DAMN YOU, TONY HENDRA-- MAGS HAS TAKEN A STEP BACK FROM THE BRINK

Damn You Tony Hendra!
-Mags



Somewhere in the murky murkiness of my past religious insanity, I remember the day it occurred to me that believing in the return of Christ and the rapture was not only unscriptural, but downright irresponsible. It was giving up on the world and everything in it. It was laziness on a grand scale, and not only that but a shirking of responsibility not only for myself, but for my kids and grandkids. Because one day it came to me in a flash……well, ok maybe it did not flash at all, maybe it just seeped into a crack that was developing in my already overheated brain…. to wit… “What if it is all untrue?”

Shiza! That would mean that anything neglected that caused people to die or environments to be poisoned would be our fault. And, anyone killed over some belief that wars were meant to be….no, destined to happen would bloody my hands and the hands of every Christian touting this delusion as fact. In short, if we were wrong, how would we ever apologize to our children and grand children. And, to top it off, even if we were right about the events, but thousands of years or even hundreds of years off in the timing, we would still be culpable.

I wish I could say this was a sudden realization that made everything A-ok and that it cured my religious zealotry, but no. This realization came after years of focus on “end times” books and prophesies and the bible. The realization came after I had taught myself biblical Hebrew and after I had taken up a self-directed decade long study of the history, archaeology, and sociology of the biblical era. Not only that, I had read anything I could get my hands on of scholarly work on the nature of the scriptures, their formats and the Hebraisms contained in them. After all that effort, I could only conclude that much of the Revelation of John was not at all what Hal Lindsey had said it was. However, ole Hal made millions deluding and scaring the bejeezus out of people.

I’m sure you have to be wondering why someone who is religiously insane would do all of that extra work trying to back up the teachings of their church. Look, like Tony points out, this is a great gig if you can get it. No suffering, no death. It was akin to the worm holes on Deep Space Nine…the blessed poop shoot as it were straight to heaven. No mortal coils for us, no siree. But, the time I invested in it came from an uneasy feeling that it was too good to be true. Bad enough the Jesus and resurrection thing seemed everyone accepted that, but this….this had the feeling of Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, and the Tooth Fairy to it and so far, life had pitched an 0 for 3 count on those characters.


I have not read Tony’s book (Costco, here I come), The Messiah of Morris Avenue, but I have just read his editorial on Huffington Post, but I say, “Damn you Tony Hendra!! That should have been my book!”

Sure I was busy diapering babies and wiping snotty noses, and then later finishing up college and struggling to support 4 kids on my own, but damn, it should have been my story to write. Or at the very least, I should have been in the loop. I know Tony had no way of knowing I was free now to collaborate with him, to hardy har har it up with him over the delicious joke played upon the unsuspecting ostrich like American public, to add my two cents worth to the twists and turns of his little novel. But, damn! What fun it would have been.

Of course, I forgive Tony, and in reality I say “Good on you Tony Hendra. It is about damn time someone wrote it.” I am angry with myself really. Until lately I fumed instead of writing. I fussed trying to figure out how to convince folks of something or other. I wasted time “discussing” but mostly cussing fools and trolls on the internet when I could have been playing with these crazy ideas and writing the comedy. We could all use a little levity during the dark reign of King George the Lesser. Let that be a lesson to me!

As for me, well, there seems to be no shortage of religious insanity out there. All of it is surprisingly public. Who would have thunk it? Surely, I can find something worth a comment or a story. I got a book in me, I swear. Sure…..oops, here come my grand daughters…..okay then, at least a column or two.