Crackpot Utopia: The Year in Republican Crazy, Part 5

• The GOP and the kiss heard 'round the world
• Crazyspeak of the Year nominee No. 5: Joe the Plumber

Michael and Vito

Crackpot Utopia: A dream world as envisioned by republicans; a manifestation or expression of the deranged, warped alternate universe inhabited by republicans, at least in their minds. See also: Bachmannism, Boehneresque.

by Noah

1. The GOP and the kiss heard 'round the world


Michael (96) sacks Cleveland Browns QB Johnny Manziel in preseason.

Well, you had to expect it. In April, Michael Sam, a football player who happens to be a gay man, gets drafted by the NFL's St. Louis Rams and in a moment of pure joy and relief kisses the love of his life. Let the explosion of wingnuttia begin!

The Christian element went full-Muslim-intolerance jihad on this one. American Family Association spokeswacko Bryan Fischer urged therapy for Michael. Wingnuts started in on their quoting of the usual Bible passages, putting aside any contradictory passages. Gol-lee! He done did it right thar on the teevee! The Lord sure gonna be mightily displeased! How do I know? The Bible tells me so!

Herman Cain's website called The Kiss "cringe-inducing," while the site's Dan Calabrese, calling acceptance of gay people a "rebellion against God," wrote: "The natural inclination of the human being to look at two men kissing and say, 'Ewwww!' . . . comes from God."

GOP K Street lobbyist Jack Burkman hissed like some Flash Gordon nemesis about "unleashing a relentless boycott," warning the NFL that "there will be a terrible financial price to pay."

Michigan's U.P.

I half expected South Carolina and Michigan's Upper Peninsula to finally secede for good and for real over this one; and good riddance to stinking rubbish. The outrage from the flaming outraged crowd was so beyond ridiculous that I expected to see republicans exploding from apoplexy right in the streets. If only! Hey, if I had to walk around in a full-length poncho and goggles in order to avoid the mess for a day or two, I'd happily put up with it. The worst part would be the smell, but if two gay men kissing is all it takes, then get to it, gay guys! Alert the networks! Call the paparazzi!

"Michael Sam is a football player."

All-American Michael Sam is openly gay. That's right, All-American. Will his talents as a football player ever translate to the NFL game? That remains to be seen, but, as we've all heard, he is the first openly gay man to be selected by an NFL franchise. Perhaps Rams coach Jeff Fisher (right), a no-nonsense man if there ever was one, said it best: "Michael Sam is a football player." Period. So, what is there to care about? The righties can accept drug addicts, wife-beaters, and even murderers in the uniforms of their favorite football teams, but not homosexuals? No, that's a bridge way too far when your IQ rests in single-digit territory.

The righty reaction was fast and furious. Some complained that young children shouldn't "have to see such a thing" on TV. Sure, it's OK for them to see cars plunge over cliffs and burst into flames with the driver inside and people get machine-gunned, tossed off of buildings and all that, but see two men kiss? Whoa! I don't even have to ask what the reaction of the same idiots would be if it was two women kissing. Hey, that's hot! Bill-O would have to get out his loofah and head for the men's room for for a bit of fun with Little Billy. And why is it OK to be a gay lady tennis player, WNBA basketball player or even girls' college softball pitcher but not a defensive end in the NFL?

Oh, I forgot. Reason does not come to play when you're a republican. One commenter to the AP's May 12 online article called Michael Sam a "little twink." Would he call Michael Sam that to his face? Another likened seeing Sam kiss his boyfriend on ESPN to seeing an old man kiss an underage girl. Well, Michael Sam and Vito Cammisano are both of age, so what is it that bothers these cretins? Progressive Radio host Stephanie Miller explained it best to "the disturbed." To paraphrase her, it's like when your daddy likes your mommy, they kiss. Got it, republicans? No, of course not. You want your country back -- from sanity, or something.

FOX and their miserable ilk were eminently predictable. Delving into their massive False Equivalency Vault, it only took minutes for them to start playing the "War on Christianity" victim card and whining about an imagined double standard that somehow involved the obnoxious Tim "Jesus as a Marketing Plan" Tebow (right) who spent his very brief NFL career making a big show of his Christianity on the field. Last I heard, Michael Sam has never made a show of being gay when he tackled an opposing quarterback. Sigh, I guess that's a difference that's just way too complex for the limited republican mind. Tebow always acted like he was entitled to something and his patented "Tebowing" would get it for him. Michael Sam wants to be judged only as a football player.

Meanwhile, in North Carolina, speaking of Christian love for all, Pastor Charles Worley called for "lesbians and queers" to be rounded up and placed in camps with electrified fences and left to die. There go the righties, playing the Nazi card on themselves again! Worley's "theory" is that since gays don't "reproduce," homosexuality will die out. "Problem" solved! Says Worley:

We offer no apologies in believing the King James Version of the Bible is the inerrant Word of God. If you are in this area or are ever passing through, I invite you to come visit with us at Providence Road Baptist Church.

Man, his church sounds like one hell of a fun place to visit! It is, after all, a little slice of Crackpot Utopia!

All is not lost, though. Two days after the NFL draft, Michael Sam's St. Louis Rams Jersey was the second-fastest-selling jersey out of all the 256 players picked. So, just who is in the minority? Sure, gay guys like to shop, but that doesn't sound like just gay guys buying.




2. Crazyspeak of the Year nominee No. 5:
The famous Joe the Plumber

In the wake of the mass killings in Santa Barbara by a lunatic named Elliot Rogers, and a father's moving message to politicians and the NRA, republican genius and John McCain consultant Joe the Plumber had this to say to the grieving father: "Your dead kids don't trump my Constitutional rights."

Yeesh! And republicans wonder why normal people regard them as, at the least, insensitive a-holes. To be fair (and I'm always fair), I've pulled this quote out of context. The full quote is: "It may sound harsh but your dead kids don't trump my Constitutional rights."

That's right, this crackpot, knuckle-dragging australopithecine actually had some glimmer of awareness that what he was saying was "harsh," and he said it anyway, thus allying himself with the shooter. Yo, in yo face, you parents of shooting victims, in yo face!

Sigh, they just can't control themselves.


TOMORROW IN PART 6: A word about South Carolina; Pat Robertson and his magic asteroid; and I'll have a pack of Twizzlers and an IUD to go, please

NOAH'S 2014 IN REVIEW --
Crackpot Utopia: The Year in Republican Crazy

Part 1: Princess Liz Cheney tries for the Smoothie of the Year Award; "Miss Beck regrets" -- Crazyspeak of the Year nominee No. 1: Glenn Beck; and the Crackpot Party reacts to President Obama’s State of the Union speech [12/19/2014]
Part 2: Republicans wonder why normal people call them racists; Sean Hannity wants to self-deport; and the First Annual Mr. Burns Award, to ABC "shark" Kevin O'Leary [12/20/2014]
Part 3: Using fear, loathing, and paranoia to sell stuff; Arizona legalizes crack!; and Crazyspeak of the Year nominee No. 3: Bill O’Reilly [12/21/2014]
Part 4: A celebration of Michele Bachmann: Pray away the crazy?; What "War on Women"?; and the "Obama angle" on Malaysian Flight 370 [12/22/2014]
Part 5: The GOP and the kiss heard 'round the world; Crazyspeak of the Year nominee No. 5: Joe the Plumber [12/23/2014]
Part 6: A word about South Carolina; Pat Robertson and his magic asteroid; and I'll have a pack of Twizzlers and an IUD to go, please [12/24/2014]
Part 7: And so it begins: The running of the buffoons; Crazyspeak of the Year nominee No. 7, George Will has no idea what rape is; and Crazyspeak of the Year nominee No. 8, Rick Wiles calls for a coup [12/29/2014]
Part 8: Things to come: Forward into the past! (11 Presidential Dream Tickets); Crazyspeak of the Year nominee No. 9: Former republican VP nominee Paul "Crazy Eyes" Ryan; Crazyspeak of the Year nominee No. 10: Bryan Fischer of the American Family Association [12/30/2014]
Part 9: Pompous Blowhard of the Year Award: Bill O’Reilly; FOX "News" announces new spinoff: the "FOX Benghazi™" Shopping Channel!; Crazyspeak of the Year nominee No. 11: DiGiorno Pizza [12/31/2014]
Part 10: Newsmax -- Beyond Drudgery; and Crazyspeak of the Year nominees Nos. 12 and 13: Michele Bachmann, Kimberly Guilfoyle [1/1/2015]
Part 11: GOP and FOX whip up the hate over a POW exchange; and Crazyspeak of the Year nominee No. 14: Iowa asylum escapee Rep. Steve King [1/3/2015]
Part 12: Arizona Republican protests busload of YMCA campers; Crazyspeak of the Year nominee(s) No. 15: the Impeachment Variations (group nomination); Crazyspeak of the Year nominee No. 16: NM Rep. Steve Pearce [1/4/2015]
Part 13 (and last): TV for Dummies: Sarah Palin launches her own channel; Crazyspeak of the Year nominee No. 17: Arizona schools superintendent John Huppenthal (rhymes with Neanderthal); and the final Crazyspeak of the Year nominee -- and also the winner! [1/5/2015]

NOAH'S 2013 IN REVIEW --
A Prayer to the Janitor of Lunacy*

For listings and links, see Part 1 of this year's series.

#

Joe The Plumber Has An Awakening-- Denounces McCain For Using Him As "A Ploy"

Wurzelbacher has only contempt for McCain & Palin; says Obama at least was honest

Looks like Sam Wurzelbacher hasn't gone back to unclogging toilets and fixing leaky faucets and old pipes. That might be expected-- How You Gonna' Keep 'Em Down On The Farm After They've Seen Paree?-- because he never did have a plumber's license. And he still has followers and audiences and gets interviewed. This weekend Jimmy Orr wrote extensively about him and his opinions for the Christian Science Monitor and last week he spoke to an audience of Pennsylvanians who had gathered of their own free will to hear and see him. He headlined a Mobilize for Liberty event in Harrisburg, thrown together by Bob Jones "University" graduate and lunatic fringe state Rep. Sam Rohrer, a Republican/teabagger candidate for governor. When Joe endorsed his bid, Rohrer was still reeling from a massive rejection from the Pennsylvania Republican Party.

Joe’s endorsement is apparently quite the coup. He says more than 200 politicians have asked for support this year, but so far, he’s only backed five. “I need to talk to candidates before I endorse,” he told me afterwards, explaining that his bar is pretty high. “We have a series of conversations – 20 to 30 minute conversations – and I grill them. I ask them questions about energy, education – make sure they’re straight.” Wurzelbacher says he also vets candidates online.

So why Rohrer? He says they share many of the same values-- the Second Amendment, states’ independence, “integrity, honesty.” Plus, “Sam is really favored amongst the tea parties. It takes a lot for them to get behind an individual.”

Joe is one of the teabaggers who has also turned against Sarah Palin. More and more teabaggers see Palin for nothing more than a GOP shill trying to capture and subvert their movement for the Wall Street and Big Business interests that fund the two contemptible Inside-the-Beltway political parties. Joe the Plumber, though, says he's no longer a Palin fan because she's backing corrupt GOP hack, John McCain.

“John McCain is no public servant... I don’t owe him shit. He really screwed my life up, is how I look at it... McCain was trying to use me. I happened to be the face of middle Americans. It was a ploy.”

Cheney is also trying to send a not so subtle signal to Republicans that it's time to back away from Palin, who is yet to demonstrate any qualifications to lead the country, and that it may be time to leave her to dry up on the vine before she does the party more harm than she already has.

As for the teabaggers, they may guarantee Harry Reid's re-election in Nevada by running as a third party, while defeating McCain by working inside the GOP to put forward a defeated ex-congressman, J.D. Hayworth, who has been endearing himself to Arizona extremists as a radio hate show host for several years.

The country is in the midst of a Tea Party revolt movement that began last spring and has not lost steam. The revolt began over the federal bailouts-- and McCain, labeled "Obama-lite" as a result – voted for several of them.  He voted for the $700 billion general TARP bailout, the $25 billion auto bailout, the first $85 billion AIG insurance bailout, and he proposed spending $300 billion on a mortgage entitlement bailout to buy out every bad mortgage in the country.

...McCain's ratings from the American Conservative Union have gone progressively down over the years, dipping to an alltime low of just 63 last year. Even liberal-leaning Republican Senators Chuck Hagel, Lamar Alexander and Pete Domenici scored higher ratings than McCain last year. McCain's own pal Lindsey Graham, who has been censored multiple times by Republican Parties in South Carolina due to his liberal voting record, scored significantly higher than McCain with an 82.  McCain's lifetime rating from the ACU falls in the most liberal quarter tier of Republican Senators. In contrast, J.D. Hayworth, the former Arizona Congressman who is challenging McCain in the Senate primary this year, has a lifetime rating from the ACU of 97. McCain is frantically running radio ads accusing Hayworth of being a liberal, but the ads aren't resonating coming from someone so much more liberal than Hayworth. The issues McCain has championed over the years are not conservative ones, he is most well-known for his work with Democrats on McCain-Feingold campaign finance reform, which greatly hurt one-issue organizations like Right to Life and the NRA, and McCain-Kennedy, which would liberalize illegal immigration.

If there is one thing McCain is consistent on, it is waffling back and forth on issues. He opposed tax cuts before he supported them, in the past criticizing Ronald Reagan's tax cuts. His ratings from anti-tax organizations range are fairly low for a Republican; Taxpayers for Common Sense has given him scores averaging around 50-60%. His support of government funding for embryonic stem cell research led Arizona Right to Life to endorse Huckabee over him in the presidential primary. Predictably, he is talking tough now against the bailouts and sounding conservative, due to it being an election year, as has been his pattern in the past.

Republican party loyalists in Arizona are tired of McCain's waffling and are putting forth a tremendous effort to remove him in the upcoming election. McCain has a reputation for bullying conservatives who oppose or disagree with him, squelching the opposition in order to continue getting reelected, and insiders say people have finally had enough. Arizona's Republicans are very conservative, as evidenced by the composition of the state legislature, which is one of the most conservative legislatures in the country. Republicans and Tea Partiers in Arizona are very concerned about illegal immigration, and McCain's failed bill with Ted Kennedy attempting to liberalize illegal immigration has riled them up. Both the current Maricopa County Republican Party Chairman and a former Chairman have been seen in public wearing buttons with McCain's name crossed out. The most popular conservative blog in Arizona, Sonoran Alliance, has generally opposed McCain. A Rasmussen poll from November taken of Republican voters found McCain virtually tied with Hayworth in a potential race. (A later Rasmussen poll in January found McCain ahead, but it was taken immediately after Sarah Palin announced she would campaign for McCain, and after an onslaught of nonstop radio ads from McCain viciously attacking Hayworth) A straw poll taken at the mandatory Maricopa County Republican meeting last month, which all registered Republican Precinct Committeemen must attend, found Hayworth beating McCain by 68% to 10.5%.

McCain's family is becoming more and more of a liability for him. His daughter Meghan McCain blasted the Tea Party movement and Sarah Palin on The View last week. Meghan is already known for bashing conservatives like Ann Coulter and Laura Ingraham. Both Meghan and Cindy McCain lent their faces and names to the No Hate campaign, which condemned conservatives who supported California's Prop. 8 banning gay marriage.  McCain's brother Joe recently compared Tea Partiers to Nazis.
     
A few big names have lined up behind McCain, but it is even more significant who has not. Nationally renowned political commentator Mark Levin has endorsed Hayworth. Sheriff Joe Arpaio is actively raising money for Hayworth. As the most popular politician in Arizona, Arpaio's support will make a considerable difference. The most conservative Senator in the U.S. Senate, Jim DeMint, who is endorsing conservative candidates in contentious Senate primaries around the country, is noticeably staying out of the race. This speaks volumes, considering he has served with McCain in the Senate for years and no doubt is under tremendous pressure to endorse him. Dick Armey, whose FreedomWorks backed many of the Tea Parties, had to back off under pressure from angry Tea Partiers after he made a few statements supportive of McCain, issuing a clarification that he has not endorsed McCain.

McCain's attempt to go rogue probably won't work with Arizona right-wingers, who are sick of his dishonesty and his flip-flopping. But even in Jim DeMint's home state, which is also the home of secessionism, the alliance between the GOP and the teabaggers is starting to fray. If it looked like the Republican Party of South Carolina had just surrendered to the teabaggers... well, you were just watching from outside. On the inside, teabaggers are increasingly wary of the party's tender embrace.

The partnership announced Monday by state GOP Chairwoman Karen Floyd and Harry Kibler of the Upstate Coalition of Conservative Organizations, an umbrella group of tea party organizations, was intended to create liaisons between the state party and the grass roots and help the two work together to elect more conservative Republicans... [A]fter getting calls from tea party groups across the country accusing the South Carolina organizations of selling out to the GOP, Kibler and the groups he represents are backing away from the state party.

“Everybody started dumping on Harry. He was getting calls from tea party people in California asking ‘Why did you sell us out?’” Roan A. Garcia-Quintana, executive director of the South Carolina group Americans Have Had Enough, said in an interview Friday... “Her little tour made it sound like she was up to something, and these people don’t trust her,” said Garcia-Quintana, who worked with Kibler to create the partnership.

“The impression she gave was that they had formed a coalition,” he added. “You can’t profile these people; the only common thing is that they’re sick and tired of the people in power.”

Kibler sent a press release Thursday blasting Floyd’s “misrepresentation of facts,” and announced he would be holding a news conference Friday to discuss the relationship.

“It seems that many who did not trust the GOP’s intentions from the very beginning are now convinced that the GOP’s intent continues to be to confuse, divide and hence conquer this Liberty Movement of which they appeared to be frightened not only in South Carolina, but also all over the nation,” he added... “These are not just your toothless redneck types,” said Garcia-Quintana. “These are very educated people who want their liberty and don’t want to be hijacked by the party.”

Should be interesting to watch what happens when teabagger-GOP alliances start coming up against facts on the ground-- like current teabagger darling Paul Ryan's pivotal role in passing the $800 billion TARP bailout for Bush in 2008. And, in the House, it wasn't just Paul Ryan behind it. 91 Republicans voted for the bailout-- an even bigger percentage than the Blue Dogs they love to call lapdogs. But who were the lapdogs on October 3? Well teabagging phonies like Ryan (WI), Eric Cantor (VA), Dan Lungren (CA), Wally Herger (CA), John Campbell (CA), John Boozman (AR), Gary Miller (CA), Jo Ann Emerson (MO), Sue Myrick (NC), John Kline (MN), Pete Hoekstra (MI) and... Joe "Liar" Wilson (SC)-- as well as Republicans the teabaggers detest like Wall Street shills Roy Blunt (MO), Mike Castle (DE), Pete Sessions (TX), Spencer Bachus (AL), Bob Inglis (SC), Gresham Barrett (SC), David Dreier (CA), John Boehner (OH), Charlie Dent (PA), Mark Kirk (IL), Jerry Lewis (CA), Ileana Ros-Lehtinen (FL), Frank Wolf (VA), Mary Bono Mack (CA), Dave Camp (MI), Judy Biggert (IL), Ken Calvert (CA), Peter King (NY) and Mean Jean Schmidt (OH). In fact... if teabaggers want to support people who resisted the intense pressure to vote for the bailout, they out to look at responsible and unbending, pro-family/anti-bankster congressmembers like Carol Shea-Porter (D-NH), Raul Grijalva (D-AZ), John Conyers (D-MI), Dennis Kucinich (D-OH), Linda Sánchez (D-CA), Steve Kagen (WI), Pete Stark (D-CA), Jose Serrano (D-NY), Lloyd Doggett (D-TX), Paul Hodes (D-NH), Bob Filner (D-CA), Earl Blumenauer (D-OR), Brad Sherman (D-CA)... and now-Senators Kirsten Gillibrand (D-NY) and Tom Udall (D-NM)! Unlike Paul Ryan and Eric Cantor and Mark Kirk, they all voted against the Wall Street bailout-- twice.

The Paul Ryan-Herbert Hoover Budget

When the Republican Party's designated spokesperson is Joe the Plumber (watch the video below), even a shallow, blow-dried phony-baloney hack like Paul Ryan (R-WI) looks almost intellectual in his approach to slavish, even naive, adherence to right-wing dogma and, above all, serving the vested interests of the rich and powerful against those of ordinary American working families. So while a GOP front group paid the make believe plumber to go rile up celebrity-starved Pennsylvanians against their own rights, the Party Establishment arranged for the Republican ranking member on the House Budget Committee to write an essay in the party newspaper and on their MSNBC morning show. Poor, pathetic Ryan had to try to make excuses for his hapless party leader... he gave up and resorted to the same right-wing rhetoric that caused the Great Depression and the Bush Recession. If you hit that link you'll probably notice that Ryan sounds like a college freshman who was just partying with the Young Americans For Freedom and forgot to do his homework. Chris Matthews, when asked if Ryan makes any sense, said "No; he sounds very much like Hoover. This was a doctrine that was tried in 1932 and failed." Right afterwards, also on MSNBC, Austan Goolsby suggests Ryan's "plan"-- more tax cuts for the richest Americans and gutting Medicare-- is nothing but an April Fools' joke.

Ryan's budget is pretty simple (not to mention simpleminded): more of the same failed trickle down voodoo economics that has been so devastating to the vast majority of American families while enriching the 2 or 3% who donate to Republican (and too many Democratic) politicians. Even the Senate Republican caucus just patted him on the head and told him to go run along and play with himself. Ryan's a clown and nothing but a shill for the wealthy. It's a disgrace that he represents a decent, moderate middle class district in southeast Wisconsin. Next year, though, he's vulnerable to an early forced retirement. If you can afford even $5 or $10, please help us raise a warchest to StopPaulRyan.

Joe The Plumber With Yer Cuppa Joe?

Sometimes when we have a humor story we save it for the end of the day. But last night we wanted to get out the more serious post about reactionary Democrats crossing the aisle to vote with the GOP to make our cities' streets less safe from heavy weapons and to make women less safe in matters pertaining to their health. So this kind of silly post one got bumped to this morning. Claiming, although with no evidence whatsoever, that "the public loves Joe the Plumber" and that "they see him as a role model," an anti-union GOP front group in Pennsylvania, Americans for Prosperity has employed Joe the Plumber to run around the state lying about the Employee Free Choice Act.

I suppose it's good he's got some gainful employment now that his careers as an author, musician, journalist and consultant all fizzled so quickly... but what does Joe the Plumber know about Employee Free Choice? Republican Party talking points straight from the horse's mouth (Limbaugh), of course. He and lunatic fringe winger Pat Toomey will have a grand old time. In fact, Greg Sargent is reporting that actual plumbers are furious. A Plumbers Union official told Sargent that Joe "the Plumber" (who isn't a plumber) is "selling out real plumbers." Rick Terven, the political and legislative director for The United Association of Journeymen and Apprentices of the Plumbing and Pipe Fitting Industry:

Right now, labor law is stacked against real plumbers. Real plumbers want and need the Employee Free Choice Act as a way to empower themselves to join a union, without fear of intimidation or losing their jobs. Joe the Plumber doesn’t speak for real plumbers.

According to the GOP front group sponsoring Joe the Plumber, he'll be expected to remind Pennsylvania voters that they demand Arlen Specter-- who already raised the white flag earlier in the week-- to flip flop and join the GOP filibuster against Employee Free Choice. In case Wurzelbacher isn't a big enough draw, the Republicans are offering free food to try to get people to come to their rallies.

Is Joe the Plumber's secret identity mild-mannered reporter Clark Kent? Or maybe White House "journalist"-hooker Jeff Gannon?

"I'll be honest with you. I don't think journalists should be anywhere allowed war. I mean, you guys report where our troops are at. You report what's happening day to day. You make a big deal out of it. I-I think it's asinine. You know, I liked back in World War I and World War II when you'd go to the theater and you'd see your troops on, you know, the screen and everyone would be real excited and happy for 'em. Now everyone's got an opinion and wants to downer -- and down soldiers. You know, American soldiers or Israeli soldiers. I think media should be abolished from, uh, you know, reporting. You know, war is hell. And if you're gonna sit there and say, 'Well look at this atrocity,' well you don't know the whole story behind it half the time, so I think the media should have no business in it."

-- Joe the Plumber-Reporter, "reporting" from Israel

So Joe the Plumber is now a working, er, journalist in Israel -- certified by Pajamas Media as, well, whatever the PM wingnuts can certify you as. (A colleague comments that he sounds like Grandpa Abe Simpson whining: "Back in those days, nickels had pictures of bees on them. Give me five bees for a quarter, we used to say. So where was I? Oh yeah, the important thing is that I had an onion tied to my belt, because that was the style at the time. We only had white onions because of the war....")

But seriously, has anyone seen Joe the Plumber and Clark Kent together? No, not Superman. We know our Joe is no Man of Steel.

Anyway, we know he expects us liberal hatcheteers to be picking at him like the vultures we are, so it would seem churlish not to oblige. Now, please just wake us when Joe is over.

Thanks to our VoteVets colleague Brandon Friedman for calling this to our attention. -- Ken

#

2008: A YEAR ON STEROIDS, Part 1

To fans, Sarah P is "the fatted golden calf

being marched in glory around the bonfire" -- 

painting by Nicolas Poussin (1594-1665).

Random observations, thoughts, and rants on 2008, Part 1 (of 3)


by Noah


1. SARAH PALIN, A ONE-WOMAN CELEBRATION OF IGNORANCE

To Repugs, she is the fatted golden calf being marched in glory around the bonfire by her chanting supporters. She is the end product of Repug religious and education policy, their ideal. Africa is a country. Obama is a Marxist. The world was created only 6000 years ago.

Similar things could easily be said about that other Repug icon of ignorance named Joe the Plumber, who sits on Sean Insanity's surreal circus of a TV show and pronounces himself an expert on foreign policy because he "looked up some stuff in the dictionary."

Great for you, Joe! You can read. Now how about working on that comprehension problem you have. Better yet, get a plumbing license before you call yourself a plumber, and while you're at it, pay the taxes you owe before you bitch about taxes you don't.


2. GOVERNOR "SPRITZER" AND THE VALUE OF A BUCK

As governor of New York, Eliot "The Spritzer" Spitzer -- the poster boy for politician arrogance -- was in charge of the budget for one of the biggest states in our country. We trust these people to make judicious choices when it comes to spending money. I have to question whether he did this with his own money. I mean, he was spending $4000 a spritz on a 22-year-old hooker! Only he could tell us if he thinks he got his money's worth, but if that's the way he measures "bang for the buck," it may be a good thing that he's no longer governor of New York.

And I still have questions. Clearly, my world is different from the Spritzer's, but are there really 22-year-old girls these days who are worth that kind of money in bed (even in cheap 2008 dollars)? Is anyone? When I was that age, the girls were lucky if they got a cheap dinner and a movie.


3. RACHEL MADDOW AND KEITH OLBERMANN: IT'S A START

Rachel is a strong breath of fresh air, an honest, totally uncontrived TV personality and journalist. Keith opened the door for real progressive voices on television, and Rachel ran right through it. Thank you, Keith. You have given voice to the concerns and feelings of millions who are not otherwise served by the holders of FCC licenses.

I really think that Olbermann and Maddow have had a positive effect on how Americans look at the issues of our time. MSNBC has been pleasantly shocked by the ratings. They had nothing to lose, and they lucked out.

It's a start. Let's hope that there is more to come, maybe on some other networks too. Someone should have the sense to give Thom Hartmann a TV show. Instead, we get the likes of Greta van Himmler, Glenn Bug-Eyes Beck and tired old Larry King, seemingly actually held together by his suspenders.


4. THE REPUG PARTY IS STUCK IN THE MID-20TH CENTURY

The Repugs lost the White House because they ran in the wrong century. Right now, instead of looking inward, they are lashing outward, bizarrely blaming the media, who bent over backwards and forwards to not expose the dark undersides of John McCain, Sarah Palin and a whole toxic cloud of candidates with the big red R on their chests and next to their name. They partied in Minneapolis like it was 1949. They ran an irascible, corrupt old coot who lives in a cave at the edge of town and who picked the George Wallace of the North for his running mate.

They didn't realize that the average voter has grandparents younger than John McCain. The most vibrant part of the voting pool now has grown up learning their way around a computer before they even went to first grade, and there's still no evidence that McCain has ever touched a keyboard -- or a cell phone, for that matter. To those voters, being gay is not a crime of any kind and skin tone does not determine one's place in line.

Go ahead, Repugs, make my day. Stay in the mid-20th century. The rest of us have productive lives to lead.


5. BUT ARE REPUG VOTERS MOVING INTO THE 21ST?

During this year's campaign, John McCain actually stopped being a living fossil for a brief moment in time and uttered something that is a complete, utter blasphemy to Repugs. He said that if elected he would make climate-change issues a priority!

"Suppose we're wrong, and there's no such thing as greenhouse gas emissions [a major Repug mantra], and we adopt green technologies. All we've done is give our kids a better planet. But suppose we're right, and do nothing?"

Mentioning such a possibility, even if you don't believe it, counts as evil if you are a Repug. You may go home one night to find that your Fox "News" access has been denied, or an intervention team has been sent to kidnap you. No wonder the Repugs never warmed to the old geezer. I'm surprised they didn't march on his home (all 11 of them, or however many it is) with torches and burn him at the stake like the witch they must think he is. Or maybe, in their primitive minds, they just thought he was possessed by evil spirits.

The question is: Does the little window McCain opened portend that some Repugs may start coming around to reality on this issue? Well, probably not. Such "free thinkers" will always be a terribly minuscule minority in a party that doesn't take to minorities well. The whole talking point that the deniers recite, like the mindless robots that they are, is nothing but programming from corporations that stand to lose something in the short term if we take steps to deal with the problem -- corporations that contribute mightily to purchase politicians, especially Repug ones.

The irony is, of course, that corporations stand to lose a whole lot more in the long term if they don't do something to meet the problem head-on. Putting it in terms of what they stand to lose is the only way to reach corporatistas and their minions. What we or "the earth" stand to lose will never move them.

But what of Repug voters? This past summer, Ayers, McHenry and Associates polled registered Repug voters and discovered that a whopping, eye-opening 75 percent of them believed that global warming is a problem. They also agreed by greater than two to one that reducing CO2 emissions could be tied to creating more American jobs and reducing dependence on Middle Eastern oil.

Repug politicians can't wrap their oil- and alcohol-soaked brains around such concepts. It doesn't compute. Instead, they and the talking heads they own just stand around like the Beavis and Butt-Head clones they are and ridicule Al Gore by pointing at his beard or his increased weight. That's as substantial as they get on the issue. They have way too much invested in the "idea" that global warming is a hoax.

Independents are moving toward the Democrats over this and other issues. How soon before some Repug voters do the same? Like I said, the Repug Party is stuck in the mid-20th century. Hell, some of them are still fighting the Civil War, so maybe it's even earlier.


6. JOHN EDWARDS: LIAR, LIAR, PANTS ON FIRE FOR REAL!

Just imagine if this guy had ended up being the Democratic Party's presidential nominee. We'd be saying "Hello, President McCranky" on January 20. It wasn't just a crime of personal responsibility, John boy.


TOMORROW IN PART 2: Dubya's pardons, Hank the Grifter's bailout, Person of the Year, GOP election-stealing, and more

SUNDAY IN PART 3: CNN and the illusion of news, piggies everywhere, the Supremes who gave us Pres. Dubya, and more

#

Joe The Plumber Says McCain Made Him Feel "Dirty"

2012 GOP presidential ticket?

And when a plumber-- an unlicensed one at that-- says a United States Senator and a candidate for the presidency makes him feel "dirty," you have to at least stop and wonder.

Look, 79% of Americans approve of the job President-elect Obama is doing so far. Joe "The Plumber" Wurzelbacher isn't one of them. Nor does he seem to have much nice to say about the man who took him from poking around in crappers to being in the national spotlight. I don't know how many legitimate news organizations are still mucking about in the goo looking for Joe The P but Republican Party pitchman Glenn Beck had him on his radio show yesterday-- at the behest of a publicist for The Plumber's publishing company (Joe the Plumber: Fighting for the American Dream was hastily ghostwritten and will be rushed out in time for wingnut shopping lists)-- and The P wasn't exactly tossing chocolates and flowers McCain's way.

WURZELBACHER: When I was on the bus with him, I asked him a lot of questions about the bailout because most Americans did not want that to happen. Yet he voted for it... And I asked him some pretty direct questions. Some of the answers you guys are gonna receive-- they appalled me, absolutely. I was angry. In fact I wanted to get off the bus after I talked to him.

But he didn't. And Beck asked him why. The Plumber told him McCain was the lesser of two evils. Andy Barr at Politico:

Wurzelbacher told conservative radio host Glenn Beck that he felt “dirty” after “being on the campaign trail and seeing some of the things that take place.”

Recalling a conversation he had with McCain about the $700 billion financial industry bailout in September, Wurzelbacher said: “When I was on the bus with him, I asked him a lot of questions about the bailout because most Americans did not want that to happen.”

...Asked why he didn’t leave McCain’s campaign if he was “appalled” by the candidate, Wurzelbacher said, “honestly, because the thought of Barack Obama as president scares me even more.”

If he doesn't like President-elect Obama and McCain makes him feel dirty, who's Joe the P's idea of a good politician? That's right, Wurzelbacher's another Know Nothing who knows one thing: he's for Palin.

Joe The Plumber-- The Movie

Ken and I haven't done much analysis of the Joe The Plumber phenomena. Fortunately John Cleese has-- and with a Bill O'Reilly bonus poem:

Have You Had Enough... Yet? Mean Jean Schmidt Is Still Disgracing Congress

Joe the Plumber seems to be all smoke and no fire in Ohio, Polling shows Obama leading McCain 51-42% statewide.

[T]he Republican ticket's emphasis on Joe the plumber-- the Ohio man who challenged Obama on his tax plan and who McCain and running mate Sarah Palin are trying to turn into a symbol-- is not paying huge dividends, according to the poll.

While 68 percent of Ohio respondents said they recognized Joe the plumber, only 6 percent said that Joe's story will make them more likely to vote for McCain. An additional 4 percent said the tale made them more likely to vote for Obama; and 85 percent were not affected.

.
There's no breakdown-- at least that I've been able to find, for Ohio's GOP heartland, the south and southwestern part of the state, Ohio's second congressional district, home of Mean Jean Schmidt.

In 2006 less than 3,000 votes separated first-time challenger Vic Wulsin (D) and lunatic fringe incumbent Schmidt (R) in a district stetching out east from Cincinnati. In that race Mean Jean spent $1,935,564 and Dr. Wulsin spent $1,021,186. Keep in mind that OH-02 gave Bush 64% of its vote in 2004, the second highest, by 1%, in the state. This year, as of September 30, Mean Jean had raised $1,079,960 and Dr. Wulsin raised $1,447,873. A Momentum Analysis poll 2 weeks ago showed them in a dead heat, with nearly 30% of voters undecided.

It's a very Republican district-- but there's another right-wing candidate in the race, David Krikorian, and he's sucking up significant support directly from Mean Jean's base. Two years ago Blue America created a one minute musical ad that was very popular online, Have You Had Enough. This year, along with our partners at SaysMe.TV, we've just reprised the ad-- as a 30 second TV spot-- and you can put it on the air in the Cincinnati cable market. Yes, you; with no ad agency, no consultant, no media buyer... just you. Here's how:

Step one: Go to the Blue America SaysMe.tv site.

Step two: Select Cincinnati from the drop down menu

Step three: Select either of the two Mean Jean ads, the "Had Enough" one or the one about how Mean accepted a bunch of money from Big Oil and then voted for their agenda in Congress

Step three and a half: type in your name so that when the ad plays on the networks you select, your name will appear at the end of the ads

Step four: Ignoring the annoying request for a zip code, pick the TV network and the times you want your ads to run. (The minimum is $100.)

As you can see, ads range in price from $7 a spot (SciFi channel in the morning) to $23 for ESPN in prime time. Prime time on CNN is $19 an ad and for MSNBC it's $13 a spot. MTV and VH1 are only $12 a spot. Here's the 30 second version. It will end with "Paid For By... your name."