Comrade Trump’s Inauguration Speech: The Reviews Are In!

-by Noah

Well, it’s done. Don “the Con” Trumpinsky, the blabbermouth, the one man Crime Of The Century, is President. The looting of the United States Treasury will now accelerate to something approaching the speed of light.

In the Kremlin tonight, Vladimir Putin and his KGB and Russian mob cronies are laughing hysterically. The vodka is flowing like rivers and the words “Mission Accomplished” are being shouted from the rooftops all over Moscow.

Has Russia won the Cold War without firing a shot? That’s the modern world for you. So much is done by computer. Hell, you barely even need drones anymore.

We now have a president who is arrogantly and openly violating the Constitution he just swore to uphold, with his hand on not just one bible, but two. Meet the new Bolivia. It is us.

Anyway, the headlines and reviews of Trump’s speech are in. Well, OK, they are my headlines, but, I do know that many, many other people, many other people, will be saying the same thing. Believe me. Believe me.

“Sad.”

“Loser!”

“Failed businessman gives failed speech. Brain dead zombies cheer!”

“No Talent!! Overrated!”

“Was that one of his Chinese ties?”

“New President’s speech is epitome of fake news!”

“Don’t expect the world to copy that hairstyle!”

That last headline is especially interesting. Over the years, I’ve observed that Madison Avenue goes out of its way to find male models for advertising, especially print advertising, that look like whoever the current president is. It’s a type of subliminal advertising.

During the Dubya days, my mailbox was continually filled with catalogs that featured male models that looked an awful like Dubya; the build, the skin shade, and especially the hair. The hair is easy. You can just dye it and cut it in the same style. Advertisers know that you can suggest a lot with just the simple things like hair, stance, expression, eyebrows, and make up. The best impressionists know this too.

If Clairol is really smart, they have already started making more orange hair dye and the makers of Cheetos are probably about launch new advertising that positions Cheetos as a facial make-up product. “It’s not just a junk food anymore!”

So, the question is: where are you gonna find willing models that resemble a fat-faced, orange-haired little troll? Not every bridge has a troll after all. Even if you do fit the description, do you want to walk around in public for the duration of, however long or hopefully, short time, the Trumpinsky presidency lasts? Is it worth the abuse? Trumpinsky himself can hide in his limo or in has garish tasteless Liberace-style abode, but woe to the person who walks around looking like the new president. You better be wearing a full-length, washable poncho. Is it worth that modeling fee money?

The speech? Oh yeah, this post is, ostensibly, about the speech and its impact, real and imagined! Here are the tweets we can expect from Trollface on the next 48 hours:

Everyone loved my speech. Loved my speech. Top ratings!

Everyone loved me! Amazing. Stupendous reaction! Fantastic!

Fabulous! Biggest turnout! Bigger than Crooked Hillary would have gotten.

Very famous speech today! Very, very famous! People are saying. Very famous!

To be fair, and DWT readers know that I’m always fair, we can give kudos to Trump for getting through his speech without making fun of disabled people, even if he has nominated an education secretary who has zero regard for them. Likewise, he didn’t shake any hands of any of his gangster buddies, at least while standing on the dais. Unlike during his last Florida fundraiser, Joey No Socks was nowhere to be found.

How did we get here?



Pre-speech speculation seemed to rise to a crescendo that rivaled the sports world’s speculation as to which teams would get into the Super Bowl. Would the Manchurian man-child president be able to keep his ever-flowing Niagara of insecurities in check? Would this ill-tempered and ill-mannered creature be able to keep the lid on his contempt for all humanity for even a half-hour or however long it took him to get though his speech? Could he project sincerity without giving away the true self that has always been on disgusting display?

If his cringe-worthy, bitterness-filled 18-minute off the cuff inauguration eve address at Washington’s Union Station were to be any indication, one could not be blamed for having low expectations. It was a downer filled with a kind of morose negativity that was so bad you would have thought he lost. Maybe, he’s still unable to get past the fact that his opponent got 3 million more votes, but, hey, you won, Trumpie, get over it. Or does it bother you that you couldn’t win without FBI Director James Comey teaming up with your owner Vladimir?



Will the ex-wives be there? Nah, too French!

The speculation began to reach a fever pitch early this week. What should we expect from a massively insecure president who has dedicated his life to erecting garish and tasteless towers labeled with his name in “gold?”

As today’s festivities began, it was interesting to see the small herd of top republicans enter the pre-ceremony holding pen inside the Capitol. McConnell looked poker-faced. Psychotic Ryan had that disconnected frozen smile that is fast becoming one of his trademarks.

Then came slit-eyed Trump, the orange fascist himself, and he looked absolutely miserable and grim. When he was introduced a few minutes later, he seemed to be way too tense, managing a thumbs up and half-heartedly mouthing a couple of thank-yous to the crowd as he walked to his seat. He looked like that was an effort for him and I’m sure that it was. Maybe, though, he was just disappointed that the record crowds he now saw didn’t match what he had foretold.

The pictures of the turnout do not lie. A simple comparison of today’s crowd with pictures of President Obama’s much larger crowds shows the reality. Although, I have no doubt that FOX “News” has already pulled their usual tactic of switching pictures to make their fake news point.

Next up came a few excellent words about the inauguration from Senator Roy Blunt of Missouri. Blunt spoke of the inauguration and its relationship with the Constitution and how today’s history ties to the time of George Washington and John Adams. I don’t like Blunt, but he wasn’t making anything up and he offered something instructive. It was nice to see that there is a Republican who, at least for this day, could offer an undistorted history lesson.

Then came the religious “God is on our side” section of the program. One snake oil preacher, a weasel whose name does not deserve mention, made pointed mention of a god who protects us from those who would lie about us, not support us, mock us, blah, blah, blah. He wasn’t speaking about our country.

After a performance by the Missouri Choir, came New York Senator Chuck Schumer. Schumer, reciting his platitudes, did manage to get in some things that will always offend Republicans with his talk about minorities, gay people, transgender people, etc. all also being Americans. As he did so, the rude crowd tried to shout him down. Imagine how far to the right and utterly gone you have to be to think that Chuck Schumer is a lefty and therefore shouldn’t be heard.

Next up, was Associate Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas, President George H.W. Bush’s worst legacy to our country, other than his offspring, that is. Thomas administered the oath of office to the hate-consumed Mike Pence. The part of the oath about defending us “against all enemies foreign and domestic” stood out to me. I should have looked closely to see if he had crossed fingers behind his back. I was struck by how grim he continued to look, even after his swearing in as he and his wife greeted President Obama and Vice President Biden who were smiling. Was this an indication of “Hey, you wanted this, it’s yours?”

Then, came the Morman Tabernacle Choir, backed by the President’s Marine Band in a performance of “America the Beautiful,” the “Sea to shining sea one.” ”America” from West Side Story might have been a better choice. At least it would have been thought-provoking in these particular times.

Finally, it was time for Chief Justice Roberts, whose path to the Supreme Court had been smoothed by the aforementioned Sen. Schumer, to play his part in the destruction of American values if not America itself as he swore Trump into office. That is definitely not something I would want on my resume.

With malice towards none and charity towards all.
- President Abraham Lincoln

I put that quote above because it stands in contrast to the thoughts, words, and essence of what followed.

As it started out, the speech was a stream of classic crowd-pleasing populist slogans and buzz phrases of varying degrees of validity.

We are transferring power from Washington to you the people.

The establishment protected itself.

Their triumphs were not your triumphs.

This moment is your moment. It belongs to you!

Then, once he had the crowd’s attention, he went off on his usual campaign boilerplate clichés, yelling bullshit about a depleted military and borders that have been undefended.

America will start winning again!

I will never let you down!

He spoke about bringing back our wealth. I don’t think he meant the wealth that is stashed offshore in places like the Cayman Islands. I took note of how his words about prejudice being unpatriotic got less enthusiasm from his crowd. I’m guessing it confused them. Maybe it was just that we all could feel the insincerity of his words. How could a man who based his whole campaign on bigotry of every kind known to humankind sell that one? He started his run by positioning himself as the Birther-In-Chief. He announced his campaign with absurdly hateful words about Mexicans. He mocks the disabled. With a past like that, even the greatest actor in the world would have trouble pulling off his words today.

The speech was short but it was anything but sweet. It was just a better way of saying what he says in his tweets. It led any objective person to believe that the speech was written for Trump by a professional writer who kept the essence of the man in the speech. But, like his less-focused campaign stump speeches, it was still raw at its core. It was angry as he focused on grievances. To cheers, he talked about the ending of jobs being shipped overseas. This, from a man who makes his clothing line in China. His daughter was sitting to his right, likely wearing shoes from he shoe line that are also made in China.

It was all very “My way or the highway.” The first wall he is building is the one in Washington.

From this day forward, a new vision will govern our land. From this day forward, it’s going to be only America First, American First.

That “America First” slogan, and the repetition of it should not go unnoticed. It was a nod to his KKK supporters. For those who don’t know, the America First movement was a late 1930s isolationist group that blamed the country’s troubles on Jews. It, like now, was a time when fascism was sweeping the world. Trump, who spouted isolationism and protectionism today, insisted on using this “America First” term throughout his campaign and used it today, despite pleas from the Anti-Defamation League and other groups who dedicate themselves to fighting anti-Semitism. He could have made his isolationist and nationalist points with other words, but he didn’t. It doesn’t take any leap at all to figure why he didn’t.

Trump made a point of saying that all countries should pursue their own self-interests. Just like Putin says in Russia. In other words, we should be so preoccupied with ourselves that Russia, and China, and North Korea, and every third and fourth world cesspool should feel free to run amok. That sentiment of “America First” and the way he says it is an excellent reflection of Trump’s own “Me First”, preoccupied with self thoughts. That can’t be surprising since, to the Donald, it’s all about the Donald. The world is just a bunch of irritants that get in his way. That gives us a clue as to how to act in the face of these fascists. It’s time for us to be as irritating as hydrochloric acid.

He called on loyalty to America but I can’t help but think he really just meant himself, which is something very different from what America is supposed to be. This is not a country designed to embrace that “my way of the highway” thing.

There was no articulation of the American values that are demonstrably alien to him.

There were no olive branches to his opponents. That was very telling but not surprising.

There was lots of darkness, and, yes, there has been a lot of darkness but we started turning the corner when his predecessor took over and stopped the hemorrhaging of jobs and turned it into years of job growth.

The economy has been growing, maybe not as fast as any of us would like, but it has been growing. By all measurements, no matter which scale you use, unemployment has been going down.

Another important thing to note is that some will say that he painted a picture of hope but he has already made to clear what he really thinks and what he really is.

So, we now, as I mentioned, have a president who is arrogantly and openly violating the Constitution he just swore to uphold.

Senate chaplain Barry Black, at the post swearing in luncheon, referred to Trump as “God-appointed.” Not that Trump doesn’t already believe that but why encourage that sentiment?

Through it all, Ryan rigidly smiled, like a serial killer. Watch this man. I know the new president can be quite a distraction with his “colorful” personality, but watch Paul “Crazy Eyes” Ryan very closely. Just as with President Trump, America ignores this man at the world’s peril. He is a true American Psycho, a mass-murderer whose weapon of choice is a pen. He is a terrorist who smiles that same smile he smiled today, as he wields his over-sized gavel signs his name to a paper that cuts short chemo sessions for cancer patients, all the while calling it a “great day for America.”

Today wasn’t a great day for America.

One final thought: You know I have to let out some additional snark.

Watching Trumpinsky’s Cabinet nominee cavalcade of loons and goons being questioned in the Senate during their confirmation hearings reminded me that Trump, with his background in beauty contests, has a stable of ready replacements should any of his Cabinet nominees fail to be confirmed, or, someday need to be replaced due to utter failure. In fact, I think we know that he would have preferred the people in this clip. They make about as much sense.



“There is nothing more frightful than ignorance in action.”
― Johann Wolfgang von Goethe