Wednesday, May 13, 2015

Sex Watch: "The 15 Easiest US Cities to Get Laid" -- wouldn't you just like to know?


Tell the truth now: You'd click through, wouldn't you? (Hey, I saw that mouse pointer edging toward the link!)

by Ken

As is so often the case, there are two ways of looking at this. On the one hand, can you imagine anything more idiotic or sleazier than a feature called "The 15 Easiest US Cities to Get Laid," which in fact purports to tell us exactly that? On the other hand, I clicked through. Wouldn't you? I mean, just to see WTF they're up to. Of course it shouldn't be terribly mysterious; they seemed pretty upfront about it in the blurb on their e-mail front page:
Let’s cut the nonsense: nobody really cares about the best city to start a hot sauce company, or where to live if you want to roller blade to work. What we do care about, however, is where we can get the most action with the least effort. So where's your best chance of hooking up? Turns out, it's in one of these 15 cities.
Sometimes I worry about overly reproducing a feature purveyed elsewhere online -- if it means possibly cutting into their clicks, which may be a crucial source of income for them. Now I'm awfully far from a prude, but in this case, if only as a small gesture toward fighting bullshit, I figure any click steered away from this particular feature counts as God's work.


Do you recognize this city? Yes, it's one of the Lucky 15 -- No. 3, in fact. Paris, France, you say? Good guess, but sorry, no! Hint: these are U.S. cities, remember?

Let's see how many of the Lucky 15 cities you can guess. They're all included among these 45 U.S. cities. Guess as many as you like, but you're going to score 10 points for each right answer and deduct 5 points for each wrong one.

In addition, give yourself a 50-point bonus if you correctly guess the No. 1 Lucky City. But again, if you choose to guess, you're going to deduct 25 points for a wrong answer.

If you can identify this city, it could be a great help to you. (No, it's not Venice, Italy, or even Venice, California -- neither of which is on our list.)



15. Los Angeles, CA
Though LA ranks considerably higher if you’re willing to lie about being a movie producer, it easily makes the list thanks to the crazy high number of singles living there.

14. Columbus, OH
Call it a “college town” all you want, Columbus is actually the largest city in America’s seventh-largest state, and it boasts just over four bars per every thousand people. Nearly 34% of the city's population is single, and while the male-female ratio is almost even, a lot of those people are, in fact, horny college kids.

13. Tampa, FL
Yes, getting laid in Tampa is apparently easy even if you’re not a 15-year-old with a super hot homeroom teacher. With six bars for every thousand people and a population that's 35% single, the 29th-most-active Tinder town also boasts SoHo, one of the sexiest neighborhoods in America.

12. Pittsburgh, PA
If you’re looking to get laid in Pittsburgh, you don’t need to rely on an iPhone app. The city's got the most bars per capita IN THE NATION, with nearly a dozen for every 1,000 people.

11. Oakland, CA
Until very recently, if you said you had a “hookup” in Oakland people usually thought it was for automatic weapons or crack. But (THANK YOU HIPSTERS) the newly-gentrified East Bay is now the nation’s 21st-most-active Tinder market, and over 35% of its population is single.

10. Dallas, TX
Turns out, scoring in the Big D is easy even if you aren’t playing the Mavs. The 11th-most-active Tinder city has almost three bars per thousand residents, and more women than men.

9. Minneapolis, MN
If we learned anything from watching Rocky and Bullwinkle, it’s that Mounties are a LOT dumber than you’d think. Also, that Minnesota is cold. Which probably explains the six bars per 1,000 people -- folks gotta warm up somewhere, right? You know what we didn't learn from Rocky and Bullwinkle? That Minnesotans also like to mess around -- Minneapolis is the 16th-busiest Tinder market in the nation.

8. Houston, TX
Houston has nearly 5% more women than men and is the 7th-busiest Tinder market in the nation, so your odds of hooking up are good. As are the odds that your ride home the next morning will take forever: it's one of America's most sprawling cities.

7. Boston, MA
Much like its baseball team, Boston’s concentration of bars is highly overrated. At 2.62 bars per 1,000 residents, it barely cracks the top 30. But with nearly 40% of the population single, 8.6% more women than men, and the 8th-largest market for Tinder, who cares -- you don’t really need them.

6. Philadelphia, PA
If you're a dude in Philly, then yes, it is always sunny: The city has a whopping 14.1% more women than men, and 36% of that population is single. Plus, it's not uncommon for women in the City of Brotherly Love to regularly get arrested at sporting events, so you know they're also a passionate lot.

5. New York, NY
You ever walk down the street in New York and wonder, “What’s that smell?” It’s urine. Have you also wondered why everybody walks around staring at their phones? It’s because this is America’s second-busiest Tinder market, and most people are busy left-right swiping their day away. 40% of the population is single, and there are an insane 15.9% more ladies than guys. If you can't hook up in NYC, nothing we can say or do will help you.

4. Washington, DC
If you’ve ever spent an hour watching C-SPAN, then you understand why DC has nearly four bars for every thousand people: making laws will drive you to drink. Then again, the booze also helps people get through those insufferable conversations about which branch of government they work for. That said, DC is very dude-friendly -- the city rocks 11.3% more women than men.

3. Miami, FL

Just because Miami is ranked so high doesn't mean you’ll visit on vacation and live like you’re in a T.I. video -- that probably takes more money than you’ve got. However, there is good news: there are 9.6% more women than men, four bars per every thousand people, and a population that’s 37% single. And, thankfully, they’re not all models.

2. Atlanta, GA
Atlanta, while not particularly notable for its percentage of single people (33.8%) or Tinder use (it’s in the middle of the pack), takes the #2 spot thanks to is 6.74 (!!) bars per thousand people and female-heavy population that translates into 8.5% more women than men.

1. Chicago, IL

If you’re willing to brave nine months of winter and risk hooking up with someone hiding under 14 layers of North Face, you’ll find Chi-town the easiest place in America to get laid. The third-most-popular Tinder locale has four bars per thousand people, and with 8.8% more women than men -- and friendly, Midwestern women at that -- it makes the endless grey skies a little more tolerable.


it always seems to be in the interest of male ease-of-getting laid? In any city where this is a factor in the rating, wouldn't it count against the female ease-of-getting-laid rating? Or is there some reason why ease of getting laid should be limited to a particular gender?


Remember, you add 10 points for each city you identified correctly and deduct 5 points for each city you identified incorrectly. In addition, you add 50 points if you correctly identified CHICAGO as the Easiest U.S. City to Get Laid and deduct 25 points if you incorrectly identified any other city.


If you scored between -175 and +200 points, you have way too much time on your hands.

If you scored less than -175 points or more than 200 points, not only do you have too much time on your hands, but your arithmetical skills might need some polishing.



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