Trick Or Treat From The Republican Party-- A Tale Of Two Cities

This is a real Dear Abby-like exchange from a wealthy lady (not Susan Collins, who you can watch debating Shenna Bellows the other night in the video above) and Slate columnist Emily Yoffe (Prudence)

Dear Prudence,


I live in one of the wealthiest neighborhoods in the country, but on one of the more “modest” streets-- mostly doctors and lawyers and family business owners. (A few blocks away are billionaires, families with famous last names, media moguls, etc.) I have noticed that on Halloween, what seems like 75 percent of the trick-or-treaters are clearly not from this neighborhood. Kids arrive in overflowing cars from less fortunate areas. I feel this is inappropriate. Halloween isn’t a social service or a charity in which I have to buy candy for less fortunate children. Obviously this makes me feel like a terrible person, because what’s the big deal about making less fortunate kids happy on a holiday? But it just bugs me, because we already pay more than enough taxes toward actual social services. Should Halloween be a neighborhood activity, or is it legitimately a free-for-all in which people hunt down the best candy grounds for their kids?

—Halloween for the 99 Percent

Dear 99,


In the urban neighborhood where I used to live, families who were not from the immediate area would come in fairly large groups to trick-or-treat on our streets, which were safe, well-lit, and full of people overstocked with candy. It was delightful to see the little mermaids, spider-men, ghosts, and the occasional axe murderer excitedly run up and down our front steps, having the time of their lives. So we’d spend an extra $20 to make sure we had enough candy for kids who weren’t as fortunate as ours. There you are, 99, on the impoverished side of Greenwich or Beverly Hills, with the other struggling lawyers, doctors, and business owners. Your whine makes me kind of wish that people from the actual poor side of town come this year not with scary costumes but with real pitchforks. Stop being callous and miserly and go to Costco, you cheapskate, and get enough candy to fill the bags of the kids who come one day a year to marvel at how the 1 percent live.

—Prudie

It sort of reminded me of New Jersey's well-fed, crooked Governor Chris Christie's whining this week about how oppressed he is with all this talk about raising the minimum wage. Same exact mentality. Christie's a slob with not an ounce of empathy for people less well-off than himself. Susan Collins, Chris Christie, Sheldon Adelson, the Koch brothers... Essentially when it comes to what kind of a country we want, there is no difference at all. Theirs is a vision imbued with the conservative values of selfishness and greed. Perhaps instead of worrying about the people sending their kids to trick or treat in rich peoples' neighborhoods or people who are trying to raise families on a minimum wage with decreasing purchasing power, they would feel more comfortable-- more in their element-- reading about the new Gulfstream G650. Unless you want it before 2017, it only costs $64.5 million. If you need it pronto, just give them $70 million and they'll move you to the front of the line-- sort of the way South Dakota ex-Governor Mike Rounds sold visas to wealthy foreigners before he realized it might prevent him from winning a Senate election. After all, the plane will take you and 10 of your pals or cronies direct to Tokyo from NYC or to London from L.A. or from Dubai from Dallas without having to stop for fuel.

As the new flagship business jet from Gulfstream, the G650 is, to say the least, truly top flight. The designers intent was to create a hallmark aircraft, one for the history books, by leveraging aeronautic science, next-generation materials, cutting-edge engine developments and impeccable interior design to take elite passengers farther with more comfort than ever before.

...This business jet seems purpose-built for long-haul flights, and the spacious, elegant cabin is as much a testament to passenger comfort as it is to the concept of a flying presidential suite. At 8 feet 6 inches wide, with 6 feet 5 inches of headroom and running almost 47 feet long (enough space for 16 large panoramic windows), the aircraft’s cabin is palatial, with its only competition commercial-size aircraft refitted as private jets.

Uncanny attention to cabin detail takes a luxurious flight experience that is already dialed up to 10 to an 11-plus. Standard recliners enter an almost overstuffed level of comfort; pop-up tables and media screens glide out of armrests and side compartments with no effort; baggage and at-seat stowage solutions are smart and convenient. An ingenious downloadable cabin-control app puts everything from window shades and mood lighting to temperature control and entertainment options at your fingertips. Working on board takes on a whole new meaning on the G650. Multilink high-speed data systems, multichannel satellite communications and wireless LANs help you stay productive and connected in flight.

The guy who directed Lord of the Rings bought himself one. Any of your neighbors? I wonder how many rides their overlords give Republican suck-ups like Christie and Collins-- who make sure that these can be bought and then charged to the taxpayers as business expenses. Of course! Contact Scott Neal, Gulfstream senior vice president, worldwide sales and marketing, 912-965-6023. Tell him hi from DownWithTyranny.