, of course, is a natural part of "freedom." As if to emphasize the extent to which homophobia is still rife in soccer, after saying that "only healthy people play football," he added that there was no room for gay men in the sport. This week saw protests against Markovic all over Europe led by he European Gay and Lesbian Sport Federation, which represents 17,000 active sportsmen and women.

Ulrike Lunacek, the Austrian Green MEP and active participant in the Gay Games, warned that if the Croatian government failed to take action against Markovic his outburst could affect its application to join the European Union. One of the conditions is that the country implements EU-standard anti-discrimination legislation.

Markovic told both the Croatian daily Vecernji list and the Serbian tabloid Vecernje novosti: "As long as I'm president [of the football federation] there will be no gay players. Thank goodness only healthy people play football."

The 73-year-old, who is campaigning for a fourth term as federation president, later said he had been misunderstood and apologised. The Croatian gay rights groups Kontra and Iskorak have called for Markovic to prove the sincerity of his remorse by raising the rainbow flag, a symbol of gay rights, during Croatia's Euro 2012 qualifier against Malta this Wednesday. Markovic's remarks were followed by an appeal from a leading German player for gay players to muster the courage to come out. Mario Gomez, 25, the Bayern Munich striker, said it was time to stop treating homosexuality as a "taboo topic", adding that if players felt they could come out, they would "play as though they had been liberated."

Coming out of the closet is healthy for individuals and healthy for society. Imagine how different the twisted life of Catholic priest Bruce Ritter. Do you remember him? Reagan singled him out during his inaugural speech as a paragon of American virtue. His whole life was built around seducing underage boys at the time. That's what people who live in closets, their minds and spirits inevitably diseased, do. Reagan didn't single out Ritter for praise because of his work on a presidential anti-pornography commission-- that came the following year-- but because Ritter, in 1972, had founded Covenant House, ostensibly to help runaway teens. Of course he was helping himself to the runaway teens. And to generous contributions people were making to Covenant House. I was planning to write about Ritter and his sick closeted existence when I started this post but... how many times have I told that story? So just go read it at Wikipedia if you want the sordid details of another demented, hypocritical authoritarian character-- Republican, Catholic priest, homophobe. As yes, of course, Mother Church covered up for him and Covenant House tried whitewashing the whole ugly affair.