Kellyanne Conway Memes: Crazy Lady Now Roams The Halls Of The White House, America’s Newest Insane Asylum

by Noah

Please take a trip with me to a time in the future to see what becomes of the crazy lady.

Many years from now, or maybe sooner, an old bag lady may be walking along Washington’s Pennsylvania Avenue -- or maybe sitting cackling on the edge of the Dupont Circle fountain. She’ll be dressed in what looks to be a ragged old toy-soldier uniform, with some ragged old Nordstrom bags. In the bags, this sad, forlorn old woman, with hair like matted silver straw, will have some worn but autographed paperback copies of The Art of ohe Deal, some dried-up presidential pens, a few faded red baseball caps, a copy of an Ayn Rand book that was once given to her by a man who was once speaker of the House but now, ironically, gets three square meals a day and all the health care he needs on the taxpayer dime in a big house called Leavenworth. Lining the bottoms of the bags, maybe some damaged photos of her with a disgraced former president, all reminders of a happier time in her life, a time when she was able to happily and cruelly help inflict so much human misery upon the world.

But out of all of these things in her bags, her most prized remaining possessions will be her own book, a book she wrote all by herself, a book she still reads from aloud every day as she walks the streets of Washington, seemingly oblivious as to whether or not anyone else is listening or can even hear her, because by this time she will be living in her own universe so completely that, inevitably, virtually nothing else exists but her. That state was always the selfish goal of her and all her friends anyway.

That book she seems to almost preach from in her failing voice will be part reality and part, well, some other artificial reality, an "alternative" reality, the one she and her long-gone friends always preferred and tried to force on the entire world. That book will be called Kelleyanne Conway’s Big Pop-Up Book of Alternative Facts.

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How did Kellyanne Conway’s future life get to such an unfortunate state? Would someone actually voluntarily choose to live in their own "alternative" world, ignoring the consequences?



I guess one might say that she traded in her soul for an "alternative soul," or maybe she just sold it outright to some orange devil.

Now her path is set. Kellyanne Konartist has trapped herself in her own "alternative facts." The results of her choice are and will be ugly, not only for her but for millions of others. Like Kellyanne’s pop-up book, her story is best told in pictures, in this case, the memes of the present time. The times reflected in these memes are better for her. Things seem to be going so well, but eventually the bullshit of her life will hit the fan, and it may even splatter all over that orange devil.

Ironically, if Kellyanne hadn’t adopted the persona of Kellyanne Konartist and hadn’t been so good at her job, the Kellyanne Conway of the future would be well taken care of and looked after by her country in that future I just gave you a glimpse of. She would even still have most of her teeth.

So here it is. A future bag lady’s past, summed up in memes:

Preston

I SUSPECT THAT ONE DAY, MANY YEARS FROM NOW --

there will be stories of a ghost of an old shrieking bag lady running through the halls of the White House whenever there is a full moon. The ghost will be chased after by a fetid ball of orange ooze.

MEMES OF THE ORANGE WHITE HOUSE INSANE ASYLUM

"News Flash! Spicer! Conway! The Trump White House Is Now Officially An Insane Asylum" (1/23)
"Trump Press Secretary Spicer Spawns A Cottage Industry Overnight!" (1/24)
"Kellyanne Conway Memes: Crazy Lady Now Roams The Halls Of The White House, America’s Newest Insane Asylum" (1/26)

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