WILL MITT ROMNEY DEMAND THAT COMEDY CENTRAL STOP SHOWING THE SOUTH PARK MORMON EPISODES?

I have to admit that I don't know much about Mormons. Despite what is said about them by all the non-Mormons I know who live among them in Utah, Nevada and Arizona, I'm sure they're just the same as anyone else self-deluded into believing all the religionist gunk. So maybe their nonsensical story is a little more far fetched than the ones concocted by Jews, Christians, Hindus, Muslims Catholics, and Cannibals. Does it really matter? There really are just two belief systems: the irrational and the rational. And I know plenty of religionists who are, otherwise, perfectly rational. Let me assume that there are Mormons who fit in there too. I met one on a plane to Madrid once and we talked the whole way across the Atlantic and, apart from being a Republican, he seemed like a regular guy-- no horns or hooves or anything like that.

The little I do know about Mormons I learned, like many Americans, from the television show South Park. But, like a modern day Cliff's Notes Wikipedia provides us with the whole storyline. (Hopefully this is one of the few places on Wikipedia that have not been tampered with by Susan Collins' campaign team/senatorial staff.)

In this episode, a new family moves into South Park, and their son Gary, stereotypically depicted as unusually perfect (achieving high grades, being perfectly polite, etc.), invokes the wrath of the other boys. Stan is drafted into the job of beating him up by the other children, but Gary's sheer politeness leads Stan to discover himself walking away with an invitation to dinner that night. After dinner, the five-child, two-parent family has "family game night" where they play games, do performance art, and read from the Book of Mormon. Stan is intrigued and confused by all this, and asks his parents about the Mormon family's beliefs. His father concludes that they must be religious fanatics attempting to brainwash Stan, and heads over to confront them and beat them up (but only upon determining that Mr. Harrison is white).

Instead, he too finds himself quelled by the family's perfection and politeness, and in the end, actually decides to convert to Mormonism himself. The next day, Kenny, Cartman and Kyle cruelly mock Stan for hanging around with Gary and his family, accusing Stan of going on a date with Gary. When the Harrisons and Gary show up, the three children walk off lying about going to "put in some volunteer work at the homeless shelter".

...Stan ends up shouting at the Mormons that they're ridiculous for believing in it without proof; they smile patiently and explain that it's a matter of faith, while Stan argues that it should be a matter of empirical evidence. He further lashes out at them for acting unusually nice all the time, claiming it blindsides stupid people like his father into believing in Mormonism (to which Randy Marsh unwittingly responds "Yeah!"). Afterwards, Stan's family apparently chooses to convert away from Mormonism and goes back to Catholicism, at Randy's insistence.

Stan's anger doesn't much upset anyone in the Mormon family other than Gary, who confronts Stan and the other boys the next day, pointing out that his religion does not need to be factually true, because it still supports good family values. Gary condemns their bigotry and ignorance, stating:

"All I ever did was try to be your friend, Stan, but you're so high and mighty you couldn't look past my religion and just be my friend back. You've got a lot of growing up to do, buddy. Suck my balls."

He walks away, and the episode ends as Cartman (with a new-found respect for him) says, "Damn, that kid is cool, huh?"

Cartman is also a fan of Cheney, Hitler and Mel Gibson. And I bet Cartman would approve of Mitt Romney's campaign's pressure on the folks behind September Dawn to hold off the release of the film until after the election cycle. The movie opens August 24 and promises to give Mormonism even more exposure than South Park did. And many Mormons are not eager for exposure.

Sources inside the Mitt Romney camp report the former Massachusetts governor's presidential campaign staff is none too happy about the timing of the release of September Dawn, a film about a mid-19th century massacre by Mormons-- considered to be the first recorded act of religious terrorism on U.S. soil.

"Given all the current press attention to Mitt's being a Mormon-- much of it having a negative slant-- this only adds fuel to the fire,'' a Romney campaign insider told this column Wednesday.

...It focuses on the 1857 massacre by Mormons of 120 men, women and children traveling through Utah in a wagon train from Arkansas to California.

The Romney camp is unhappy that the publicity for September Dawn specifically points out that the film's release coincides with "a time when issues of Mormonism are in heightened areas of the news." That statement alone "obviously is directed at our campaign," said my source, who requested anonymity.

The actual attack-- known as the "Mountain Meadows Massacre"-- occurred on Sept. 11, 1857. A group of Mormons-- many disguised as Paiute Indians and inspired by the fanaticism of Voight's character, Joseph Samuelson-- slaughtered all but 17 small children in that California-bound wagon train.

Even after 150 years, the incident remains controversial, as many descendants of those killed believe Brigham Young himself approved of the massacre-- a point denied by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

But we're not voting for-- or against-- Brigham Young; it's one of his adherents, Mitt Romney, who is running for president. And he's running on the Republican ticket, not, ostensibly, on the Mormon ticket. I doubt I have ever come across a candidate for president more loathsome than Mitt Romney. There is no need to demonize perfectly average Mormons-- or even Mormonism, no matter what he think about its... eccentricities-- to realize that Flip Flop Mitt, a man with no steady moral compass whatsoever and no values of any kind other than personal greed and ambition-- would make a really terrible president. Republicans, though, seem to be attracted to him, especially when he's paying for their votes. Watch the September Dawn trailer anyway: