AND NOW, FROM THE FOLKS WHO CONVINCED BUSH TO NOMINATE HIS LAME LAWYER TO THE SUPEME COURT, LET'S SEE HOW SOME GOOD OLD-FASHIONED CENSORSHIP FLIES

I read a lot of stuff online but now that THE NATION kicked me off their mailing list, the only physical magazine I read at home is THE ONION. It often has me laughing aloud in the mornings as I eat my delicious, antioxident-rich half a papaya stuffed with blueberries, ground flaxseeds and pecans (and, when in season, pomegranite seeds). So, of course, it was only a matter of time before the fascist censors would start threatening the beloved magazine.

Today's NY TIMES has a story by Katharine Q. Seelye about Harriet Miers' deputy dog, Grant M. Dixton-- right in the midst of helping to find Bush a Supreme Court nominee-- writing THE ONION a threatening letter. The White House is offended that THE ONION uses the presidential seal when it regularly parodies Bush, often insinuating that the reason he opposes evolution so hysterically is because he hasn't experienced it first-hand. THE ONION runs a great parody of Bush's idiotic Saturday radio addresses. Here's a typical example of what has the White House staff so offended.

Citing some legalistic mumbo-jumbo, Dixton wrote that "It has come to my attention that THE ONION is using the presidential seal on its Web site," which, Dixtin kvetches "is not to be used in connection with commercial ventures or products in any way that suggests presidential support or endorsement." Wow! I wonder if Dixton also wrote a letter to Congressman Randy "Duke" Cunningham when he was selling Presidential pardons for $400,000/pop or was Bush getting a cut? Alas, if this is just a shakedown for a taste, THE ONION is free (500,000 hard copies and 3,000,000 weekly online readers). THE ONION'S lawyer, Rochelle Klaskin, pointed this out to Dixton adding that "it is inconceivable that anyone would think that, by using the seal, THE ONION intends to 'convey... sponsorship or approval' by the president." A BushCo spokesperson, Trent Duffy, blasted back that one "can't pick and choose where you want to enforce the rules surrounding the use of official government insignia, whether it's for humor or fraud." (After all, it isn't like perjury, he implied, where Republicans know it's fine to lie about matters of state-- as long as they never get caught lying about matters of the flesh.*) Well, when they go after Cunningham for selling the presidential pardons, they can also ask him about selling belt buckles and other paraphernalia with congressional seals on them.

Seelye ends her piece asking Trent how Miers' White House office found out about THE ONION ribbing the man she thinks is the most brilliant she's ever met-- a comment many people thought qualifies her to be an ONION editor herself if this Supreme Court thing doesn't start going any better for her.
"Despite the seriousness of the Bush White House, more than one Bush staffer reads THE ONION and enjoys it thoroughly," he said. "We do have a sense of humor, believe it or not." Not.



* unless it involves priests molesting children; then even matters of flesh and lying about them don't matter