Let the games begin! John Oliver introduces us to FIFA, the World Cup™ governing body, and Michael Palin introduces us to Brazil

Following a collage of clips from various countries where it's claimed that soccer is a "religion," John jumps in: "And they're not exaggerating. When David Beckham got a tattoo of Jesus, the response of most soccer fans was, 'Well, that's, that's huge for Jesus. That's, that's a big deal for him.' "

"I know that in America soccer is something you pick your ten-year-old daughter up from. But for me, and everyone else on earth, it's a little more important."

-- John Oliver, in last night's report on "FIFA and the World Cup"

by Ken

Last week I encouraged you to watch the whole of John Oliver's amazing Last Week Tonight rant on the gathering assault on net neutrality, which enough people seem to have watched and taken to heart that it's now theorized to have been caused the FCC's website crash. Last night it was the turn of FIFA (Fédération Internationale de Football Association), the Zurich-based governing body for, most importantly, the World Cup™ -- or the FIFA World Cup™, as FIFA likes to call it.



With 2014 World Cup™ Brasil about to begin, John introduces us at the outset to his personal World Cup™ dilemma: that while the World Cup™ is for him one of the most important things in the world, it comes to us via FIFA, "a comically grotesque organization" that he proceeds to show us is so thuggish and corrupt that thuggery and corruption seem to be its actual businesses.

As observers point out, the World Cup™ isn't an economic boon for host countries, but only for FIFA. For host countries it's usually an econonomic nightmare. Brazil has spent something like $1 billion on the games, including "investments" like the $270 soccer stadium built in the Amazonian metropolis of Manaus, which will be used for four World Cup™ games and after that for pretty much nothing that can fill it, en route to becoming, as John puts it, "the world's most expensive bird toilet."

And don't think that FIFA contributes anything in taxes. It pays none whatsoever to the host country, in the case of the 2014 games a windfall for FIFA -- and a deprivation to Brazil of some $250M. FIFA is a supposed nonprofit that happens to be sitting on a bank balance of a billion dollars, which we hear described in the report by FIFA's president since 1998, Sepp Blatter, as "a reserve."

For thuggish clownery, though, it may be hard to top FIFA Secretary-General Jérôme Valcke, who journeyed to Brazil as an enforcer to put an end to any foolishness about the FIFA World Cup™ possibly being subject to Brazilian law, specifically a 2003 law banning alcohol from soccer stadiums, a law put in place in the hope of putting a dent in then-out-of-control stadium fan fatalities.

"The only problem is," says John, "Budweiser is one of FIFA's key sponsors, and they sell a product they reflexively insist on calling 'beer,' and FIFA seemed anxious to protect Budweiser from a law designed to protect people, which is why FIFA's secretary general went to Brazil with a simple message":

I'm sorry to say, and maybe I look a bit arrogant, but that's something we'll not negotiate. I mean, there will be, and there must be as part of the law the fact that we have the right to sell beer.

You'll have to see for yourself John's take on possibly-a-bit-arrogant Jérôme, but rest assured that FIFA got what it insisted on -- what's known as the "Budweiser bill," ensuring stadium beer sales. "At this point," says John, "you can either be horrified by that or relieved that FIFA wasn't also sponsored by cocaine and chainsaws."


ON A HAPPIER NOTE, JUST IN TIME FOR THE WORLD
CUP™ WE HAVE BRAZIL WITH MICHAEL PALIN

And a new Michael Palin travel film should in itself be an occasion for joy. In my neck of the woods, at least, PBS is showing the first two parts of Brazil with Michael Palin tonight and the last two parts tomorrow night.

Here's a preview from the episode "Into Amazonia":


From my PBS station: "Join Michael Palin in Brazil, where he travels from the lost world of Amazonia to the buzzing metropolis of Rio de Janeiro, meeting the people and visiting the places that shape this South American nation. Monday, June 9 at 9 p.m. and Tuesday, June 10 at 9 p.m."

#