Midnight Meme Of The Day!

by Noah

As a young man, I never dove in bigly to the dating scene. I grew up in a lily white Republican town and heard enough sick racist and anti-Semitic remarks by age 16 to last a lifetime. So, by half way through high school, my dating options were limited. Nope. No Repugs for me! I just wasn't going to ask out "that kind of girl." Being a Republican was, even at an early age, number one on my list of "dating turnoffs." OK, admittedly, being 16, a girl that could have doubled for Bridget Bardo might have tempted me, but, of course, I would have been wracked with guilt forever after. Perhaps the fact that I was never much of a people person protected me from such dilemmas. We'll never know now.

So it was with great and snarky interest, that I heard recently that young staffers in the current White House are having a hard time in the Washington, DC dating world. To them, I say "What the hell do you expect?" I mean, you go to a bar in Georgetown, Adams Morgan or wherever. You set your eyes and hopes on someone and, well, pretty soon that someone is going to pop the question: "Where do you work?" I suppose you could lie. Lying ability was probably a big qualification on your job application, but, sooner or later, the truth that you are a Republican, that you work for Trumpanzee, and all that comes with that is going to come out. People talk. People whisper. Rumors spread. Social media is easily checked. What's a dateless Republican to do? Create a secret identity? Hang out at high schools like Judge Roy Moore? Order up one of those new sex robots from Japan? You can even get one that looks suspiciously like Ivanka Trump. I expect Trump will offer you a chance at one if you donate to his 2020 campaign.

It's kinda sad. Chances are that lots of male White House staffers have tried the Roy Moore route. But, there are so many colleges in DC. There's George Washington. There's American University, There's Catholic University. There's Georgetown... Just on the border, near Capitol Hill itself, is the huge 40,000 student University of Maryland. Surely, there must be some Republicans attending among all those college students; undergrads and graduate students alike. Although, I have to admit, that when I went to American, any Republicans there were properly ostracized. That kind of thing may be part of the reason that conservatives have it in for colleges and things like education in general. Plus, in a city and suburban region the size of Washington, you know there have to be plenty of Republicans in the local work force, especially with a Republican administration in power. You don't think all of those "very fine people" who marched at Charlottesville came from too far away, do you?

There are Republican dating sites now. They don't market themselves with slogans like "Because no one else will have you" but they should. One such site is no doubt very popular, not only with the White House staff, but in the offices of Republican Senators and Representatives. It's called WhereWhitePeopleMeet.com. It wouldn't surprise me if they put a nice little 4-color postcard in each new Republican staffer's orientation bag upon their arrival in Washington. There's also wasp.Love advertises itself as a dating site for white nationalists, Christians, Confederates, Homeschooled, Southern Nationalists, and, the so-called Alt Right aka neo-Nazis. And, of course Stormfront's Daily Stormer will try to handle your dating desires.

For those Republicans who aren't such overt racists and think they can keep it hidden, there are less overt dating sites such as RepublicanPeopleMeet.com and RepublicanSinglesDating.com/. The people who created these businesses were filling a very real need, though, the horror of such people procreating is a threat to the world in more ways than one. Perhaps, the sharpest knife in the drawer when it comes to this sort of thing is David Goss. He saw the need for today's White House staffers way back during the campaign. He started TrumpSingles.com in 2015. It's advertised on FOX "News." Shocker, there, eh?

So like I said, Trump supporters looking for a date do have options, not very good ones, but options just the same. The history of Washington can provide plenty of dating ideas. Just look at Newt Gingrich, David Vitter, Wilbur Mills and Bill Clinton. Personally, if it was me in this predicament, I would go with the Japanese-made sex robot. You'll get more warmth, personality, and soul, and you can program them to say wonderful things about your boss, just like your beloved FOX "News" does. Failing that, if you're female and hetero, you can date Trump himself. You probably already know he'd say yes.