DownWithTyranny’s Annual List Of Great Gift Ideas For Republicans!

-by Noah

For anyone new to DWT, every year at this time, I put together a list of things that I think you might want to consider giving that crazy Republican uncle or totally demented Trumpie neighbor for the holidays. Be careful wishing them Merry Christmas, though. That might shatter their world view.

I’ll dispense with the usual sheet and hood ensembles that most Republicans already have. Instead, I’ll suggest things they can use every day, not just a few nights a month or on weekends. For an ever-growing number of Republicans, it appears that ankle bracelets will be quite the thing this year. What else? Maybe a new Keurig coffee maker to replace the one they smashed when Keurig had to tell Sean Hannity that pedophilia is wrong even for FOX’s devout Republican and “Christian” viewers? Those are obvious choices. And, remember, if you are sending a gift bottle of scotch directly to Judge Roy Moore or any Alabama Republicans, make sure it is aged no more than 12 to 15 years.

But what else, well, without further ado, here are my suggestions for this year. First, some things I’d like to be able to give Republicans if only someone would make them, things Trumpies badly need and would greatly appreciate, even if they come from one of us damn “libruls” or “libtards” as they like to call us.

1. A matching set of bright, prison-orange “Make America Great Again” straitjackets and “Make America Great Again” Depends. This would be the perfect gift for the typical FOX “News” viewer and could be packed with bottles of orange-colored sedatives.

2. The LEGO “Build Your Own Wall” kit! Total assembly required. If repugs really want to build a wall, they can build it themselves!

3. A limited, leather-bound (source of leather unknown) gold-filigree edition of Adolf Hitler’s greatest speeches with a forward signed by both Trump and Mike Pence. What better way for that wacko in your life to connect with their hero(s) than to have a copy of a book that ex-wife Marla Maples said Trump keeps by his bedside.

4. The led usb customizable mass shooting incident t-shirt! Shown below, this t-shirt features a small area and USB connection that enables you to just hook it up to your computer and fill in the site of the latest gun-induced mass murder. Actual thoughts and prayers sold separately!

5. Ivanka Trump’s “House Arrest” ankle accessories. Handcuffs also available. See above.

6. A 1/43 scale model of Judge Roy Moore’s campaign truck, customizable with the name of any candidate! What Republican wouldn’t want one of these as a symbol of the Trump era? Note: The Anthony Weiner version is no longer available due to the lack of his party’s support and his jail sentence.

And now for some nifty items that you really can buy

1. The American Family Association’s “Burning Cross”- Why mess with flammables when you can achieve the same effect electronically? Your republican neighbor will absolutely love this and dance around it all night. Besides, it sure beats that flaming bag of shit you’d rather leave on his (or her) doorstep! I wonder if it comes in a mini-size for republican car dashboards.

2. Trump Dog Poop Bags- What better way to clean up after a dog at walkies time? These bags are durable and make picking up doggie’s solid waste fun for the very first time! Well, not for your lucky republican giftee! Available at amazon like practically everything else in creation.

Why not also buy some for yourself? Not only do you get the satisfaction of rubbing dogshit on Senor Trumpanzee’s visage, but you might also want to send it somewhere, say 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. You can even get bags that say “This Dump’s For Trump”. I suppose it doesn’t really have to be strictly doggie poop.

Also, for you? Why not treat yourself to Trump toilet paper or a Trump doormat. Also at Amazon, of course.

3. The Republican Party’s “American Flag hat! Notice anything odd about the Republican Party’s version of the American flag? Count the stars; 20 stars in all. And, only 10 stripes! What does this mean? That the repugs want to take us back to the Civil War era when there were only 20 states and women and non-caucasians knew their place? Is this some sort of special red state secession hat, or has the Republican Party’s distrust and contempt for patriotism and education resulted in a party of people who have no idea how many states we really have?

Remember, these are the complete morons who say that those who kneel somehow don’t respect “the flag”. Really? When they don’t even know what the American flag is supposed to look like?

You can ask the NRCC when you order yours, or not. Maybe, I’ll just take a knee in protest. Available through the National Republican Campaign Committee.

4. And speaking of hats! The Trump Tin Foil MAGA HAT. Available at many fine locations. You can use “the googles” as George Dubya Bush would say, but, please consider buying this item locally, in a non-chain store. You can also make this easily yourself. The personal touch will mean a lot, I’m sure.

5. How about the ultimate in Republican Crackpot book? The Trump Prophecies! Available from the World Net (Nut) Daily Superstore, this book claims to be “The Astonishing True Story Of The Man Who Saw Tomorrow… And What He Says Is Coming Next”! Yeah, whatever. If you’re a glutton for punishment, you can go to The WND Superstore site and read all about it. Apparently Trump was chosen by Jesus, or something. Warning: WND’s description of the book is written in their own, unique form of gibberish, just like everything else you can find at WND. The “writers” at World Net (Nut) Daily are masters of scrambled syntax, jumbled thoughts, and other manifestations of delirium and delusion; the stuff you could expect to hear in the halls of any home for the insane.

Well, that’s more than enough. Frankly, I don’t know why you’d want to give any kind of present to any republican, but, to each his (or her) own. If you’re still stuck for an idea, keep in mind that you can never go wrong with a few Tiki Torches. Also, ammo makes a fine stocking stuffer. Could be very interesting if a spark or two escapes the fireplace. What a special way to say Merry Christmas to a nutter that thinks you’d never say it! Personally, I’m just going to send them Christmas cards that feature a black Santa or a black Jesus, along with a statement that says I’ve given a generous donation in their name to Black Lives Matter.

And, coming in time for next Christmas: The Pedophile’s Handbook For How To Run For Office, by Judge Roy Moore; with a very special forward by Donald Trump.