Midnight Meme Of The Day!

by Noah

What this country really needs tonight is not a crackpot speech by a crackpot parasite who is sucking this country dry of all of its remaining spirit and potential, all for fun, profit, and mayhem. To put it another way, tonight we will get a prime time performance from an embodiment of the forces of totalitarian evil and a country gone wrong.

In a slightly better world, Speaker Pelosi would have still invited Donald Trump to the House to give his State Of The Union speech, but, once he got to the podium, his microphone would be cut and the whole thing would turn into a massive televised bi-partisan intervention, complete with psychiatric care professionals. Ah, but that isn't going to happen since both parties have failed us and one has embraced totalitarianism to a degree that even the Founding Fathers would have never thought possible; and they thought they had thought of everything that could go wrong. They foresaw the possibility of a president with at least some of the foul characteristics of Trump. What they naively thought was that such a president would be checked, tried, and removed by a majority of Senators, not encouraged and celebrated by that majority.

The best we can hope for tonight, I guess, is that Trump, America's Stage IV Cancer, walks to the podium, sniffing from his bag of powdered adderall, parading past his blissfully welcoming crew of republican Senators and Representatives, getting high fives all the way, and beginning to speak. Then he suddenly starts screaming and violently banging his head on the podium and foaming at the mouth as he gnaws on his teleprompter. Of Course, seeing that, the republicans will stand and applaud and cheer, nodding their approvals like never before. While this is going on, the visual on our televisions will switch to a split screen and we will see Putin watching from the Kremlin with a "Mission Accomplished" banner on the wall behind him.

Cut to FOX "News" where a very flushed Laura Ingraham, clearly in an ecstatic state of post-orgasmic afterglow, tries to fan herself, saying "That was the greatest speech ever" as Lou Dobbs, Tucker Carlson, and Sean Hannity goose step around the set, seig-heiling all the way. After a few days pass, it suddenly sinks in that Trump has been nowhere to be seen. Suddenly, Attorney General Barr appears on every TV channel, broadcasting live from the oval office to announce "I'm in charge here!" Mike Pence, having been gagged, hogtied and tossed in a closet, is reported by Breitbart to be on a diplomatic mission to Mars to inspect child labor camps.