Saturday, March 15, 2008



-by matter, New Orleans, LA

It's remarkable, when you think about it. In New York, Mr. Spitzer was tarred, feathered, driven out of office, and now nearly forgotten. Yet Louisiana's, Senatorial Pimp, David "Eliot Spitzer" Vitter, is still in office. Fortunately, the recent attention given Mr. Spitzer has renewed interest in Mr. Vitter's case.

A quick recap: Vitter's number was found in the records of the "DC Madam" and locally, he plied his tiny cock frequently in the French Quarters at $300 an hour.

It all came out. Thanks, Larry!

After hiding out in his house for a week, Vitter made a short statement with his wife by his side, refused to take questions, and since then, his official line has been that "he has addressed this matter" already when of course, he hasn't said a damn thing.

But people haven't forgotten. Searching for the truth is a powerful instinct, and Vitter was forced to respond recently during a telephone conference call. (Vitter has resorted to these "telephone conference meetings" as he has cut back his public appearances to safe redneck districts.) A caller asked about the Vitter/Spitzer comparison; Vitter claimed there was "an enormous difference" between himself and Spitzer.

One could make endless comparisons of the specifics, in terms of who did what, where; how much they paid, or what laws were allegedly violated. These are the usual sort of technicalities offered in Vitter's defense.

To any rational observer, it seems there are more similarities then differences.

The key similarity, of course, is that both men took strong positions in public, then did something else in private.

If there is an enormous difference; the one that comes to mind immediately is that Mr. Spitzer had the courage and the class to recognize the hypocrisy in his actions and step down, while Mr. Vitter has not. That's an enormous difference that isn't very flattering to Mr. Vitter.

The search for the truth is a powerful instinct, so I called Vitter's office.

Young Jean-Paul Perrier, the lowly Vitter staffer charged with the thankless task of answering the phones, was a bit overwhelmed. During our conversation, he had to repeatedly put me on hold while other calls came in. "A lot of people have been calling about this," he admitted.

Perrier admitted that the "illegal activities were similar" and suggested that the amount of money paid might be one difference. Oh, I see. So since Vitty spent, what, $20,000, it's a wrist-slap offense? Of course, I made that number up. Mr. Vitter is urged to correct the record. (Please, call 202-224-4623 and ask how much Vitter spent. Be as nice as possible; don't abuse his poor little puppies.)

Jean-Paul complained that "a lot of people saw this as an opportunity to resurface the issue for political reasons" and went on to whine that most of the people calling were from out of state. It seems that people from New York and California were so worked up on the issue that they were ringing Vitter's phones off the hook and making obscene and abusive comments about him. Oh, the horror.

Perrier suggested that the ongoing rebuilding in Louisiana was a far more important issue, and tried to steer the conversation towards Mr. Vitter's "leadership" on such issues. But when I asked how anyone could take Mr. Vitter seriously as a leader when he hadn't demonstrated any leadership in addressing his dalliances, Perrier had no substantive answer.

"Times have changed," he suggested. "Everything's changed dramatically." Perrier reverted to a familiar GOP trope, making vague suggestions that the media had pushed sex to the forefront and hence shared the blame. He did agree that what Mr. Vitter did was "definitely wrong."

But when I tried to get more definitive answers, asking who could answer my questions, Perrier backed off, saying at first that no one was available. He asked around the office, audibly laughing, trying to find someone "who can talk to this guy." Apparently, Vitter's staffers view any serious inquiry into his whoring as a joke.

Then "Susan" came on the line. I read her the quote from the article. What were these "enormous differences?"

"I'm not going to answer that," Susan snippily remarked.

"How do you feel about it?" I asked her. She continued to stonewall, and referred me to Vitter's press secretary, Joel DiGrado--

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