Cooking A Trump Branded Turkey-- Trade My Funny Bone For Your Wishbone?

-by Harper Thorpe

Today, we present a refresher on
the basic steps for cooking a “Don”
It’s really a turkey we’ve POTUS branded
The Trump Turd-bird, ’cause it’s underhanded

First thing, take the packet out, minuscule fowl balls
Search Don’s anal regions, between his southern walls
Besides the little gonads, you’ll find some nasty giblets
Put them in a frying pan, and cover in water driblets

Save them for the gravy, or add them to the stuffing
If you hear the Turd-bird tweet, the brain-dead Don is bluffing
Rinse the bird inside and out, then slap it and pat dry
Toilet paper’s best, please don’t get Turd-bird in your eye

If you stuff the Turd-bird, you should only stuff it loosely
Not like the golf khakis that the POTUS stuffs profusely
Bind drumsticks together, best for handcuffs to be used
Baste thin skin with snake oil and the drumsticks won’t be bruised

Place the Turd-bird on a rack, in a clean bedpan
Preheat oven three-five-oh, that’s the dead game plan
Monitor the temp with an anal thermo meter
Stick it where Don’s thickest, since (thank God) you’ll see no peter

Like a lobster in hot water, Don will act harassed
Also watch the veggies, the Turd-bird’s supporting cast
Instructions I’m providing have majority approval
Turd-bird should be done by now and ready for removal

Lastly, I am often asked should Turd-bird bake face-down?
Maybe Don should be face-up to get an orange-ish brown?
Side dish, desserts, other questions, even pairing wine?
Questions: call the Stormy Daniels’ Turkey-Spank hotline!

Happy Thanksgiving!!


©2019 HHThorpe. All rights reserved.