Friday, February 17, 2017

Lincoln had his Team of Rivals. Now we're proud to have our Administration of (Rich) Kooks!


No, we don't want to ban our kooks; we want to celebrate them.

Guest post by Conrad L. Osborne

The following was submitted 72 hours ago to the Opinion Editor of the NY Times. [Note: This was written some days ago. The DWT publishing wheels grind slowly. -- Ed.] As expected from dishonest press, failing newspaper did not publish or acknowledge. But (no surprise!) 3 days later (Sun., Feb. 12, Review Section, p.2) published own weak version of idea, minus all the good parts. Really, really disastrous. Losers imitating winner, so sad & unfair. So all of us at KLC are very grateful to good friend and patriot Richard Slade [on whose blog this was previously posted -- Ed.] for assistance in getting this vital announcement out to you, the great American public. See you at the meeting!



Now that our Cabinet is falling into place, I’m excited to be able to announce the founding organizational meeting of the KOOK LUXE CLAN ©* (KLC). Will take place real soon at some fantastic location. Membership slots are still open! Primary requirement: complete ignorance of and/or implacable opposition to any jurisdiction to which you are assigned. Certified officers/members to date: Betsy DeVos (Chairperson), Ben Carson, Rick Perry. Gen. Michael Flynn: not actually qualified (see relevant military exp., very unfortunate), but appointed on grounds of temperament. Gen. Mad Dog Matthis: not sure about him, might need to review (great name, though). Emeritus: Rudy Giuliani, Mitt Romney.

Those posts are gone, but highly desirable ones remain! For instance:

Head, Nat’l Endowment for the Arts. Prerequisite: Unswerving advocacy of privatization of all arts funding, and of (this is crucial) simultaneous elimination of tax deduction for charitable giving.

Head, Nat’l Endowment for the Humanities. Prerequisite: ditto above. Also helpful: healthy skepticism about so-called “progress”--”Renaissance,” “Enlightenment,” blah-blah-blah.

Head, Nat’l Science Foundation. Prerequisite: ditto that last. Also, should be on record that theories are just opinions. And against elitist “evidence.” Only fair in a democracy, right?

Ambassador to Mexico. Prerequisites: Background in construction; must manage Accounts Payable. Remember the Alamo.

Ambassador to Taiwan. This post temporarily withdrawn, pending review. Got to get it right! But Taiwan beautiful incredible country.

Plenipotentiary Extraordinaire to court of Vladimir I. Prerequisites: 1) Must depose in advance that all poisonings, shootings, knifings, blindings, drownings, stranglings, and jailings of gov’t officials, oligarchs, opposition figures, et al. inf., are the work of American agents or disgruntled ballet dancers. Sports doping likewise. 2) Must not speak/understand Russian. I guarantee you will have an unbelievable time in Moscow!

A plus for all the above: major personal wealth, stupendously rich friends.

Fresh vacancies are bound to occur soon! But to qualify, you must be a member of the KOOK LUXE CLAN ©* (KLC)! Welcome to the meeting, if you can find it. Alternatively, gather on The Mall.

Respectfully submitted,
Conrad L. Osborne
Founder & Recording Sec’y

*Resemblance to any other organization, living or dead, is unintentional and coincidental.

P.S.: the title “KOOK LUXE CLAN” © 2017, by Conrad L. Osborne.

My rules: For political allies, unlimited use free of charge, but please attribute. For political foes: Use strictly prohibited. Violators will be prosecuted to the fullest extent of any accidentally remaining law.

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At 7:54 PM, Anonymous Hone said...

Funny! I could use a laugh.

Too bad imitations of Trump are losing their "funny" value. He is seriously unfunny, and getting unfunnier every day.


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