The Noah Diaries 2011 (27): "Our blacks are so much better than their blacks" (Coultergeist)

Judge beats daughter, Rick Perry melts down, "manly" pizza, my letter to Al Franken, is mac 'n' cheese "a black thing"?, and more



by Noah

11/2/11 -- Quote of the Year nominee: Ann Coulter, "Our blacks are so much better better than their blacks"

Our blacks are so much better than their blacks. To become a black Republican, you don't just roll into it. You're not going with the flow . . . and that's why we have very impressive blacks in the Republican party.

Sad. When I was in the eighth grade, we had a rich kid who said outrageous things to get the attention he wasn't getting at home. His need for attention was pathological, cringe-inducing, and disruptive. He ended up getting all the attention he needed -- in a private mental hospital.

I’ve said for a long time that FOX is sort of Romper Room for the insane. Really, turn on Fox & Fiends, or Bill-O, or Hannity, and it’s like having a window into the common room at the crazy house. There’s Sean, hunched over, packed into an ill-fitting suit, mumbling fearfully about secret Muslims and union-promoting commies under the bed while Coultergeist alternates between rocking back and forth in her straitjacket screaming out her bile with some sort of incurable Tourette's or practically sitting on Hannity’s shoulder like a demented parrot cackling about liberal this and liberal that. Later Coultergeist defended her remarks to Joy Behar: "The only racism you hear in America is against conservative blacks."

It’s sad stuff. Think about how completely out to lunch you have to be to heap praise on Herman Cain. It's really sad when you consider how people like Coutergeist and Hannity influence the gullible and naive.


1/4/11 -- A judge beat his disabled daughter with a belt. She has video, he feels no remorse. Likely no charges will be charged


Where? No surprise here: Texas, the Loon-Star State! I’m kinda surprised Aransas County Judge-at-Law William Adams didn’t try to persuade Governor Perry to execute her. (Maybe we should subpoena his phone records?)

A judicial investigation is promised, but authorities are already saying that the video-recorded incident, which happened seven years ago, goes back too far for criminal charges. Judge Adams, who deals primarily in family law (you can't make this stuff up), says Hillary, now 23, who suffers from cerebral palsy, only posted the video to get back at him for telling her he was withdrawing his financial support, and says the video "looks worse than it is."


11/7/11 -- "99 Facts About Mitt Romney"

If Mittens gets the Repug nomination, ThinkProgress's list of interesting info about him should be postered all over America -- including every bus stop, train station, and airport. The Democrats should turn it into a series of fadio and TV commercials, perhaps three at a time, over and over. And don’t forget banners all over the Internet. Will they have the smarts to do it?


11/7/11 -- "Deadbeat Dad" Joe Walsh receives an award for championing (what else?) family values

You remember Joe, the far-right Illinois congressman who owes $117K in child support [see 8/1]. Now the nuts at the Family Research Council (officially certified a "hate group" by the Southern Poverty Law Center) have saluted him for his "unwavering support of the family," a "True Blue" champion of its idea of family values. Deadbeat Joe still refuses to pay what he owes, and was chastised recently by a judge for not even bothering to show up at a hearing.


1/8/11 -- The media loon squads of the right are all in a tizzy about how President Obama greeted Turkish Prime Minister Recep Tayyip Erdogan at the G-20 summit -- he hugged him

If you're so hopelessly stupid or deluded as to believe that Turkey is our "enemy," might it not be a smart idea to keep your damn fool trap shut?

Remember when the loons were all bent out of shape about Obama bowing in Japan? Now they're frothing about him "hugging enemies, abandoning allies."

Note to thegoldfarb: Turkey isn't an enemy. It's a key NATO ally. Get over it.


11/10/11 -- About last night’s CNBC debate: Ladies and gentlemen, Rick Perry. Let’s hear it for Rick Perry, ladies and gentlemen! RICK PERRY!


What a performance! What a head of hair!

Texas voted for him. Now he can be yours! R-i-i-ck Pe-e-e-r-r-ry! Texas must be so-o-o proud after last night’s debate. Isn’t it swell that kids all over the rest of the country are forced to learn from textbooks dumbed down to Texas standards? Rick Perry! What a head of hair, ladies and gentlemen! Looky at dat hair! Yeee-ha! Covers all the holes in that yahoo’s head, yessiree!

Incredible performance. Some of the best political satire you'll ever see, and it comes from a party that specializes in side-splitting satire! First Texas plagued us with Dubya, now this -- how low can the bar go?


The governor doesn't exactly give a scintillating performance even when it's all written out for him to read.


11/12/11 -- Quote of the year Nominee: Michele Bachmann, at the CBS Repug debate

"What I would do is look at the programs that LBJ gave us with the Great Society, and they’d be gone."

OK, Michele, let's look at the programs that LBJ gave us with the Great Society. They include the various Civil Rights and Voting Rights acts, Medicare and Medicaid, the War on Poverty, federal aid to education, the National Endowment for the Arts, public broadcasting, the Department Of Transportation, and various consumer and environmental protections.

Now we can’t have any of that nasty stuff, can we? The congresswoman, while saying what she said, compared us unfavorably with China, basically saying we should be more like them. Doesn't she claim to hate socialism?


11/14/11 -- Quote of the Year nominee: Pizza man Herman Cain like his pies "manly"

"The more toppings a man has on his pizza, I believe, the more manly he is. Because the more manly man is not afraid of abundance.”

Ah, the comedy stylings of right-wing wackos! Strange how they are always focus on their manliness. Just sayin’.


11/15/11 -- Fantasy for the Day: Desperate Republicans to run warm, happy puppy for president, with adorable kitten in the VP slot

"A perfect pairing," say Repug officials. "Who doesn’t like puppies and kittens?” Both Bonzo the Dog and Fluffy the Cat are housebroken and leashed-trained, a characteristic that thrills Wall Street manipulators no end. Says Goldman Sachs CEO Lloyd Bankfiend, "With Bonzo we have someone who will step lively and fetch it at the snap of our fingers, while Fluffy can tear apart the Bluebird of Anyone’s Happiness like nobody’s biz.”

You might laugh, but, if they get any more insane --


11/15/11 -- I wonder what the biology classes are like at this Illinois Christian school

I went to one of the highest-ranked high schools in the country, but I din’t like it very much at all. Still, I’ve never heard much good about Christian madrasas, er, ah, schools, and I’m real glad that I didn’t go to this one.

According to today’s Chicago Tribune, math teacher Paul LaDuke, 75, was fired from the Schaumburg (IL) Christian School after a student reported seeing him brazenly masturbate, with his pants lowered, as he sat behind his desk in a full classroom. LaDuke had been at the school for 26 years, and police believe he had "committed similar acts at the school several times a year for a decade or longer."


11/15/11 -- My letter to Al Franken

I love writing to politicians. It’s kind of therapeutic, and I recommend it. Sure, I don’t expect that the politician actually reads it, but I know that someone on the staff does. (Staffers have told me this.) And I often get responses, in most cases pretty lame, but revealing. My congressperson, Carolyn Maloney, is very good at responding. My senators, Schumer and Gillibrand, don’t seem to want to communicate anymore, but lthey live Inside the beltway and don’t get outside it much. They only want positive reinforcement. Gillibrand especially can’t handle the truth.

Today, I got an e-mail from Minnesota Sen. Al Franken. He asked for money. I’ve written him before. We have a couple of mutual friends, and I even met him once when he came to a recording session, before he ran for office. Seemed like a nice enough guy, but maybe a little out of touch. Perfect for the job he got, I guess. I felt compelled to write him back and tell him why no more money would be forthcoming from me.

Dear Senator,

I don't expect anyone to actually read this. I've pretty much given up on anyone other than Senator Sanders "getting it." I've even met you through a longtime mutual friend in here in NYC, before you ran for office. I was heartened that you won and beat that insipid Norm Coleman, BUT, I recently got a request for a contribution (I have given before), and I just can't do it again. Why? you may ask. Two reasons. One: You voted for continuing the Bush tax cuts for the wealthy and showed your true colors, as did many others in the utterly clueless Washington community. I've heard the excuses. I don't buy it. We aren't all as stupid as you in government think. Two: I now hear that the Democrats plan on siding with the Repug Party in cutting Social Security and Medicare, and of course have no plans to restore the taxes on the top 2%. Hell, there have been years where I met that criterion! Anyway, my suggestion to you is to print out multiple copies of this e-mail and give them to Harry Reid, the president, and all of your partners in crime in Congress, and tell them to wipe their fat asses with it. The "Gang of Six" can go to hell. The fix was in when Reid put His Arrogance, Max Baucus, on the committee.

With all due remaining respect,

To date, somewhat mysteriously, I haven't received a response, but I suspect that Washington has received similar letters, because they’ve changed their tune a little bit. We’ll see, but I expect nothing from such people.


11/19/11 -- The following might have been found by a homeless man while going through a trash can outside of FOX, but I can say no more

Chapter synopsis from The Double-Secret Republican Manual:

Why can’t we use the "N" word? We as Republicans are being denied the right to fully express our deepest thoughts. We are being denied our very selves! The fact that we are not allowed to shout the "N" word everywhere we go shows us just how far the liberal commie Islamo-loving socialists have gone in making inroads in limiting our freedoms, in this case the freedom to express and, hopefully, spread our hate for the other. Make no mistake. Even the UPS slogan "What can brown do for you?” is lie-beral propaganda designed to force us to accept that nonwhites can contribute to society! And by the way, that word "manual” sounds suspiciously Mexican.

11/23/11 -- At CNN’s Repug debate, moderator Wolf Blitzer, true to his righty mindset, didn’t bother to ask Newt Gingrich . . .

. . . anything about his feelings towards our child-labor laws. He didn’t ask him about his ties to Freddie Mac, which paid him $30,000 an hour to be "a historian,” either. Nope. Why would he do that? For Wolfie, it’s strictly softballs. Someday I’d like to know how this waste of space got his job.

The audience, picked by CNN, just happened to include the likes of Paul Wolfowitz and former Cheney chief of staff David Addington. Stacking the deck, anyone? Any further questions about the bias of CNN?


11/23/11 -- Quote of the Year nominee: Rep. Don Young of Alaska (R, of course)

Let’s hear it for the state that gave us Sarah Palin!

Environmentalists are a self-centered bunch of waffle-stomping, Harvard-graduating, intellectual idiots. . . . [They] are not Americans, never have been Americans and never will be Americans.

You have to ask, was he drunk, or just insane, or both? He’s very upset about people not wanting oil drilling in the Arctic. Be sure to watch the clip. You’ll be asking the same question again. This guy makes fellow Alaskan Palin look like a genius. As Don Shelby says, it’s "a video that every American should see." (Um, waffle-stomping?)


11/24/11 -- Quote of the Year nominee: Pat Robertson discovers mac 'n' cheese!

"Is that a black thing?”

No, the born-senile Robertson isn’t appearing in multicultural porn these days, at least as far as I know. He's simply finding yet another way to display his prodigious ignorance in response to a conversation between his 700 Club African-American cohost, Kristi Watts, and Condoleezza Rice about their favored Thanksgiving dish of macaroni and cheese. Why is Gramps always such an embarrassment? Perhaps. It’s time to put him in a home.

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History in the making:
Selections from THE NOAH DIARIES 2011

Yesterday: (26): Masturbation is a form of homosexuality! Plus: Spot the loony: (1) Mark Driscoll and (2) Rick Santorum, Repugs' Thesaurus: 30 ways to say n*gg*r, how did the GOP sink to this? (10/19-26/11)
Tomorrow: (28) Heard the good news? Pizza is now a vegetable! Plus: Last (?) thoughts on Cain, love Kentucky Baptist-style, Etch A Sketch-pad?, G. Will on Newt, Big House for Blago, and more (12/1-7/11)

FOR A COMPLETE LISTING OF THE SERIES, CLICK HERE

And don't forget 2010's Year in Review series and 2009's "12 Days of Christmas Scorn"!

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