Midnight Meme Of The Day!

by Noah

Listen, I'm not kidding when I say I have interviewed terrorists who were more cooperative and respected than Matt Whitaker was today.
-Frank Figliuzzi

Another day, another Trumpoid Republican Goon. Betsy DeVos, Kellyanne Conway, Stephen Miller, Spicy, The Mooch, Sarah Huckabbe Sanders, Roger Stone... The list is seemingly endless. Now we've seen the coronation of Acting Attorney General Matthew Whitaker as he took his deserved place on the list. Friday's hearing in the House of Representatives was a thing to behold, and I mean thing. I mean just look at this guy! He's a meme all by himself. I don't ordinarily comment on physical appearances, but when the inner person is just plain rancid, I have no problem going there. In his arrogant monkey-time shitshow of a performance on Friday, Whitaker could have looked like a combo of Rock Hudson and George Clooney and still been the ugliest human in the room, at least until Louie Gohmert started flapping his ears and Gym Jordan started daydreaming about high school wrestlers. All through the hearing, I kept wondering where I had seen that head. At first, I thought Whitaker's face was a face made for science fiction. Look at that bulbous high alien skull! Notice how the eyes are nearly set in the middle of his face! Is this evidence that cousins still marry where he comes from? Where does Trump get these people? Are they the descendants of Stalin's failed attempts to breed an army of half chimp-half human soldiers?

Maybe I'm being somewhat unkind but when I look at the picture above, I worry that, in becoming a republican hero. Whitaker is going to start a whole new fashion of republicans creepily shaving their eyebrows and eyelashes along with shaving their heads and putting on six coats of floor wax followed by a high gloss lacquered sealant. Where have I seen that head before? Who does it remind me of?

Whitaker's lucky he didn't draw a contempt of congress citation. It's wrong that he didn't. He certainly deserved one on attitude alone. An AG is supposed to be America's lawyer, not an advocate for a president or someone auditioning for a future slot on FOX. He just refused to take the day seriously, not that he has the mental capacity to do so. He tried to play the whole thing for laughs and came off as the worst amateur standup comedian you ever had the misery to witness. He was a total embarrassment to our justice system, not just the Justice Department. I even started to feel for the career lawyers in that department. He demonstrated his evasiveness and contemptuousness ("Mr. Chairman, I see that your 5 minutes is up") all through the day.He displayed the classic republican aversion to empathy when Congresswoman Primala Jayapal asked him about children being separated from their parents at our borders. And, of course he insulted Rep. Jayapal in doings so. He was right out of central casting, Trumpoid style. The key statements from Whitaker though were the ones where he said he had not discussed details of the Mueller Investigation with Donnie Sleazeball or any senior administration officials. Left hanging was the question of whether or not he had filled in any lesser administration personnel who may have the job of passing what he tells them on to the top. Shame on the Democrats on the hearing committee for not pursuing that line of inquiry in meaningful depth. That's a classic example of what I always call Washington taking care of its own. They make it look like they're doing something, but only on the surface.

Ah! I've got it! I now realize where I've seen Matthew Whitaker before! He's the hideous freaky human worm baby in David Lynch's Eraserhead, all growed up! Friday's hearing was the sequel! I give it no stars. Zero!