The Worst Democraps Who Want To Be President, Part VII: Frackenlooper

Yesterday Terry McAuliffe's vile SuperPAC-- Tenaciously Moving America (TMAC 200 PAC)-- sent another note trying to sell McAuliffe-branded merchandise, like they do every few days. "We're counting down to March 31st-- less than 27 days until Terry announces his presidential plans! In a race as important as this, Terry has proven his dedication and service to the American people... I have made it clear to [another candidate], as well as every other person who has approached me, including five or six of them running, that if McAuliffe runs, I am supporting him."

And, on the same level... "Today, Former Colorado Governor John Hickenlooper launched his campaign for the Democratic presidential nomination. Hickenlooper announced his decision to run in a campaign video, 'Stand Tall.'" McAuliffe was episode 5 in the DWT series, The Worst Democraps Who Want To Be President. I hoped I would never have to write one on Frackenlooper. The Dylan song on this video of him playing banjo with Old Crow Medicine Show is almost prophetic: "You Ain’t Goin’ Nowhere."



It came as no surprise to anyone that Hick was going to run, since he started a SuperPAC for himself in September of last year. In October there were even rumors that he and John Kasich would run as a centrist ticket. I can only imagine the argument between 2 alphas over who'd be top and who'd be bottom. Frankenlooper immediately started down the Clinton "no-can-do" path that lost her so many millions of votes: "I’m running for president because we need dreamers in Washington, but we also need to get things done." But, but, but, but, butt, butt, butt... I hope Kasich screwed you up the butt, you loser. Fake moderates don't get anything done. They never have and they never will. It's all greasy baby step incrementalism that voters are fed up with. Go away, you butthole. I'm glad you didn't run for senator and now you'll be politically obliterated completely.

Hickenlooper leaves for 2 days in Iowa Thursday where he hopes voters who remember his distant cousin Bourke Hickenlooper from when he ran for lieutenant governor in 1936 or when he saved a woman from drowning in the Cedar River in 1942, are still among the living. Ole' Bourke himself, a Republican of course, passed in the 1970s. His followers though, if there are any, will feel comfortable enough with the current Hick's right-of-center policy agenda. In fact, most of his campaigning will be in Steve Kin's district, the most conservative part of Iowa. Still, Hick is only polling zero in the current Iowa Democratic surveys.

The case he makes is that he can work with both sides. Neither side, though, likes him much. He opposed the legalization of marijuana ballot measure in 2012, which passed despite him. Now he tries to take credit for it. He's proud he got background checks passed-- even though it wasn't until after the Aurora massacre. He doesn't support Medicare-For-All or the Green New Deal or anything else that is inspiring Democratic voters.

I don't have many friends in Colorado-- maybe a dozen. But they all agreed on one thing: Hickenlooper would lose his own state, a blue-trending state that Obama won both times and even Hillary managed to win (with 48% to Trump's 43%). They also generally agree why he would lose Colorado. "He sold the state to the oil and natural gas interests," one pal in Denver told me, something echoed by everyone else I know there. That's how he got the widely used Frackenlooper nickname.

Folks in Denver also blame him for-- and hate him for-- the I-70 expansion, which is making parts of the city primarily lived in by poor people and minorities, unlivable in terms of air quality. Last year, David Sachs wrote that Hick wouldn't "admit that widening I-70 through Elyria Swansea is a mistake that will clog Denver streets with more traffic and spew more particulate pollution into the air. In fact, he insists that the project will be great for public health... Expanding I-70 requires digging up contaminated soil from a Superfund site in the country’s most polluted ZIP code. But Hickenlooper stuck to his claims that adding more car lanes will be good for our air quality and our health... The north Denver residents who live with alarming rates of respiratory problems aren’t buying it. Along with Denver’s largest neighborhood organization, they have demanded an end to the I-70 project."

A friend of mine who I went to college with and who lives in Chaffee Park just north of the I-70 said there isn't a person in North Denver that would vote for Hickenlooper. I said, what if it's him or Trump. "I don't know anyone who would ever vote for either. No one here thinks he has any chance of being nominated anyway... He ain't goin' nowhere."