DESPITE THEIR CURRENT NOTORIETY, HAPPY ENDINGS ARE PART OF THEIR JOBS, NOT THEIR FATES

Coupla Fox whores

That was the gist of how author Josh Kilmer-Purcell ended his column, "Career Tips For Future Whores of America," in the March issue of Out Magazine. The three "theirs" refers to Jeff Gannon, Matt Sanchez, and Mike Jones, male prostitutes who have achieved a great deal of celebrity-- or at least notoriety-- after their well-publicized careers involving sex with anti-gay Republican closet cases.

Kilmer-Purcell begins with a complaint: "In my day [he's still in his 30s], male escorts were seen and not heard-- unless you paid for role-play. There was an honor system among whores: Don't bite the dick that pays you. Recently, however, mouthy male escorts have become mainstream media darlings... Famous alleged and admitted escorts such as pastor masseuse Mike Jones, Fox News pundit Matt Sanchez, and White House boy toy Jeff Gannon are famous enough to have traded their escort agencies for PR agencies."

Their current fame, however, is probably not something aspiring male prostitutes should seek to emulate. [Don't click that link if you're offended by pictures of Sean Hannity, Ann Coulter or erect male members.]

Nowadays, whenever there's a whiff of mystery in a news story, rent boys burst on the scene like superheroes without the spandex. When U.S. Senator Trent Lott resigned late last year, giving no reason, rumors immediately swirled around an escort named Benjamin Nicholas-- rumors fueled mostly by Benjamin Nicholas. The blogosphere generally ignored the more likely reason for Lott's retirement: a looming legislative deadline that would have prohibited the retired congressman from immediately becoming a filthy-rich lobbyist. That a Republican was accused of whoring before thieving shows how out of whack the world has become.

Kilmer-Purcell frets that the new breed of male hustlers catering to anti-gay Republican closet queens will trade professional discretion for fleeting MSM fame. He reminisces about the old days-- when someone admitting to being a hooker could face arrest, inspiring potentially yappy prostitutes to keep their traps shut. "Now," he points out, "you're invited to White House press conferences and Ann Coulter's cocktail parties."

Mike Jones and his celebrity hooker peers are not "successful escorts." They aren't making millions off their pundit appearances. Their books don't make the best-seller lists. Blogging doesn't keep one in condoms. They broke rule number 1, and that'll cut into their client base more than a receding hairline. They might be having their 15 minutes of fame, but when you're used to getting paid by the hour that's quite a pay cut.

Not that I don't revel in the schadenfreude toward the hypocritical clients some of these celebrity hookers have taken down. A few of these celebriwhores have performed a valuable service for the LBGT movement. Maybe we should set up a retirement fund for our gay and lesbian "service" men.

Not a bad idea. And if it existed, maybe gay sex workers wouldn't be so terrified about coming forward to testify in the multiple murder cases reputedly connected to a male escort ring catering to Republican members of Congress and possibly owned, at least in part, by homophobic GOP closet case Patrick McHenry (R-NC).