Rushin’ To Destruction, Part 11-- Selected Braindead Borats Of The Republican Party

-by Noah

When we think of lunatic, severely mentally unbalanced Republicans, it’s easy to start at the top. Sure there’s Trump and his whole damn family, there’s the ever-obsequious Lindsey Graham, there are has-been stars like Newtie Gingrich who desperately cling to Trump’s dangling red tie and still grab some small exposure from time to time, there are republican media luminaries like Sean Hannity and Alex Jones, there’s most definitely Louis Gohmert and Bug-Eyed Drooling Rudy Giuliani who looks more like Nosferatu with each passing day… but these cretins aren’t getting any younger, so what about the future? Well, rest assured! For every demented Graham or Giuliani, there’s a hundred up and comers of all ages in the republican minor league pipeline. Below are just a few who are awaiting their chance at republican stardom. The auditions are endless. Just keep in mind, we may laugh at these people but they are a clear and present danger to what’s left of civilization.

1. Rep. Barry Hovis: Since so much republican “thought” revolves around matters related to sex and sexuality when it comes to other people’s lives, I thought why not start with a Missouri Republican state representative named Barry Hovis. Remember the “If it’s a legitimate rape” guy, Rep. Todd Akin, also of Missouri? Well, this year, Hovis took republican thought on rape up a notch. Republicans will always consider Hovis their hero for coming up with the concept of... wait for it…consensual rape! You can decide for yourself what Hovis’s flash of brilliance means about his own dating history. If I was a Republican, I might dwell on it longer, much longer, but, on to the next loon!

2. Rep. Moe Brooks: Moe Brooks, who hails from Alabama (Say no more!) is the latest republican in the House of Representatives to declare himself an entrant into the Who Wants To Be The Next Louie Gohmert contest. Yes, he’s that dumb. Brooks has a novel explanation for rising sea levels. It’s an explanation that has nothing to do with ice melting in places like Antarctica or Greenland. It doesn’t even involve a massive increase in over-sized cruise ships or dead polar bear carcasses displacing water. Brooks says sea levels are rising due to rocks falling in the water. Never mind that rocks have always fallen into the water, he’s sticking to his brilliant observation: “Eureka! It’s the rocks!” And not the rocks in his head. Put this assclown in concussion protocol, pronto!

3. Daryl Metcalfe: Pennsylvania State Representative Daryl Metcalfe has no time for that “crazy talk” about things like pollution and climate change. He just knows, I mean knows that if we do something about excessive carbon dioxide in the atmosphere, well, his vegetable garden will suffer bigly. Hey, Daryl, what happens when we’re all dead due to a lack of air to breathe? Who’s gonna eat your vegetables? Certainly not you!

4. Mark Taylor: Taylor is best known as a right-wing conspiracy theorist (nut) who makes a living appearing on any Republican radio show that will have him; in other words, just about all of them. Taylor may be best known for his claim that Sen. John McCain did not die from brain cancer but was executed by a military tribunal. More recently, Taylor has been urging President Trump to start making some arrests of high profile democrats or run the risk of Trump-supporting militia groups acting first. Taylor predicts that these arrests will happen soon and that Trump will put “thousands of high-level cannibalistic satanic pedophiles” on trial. Taylor has a suggested list that includes President Obama and, of course, Hillary Clinton, who, as all republicans know, runs a child sex ring out of the basement of a suburban Maryland pizza parlor. Note: The claims of pedophilia, cannibalism, and Satan worship are a very current thing among Republicans. You can add to that human sacrifice. Such things are an obsession with Republicans these days. Self-styled Republican “journalist, “Liz Crokin has stuffed her YouTube channel with similar tales of pedos ands Satanism and agrees with Taylor that arrests are in order. She seems to be losing her faith in republican favorite QAnon. It’s something to do with the republican mind and why one becomes a Republican in the first place. Read on!

5. Rep. Phil Roe and broadcaster Chris McDonald: I’m presenting these two kooks as a pair because, well, they a dedicated brothers in kookdom. Phil Roe is the kook that several thousand fellow Tennessee wackos chose to represent them in Washington. Roe has been a guest on McDonald’s McFiles radio show many times in the past year and has reciprocated by having McDonald pay him visits in his office in the Capitol Building. He calls McDonald a true “patriot and friend.” It’s always great to know how Republicans define patriotism.

Like most Republicans these days, Chris McDonald is a conspiracy theorist who shares Roe’s world view and claims that to oppose Trump is to oppose God himself.

Interestingly, McDonald’s special obsession seems to be accusing political enemies of being pedophiles. In that sense, he shares a lot with Mark Taylor. McDonald, whose physical appearance strongly resembles something out of the dark corners of “Blue Velvet” or a Roger Corman film, says that President Obama speaks in pedophile code (I guess being “from Kenya” just wasn’t enough). More recently, McDonald has told his devoted Republican listeners that House Intelligence Committee Chairman Adam Schiff is a pedophile.

In a way, Schiff gets off easy. To McDonald, actor Tom Hanks is not just a pedophile but a “high-level Satanist” who partakes in “human sacrifice.” I’m not sure what, if anything, Hanks did in McDonalds’s mind to deserver the accusations. I guess he just considers Hanks to be one o’ those “Hollywood liberals. But wait, there’s more; McDonald says that Rep. Ilhan Omar should be removed from her elected office and should not be allowed in the House Of Representatives because she is a potential suicide bomber.

My research has not turned up any feelings that McDonald or his congressional pal might hold for the rabidly pro-Trump and pro-FOX “News” pipe bomber who sent pipe bombs to high profile media people and leading Democratic Party figures. Draw your own conclusions.