What could these poor saps be thinking? (A contest with no prize)
That's it -- no crying, fellas. Big boys don't cry.
This morning, in honor of the return of Congress from summer vacation, washingtonpost.com used this photo to kick off "The Daily 202" newsletter ("Congress comes back to shutdown talk, Iran debate and Boehner threats"), with the caption "John Boehner and Mitch McConnell during the February showdown over funding the Department of Homeland Security."
Somehow I just couldn't stop looking at the picture. Talk about a woebegone duo, our intrepid legislative solons, who are responsible for making the wheels of Congress, er, every now and then budge ever so sliightly. And the more I looked at these titans of democracy, the more I wondered, what on earth could be going on in their heads? If anything.
Here's what I came up with. Feel free to join in.
MISS MITCH: If one more person asks me about a goddamn government shutdown, I'm think I'll just spit.Say good night, boys.
SUNNY JOHN: I forget, if there's a government shutdown, do we have to come to work?
SUNNY JOHN: Ohmygod, it's like somebody's pounding my head with a sledgehammer.
MISS MITCH: Does my hair look okay?
MISS MITCH: Crap, I just swallowed my gum.
SUNNY JOHN: I knew I should have had just one more little drinky.
SUNNY JOHN: That's the last time I ask that goddamn Paul Ryan to help me pick out a tie.
MISS MITCH: Wait, where am I again?
SUNNY JOHN: Boy, this place was way more fun back in the days when I gave out lobbyist cash to the guys on the floor. Whee!
MISS MITCH: Wait, who am I again?
MISS MITCH: I'll just hold my breath and think about bombing Iran.
SUNNY JOHN: I'll just hold my breath and think about getting bombed.
SUNNY JOHN: "Get yourself a nice Civil Service job," my pa used to say. Well, at least I didn't wind up in the post office.
MISS MITCH: I figured if Harry Reid could do this job, a monkey could.
MISS MITCH: I say we send that fucking Cruz back to Canada before Trump builds his border wall.
SUNNY JOHN: Fucking teabagger morons would probably put their shoes on before they go in a tanning booth.
MISS MITCH: Maybe I should run for president. Everybody else is.
SUNNY JOHN: They never talk about the bags under Nancy Pelosi's eyes. Just what she's wearing and how her hair is done.
MISS MITCH: Or maybe vice president. That's a job a monkey could do -- with his eyes closed. Look at Biden.
SUNNY JOHN: I don't know who I hate worse, the teabaggers or these media guys who think they're so smart.
SUNNY JOHN: I thought this would be such a great job.
MISS MITCH: Is there any way I could phone in a bomb scare?
MISS MITCH: Goddamn Obama!
SUNNY JOHN: Goddamn Obama!
VOICEOVER: Won't you give what you can spare to send these boys to summer camp?