The Staggering Hypocrisy of Republicans

Great Fuzzy Moments in Fuzzy Reagan History

November 13, 1986: Saint Ronnie testifies he din't know nuttin' 'bout no money from arms sales to Iran being used to fund guerrillas in Nicaragua. Well, it always could be tricky figuring out what His Saintliness knew and didn't know.

by Noah

Sure, hypocrisy often comes with being a politician of any stripe. It comes from choosing a lifestyle where pandering knows no bounds. Some humans want to be liked by everybody so much that they will willingly fall all over themselves to do so; never mind how foolish they may look to anyone with a fully functioning brain.

Personally, if I was so insecure that I based my self-esteem on how many ignoramuses liked me, I'd hate myself. Likewise, if I had to base my self-worth on how people thought about someone else, a rival for instance…well, my mind would be so full of utter, twisted misery that I'd either walk around screaming gibberish or become a mass murderer on a truly Olympic scale.

And there you have it: politics defined. And no one does politics better than republicans. While too many democrats sit back passively and don't respond to attacks either as quickly as they should or not at all, republicans are always running pedal to the metal. Attack. Attack. Attack. Don't discuss with reason or logic. Just shout over your rational opponent. Why bother being a persuasive policy wonk with an intellect when you can just be loud?

Hopefully, no one will notice that your shouting is really an expression of your contempt for not only your rival but the voting public. It's also an indicator that you don't believe your cause will stand up in a rational way if calmly detailed.

So, with this in mind, I've gathered some examples of masterful hypocrisy from the Republican Party. Nobody does hypocrisy better.


1. President Obama's Iran deal

Fixing the blame for Iran-Contra (Paul Szep, July 1987)

Who is the stated hero of all republicans everywhere? Ronald Reagan, of course! The saint! Saint Ronnie! Never mind that the republican image of the saint bears little resemblance to historical fact. It's the idea of Reagan. They chant his name as if they were dancing around a giant pot of burning poor people, preferably minority poor people, or at least gay ones.

With President Obama's Iran deal, it's a classic case of "If he's for it, I'm against it." They began their childish tantrums about the deal before they even got the details or read it. Why should we save the world? Why should we give the world a victory if it means also letting that socialist, Marxist you-know-what also look good to posterity. He wasn't even born here, you know!

The bottom line of the deal is that President Obama's deal reverses the growing wave of Iranian centrifuges that escalated under his predecessor. The deal would cripple, or at least drastically delay, Iran's ability to develop a nuclear bomb until a time when our spy technology will be even better at ferreting out any such endeavors. For this, in the repug mind, President Obama is to be condemned as siding with Iran as a manifestation of some sort of imaginary secret Muslim brotherhood, and that's just for starters.

Saint Ronald Reagan? The hero of republicans everywhere? The name they can't wait to praise with glory in any public setting at any time, like some sort of Tourette's syndrome? What did he do with Iran? His administration sold them weapons, including missiles, and used the ill-gotten profits to wage an illegal war in Nicaragua: all totally impeachable.

But, hey at least he didn't get a blowjob from an intern! Probably.


2. President Clinton's affair(s)

Anybody know anything about a blue dress?

I wasn't even going to bring this one up, but I will since it makes clear a distinction between the meekness of democrats compared to Republicans which I referred several paragraphs ago. To put it simply: To democrats, Reagan's impeachable illegal arms deal wasn't worth fighting over. To republicans, a blowjob? Well, now that's impeachable. After all, no republican would ever partake in such activity. No siree! (Don't look at "The Shameful Record of Republican Sexual Misconduct.")


3. Donald Trump's big faux pas about Sen. John McCain

"What me worry?"

Don't you find it revealing that republicans got a lot more ticked off about Trumpy's glib comment about McCain than his all too seriously racist comments about Mexican immigrants being rapists?

A few days ago, Trumpy blithely said John McCain wasn't a war hero just because he was captured. Then he said he was. Rambling on and on as he does, like he's some sort of Twilight Zone Borscht Belt comedian, Trumpy then said he had supported McCain's 2008 presidential campaign. Then he called McCain a loser and he doesn't like losers. It's sort of like he was saying I was for him before I was against him while saying I'm against him before I'm for him. He did John Kerry at least one better.

So, what about John Kerry? When Kerry ran for president in 2004, virtually every republican in the known universe stated not only that he was not a war hero -- in the same war as McCain -- but that he faked his wounds, maybe even inflicted them on himself to get a free pass home, that he didn't deserve his Purple Heart, blah, blah, and more blah. It begat the term "swiftboating."

Mike Keefe (click to enlarge)

Now, these same republicans and their protégés are jumping all over The Donald for doing to war hero McCain what they did to war hero Kerry. In Republican World, you really can have it both ways. It's a wonderful life! Not only that, but Kerry is now the secretary of state in the Obama administration and he negotiated Obama's deal with Iran! It's a two-for-one superjackpot. If you're a stone crazy party of total hypocrites, that is.


DAMN, NEXT THING YA KNOW --

we'll have a whole party of republican politicians in Washington railing against a Democratic president's healthcare legislation while they avail themselves of essentially the very same thing at our expense.

Or maybe they'll even start saying, along with their media lackeys, that Obama won because he gave certain voters "free stuff." Hell, they might even do it while voting themselves some nifty taxpayer-funded farm subsidies and additional tax breaks for their corporate backers, which can then be kicked backed to them in the form of "campaign contributions."

Oh, and don't forget giving Exxon and the like billions in subsidies -- all at our expense, despite their even more billions in profits. Now that's socialism! But, as a real louse of a man once said, "That would be wrong."

A real louse of a man

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