HAGGARD COMES CLEAN-- ADMITS IT ALL! WOW-- THAT WAS A LOT FASTER THAN ABRAMOFF, DELAY, FOLEY, CUNNINGHAM OR NEY!

It's only been a few short days since "Rev" Ted Haggard was dragged out of planning sessions for the hate-filled agenda of the Republican Party-- electing virulent homophobes like Marilyn Musgrave and Doug Lamborn and passing some cockamamie anti-gay amendment to the Colorado Constitution-- by the news that his longtime paid male lover had outed him. Of course it started out as pure Republican taking-responsibilty: I never met that guy; no idea who he is; never had sex with a man, etc. Then he admitted buying-- albeit not using-- meth from the guy. Oh and he gave me a little massage. It's gone rapidly downhill since then.


This morning he apologized to his fellow cult members and admits he's "a deceiver and a liar". Holy Moley! (Although, he does say the devil made him do it... redemption cometh.)

"The fact is I am guilty of sexual immorality. And I take responsibility for the entire problem. I am a deceiver and a liar. There's a part of my life that is so repulsive and dark that I have been warring against it for all of my adult life." The loons in the cult responded as they have been programmed to and bizarre rituals were performed on babies and children while delusional cult members wailed and caterwauled "Jesus Loves Me" and "He Has Set My Feet Upon A Rock."


Will these poor, misguided captives of Perpetual Darkness repent from their foul ways? Not a chance! It's all about electing Musgrave and Lamborn and pushing the hatred they blindly attribute to Jesus!!! "It's a political ploy by Satan himself and his minions to try and take the focus off the real issues of the election," explains one zombie-like cult employee. Another was babbling that "I saw the Holy Spirit on the platform. I will miss and will always love Pastor Ted." He'll be baaaaackkkkkkkkk; don't fret.