Is gutless quitter Scott Walker on the hook to the Koch Bros for $900 million? (Borowitz Report exclusive)
Oh no, say it ain't so, Scott W! We won't have you
as a presidential candidate to puke at anymore?
as a presidential candidate to puke at anymore?
It was less than a week ago that Howie asked, "Will Walker's Latest Clueless Attack On Unions Signal The Death Knell For A Campaign That Has Already Capsized?" I think we can say now that the decision by this repellent excuse for a human being to resurrect perhaps his most repellent public face -- as Reagan Too, the Man Who Also Busted the Unions -- didn't jump-start his 2016 presidential bid.
I don't know that the following, from washingtonpost.com, requires much additional explanation or comment.
Scott Walker suspends presidential campaign
Walker was in asterisk territory in one recent poll.
[Aww, is Widdle Scottie gonna cwy? One can only hope. -- Ed.]
By Robert Costa and Dan Balz | September 21 at 4:23 PM
Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker suspended his presidential campaign today, effectively ending a once-promising GOP presidential bid that collapsed over the summer.
Walker, who tumbled from top-tier status amid tepid debate performances and other missteps, had pulled back from other early-voting states in favor of a heavy focus on Iowa, where he once led the field and has strong roots as a Midwesterner.
Many backers had directed their ire at campaign manager Rick Wiley, who some Walker supporters believe expanded the staff too quickly and failed to calibrate spending during the summer fundraising season. A recent count put the number of full-time Walker campaign staff at around 90.
STILL, PERHAPS WE SHOULD SAY A LITTLE MORE
Like about the part where Walker backers are directing their ire at campaign manager Rick Wiley. I don't doubt that Rick is a Grade A buttwipe, and deserving of any and all abused directed his way. But does anyone with a working brain believe that the buck stops with him?
Glad-making as it is to see Governor Scott -- unquestionably one of the more despicable presences to disfigure our recent political life -- slinking off with his tail between his legs, the depressing fact remains that, barring a resignation or a successful recall effort, the low-life scumbag remains governor of Wisconsin, a job in which he has done as much damage as any one evildoer could do, until January 2019, and of course there's no way of undoing that damage. I hope the Wisconsin voters who allowed him to prevail in three elections, are taking a hard look in he mirror.
Maybe the bought and paid for judges who have, incredibly, shut down the investigations to date into some of the potentially criminal aspects of his political history may repent their misconduct and allow the legal system to do its job. It would be nice to see this giant turd thrown in the clink. Of course even that won't begin to undo the damage he's done.
Nor can we hope that Governor Scott's exit from the GOP presidential hunt will improve the quality of that hunt. If there's one thing the 2016 GOP presidential field doesn't lack, it's despicableness. For all the contentiousness among the contenders, that's one thing they're pretty well united in: an unyielding assault on sense and decency wherever they may be encountered.
There's a larger lesson here for the electorate, though, regarding the crusade of destruction that is the modern-day conservative movement: As at least some Wisconsites who voted for this sack of filth may finally have begun to understand, judging by the polling we've seen, destroying isn't really all that difficult. Building, and in Wisconsin's case rebuilding -- that's tough.
THIS COULD REALLY BE TOUGH FOR THE GOVERNOR
THE BOROWITZ REPORT
For the Koch brothers, who purchased Walker earlier this year, the demand for a full cash refund reflected how badly their relationship with the formerly promising candidate had deteriorated.
According to an aide familiar with the phone conversation between Walker and the Kochs, the industrialist brothers were “not amused” that the Governor had blown through millions of their dollars to become the choice of only one per cent of likely Republican voters.
“I’m not going to sugarcoat it,” the aide said. “The Kochs were pissed.”
After “tearing into Scott” for nearly thirty minutes, the Kochs reportedly demanded that Walker return their money “no later than midnight Friday.”
“B-but where am I going to come up with that kind of dough?” Walker asked.
“We don’t care how you get it, Scott,” the Kochs reportedly said. “Just get it.”
On that note, the aide said, the Kochs hung up the phone, leaving Governor Walker staring out into the middle distance.
CONFIDENTIAL TO SCOTTIE W: Deep breaths, Scottie! Now, here's what you do about the money: You send them a check, but don't sign it!