Midnight Meme Of The Day!

by Noah

One of my people came up to me and said, “Mr. President, they tried to beat you on Russia, Russia, Russia.” That didn’t work out too well. They couldn’t do it. They tried the impeachment hoax. That was not a perfect conversation. They tried anything. They tried it over and over. They’d been doing it since you got in. It’s all turning. They lost. It’s all turning. Think of it. Think of it. And this is their new hoax.

-Alleged President Trump, as he spoke to a rally of faithful nincompoops about coronavirus. Charleston, South Carolina 2/28/20

Ladies and gentlemen, the essence of being a republican is being clearly illustrated by the response of republicans to the very real threat of the coronavirus. Here it is:

1. President Trump, the president who hates everything that lives and breathes, except for what he sees in the mirror, told our country (not his) that the news of the virus was "a hoax" and just more "Fake News." He did this despite obvious evidence that the pandemic was already spreading worldwide and killing people. In fact, all Trump cared about was the stock market. As he said that, I could not help but remember when he told America that he liked it when the market went down because that's when he can get good deals on real estate.

2. Americans are now dying from the hoax. 22 dead in the state of Washington as I write this on Monday evening.

3. After Trump's blatantly lying at a press conference about the coming availability of a vaccine for the coronavirus, saying it's 2 or 3 months away when it's a year and a half away, Trump was not to be outdone by Vice President Mike Pence. When asked if the millions of Americans (over 30 million at best) who didn't have insurance would be able to get tested for the virus, Pence openly displayed his contempt for all of those tens of millions of Americans and all of those even more tens of millions of Americans who will be in contact with those who can't get tested. How did he openly display his contempt? Answer: he turned his back, said nothing, and left the room.

4. When the virus is in full bloom, the vaccine will be too late anyway. Too bad the president who hates all life cut so much Center For Disease Control funding for research. Too bad he fired the pandemic response team when he took office. Some will say and do say that he did that because his predecessor formed it. More than likely Trump also did it because Trump is a complete psychopath who dreams of inflicting human misery.

5. As late as this past weekend, Trump doubled down on lying about the availability of testing for every American. There are over approximately 325,000,000 Americans. As of this writing, we don't even have 100,000 tests. Oh, and of course he said it's a "beautiful test," as beautiful as a phone call no doubt. Sure, Donnie, whatever. Officials now say that 70,000 tests will be available by the week's end. That only leaves a potential 324,930,000 Americans in need of testing if they start feeling symptoms. Who gets tested? Do we draw straws? Or, is it only White House staff, billionaires, oligarchs, and those on the way to such rarified status?

6. Just like at the FOX Goofball: At last week's Conservative PAC (CPAC) klan meeting, the prevailing point being made about the coronavirus was that it was all part of some bigly intricate, multi-layered Democratic Party-"Deep State" bullcrap conspiracy designed to make their dear leader look bad and bring him down. Think about that. Huge sections of whole countries, countries that no one's ever heard of like China and Italy were closed off due to the infectious nature and relentless spread of the virus. Somehow, all of those sick people in all of those pandemic-ridden countries are all in on the grand Democratic Party conspiracy. Hey, just ask Tucker Carlson or Rush Limbaugh! Do they even really think the Democrats could ever get organized enough to pull something like that off? That folks, is the basic intellectual level of your typical conservative. But, there they were. They were foaming at the mouth about this supposed conspiracy, although, it might have been that they all have rabies.

7. When the American voting public started tweeting and calling their so-called reps in Congress to express concern about the virus, it wasn't just because the public's intelligence somewhat barely exceeded that of your typical Washington clown in a suit for a day. But enough of the congressional bozos see the election on the horizon and decided to cough up some cash. Trump had asked for far less than the required minimum. Of course, he did. Anyway, Congress came through with an authorization for nearly 4 times what Donnie Psycho had asked for. Too bad they didn't come up with the money when Trump took a chainsaw to the Center For Disease Control in the first place. That's Congress for ya. Oh, and one of the Republican Party's other shining lights, Trump boot licker Rep. Mark DUI Gaetz of Flor-i-Duh hasn't just called news of the virus a hoax, he also mocked the whole idea of voting to protect Americans by wearing a gas mask on the floor of the House of Representatives during the funding vote. Swell guy. Oh well, maybe he was drunk again.

8. It now seems that some of the C-PAC attendees were exposed to the coronavirus. God works in mysterious ways, don't he? One of them was the beloved $enator "Ted" Cruz. He has now "self-quarantined" himself. Too bad he didn't do that decades ago, but, may I suggest that, instead of self-quarantining, he should try self-guillotining?

9. Another typical Texan, Louis Gohmert was also exposed to the virus at C-PAC. He isn't self-quarantining. He must really have a ton of respect for his staff and everyone else he's coming in contact with. He's apparently fancying himself as a modern day Typhoid Mary. I'm also guessing he thinks he can flap the virus away with his ears.

10. The aforementioned Mark DUI Gaetz rode back from Florida on Air Force One with the president this past weekend. Pigs really can fly.

11. The White House decided against warning seniors not to fly even after CDC officials suggested they issue the warning.

Now I want to tell you the truth about the coronavirus... The coronavirus is the common cold, folks.

- Republican oracle Rush Limbaugh on 2/25/20, shortly after being given the "Presidential" Medal Of Freedom by Trump.