You don't have to be a mayor to take advantage of the fabulous new Mayoral Excuse Machine

Tell the truth now -- you want in on the Mayoral Excuse Machine, don't you? You'll find it here.

by Ken

In the time that our Mayor Bill has been mayor of the Big Apple, people have said a lot of things about him, not to mention to him, but one thing I don't think has been heard a lot is: "He's right on time, Hizzoner!" He would not put anyone in mind of the hat-shop master referenced by the gleefully sprung-from-work hatter Mr. Cox in F. C. Burnand and Arthur Sullivan's Cox and Box (featuring one of the all-time great rhyme sequences -- "bus-i-ness," "is in his," and "phiz in his").

Cox and Box: Song, Cox, "My master is punctual always in business"

1st stanza (the whole song is under a minute)

My master is punctual always in bus-i-ness.
Unpunctuality, even slight, is in his
eyes such a crime that on showing my phiz in his
shop, I thought there'd be the devil to pay!
Yes, I thought there'd be the devil to pay!


Alan Styler (b), Cox; New Symphony Orchestra of London, Isidore Godfrey, cond. Decca, recorded 1961

IN NEED OF AN EXCUSE?

In a DNAinfo New York post Katie Honan and Nigel Chiwaya recall some highlights among the "litany of explanations for his chronic tardiness — which has notably prevented him from showing up on time to scheduled city functions, parades and even a memorial service" (links onsite):

He recently blamed his half-hour late arrival to the Rockaway St. Patrick's Day Parade on meetings and "stuff," after volunteers marched behind a de Blasio banner for 12 blocks without him.

And when he was so late to the 13th anniversary ceremony in memory of the 265 victims of the Flight 587 crash last November that he missed the bell marking the time of the tragedy, he blamed his lateness on the NYPD boat he took hitting fog.

Sources later said the boat took off late because of de Blasio.

Earlier that month, his lateness also kept more than 100 people waiting at the gate to board a JetBlue flight from JFK Airport that was bound for Puerto Rico.

Okay, the "stuff" excuse isn't one of His Honor's finest, but there are apparently enough classics to stock the new "Mayoral Excuse Machine. "Miss the bus?" Katie and Nigel ask. "Was your train delayed? If you've run out of reasons for being late, why not try borrowing some excuses from the mayor of New York?"

You can get a glimpse of it above, and encounter the virtual real thing face-to-virtual-face onsite for a test run.

At a Monday press conference the mayor told the reporters that he hadn't yet had a chance to try out the excuse generator that his own excuses generated, but said, "I look forward to this work of art."

He added that he was trying to decrease his late arrivals in the New Year.

"As I’ve said, one of my New Year’s resolutions is to work on punctuality and I’ll continue to do so," de Blasio said.

We know how New Year's resolutions usually go, so I wouldn't personally hold my breath, but it's good to know that His Honor has put "work on punctuality" on his calendar. Just bear in mind that he might be a little late.


POSTSCRIPT -- ADDED WITHOUT COMMENT

De Blasio 15 Minutes Late to St. Patrick's Day Mass, Blames Breakfast

By Jeff Mays on March 17, 2015, 4:54pm


In 2015, Mayor Bill de Blasio marches in the St. Pat's for All Parade in Sunnyside, Queens.

NEW YORK CITY — Mayor Bill de Blasio doesn't have the luck of the Irish when it comes to being on time for St. Patrick's Day events.

Less than two weeks after the chronically tardy de Blasio was booed for arriving 30 minutes late to the 40th annual Rockaway St. Patrick's Day Parade, the mayor was 15 minutes late to the Mass at St. Patrick's Cathedral Tuesday.

The mayor's staff blamed his lateness on the delayed start time of the St. Patrick's Day breakfast at Gracie Mansion.

"The Gracie Mansion St. Patrick’s Day breakfast began a little later than expected because the mayor was meeting with the Irish delegation and the guest of honor, Pete Hamill and his family," a spokesperson for City Hall said in a statement.

"Additionally, the morning’s program went a few minutes longer than anticipated. As soon as he was able to, the mayor attended the St. Patrick’s Cathedral Mass with Cardinal Dolan.”

According to the mayor's schedule, the Gracie Mansion breakfast was slated to start at 7:45 a.m. and de Blasio was to attend Mass at the cathedral at 8:30 a.m., less than an hour later.

"He was on-time to the breakfast but it ran late," said a City Hall source.

Ironically, de Blasio thanked the crowd at the breakfast for being there "bright and early."

#